


Runaway

by Angmar



Series: Runaway [1]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-06-17 02:51:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 160
Words: 147,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15451752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angmar/pseuds/Angmar
Summary: Love is blind. Nobody knows better than Dana Lowman. For four years she threw herself into a relationship in which her boyfriend was the only one who mattered, abandoning friends and family. When she discovered how toxic her relationship was, it was too late. He wouldn't let her leave.After a year Dana finds a way to escape. Her influential and criminal ex refuses to let her go and will kill everyone who is in his way to get his honor back. Dana seeks refuge at the motorclub of her brother.Struggling with all the horror she's been through, she falls in love again. But knowing a new lover would probably end up dead, she keeps him at distance. Her ex will kill everyone she cares about if she doesn't return to him.Again she loses loved ones. Does she have a choice at all?[This story is non-canon, only a few scenes from the TV-show are used to create the background of the characters]





	1. Prologue

Blood crept through the deep-pile carpet, as a river that had burst her banks and flooded a forest. That red river was coming from Casper's head. 

Her best friend. 

Dana stared at it. Her hands were shaking. Two voices were internally screaming.  "Get the hell out of here" and "Stop the bleeding!".  Both accompanied by a series of curses. 

Casper's lips were moving, although there were no words he whispered to her. No apologies for being the biggest asshole of the world. Second biggest asshole of the world, she corrected herself. 

Or was he trying to say something? Was that a weak whisper? She fell beside him on her knees. His eyes found hers. 

"Go."

She was distracted by the waterfall coming out of his head. When she looked at his eyes again, they stared lifelessly at her. 

_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck._

The front door slammed. 

_Much more fucks._

She ran to the back door, grabbed the keys from the kitchen table and ran to the garage behind the house. With an immense effort she pushed the motorcycle, which was far too high for her, outside, climbed on it and rode away. 

Where the hell could she go to? Dana could think of only one place. 

 

* * *

 

Hours later she rolled upon the parking lot in front of the Teller & Morrow garage. She took off her helmet and defied the curious glimpses of a dozen men. After taking a deep breath she got off the bike. 

There she was. On the run from a criminal, with the dead of her best friend on her conscience and in possession of a stolen bike that was worth more than a ton.

_Good job, Dana._

And above all, she was hoping to find refuge at her brother, to whom she'd five years ago spitted out every curse her stupid twenty year old brain could think of. 

They'd never spoken since.

 


	2. Dana

Dana passed her hand through her hair. Well... what now? She was as unprepared as she could be. No clothes, no phone, she had  _nothing_ taken with her. What should she tell her brother? "Hi Tom, I killed my crazy ex's little brother. Yeah, my best friend. The only one I still had. Can I hide here?"

That was not an option. If someone found out why she was hiding, she'll put them all in danger. She couldn't use her own name, that would increase the chance that Maddox would discover where she was. 

A tall, broad-shouldered guy came out of the garage and walked up to her. He nodded. "Hey." He looked at her bike. An admiring look appeared in his eyes. "Need any help?" There was a black smudge on his cheek, that ended somewhere in his beard. 

"I'm looking for my brother. Believe he's  a member of your club."

"Is he?" The man studied her face, surprised, and rubbed the black beanie on his head. "I thought I'd met most family members, but I'm sure I've never seen you. Come in." He put his arm around her and led her to the clubhouse. "Give the girl a drink," he ordered a balding man with strange gloves. He sat next to her at the bar.

It was dusky in the clubhouse, and there was a smell of beer and cigarettes. Even these she hadn't taken with her. 

"I'm Opie. Most of the guys are elsewhere, but they'll be back in a few hours. Who's ya brother?

"I'm... Maggie." She took a beer from the man behind the bar and imprinted her new name. It was a name that had no meaning for her. It had just been the first thing that had popped up in her mind, probably because it rhymed with Opie. "Tom's my brother."

"Tom?" Opie stroked his beard. "Know no Tom."

Dana sighed. Tom had probably adopted a cool biker name. She bet this "Opie" wasn't registered with that name either. She bit the nail of her little finger. "The last time I've spoken to him, was five years ago," she admitted. "Dunno what you call him. Same shape as you, cropped hair, thirty-five years old..."

"Happy?"

Dana shrugged. He hadn't been a very happy person, but maybe that was the clue. Sarcasm must be in their blood. 

"Come." With a glass in his hand he walked to a wall on which hung pictures. She pointed at a picture where he bend over a pool table, with a cue in his hand. "That's him."

"Happy, yea. Want me to call him? Is it urgent?"

"Nah, I'll wait," Dana mumbled. She wasn't exactly thrilled about facing him, and she looked stupid, now she had admitted that she hadn't seen him in years.

"Don't wanna keep you from work," she apologized. 

"Nah, ya don't. Are you in trouble?" he asked, lowering himself on a couch.

Dana sat beside him and bit on her cheek. He wasn't an idiot. He knew this wasn't just a friendly visit. She had to come up with a good lie. Or... she could be honest as well, as long as she kept his name to herself. 

"My ex. He's stalking me." Every word was true. That she had to kill his brother to get away, wasn't something Opie needed to know. 

Opie shortly laid a hand on her leg. "We'll know what to do with that kind of guys." He winked. 

She suppressed a sigh.  _Yea, bet_ _ya_ _do._

Too bad things would immediately end up in a slaughter.


	3. Dana

Two hours passed by. She'd talked with Opie for a while, but eventually he'd returned to the garage to finish his job. A few other men had entered the clubhouse as well, but they'd been too busy to notice her and Dana hadn't tried very hard to get their attention. Chucky, the bartender with the strange gloves, had talked a while with her as well. She found out he had only two index fingers, but what had happened to the other eight, she couldn't remember. The whole time her thoughts went to Casper. Her friend. And he was dead, because of her. 

He'd done terrible things and others would think she was crazy for calling someone like him a friend, but the bitter truth was that there hadn't been anyone else who fitted that description better. 

The door swung open. A group of men swarmed inside, talking loudly and laughing. There was some grinning and whistling when they spotted her. Dana only paid attention to the latest one who stepped in and was a foot taller than the others. She wiped her clammy hands off her jeans. What if he send her away? 

Three of the men walked to her, their eyes shimmering with curiosity. She got the impression they were not often visited by unknown girls. Before they could say something to her, her brother tapped the outer two against their heads. "That pussy won't be yours, gentlemen."

The left one, a man who was at least ten years older than she and had intense blue eyes, looked at him with a grin. "Oh? Since when do you hook  _pretty_ women, Hap?"

"Dana is family," he answered, giving him a threatening look. "So keep your dick in your pants."

Dana suppressed a sigh.  _So_ _far_ _my alias._

"The message is clear, bro," the man chuckled and he walked away, just as his two friends. 

Tom stood next to her, turned to her and leaned with his elbow on the bar. "Whatta you doin' here?"

Dana wondered what was wiser: first apologizing or getting to the point immediately. Her brother had never been charmed by people who weren't straightforward. Although he wasn't charmed of her anyway, whatever she would say. "I left him."

He snorted. "It's about fucking time."

She sighed and nodded thankfully to someone who'd taken Chucky's place and shove a glass beer to her. She needed it. She took a sip and considered her next words. "A year ago I already wanted to leave, but he locked me up in his house."

Something changed in her brother's eyes. Something cold, something terrifying. Had he really banished her out of his heart? "And he let ya go now?"

She looked at the floor. "Not really. I fled. He will come for me."

Tom grabbed her chin and put up her face, so that she couldn't avoid his glance. "Did he hurt you?"

"He locked me up for  _a_ _year_ _,_ " she grumbled. "What do you think, Tom? I'm not the kind of girl that crawls into a corner and never stops cryin'? There is not one inch of my body that hasn't been covered by bruises!"

He let go of her. "I'm going to kill him."

Even though she should feel relieved that he still cared about her, she kept the joy at distance. She grabbed his arm. "Five years ago you warned me, said he was dangerous. Turned out you were right. But back then he was a good citizen, compared to the monster he is now. You can't just go to him without putting many, many innocent lives in danger." She looked intensely into his eyes. "I'm looking for a place to hide, Tom, a place where they can't just drag me out of my bed. I'm not looking for a gang who will rip off his arms and legs."

Tom grimaced. "He may thank god on his bloody knees if I leave it at that."  
  



	4. Dana

Dana pressed her lips on each other. How could she talk him out of this?  "Please, keep things this way for the time being, Tom. If his pals find out where I am..."

"You're safe here. There's a room you can use." He laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it shortly. His worried eyes found hers, and she felt tears welling up. She turned her head away. 

She had behaved abominably, and all these time she had thought he hated her. There was no sign of that yet. 

"I'll get my stuff," she mumbled. She could no longer bear his glance. A second later she realized she had no things to get. She had no underwear, no extra clothes, nothing. 

"You need something?" He must have noticed her shilly-shallying. 

She hesitated, she didn't want to ask more from him. It felt as if she was making debts she could never pay off. She hated to be so dependent. But she  _had_ to, for now. Her life was more important than her pride, even though it was hard to just change her way of thinking. 

"I got nothing," she mumbled. "Not even clothes."

"Go get something. I'll send one of the guys with you." He looked at his watch. "I have to take care of some business myself and the shops are closing within an hour."

Dana  nodded reluctantly.  _Just bite the bullet._ She looked up again. "I stole his bike. He'll have people looking for it."

"I'll handle it. You'll be fine, kid." He turned around and walked to a group of men. 

Since she felt uncomfortable by all the heads that turned to her, she left the building. With trembling hands she rubbed her face. She felt so touchy, it was really frustrating. Usually she wasn't emotional at all, in fact she had been very talented in building walls around her. 

_But you killed Casper, Dana. Did you really think that wouldn't affect you?_

"Wanna have one too?" A man with blonde, brushed back hair held a pack of cigarettes in front of her. His blue eyes looked awaiting at her. 

"Yea, thanks." She wasn't just grateful for what he offered her, but also for disrupting her thoughts. She pulled out a cigarette and shove it between her lips before he could see her fingers tremble. 

He held a lighter close, nodded at her and let his hand slide into his pocket. "Jax."

"Dana." 

He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. "Hap's ya brother?"

She just nodded. What would they think of her, a sister that just came here out of nowhere? She had always hated those types who only contacted someone if they needed something – and now she was doing exactly the same. 

Someone nudged her elbow and reached out a helmet. "Guess we're going to shop?" Opie  winked. 

It cheered her up a little. She liked his company, and she had already talked with him a bit. She said goodbye to Jax and walked to the bikes that were shining on the other side of the parking lot. 

Before the forth in row Opie stood still. He swung his leg over the Harley and gesticulated that she had to sit behind him. Dana put out the cigarette beneath her foot, placed the helmet on her head, climbed behind the man and clutched his cut. 

Even though Opie was big and tall, she felt vulnerable now she was leaving the parking lot and about to return to the public highway. The Harley was fast and agile, but easy to ride off the road with a truck. Something Maddox' men would remorselessly do. 

She took a deep breath and listened to the backfire when the bike was started. The vehicle vibrated. 

_Put yourself together, Dana. Giving in to your fear won't get you anywhere._


	5. Dana

Twice she was almost getting a heart attack; when they ran into another biker and when a van without an imprint grazed past them. During her flight she hadn't been very afraid, in the grip of adrenaline. Moreover, she'd been the one behind the wheel. Even though Opie could drive just fine, she felt uncomfortable to relinquish control.

In any case, she was relieved when they approached the mall and parked the bike. Opie was the kind of person other people unintentionally moved aside for. Not because they were afraid of him, just because he looked so massive nobody wanted to crash into him.

It brought back memories. People always used to step aside when Maddox passed. He was neither very muscular nor tall, there was just a dark aura around him that pushed everyone out of his way. Back then she'd found it impressive and attractive. She'd been proud, because she'd walked next to him as his dark queen.

_Naive_ _, so fucking_ _naive_ _._

Even that had been years ago. The last time he took her outside... she couldn't even remember when nor where they'd been to. It felt as if he had poured alcohol in her mouth for months, blurring her memories.

Dana looked at the strip mall. "Are there also shops with les... frumpy clothes?"

Opie chuckled. "Dunno. Guess we'd better taken one of the porn girls with us."

Dana looked at him in confusion. "Thought the whole point of being a porn star is wearing no clothes?"

A grin flashed over his face. "Outside work they do."

"Still a strange comment. Honestly, I had no plans to dress like a porn star. I have had enough male attention."

"Sorry." He put his arm around her. "We run a porn studio. The girls are often in the club. Not a lot of other girls, so..."

Dana had no idea what he meant with "so", but she answered with an "Ah, that makes sense." Before they could explore the subject, her eye caught a shop in which they had at least jeans. "Gonna take a look over there."

Opie nodded. As a watchdog he stood next to the entrance. Dana entered the shop, she wasn't very picky in collecting a couple of outfits. She had no money herself, so she didn't choose very expensive items. A floor below she gathered a few bra's, underwear and socks. All in all it was quite an impressive pile.

 _Whatever. Se_ _ems_ _my_ _brother_ _is runnin' a_ _porn_ _studio. That must make a nice buck._ A shiver crept down her spine.  _Hope they don't think_ _I'm_ _gonna_ _recover_ _the_ _costs_ _there_ _._

She shook off the thought. Tom would never allow. Or did she give him too much trust? It was hard to assess what he was like, and she didn't want to be disappointed. 

_Well_ _, they_ _won't_ _force you._ _They're_ _not_ _Maddox_ _._

She walked to the entrance and gestured Opie that she was finished. He went in, paid and looked with a little too much interest at the lingerie the saleswoman put in a not very subtle plastic bag.

With a grin she stood on her toes and whispered: "You like it?"

He chuckled and took the larger bag from the counter. "Doesn't matter what I like. Wanna keep my balls. Your brother threatens to cut them off if one of us touches you. And honestly, Hap is the only one I trust in doing so."

They left the shop. "Well, he can't expect me to behave as a nun."

The last time she had sex, was a while ago - and certainly  _voluntary_ sex. But hopping into bed with her brother's friend, wasn't probably very wise.

Opie looked at her, a little unsure, as if he didn't know if this was a disguised invitation. It wasn't. Until a minute ago she hadn't even considered having sex with him, but at first sight he looked like a nice guy. As did Jax.

Dana bumped her shoulder against his. "Don't flatter yourself, I'm only teasing. Before someone sees me in this hot lingerie, I wanna have had an old fashioned date. First I need proof that someone has more to offer than just a willing dick. I've seen enough of those."

 _And not_ _only_ _seen_ _._ She felt sick and walked a little faster.  _Why_ _don't you even_ _bring_ _up these_ _things_ _, you dumb idiot_ _._


	6. Dana

When they'd returned to Teller-Morrow, Opie took her to one of the rooms behind the clubhouse. 

"Are some members sleeping here as well?" She asked when he handed her a key. 

"Yeah. We all have our own apartments or houses, but sleeping here is often easier. Especially for the ones who have no kids or old ladies." Opie leaned with his hand against the door frame. "But this room is yours now, Dana. No worries." He winked and looked at his watch. "Within half an hour dinner will be ready." He smacked at the wood by way of a goodbye and turned around. 

Dana entered her room and looked around, shaking her head. People were even cooking for them, as if they were one big family. They probably really were. Dana didn't know if she would fit in, if she  _wanted_ to fit in. Would she be cooking and doing the dishes from this day on? 

_Would that really be so bad? You're quite safe here, and there's a roof above your head, and you don't starve. You're treated as a lil' princess._

Her lips curled in a sneering grin. It was an enormous change of circumstances, and even in jail she'd been better off than in the house she'd fled from. 

She turned her attention to the room. There was a bed, a chair and a closet. There was this strange smell, something sweet and cigarette smoke. On the walls hung yellowed posters of bikes and scantily dressed women. 

It wasn't much, but she wouldn't dare to complain. She put the bags on the ground, she would unpack them later. She sat down on the bed, the sheets smelled clean. For a while she was just sitting there, staring. She realized she was pretty tired. 

 

* * *

 

Two knocks on the door startled her. She jumped up and needed a few seconds to remember where she was. She was safe, wasn't she? 

She shuffled to the door, opened it a little. Relief flushed her sorrows away when she saw Jax's blue eyes. "You ready to eat?"

She nodded and stroked her hair. It must be a mess, she had fallen asleep. But hey, she wasn't here to impress anyone. They were just going to eat. 

"Are you okay?" Jax gave her a penetrating look. 

"Yea... I am..." She smiled. There was something familiair with him, with one look he could create the impression that he cared about you. A loyal type, she suspected, who would step into the fire for his friends. Although that probably went for all of them. The club above all. 

Jax took her to the canteen, there stood a long table that was surrounded by mostly men. There were a few children and women, but they were clearly a minority. A middle-aged woman put a large pan on the table, then she walked to them. 

"Hi, great that you're here, sweetheart." The woman laid a hand on her upper arm and kissed her cheek. "Let me know if ya need anything."

"That's Gemma," Jax explained. "My mom."

"Not only his, I often get the impression." Gemma smiled. 

"Dana."

Gemma looked well for someone of her age. The first wrinkles had found her face, but she had a nice figure and a heart-warming smile. 

Dana found a chair between Opie and a man with wild, grey curly hair. She felt everyone was watching her, and got over it immediately. "Thank you for being so nice to me." She bowed her head to the man who sat at the head of the table, who nodded to her. The patch on his cut showed that he was the club president. With his grey hair he looked older than most others, although the ages varied from late twenty to seventy. 

The plates were filled. Dana didn't say much during dinner, but she observed the others. She listened to the tall tales of Bobby, the blue jokes of Tig and was surprised to see that both Jax and Opie had children. 

It was cosy, she realized when she put her plate away when she was finished. The last time she'd enjoyed a meal, was too long ago to remember. 

Slowly her smile grew bigger. 


	7. Dana

Dana leaned with her elbows at a high table while listening to a guitar solo that came out of the speakers. Back in the day she had had an electric guitar as well. She never took music lessons, with downloaded tabs she'd taught herself a little. After moving in Maddox' house she'd never touched the instrument again. She didn't even know what he had done with, as went for many of her stuff. It wouldn't surprise her if he'd sold it, or gave it to some slut.

"Don't be so sad." Her brother gave her a poke and grinned. "This is your welcome party, kid."

She gave a quick smile to Happy. She'd decided to call him that way, just like the others did. Tom belonged to a past life, a life she wanted to forget. She'd beat and cursed Tom, but with Happy she wanted to turn over a new leaf.

"You're afraid?"

She shook her head. She didn't think Maddox was about to invade the clubhouse. Not so soon. But even if she'd been scared, she wouldn't admit it . "All this... it's just a little overwhelming. I can't remember the last time I've been to a party."

A cloud passed over Happy's face and he mumbled he wanted to get a beer. Instead of walking to the bar, he went outside and lighted a cigarette. She suppressed a sigh. From here she could still got a glimpse of his long face.  _He blames himself._

She knew she couldn't talk it out of him. She'd already seen how these men treated each other: as if they were brothers. And Happy had abandoned his real sister. That was'nt how she experienced things, all of it was her own fault, and hers alone, but she knew he felt responsible. She'd never thought of that, and she only felt worse.

The clubhouse got more crowded, not only the members were there. Some young boys hung around the bar, who had only eyes for the barely clothed ladies.

She looked around. Tig and Bobby were already with their noses between breasts, Jax stood next to her brother and she hadn't talked with a lot of other people. She caught the glance of a guy who couldn't be much older than she was. He'd been around the table during dinner, but she hadn't spoken to him. With his short cropped hair, shaved chin and latin origin he stood out between his long-haired and bearded friends. There was something sweet about him. She smiled at him, but he turned his head away as if he wasn't noticing her. For a moment she considered to get a drink, maybe he was just a little shy.

_Sure Dana, shy. Shy people don't end up around the club table. He just doesn't want to talk with you, there are a lot of merrier people here._

Just when she wanted to go to her room, Opie entered the clubhouse again. He didn't need to say a word to Chucky, the man slid a bottle of beer to him immediately. Opie put up two fingers, and an another bottle followed, which he put on the table, in front of Dana.

"Had to put the kids to bed," he explained. "You ain't going to tell me you've been on your own all this time?'

"I guess they're taking my brother's threads very seriously."

Opie chuckled. "Such a shame."

"I killed my best friend today," she mumbled. "Guess they can feel that."

Opie swore and looked at her with giant eyes.

With hanging shoulders she took a sip of her beer. "It was the only way to get out of that place."

"He held ya there?"

"His brother." She looked at the ground. "I know, he wasn't a real friend. Not anymore. But he was all I had.'

Opie put an arm around her waist. "Well, I'll show ya how a real friend feels. That son of a bitch will be out of your mind before ya know it."

She looked up, right into his eyes.  _I hope so._


	8. Dana

Opie did his best to distract her. He encouraged her to pick out some songs on the old-fashioned jukebox, led her to victory during a game of pool and persuaded her to play darts with Chibs and Half-Sack. The last one was a prospect, a not yet full member of SAMCRO who first had to prove himself. How he got his nickname was told her immediately: he lost a testicle while serving in Iraq. When she chuckled – how else did you react on such an introduction? – he got all huffy and pulled down his pants to prove he wasn't making up a story. 

 _Weird_ _people are_ _hanging_ _around here,_ she thought, inhaling her cigarette. Strange enough she didn't feel threatened, even though she'd seen the first privates within the blink of an eye. It did something with her, the idea that people felt free enough to do something like that. 

"Tomorrow Cherry will be here," Half-Sack said. They sat on the picknick table on the edge of the large parking spot before the garage. "Maybe you can do some girl stuff." He shrugged. 

Dana smiled. She was actually looking forward to get some female company. And although Half-Sack was a little odd, she found him sympathetic and she couldn't imagine his girlfriend was a dragon lady. "Cool." 

"Yeah, Cherry's cool," Opie entrusted her. He had a sip from his beer. "I think you'll get along well."

Dana thought he jumped to that conclusion too fast, they barely knew her, but maybe she looked like someone who wasn't very  hard to get along with. After all she was still here, instead of in her room. But now she had drank a few beer, she felt much freer and her room wasn't ogling her that much. There she would be alone, and who knew what memories would haunt her.

"And your girl?" she asked Opie, curiously. "I assume that kids of yours aren't brought by a stork?"

She expected they were no longer together, otherwise his girl had been around during dinner –  unless she had to work.

Opie looked her shortly in the eye. The corners of his mouth dropped down and he turned his face away. She regretted her question immediately. 

"My wife died two years ago."

Dana's eyes went wide and she forgot to breathe.  _Oh shit..._ She didn't know what to say or do, but remaining silent didn't feel right. 

"I dunno what to say," she said, quietly. "That must have been very hard for you. Still has to be." After a short hesitation she put her hand on his. She didn't know another way to show her sympathy. 

Opie nodded, preoccupied. Dana bit her lip. She didn't dare to dig deeper, the vibe had already changed. How old would he be? In his early thirties, she guessed, and his wife had probably been of the same age. To die so young... A shiver crept down her spine. Something terrible must have happened. 

 

* * *

 

Not much later Dana went to her room. Although there was no way she could have known, she had the feeling she had ruined the evening. At least for Opie and herself. She put on the nightie she'd bought earlier today and got under the blankets. On the ceiling appeared images of everything that had happened today. Casper's face, white as a sheet, kept returning, and slowly his grin turned into that of Maddox. She tried to think about other things, but she'd never been very talented in doing so. She did an attempt to project Opie's face on the ceiling, then that of Jax and even that of the Hispanic guy that she'd seen at the bar. 

None of it helped. Maddox took over all their faces, grinned at her and whispered that he would come and get her.

And then, in the middle of the night, there was a gunshot. 


	9. Dana

Dana jumped out of bed. Her chest cramped, her legs felt powerless. She went down on her knees, but she got back to her feet immediately. Where was the door? She tried to orient in the room that wasn't hers.  _Come on, the room wasn't that big!_

Her hand found the wall and she stumbled to the door. A weapon... she needed a weapon. Her head was filled with fear, she couldn't think clearly. Had she taken the gun with her? Had she left it? A sob left her lips. Should she hide, or look for a way out? Wasn't the window a better idea? Or would someone be waiting outside? 

Dana realized it was dead quiet around her. Had they killed everyone? Trembling she shuffled down the hall. Tears were running down her cheeks. 

_It's my fault if they're dead. My fault. My fault._

Carefully she peeked around the corner when she reached the end of the hallway. The clubhouse was dim, there were still bottles everywhere. Close to the door someone sat in a chair, with his feet on the table. 

_Did they shot him a few minutes ago?_

She pushed her wrist to her lips to smother her sobs. It didn't help, a moaning sound came out of her throat and echoed like a cannonball through an empty cathedral. She cringed. 

The figure near the door sat straight and turned his head. Her eye caught the gun that was on the table. Immediately she turned around and headed back to her room. The window! Her bare feet made loud noises when she pulled them off the sticky floor. 

Sniveling she breathed while she ran further. She could barely breathe. She slipped through the open door of her bedroom, jumped on the bed and started to pull the window. It was a pivoting one, she could never get through it. She had to break it, but with what? She stumbled off the bed, her eyes fluttered through the room. 

And then there was someone at the doorway. She was too late.

There however was not a gun that was pointing at her. There was just a man standing there, whom she recognized after a few seconds. 

He was a member of SAMCRO. The one she hadn't spoken with yet.

He stared at her as if she was some wild animal, as if he was just as scared of her as she was of him. 

"What's goin' on?" His voice sounded softly but urgent.

Dana had the feeling the world was spinning around her. She dropped on the bed and bend her head, ashamed. "Nothin'."

Tenaciously she stared at the floor, hoping that he would leave, that he would forget he'd ever seen her this way. With all her might she tried to displace the tears from her eyes, but there was still too much fear in her body. 

She heard his footsteps. Was he leaving? Carefully she peeked between her eyelashes. 

He crouched down in front of her, looking up. His dark brown eyes were worried, emotional. She had been right, he really was a sweet guy. She calmed down a little and wiped her tears away. 

 _What a comedown._ Here she sat, howling in her nightdress, on the run from nothing. 

"I thought I heard a gunshot," she mumbled. She hesitated and looked at him. Maybe it had been outside? Or was it just her own gunshot that she'd heard again, between sleeping and being awake? "And then I saw you, with the gun on the table..."

"I kept watch," he answered. His voice was friendly and soft. "In case you were followed today."

A lump in her throat delayed her answer. "You... you don't know me, but you stay up all night for me?"

He shrugged. "Club protocol." He smiled. 

Dana's lips curled a little as well. "Yeah? Are there often deranged sisters walking in?"

"All the time."

She rubbed her cheeks until they were dry and sighed deeply. She still felt shaky. She wouldn't mind if he would hold her in his arms to comfort her, but he seemed to shrink from touching her. As if he knew what she was – someone who'd been abused – and didn't know how she would react. The thought that people put such a label on her made her feel sick. 

"Ya want something? Glass of water? Cigarette? Something stronger?"

She shook her head. 

"Want me to get your brother?"

"Please don't," she mumbled. "It's bad enough you've seen me this way."

"It isn't." He sounded resolute. "You're here for a reason."

"That isn't an excuse to run around as a fucking idiot for fear that someone wants to shoot you."

"People do crazier shit when they're afraid."

He still sat crouched down, so that she was looking on his head. His hair was shaved on both sides, and there was a short mohawk in the middle. On both sides of it a similar black tribal sign was tattooed. 

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Juice."

"Juice?" Well, they came up with original nicknames. In any case it sounded better than Half-Sack. "You only drink juice?"

He grinned. "Once I did. When I first took a step in the MC, the bartender was strict about the minimum age."

"You're the youngest?"

"If you don't count in the prospects."

Dana yawned. When she realized she did so, she quickly covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry," she mumbled. "It's not that you're boring, but..."

"It's in the middle of the night, you're right to be tired." He stood up. 

"Same goes for you."

"I'll have a good sleep tomorrow. Wanna try to get some sleep?"

Dana hesitated. Actually she didn't want him to leave, to be left alone again. But she didn't dare to ask if he wanted to stay. So she nodded. "Yeah... guess that would be a good idea."

"Just give a yell when you need somethin'. I will be here in a sec, okay?"

She nodded again. "Thank you, Juice."

He smiled, showing his straight teeth. "Sleep well, Dana." He turned around and closed the door behind him.

Dana lied down again and thought about the gun near the door. She was safe. She had to rely on that.


	10. Dana

Dana had dressed herself before the sun was up. She'd slept a few hours, but again there had been nightmares from which she'd woken up all clammy. Still she lingered to leave. On the one hand she wanted to be around other people again – the more distraction, the better. On the other hand she was ashamed of tonight. Would Juice have told her brother? The others? She didn't believe he wanted to embarrass her, but she could understand if he wanted to warn others, who might stand guard tonight, for her paranoid actions. The last thing she wanted, was creating the idea that she was mentally unstable. Even if she was. 

Dana saw that there was no point in hiding here all day and she walked to the clubhouse. Most would have breakfast at home, she thought, and only get here to work. 

She walked to the kitchen, swung open the fridge and put together her breakfast. 

 

* * *

 

  
It was a peaceful day, and she even started to get a little bored. Finally she had escaped Maddox,  but she wasn't really free. How long did she have to hide? How long before she could move on? Or would that moment never come? 

In the middle of the day Half-Sack came to her. The blond guy held the hand of a girl who was halfway her twenties. It was a pretty girl, with a messy bun, a bangs and a charming smile. She had pulled up her argyle blouse up to her elbows and around her left arm she wore a collection of leather bracelets. 

"Hey," she started before Half-Sack could introduce her. "I'm Cherry. Kip told me you were in desperate need of some female company." She offered a hand with red nails. 

Dana needed a few seconds to realize that Kip was Half-Sack's real name. "I am Dana," she told, shaking her hand. 

"You girls will be fine," Kip said, and he winked and walked to the garage. 

Cherry swung with her bag. "Kip told me your ex is looking for ya. You want me to dye your hair? And I'm pretty awesome with scissors, I'll turn you into someone else."

"Eh..." Dana was quite stunned by the ease Cherry spoke about her problem. She just nodded, even though she was really fond of her long, blond hair. 

Cherry took her to the corner of the room and pushed her into a chair. Dana sat down and stared at the wall, that was covered with posters. 

"I ran away from my husband," Cherry told her, while brushing Dana's hair. "Three years ago. He beat me." 

Dana felt the hairbrush going through her hair. 

"Wow, the ends of your hair are really dead... He didn't let you visit a barber?"

"No," Dana said. "I'm sorry... for your husband."

It was one thing to discuss such personal issues just after you'd introduced yourself to someone, but not even being able to look at the other while talking, was even more weird. 

"Yeah, it sucked. Thank god I had the balls to leave." She grinned. "And I set his house on fire. Of course that was dumb, there are some states I can probably never visit again. But damn, it felt so good to see everything burn down."

Dana showed a small smile. She could imagine. "How did you end up with the club?"

"Actually it wasn't this club. I found shelter in Indian Hills and hang around with the guys from the Devil's Tribe. I'll admit: I was just looking for a boyfriend. Someone who could protect me. A few months ago Kip and some other Sons went by and well... It was love at first sight, as they say."

 _Love at first sight..._ well that wasn't something Dana still believed in. She'd quickly fallen in love with Maddox. If she'd taken one step at a time, she'd probably seen his rotten soul much earlier. 

"You've never seen your ex again?" Dana looked over her shoulder. Cherry was cutting of the first strands. Luckily it still fell over her shoulder. 

"Nope, never." She squeezed Dana's shoulder. "Bet it goes for you too."

Dana knew better. Sooner or later she would see Maddox again. She just hoped for "later",  that was all she could do. 

Unfortunately that hope was dashed when a cop entered the clubhouse one hour later. There was a search warrant in his hand. 


	11. Dana

Dana turned around, she wanted to walk away. Maybe her just red dyed hair – that was still wet – would save her.  

"Calm down," Cherry said softly. "That's Unser. He's blowing in now and then. Guess the club's throwing money at him to make him turn a blind eye."

Suspiciously Dana looked at the paper in his hand. She really thought to have seen a picture of her. Or was it just her imagination, just like tonight? She became unsure of herself. 

Unser walked to the bar and spoke to Chucky, who nodded and went through a door behind him. The cop looked around while he waited and gave the two women a friendly nod when he noticed them. It was an innocent greeting, as if they were normal visitors. 

Slowly she breathed out. His best years were probably far behind him, it couldn't take long before he would retire. He wouldn't easily drag her outside if she fought him, but she would've felt safer when some of the guys were around. 

It didn't take long before that wish was granted. Jax and Happy entered the clubhouse, together with Chucky, and walked to Unser. 

 _This_ is _about me._   _Otherwise Happy wouldn't be here._

Dana turned away from the man and tried to catch their words. 

"There's an APB out for Dana Lowman. Our database shows that you're her brother, Happy."

The cop mumbled a lot, she could barely hear what he was saying. Although it wasn't that hard to fill in the gaps. 

"You know anything 'bout that?"

It was Jax who answered: "What charges?"

"The murder of Casper Pilgrim."

The words blast through the room. Dana squeezed her hands, until her fingernails cut into her flesh. Her eyes flashed to Cherry. What was she thinking, now that she knew that she'd spent time with a murderer? 

The girl widened her eyes a little. Her face went pale. Still she kept silent, as did the men. 

Should she have told them about her crime? Yesterday she'd only told Opie, and he'd been careless about it. He felt bad for her, but he hadn't given her the feeling he blamed her. Nervously she waited until the conversation would resume. 

"I haven't spoken with my sister in years," Happy broke the silence. 

Dana didn't dare to move. She was 100% sure that Unser glanced suspiciously at her. 

"Hmm," he mumbled, not sounding very convinced. "Well, if you hear from her, let me know. The longer she waits, the more trouble she's getting into."

His words were buzzing in her head. In a daze she stared forward. Of course Casper's body had to be found, although she'd expected Maddox to cover it up. If she told the cops what had happened to her, he would be arrested as well. Or did he have the cops in his pocket? She tried to flinch the tears away. 

_I'm wanted for murder._

If she'd hoped to live a normal life one day, that hope was crushed now. She could be a fugitive or a prisoner, that were the only choices she had. She supported herself on her knees, feeling sick. 

A shudder went through her body when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Relax. He's gone. We'll figure this out, okay?" His beard prickled her skin when Jax kissed her cheek and pulled her close. "Don't worry. But you have to tell us what happened." 

Dana wiped a few tears away and nodded. She didn't dare to look at him. She had the feeling a sword hung above her head.   
  



	12. Dana

Not much later they brought her to a small room. There stood a large table with chairs around it. In the middle of the table was a reaper carved, with in his right hand a gun that ended in a sickle, and in his left something round with an anarchy symbol. 

Although there were two empty chairs, she understood only club members were allowed to sit down. Most likely not many non-members entered this room. 

And so she was standing with her back against the wall, while the men sat around the table. With a few words Jax had summarized the situation: that Unser had paid the club a visit with an APB for murder. 

After those words all heads turned to Dana and she wished she could become invisible. Her eyes were itching, but the last thing she wanted now was crying. Then they would grow tired of her soon. 

"Is it true?" Clay asked. "Did you kill someone?"

It took all her effort not to look the other way.  _Stay strong, Dana. Come on._

Opie, who sat only a meter away from her, shove back his chair and pointed to his knee. "Come, sit here. You won't have to stand against the wall as if you're a fucking jailbird." 

His words caused a little smile on her face, even though they weren't very appropriate now she was about the confess a murder. 

Reluctantly she walked to him and dropped on his knee.  _He already knows what I have done,_ she realized.  _And he's not judging me. He's still supporting me._

A little unsteady she looked at the president. "I indeed killed Casper. He – he was my friend. But also Maddox' brother." She swallowed when grief bothered her anyway. Despite everything he had always been a bright spot, there in that house. How bizarre it might sound. "He was carrying a gun while he guarded the house. He – he thought about letting me escape several times, but  he backed down every time, afraid of how his brother would react. Yesterday I tried again. And when he apologized... I grabbed his gun and shot him in the head. I ran away, stole Maddox' bike and fled. In here."

While talking she had moved her glance to the table. 

"And the gun?" Jax asked. "Did you take it?"

"Dunno," she whispered. "I panicked. It all happened so fast. I was shocked by my own actions, I think I have thrown it away."

Opie softly rubbed her back. A soft vibration went through her chest. Oh, how she had longed for a comforting gesture like this.

"Guess they found it," Jax concluded. "Your fingerprints included."

"They haven't," she mumbled. "He gave it to them."

A silence fell. 

"What's the difference?" Tig asked. "The outcome seems the same."

She shook her head. "He will  _never_ allow me to go to prison. That means he got the cops in his pocket, who have advanced equipment, who have access to everything..." A drop of sweat glided down her neck. "And if that Unser-guy can stop by so easily, establishing a link between my brother and me..." Panic suddenly grabbed her by the throat. "They will come. And they  _will_ recognize me. And..." 

"And then we'll blow them to pieces," Happy interrupted her with a grim face. "All's well that ends well."

Some men chuckled. Dana bowed her head, she felt like she wasn't taken seriously. They had to see that wasn't a real option, right? She could already imagine how the bodies would pile up in the clubhouse. 

"Don't wanna be rude..." Bobby involved in the debate. He leaned with both arms on the table. "But do you really think he's getting into so much trouble to get you back? Won't he just grab another girl?"

"I am not his girl." She felt the blood ringing in her ears. "I was his property. A tool. I was  _his._ He'll never accept that I'll belong to someone else, not even the prison system!"  
  


She wiped her eyes. The man had became silent. Even the toughest of them showed shocked faces. Happy had bowed his head and stared at the table. As was Juice, she noticed. He understood now why she had acted so paranoid. 

It was Jax who picked up the conversation again. "Then we have to be patient, to slowly enter his world, until we'll find a way to put a bullet in his head." 

Chibs, who sat next to her, bend over and tapped her knee. "We'll get the bastard, lass, mark my words," he promised with his typical Scottish accent.

She looked at him, at the scar that dominated his face like a carved grin, and wondered if he had also sworn that to the man who did this to him. 

"You get her a new identity, Juice?" Jax asked. 

The man looked up, shortly peeked at her and nodded. "Will do."

"And Unser? What about him?" Opie asked. 

"We'll have to tell him the truth," his friend answered. "So that he can keep an eye at his colleagues. If they've any suspicions she's here, we can take her to a safe house."

"Maybe we should already do so. Just in case," Bobby suggested. 

She froze. If she had to spend all days on her own, with one guard at most, she would freak out. Still she couldn't bear to protest. How could she put all their lives in danger for the sake of her freedom? 

"She has been locked up long enough," Opie said. He must have felt her resistance. "As long as she's not facing immediate danger, she can stay here."

"Fine. Happy, inform Unser. Make sure he knows what's going on in that shitpile you're coming from. Juice, get her a new ID." With a bang with the gavel Clay ended the meeting.


	13. Dana

Dana felt relieved. No more secrets... They now knew her dark side, what she was capable of, and they still accepted her. She could barely believe it. The fact that they weren't saints themselves probably helped a lot. She didn't care. In comparison to Maddox they were angels. She was sure.

The men went back to work. Dana returned to the canteen. Half-Sack and Cherry were standing at the bar, and she walked to them. She wanted to give them an update too. They reacted just as understanding as the others had done and Cherry even hugged her. It must have been during high school that she'd been hold by a friend, she realized. By friends she had lost a long time ago. 

A few meters away a door was opened. Juice came through it, his phone holding against his air. Before he reached them, he put the device away. "Called someone who's making fake ID's. We can come over now."  
  


Dana hesitated. Someone with a job like that must be in touch with important people to get enough work. Was there a chance he knew Maddox? It was a logical step that she needed a new ID.

"Should I be there?" she asked softly. 

Their eyes met. She felt her cheeks burn with shame.  _Man, don't be such a coward. Get over it._

All those time she'd kept a straight back, but it felt as if it had suddenly snapped. Just now she had left him. She hated the awful distrust, that constant fear. "Nah, I'll go with ya. Never mind," she said before Juice could say something. She took a step to the door. 

"It's okay if you don't," he answered. "Thought you might wanna leave this place for a sec. Can take a picture and bring it along?"

For some reason she didn't like the idea of Juice taking pictures of her, so she shook her head. "Nah, I'm fine. I'll go with ya."

She didn't want to offend him by admitting that she was afraid he hadn't done enough research before calling his fake ID-contact. 

Juice walked to a black van and got in on the driver's side. Dana opened the opposite door and climbed on the passenger seat. They were substantially higher on the road, making her feel safer than when she'd been on Opie's bike. Had he taken that into account? 

There was a tense silence when they left the parking lot. She secretly wished Opie, Jax or Half-Sack had been with her. They would have talked. She didn't know if Juice was just quieter than his friends or that it was caused by last night.

After a few annoying minutes she realized she wasn't very talkative either. Perhaps that was the problem. Out of the corners of her eyes she looked at him. His eyes were fixed on the road, but he looked a little absent-minded. 

"Let's forget about tonight," she suggested. "Just pretend I'm an interesting chick, instead of a flipped out sleepwalker."

A smile spread across his face, which caused one on her own lips. "Who says I need to pretend?"

Dana chuckled. Maybe she'd been wrong about him. "Tell me something about you." She looked at his hands. The left one was loosely hanging over the wheel, with the other he geared up. They were clean and not as callous as one would expect from a mechanic. "You're not doing much repairs, do you?"

He shook his head. "I manage the club's intelligence and communication." He hesitated shortly. "And they like to use my hacking skills."

"You're a hacker?" she repeated, a little surprised. She only knew the basics of computers. "Didn't expect that."

Juice turned the wheel to the left. "Ya didn't? I don't look that intelligent?"

"You aren't exactly an Einstein." She started to laugh. "Although he has never seen a computer." She shrugged. "I've never met a hacker. They need to have guts, I suppose. But I still pictured a pale nerdy guy who spend all his time in a small dark room, avoiding sun light."

He smirked. "I'll blame Hollywood."

Her lips formed a smile again, which faded away when a new silence fell. Why was it so much easier to talk with the other guys? She felt kinda bad about it. Now and then Juice glanced aside, seeming on the verge of saying something. In the end he put the radio on, and a CD started to play. Unfortunately the guitars didn't expel the discomfort. 

Dana stared out of the window. They'd left Charming behind and rode across a hilly country. The grass had dried out, giving it a yellow color. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Have ya thought 'bout a name?" 

It had been a while since they'd spoken. She had drifted off, and for a moment she'd forgotten someone was with her. Quickly she sat straight, hoping she hadn't been a drooling idiot while sleeping.   
  
"Not really," she admitted. Not many people got the chance to choose a name. But she liked hers. It was short. Powerful. Cool. "Something short, I think. Hmm... Chloe? Always liked that name."

Would others call her differently from now? That was probably the safest, but her name becoming a taboo didn't feel right at all. As if Maddox  _also_ took that away from her.

"Chloe..." Juice repeated. For some reason she liked the way he pronounced it. He nodded. "I like it."

She felt her cheeks started to flush and she quickly turned away her head.  _It's a made-up name, Dana. Doesn't say anything about you._ She resisted the impulse to roll down the window so that fresh air could cool down her face. Where the hell was this coming from? Why did she value everything he was saying – or not saying? The last thing she wanted, was getting feelings for someone. Friendship was one thing. But more than that? She was far from ready for that. 

She stared through the window again, still wishing someone else had been with her. But no, she had to sit through this ride with him. And later on they even had to drive back. She suppressed a sigh, tried to focus on the music and at the same time she felt guilty about ignoring someone who was trying so hard to help her.


	14. Dana

Chloe Thompson, that was how she was going through life now.

And living a life, that was what she was doing a little more every day. Carefully she visited more places, went around more people. But always in the presence of an armed club member, mostly Opie or Half-Sack.  _Kip,_ she corrected herself. She'd promised Cherry to address him by his real name. 

She still slept in the clubhouse and was glad nobody resented. There was always someone around, so that she felt relatively safe. Almost every night she had nightmares, but she never left her room in panic. It often took her just a few seconds before she realized those were just bad dreams. 

Her new haircut, darker make-up and tattoo-sleeves did their job wel. Nobody paid attention to her. A Croweater, a SAMCRO groupie, that was what she had become. She was fine with that, as long as nobody noted her presence. She however knew for sure Maddox' men would recognize her immediately if they entered the clubhouse. She tried not to think about that. Her brother had told her visitors were rarely around, and as soon as an unfamiliar face showed up, everyone was alert. 

She didn't talk much with Happy. She knew he was keeping an eye on her and that he valued her safety, but conversations were uneasy. Since she still felt guilty for the way she'd behaved, and he felt ashamed for not intervening, they were both filled with self-recrimination, which stood in the way of a real reconciliation. 

It needed time, Dana reminded herself. The fact that he was willing to even  _look_  at her, was already much more than she'd dared to hope for. 

"Look at that." Cherry put down a large bag in front of her. "The decorations."

Dana went with her hand through the bag and frowned at the sight of boob-shaped balloons. "Wow. Just wow."

Cherry shrugged. "Tig's hitting the 50 only once, so we need to go big."

Dana shook her head, smiling, and opened the package. "Blowing up tits. Always wanted to do that." She took out the small pile, laid it on the bar and grabbed the one on top. She pulled the end of the balloon, put it between her lips and started to blow.   
  
She was just halfway the package when the front door opened and Kip and Juice got inside, carrying beer crates. She was startled, and the balloon she'd been blowing up shot out of her mouth and flew with a small bow through the room. Her face had already been red of inflating balloons, but she got the idea it got even worse. 

Ever since their ride in the van, on her way to a new ID, she got clammy hands when she saw him at unexpected moments. It was really annoying. She'd thought it would pass on its own, that it was just a phase, but she hadn't been very successful thus far. Whether it was just shame she was feeling or something else, she didn't exactly know. Or maybe she did, but was  still in denial. 

As soon as they were all together her eyes were always searching for him. She tried really hard not to be alone with him, and most days she'd been lucky. Sometimes she had no choice, and those moments had only made things more awkwardly. She wondered if he felt that too, or that it was all in her head. 

Dana realized she was staring at him again. In a hurry she tried to come up with a little humor, but her head seemed to be filled with void. In the end she waved her hand at the two, while persistently looking at Kip, and continued with what she'd been doing.

Cherry gave her a questioning look, and Dana was even getting hotter. She'd been afraid for a while now that her new friend would notice that she was acting strange when Juice was around.

"Well,  you look like you could use something to cool off." 

She was startled by his voice and could just prevent another boob from flying around. Quickly she took the balloon out of her mouth and buttoned it up. She grabbed the beer that Juice was handing to her, praised the Lord for not letting it slip through her sweaty hands and tried to keep breathing after seeing that awfully beautiful smile.

"Dana surely does," Cherry chuckled. 

"Chloe," Kip corrected her. He swung his arm around his girl. Cherry turned her face to him, seeming to find this a perfect moment to make out. 

 _She's doing this on purpose._ Awkwardly Dana fiddled the label on the bottle. It felt as if she was participating a double-date involuntary. 

 


	15. Dana

Dana took a sip of the bottle, hoping the alcohol would loosen her tongue. A little shy she glanced at Juice. Again he smiled when their eyes met. Not that that was meaning something. He was just friendly. 

"So tonight will be your first SAMCRO birthday." He smirked. "That will be a night you'll remember."

"Only if you don't drink too much." Kip started to laugh. Apparently he was done kissing. "Am I right, Juice? You know all 'bout that. Wait, got a nice vid." Chuckling he got his cell out of his pocket. 

"Ah, come on..." Juice's eyes went wide, his cheeks got rosy. 

The sight of it elicited a smile. Dana stretched her neck a little, so that she could look at the screen of Kip's phone. His finger scrolled down. A moment later he handed Dana the cell, and she took it out and pressed the play button. 

"Oh my..." Laughing she covered her mouth with her hand. Juice was laying in someone's front yard, totally absent, between the weeds. Except his boots and a diaper he was wearing nothing. There was a binky in his mouth and a piece of cardboard was stapled to his chest.  _Slightly_ _retarded_ _child_ _. Please_ _adopt_ _me,_ was written on it with a black marker. In the back sounded the laughter of his friends. 

The way he was studying his beer bottle showed that he felt embarrassed. Still a smirk played on his lips. In the end he shook his head and looked at her. "Don't get black-out drunk tonight. Cuz shit like this will happen."

Dana didn't share her thoughts: that they wouldn't do this to everyone. She could hardly imagine Clay or Opie lying there. 

"Well, I wasn't aware of anything." He looked up again, still smirking. "The fun part was the next day, when I was woken up by a cop and had to walk the whole fucking way home."

Again Dana grinned. Her eyes started to tear. Not because it was so hilarious, but because the fact that this place still felt as a home for him, despite the way they'd messed with him, touched her. The love that he – and the others – felt for the club, went unbelievable deep and she still felt honored she got the chance to get a glimpse of it. She wished she'd visited her brother and met all those heart warming people years ago. She gave Kip his phone back. He emptied his bottle and put it on the bar. 

"We won't waste your time any longer." He hit Juice on the shoulder. "Let's clean out the rest of the car."

Dana only realized that she was following them with her eyes when Cherry nudged her, moving her eyebrows up and down. "Havin' a little crush?"

Dana felt her cheeks glow. "Not at all," she muttered. 

Her friend chuckled. "Very convincing. I already had my suspicions, but it's clear now. Well, make your move. As far as I know, he's single."

Dana picked up a new balloon. "Don't want a boyfriend."

Someone else might be dreaming of walking hand in hand, of a first kiss, of steamy sex. But all she saw were nightmarish images. A dead body, a closed coffin. A tombstone in the pouring rain. 

Cherry shrugged. "He doesn't need to be your boyfriend to... do things with him." She chuckled. "You can't convince me that's not what you want."

Dana sighed. "What I want, is that he stays alive. And as long as Maddox isn't permanently out of my life, I can't commit myself to anyone."

Cherry looked at her, pensively. She seemed to understand. "You don't really want to skip all little sleep-overs, do you?"

"At least the ones with Juice," she mumble. "Maybe I want something easy, now and then. Just a lil' fun. But what I feel for him, is already going way to far."

"Hmm." Cherry shrugged and opened a pack of streamers. "You would now best. But it's a pity. He's cute."

_Yeah. That's the_ _whole_ _point._

Dana started to blow up the next balloon. 


	16. Dana

"Smells good!" Dana said when Gemma put a self baked cake on the table. 

"Thank you, darling. I'm sure the men will like it." She looked around. "You've done a great job as well."

For the millionth time Dana's eyes darted through the room. It indeed looked pretty cozy. There were so many balloons and streamers the ceiling was barely visible. 

The door opened and the men came in. Immediately a loud chatter sounded. As a king Tig strode toward them and received their congratulations. 

"Didn't need to do this, dolls." He kissed Dana's cheek, and then the of the two other women. 

"Don't lie," Cherry smiled. "An old goat like you is always looking for attention."

He shook his head and slapped her ass. Chuckling she pushed him away. 

"Didn't know if you're into presents," Dana said to Tig, "but I do. Not that I knew what to buy, but okay." She handed him a package. 

There was a childish enthusiasm in his eyes, making her grin. It was no big deal: a black lighter with a flaming ace on the front. The top was made of metal in the form of a winged skull. A flame was ignited by pushing down a wing. 

"What a pretty thing. Thanks." He kissed her cheek again. After that he showed a mischievous smile. "Although I have to admit I was hoping for another present."

"I'm sure you did."  She rolled her eyes and pushed away a whining feeling in her stomach.  _That's not what he means._ Although she knew he had no problem sleeping with women who were half his age, she couldn't imagine he would suggest such a thing so openly. Not when her brother was around. "What were you hoping for?"

"Let's say those poles over there aren't just decorations. I'm curious to see what you would do with them."

A silence fell. The eyes of Kip, who stood next to Tig, flashed aside, to Happy. His jaws tensed, his eyes narrowed. 

Tig's suggestion however didn't mean the end of the world to Dana. Actually she enjoyed the fact that he wasn't afraid she couldn't deal with such jokes because of her past. "Well... maybe you'll find out." She winked. "Let's make a deal. I'll give all of you a sexy show... if you put on a pretty pole dance act yourself."

For a moment Tig stared at her, not knowing whether she was serious or not. 

"Well?" she insisted. "You ain't gonna say you don't dare, do ya? We have a deal?" She held out her hand. 

"Deal." He shook her hand. 

The guys whistled and cheered. 

"Not until tonight," she reminded them. "First we need to try Gemma's cake."

While they gathered around the table to get a piece of cake, she caught the glance of her brother. She gave him a nod to show she was okay. She wasn't a well-behaved housewife, and she wasn't going to act like one. It was about time she loosened up, that she would feel just as free as the others did. 

Only when she picked up a saucer and bumped her elbow against Juice's, she realized he would be watching too. She felt regret immediately. Her stomach turned in strange ways when he was around, and the last thing she wanted was her dance ending up in a debacle. She pushed away her uncertainty. All this was just for fun. She didn't need to earn money with it, and she had the feeling this audience was easy to please. 

With her pie and a beer Dana walked to a high table to make room for the others. Before she could take a bite, Opie came up to her and tapped his bottle against hers. 

"By the way, I saw a vacancy at a diner just up ahead," he started. "Can imagine hangin' around here is gettin' ya bored, especially when we're at work."

"I'm the most terrible waitress you can think of. They probably present an award on the day nothing slips off my tray."

Opie started to laugh.

"Maybe Juice could use a hand," Jax suggested, who showed up as well. "Sometimes it helps to have someone in the office when he's got another job to do. I'm sure he's willing to help you around."

 _Eh, how about no?_ Dana felt her cheeks brush.  _Great. That was all I needed._

Hastily she tried to come up with an excuse. Before she could think of one, Jax had drawn Juice's attention. "You can help her out, right? Make sure she's got something to do in the office?"

"You really don't have to," she quickly said. 

Juice smirked at her. "Nobody will reject such a beautiful assistent."

Opie started to laugh. "Yea yea. I know what you're thinking. You hope she'll enjoy her pole dance act tonight so much that she'll give you a private show during work."

Juice grinned, nodded confidently and moved his eyebrows up and down. "You got me ." He took a sip of his beer, looked at her and smiled. 

She felt even hotter by the look in his eyes and that sexy smile. She had no idea how to react and decided to move the conversation in a different direction. "If not, Tig might be willing to volunteer. Maybe you will be more impressed by his sensual dance than by mine."

"Hard to imagine. Bet he'll only perform his dance when he's too drunk to climb on the stage."

Dana raised her eyebrows. "No fucking way. I'll pull him on stage before he's that far." With her fork she pulled away a piece of  cake and put it in her mouth. The chocolate melted on her tongue. She was glad the conversation was no longer about her working plans. Spending one hour alone with Juice made her more nervous than a pole dance in a crowded clubhouse. 


	17. Dana

"Me and my big mouth... What have I gotten myself into?" Dana grumbled. She opened the wardrobe and looked at her clothes. She had something that was really appropriate for the occasion, but she didn't know if she dared to wear it. If Maddox...

_Don't think about Maddox. He won't be there._

Cherry was lying on the bed, her head resting in her hands. A lollipop stick was between her lips. She chuckled. "I promise you you won't be a alone tonight."

"All Tig's gonna do, is watch. That's all he gets from me."

"Didn't mention Tig."

Dana turned around and looked at her friend, her eyebrows raised. She wasn't going to talk about Juice again, was she?

"What?" Cherry asked, playing innocent. "You said you didn't wanna go through life as a holy Mary. Tonight you'll be in the spotlight. Is there nobody you wanna undress?" She looked around, as if she was already visualizing. 

"Hmm." For a moment she saw a flash of Juice, whose shirt she took off, her hands sliding across his chest. She felt a warm glow spreading to her face.  _No, Dana, we're not going that direction. That man is off limits for you. If you really want to roll around with someone, you choose someone you dare to look at afterwards._ She wanted it to be casual, unbound.

"Maybe Jax," she admitted. He was handsome, and she wouldn't  mind to see his body from a closer perspective. Furthermore he didn't seem the type of guy that would plan a wedding immediately. And after all there wasn't much of a choice. There were only four members she found attractive. Juice was ruled out in advance. Kip was with Cherry, and Opie... their friendship meant too much to her. 

Jax was okay. He was friendly, she felt comfortable around him and she wasn't  _too close_ with him. 

"Jax? He'll take the bait." Cherry sat up. "But are you sure? You don't wanna give Juice a real chance? Not to be rude... but if you decide Jax to be your fuck buddy, there isn't much of chance that you will ever become Juice's old lady. And you have already a little crush on him. Well – leave out the  _little_."

Dana dropped her eyes. She had a point. Making out with his friend wasn't a very smart plan. But wasn't that exactly what she wanted? To build an enormous wall between Juice and her, so that her feelings wouldn't become worse, and his wouldn't even get the chance to grow? That was the only way he would't become a target of Maddox. 

The chance that she would escape from Maddox for good, wasn't a big one. If a miracle happened and she did – and she still had feelings for Juice – she would fix that by then. 

She shook off the thought. She was looking for clothes for tonight. How things would develop after that, was something she would worry about later. She took a burgundy bustier with black lace from the drawer and looked for a matching thong. 

"I'll get changed here," she warned. To get to the bathroom she had to cross the hallway and she preferred to hear Cherry's judgment first. 

"Do whatever you want," Cherry shrugged. 

Dana turned away from the girl, switched her lingerie and searched for a pair of stockings that she attached with girdles. 

A few moments later she watched herself in the mirror. 

Cherry whistled. "As if you knew this day would come. You're looking good, Dane. If Kip wasn't such a sweetheart I would have known."

"Good to now. In case I ever want to try a threesome." Dana looked again at her reflection. It fitted her like a glove. It had been a long time ago that she'd felt sexy. And this time she didn't try to impress anyone. She did this just to amuse herself. It just gave her a good feeling, knowing that Maddox would go crazy if he knew she showed herself in this way to other men. 

She took a simple, black dress from the closet and put it on. 

"Kind of a shame you're not joining me, Cher. Then my brother would've had something to look at too. This will just embarrass him to death."

Cherry chuckled. "I don't think he'll ever be able to visit a stripclub again without think about his little sister. Poor boy. I guess he will be taking a smoke outside while you do ya thing. But, eh... yea. I've never done anything like that."

"You think I do?"

Cherry shrug a shoulder. "Bet you're a natural."

Dana made a mocking sound. "Nonsense."

"I rather keep my clothes on with them around." It sounded a little embittered. 

Dana gave her friend a questioning look. "Something happened"

"Maybe." Cherry avoided her glance. A second later she put herself back together and hopped off the bed. "Nothing that matters to you. Today we ain't gonna dig up old skeletons. Let's go, before Tig is so drunk he can only teach us how to puke."


	18. Dana

Dana started to get a little nervous. The clubhouse was crowded, there were many more people than she'd counted on. Most women were Croweaters or coming from Cara Cara, wearing short dresses with deep cleavages. She wouldn't be out of place. She got a drink at the bar and looked around. Automatically her eyes scanned the crowd until they'd found Juice. He stood a few meters away, talking to Bobby and Chibs. Now and then a smile lighted up his face. She believe she could watch at it for hours. 

She considered going to them. She just wanted to hear his voice, his laughter. To feel the tension when they accidentally touched. 

_Quit it, Dana! Don't make things so fucking complicated!_

But maybe she was just too late, and would fighting her feelings just make things worse. As a reflex she turned her head away when he suddenly looked around and let his eyes rest on her. She drunk from her glass and turned to the left to see if there was somebody she could talk to. Opie and Jax were smoking in front of the entrance, Tig had treat himself a brunette and Kip and Cherry were slobbing against the wall. Gemma was nowhere to be seen, neither was Happy, and Chucky was busy behind the bar. 

"Hey."

In a wild movement she turned her head aside. She hadn't expect him to come to her. He stood next to her, his back against the bar. With one elbow he leaned on the bar, just like she did. Although they just did not touch, she had the feeling the hairs on their arms did make contact. 

The thought only was enough to gave her goose bumps, as if her body desperately wanted to touch him, and as unnoticed as she could, she pulled her arm a little away. 

"Hey," she answered a little bluntly. 

He gave a nod aside. "Wanna dance?"

Dana stared at him. Did he really say that to her? In her mind she'd pictured him much more shy, but she clearly didn't know him very well. 

_Of course you don't. You jump at every chance to get away from him._

She glanced in the direction he'd nodded. There were many people dancing, it wasn't a very strange question. 

"Euh..." That was all that came out of her mouth. Saying 'no' was very unfriendly, and stating that she couldn't dance while doing a dance act within an hour, wasn't very convincing. 

"It's no biggy if ya don't," he said. He quickly smiled away the disappointment she thought to see on his face. 

Dana had the feeling she melted. 

"First I'm getting myself mentally prepared for my pole dance adventure," she said eventually. "The longer I wait, the bigger the chance I'm tipsy and embarrassing myself."

"You don't  _have_ to do it. Ya know that, right?" He gave her an intense look. 

"Took a lot of effort to pick my most sexy lingerie. Don't wanna have done that for nothing."

Juice didn't look away. Or maybe she was the one who kept staring. It felt as if all oxygen was suddenly removed from the room, which would only return when she took it from his lips. 

In her chest flamed up a raging desire to kiss him, to feel how he gently took off her dress and explored her skin with a tenderness Maddox had never shown. 

Suddenly the back of his hand stroke hers. Her eyes shot to the movement immediately. His pinky glided across the side of her hand, and mesmerized she followed the soft caress. She lifted her own pinky, and he hooked his finger around it. 

With a hammering heart she looked up to him. Her mouth felt dry. In the back of her head a voice screamed that she had to tear herself away, that there was no turning back if she went through with this. But the hesitating, hopeful smile on his lips kept her where she was. 

And then her savior came. 

"Well Clo, are we going to do this or not?"

Tig swung an arm around her, staggering. She felt Juice's finger slipping away.

The magical moment was over. The disappointment was stifling. Tig looked at her with a not so sober glance, and she realized he hadn't noticed the tension between Juice and her at all. 

"We're going on the same time?" she asked. Her brain still felt a little paralyzed. "There're two poles."

"No way, honey. Don't wanna miss your little dance."

"Fine. Well, you go first. When you're done, you might figure out what you should've done."

Tig shrugged. "Anything for the lady."

She walked to the stage. Apart from Tig, Juice was also walking with her. It caused mixed feelings. Maybe a familiair face would be nice if she felt less comfortable than expected. He had calmed her down with one look before. On the other hand it would probably only made her feel more nervous. Who knew what would've happened when Tig hadn't interrupted them...

Again Tig disrupted her thoughts when he hoisted himself on the stage in a not so charming way. Before he could walk to the pole, she grabbed his ankle. "You have to take some clothes off, huh."

Tig didn't need much encouragement. He took a bow toward her, pulled out his shoes and socks, then his pants, cut and shirt. 

"Please keep your boxers on," she chuckled when he looked at her, awaiting her approval. She took his cut from the ground and threw it to him. "This should be part of it. Now, give us a speech."

It looked ridiculous, a grown man in washed-out boxer shorts, surrounded by boob-ballons. Tig waved his hand to get everyone's attention. "Well, thanks for coming, all of you. The dearest Chloe is giving me a wonderful gift in the form of a pool dance act, though she wanted something in return. However, as y'all know, I'm happy to do so. I love you all." He grinned, blew some kisses and gave Chucky a thumbs up, so that he turned up the volume of the music.

 


	19. Dana

"Why have I done this to myself," Dana mumbled. 

Next to her Juice started to laugh. "Not only to yourself. Doubt I can ever wipe this image from my brain. Thanks a lot."

"Nobody forces you to keep watchin'."

He smirked.

There wasn't much dancing. Tig turned around the pole, clearly pretending it was a hot chick he was riding. From all sides. She wouldn't be surprised if he would come, something she wasn't looking forward to see. 

She doubted whether she should climb on the stage herself, so that the crowd was no longer tortured. Her nerves however were rumbling in her stomach, though she didn't want anyone to know that. But she knew she would feel naked there. 

Unless... A little uneasy she turned to Juice. "Hey ehm, can I borrow your cut?"

She could imagine the men would find that hot as well, and she would wear more clothes. "Or is this a very bold question?" she asked when Juice stared at her. "Some kind of blasphemy?"

"Yea... kinda," he admitted with a grin. His eyes were sparkling. "But for this occasion... I can lend it for a while." He took off the leather cut and gave it to her. 

She took the garment, wondering if there had been other women in it. 

The song Tig had chosen ended.  _Now it's my turn._ She took a deep breath.  _Enjoy this, Dana. You're doing this for fun. Nobody forces you. Just give away a little dance, imagine you're just wearing a bikini._

She brought a smile on her face. "Well, wish me luck."

"Good luck? Bet ya doin' great. And hey, there's no way you'll be worse than Tig."

"True. Though I don't think anyone was really expecting something from him."

Dana turned around and walked to the side of the stage, where the stairs were. Cherry was waiting for her and squeezed her hand. "Have fun. But I guess you're having fun tonight anyway."

Dana couldn't help but smile when she thought back to the way Juice had stroked her hand. She felt a little warm, even though she knew it had just been harmless flirting in his eyes.  _Which is good, since you're not planning on becoming more than friends with him._

She took off her dress, pushed it in Cherry's hands and put on Juice's cut. 

"Damn girl, you know how to get into our heads, don't ya?" Kip bumped his shoulder against hers.

"A night to remember for Tig, was the idea."

"Well, not only for Tig."

 _No, also for me._ She banished the last jitters and stepped on the stairs. As soon as she set a foot on stage, a good rock'n roll song burst out of the speakers, which was quickly drowned out by loud cheering. She chuckled when she noticed the other Sons had joined Juice, standing first in line. 

Opie whistled on his fingers, causing a smile on her face. A year ago she never could have imagined she would do something crazy like this. She walked to the pole that was the farthest away – the one that wasn't traumatized by Tig's sexual outbursts – and griped it above her head. She was glad she'd put on her new Vans, with heels she would've broken her neck in no time. On her toes she walked around the pole, after that she secured her left foot and swung around. She stood up, keeping one hand around the pole and with the fingers of the other she ran through her hair.  In the meanwhile she slowly moved her upper body to the pole, moved back and circled around. 

A quick glance at the boys convinced her they liked what they were seeing, so she was right on track. She let go a little more, danced a bit wilder, and at some point it felt like her body was moving to the music on its own. 

Since eye-contact with the crowd was important as well, she focused on them. Naturally her eyes were drawn to Juice. His grin and sparkling eyes made her hand sweat and she steadied her grasp around the pole. It felt like the skin of her shoulders and back beneath his cut were burning, the leather was sticky. She blew a kiss to the guys, grinned, and rotated the other way. 

This was fun. She felt free, safe. Nobody told her what to do, what she shouldn't do. For the first time in her life she had the feeling she could just do whatever she wanted. 


	20. Dana

Dana walked to the center of the stage and took a bow. She was smiling from ear to ear and walked down the stairs. 

"Thank you, doll. That was a beautiful show." Tig stroke her hair and gave her a wet kiss on her cheek. She wrinkled her nose when the smell of booze surrounded her. 

"Yea, thought so. Even though it was hard to compete with you."

The men laughed. 

Jax swung an arm around her shoulder and whispered in her ear: "Any reason you're wearin' the cut of that Puerto Rican? Somethin' goin' on between you two?"

She felt warm marks ascending her neck. First Cherry, now Jax?

"Not at all," she said, awkwardly smiling. Her voice didn't sound like hers. "He stood closest by when I got the idea."

"Good..." His stare held her, was even a little provoking. He brought his lips to her ear again. "Maybe we can continue this party somewhere else. You and me, hmm?"

Dana didn't want to back off. This was exactly what she'd wanted, an hour ago. Cherry had been right when stating that Jax would take the bait. She however felt Juice was close and she still owed him a dance. But was that really a smart move? He already occupied her thoughts far too much. 

Jax felt safer. Just continuing the party, as he said. Casual. Or would she hurt Juice if she went with Jax? Nah, it had just been harmless flirting between them. The only one who was struggling with strong feelings, was she. And maybe these would go away after a night with Jax. She had no doubt he was a great lover. She bet he was the most wanted man of SAMCRO and for some reason it felt good that he was interested in her, instead of all the porn stars. 

_Or maybe he has done them already._

"First prove the rest of your body is just as flexible as your tongue," she whispered back. She didn't want to give in too easily. "If I like dancing with you, we'll see where it goes."

He smirked. "Always in for a challenge."

 _Bet ya do._ She looked around. Cherry stood close to her and she took her dress from her friend, took off Juice's cut and let her lingerie disappear beneath the fabric. She returned Juice's garment, who put it on again. She considered whether she should say something to him, but Jax already grabbed her hand and pulled her close. He put his arms around her, and his blue eyes claimed her attention. 

The music was way too heavy to slow on, but Jax didn't seem to care. He determined his own rhythm, his own dance, and soon it turned out that kissing was also part of that choreography.

It wasn't a great kiss. Not because Jax was such a miserable kisser, but because her heart wasn't in it, and she was only worrying what Juice would think about it. All in all it was a short kiss, and as soon as she got the chance she looked around. Juice wasn't around anymore. In fact only Kip and Cherry still kept them company, although they were only seeing - and tasting - each other. 

"Afraid your brother will see us?" A boyish grin appeared on Jax's pretty face. "Can handle him."

Dana hadn't thought about her brother for a while, and she didn't really care how he thought about her relationships with the guys. It was sweet that he'd warned them, but after all it was none of his business. She wasn't intervening with his sexual contacts either.

"Good," she answered. Then she displaced all her thoughts and kissed him. 

 

* * *

 

It wasn't long before Jax took her hand and led her through the crowd, away from the party. The grin on his face was hard to resist and she didn't raise a protest when he pulled her into his room,  lifted her and put her against the wall. She felt how his hands slid under her dress, surrounding her buttocks without reducing the intensity of his kisses. She gasped when he turned her around, laid her on the bed, removed his shirt and started to unbutton his pants. With a quick move Dana pulled her dress over her head. Her hands glided across his muscular chest. Jax leaned over to her, kissed her neck and lowered himself a little, so that his skin touched hers. 

Dana closed her eyes. 

Images raced through her head. 

It was no longer Jax who was lying on top of her, but Maddox.  
  
  



	21. Juice

_He moved her hair aside, over her shoulder. Slowly he brought down the zipper of her dress, uncovering more and more of her neck, shoulders and back. Halfway her back he stopped. With spread fingers he glided down her neck, fanning out to her shoulders. She felt so soft, so warm. Her muscles tensed a little beneath his touch and he kneaded the tension away. He let his pinky slid under the strap of her bustier, brought it to the right, until it shove off her shoulder. He put his left arm around her waist, bowed his head, pressed kisses to the place where the strap had been._

_"Oh Juice..." she sighed, leaning against his chest, playing with the fingers of his left hand. She stretched her neck a bit more, inviting his lips._

_"Juan," he whispered, his voice a little husky. "Juan Carlos."_

"Aye, Juicy-boy." Chibs' voice ripped him out of his thoughts. "Y'all righty?"

Actually he felt like shit, but nobody needed to know that.

Chibs glanced at the joint in his hand. That he was getting stoned here on his own, said enough. Juice dropped his shoulders. Chibs always easily sensed how others felt.

Juice took a deep breath and stared into the distance, where brake lights were glowing. The noise of the cars that was usually audible, was drowned out by the music coming from the clubhouse.

Chibs sat down next to him at the picnic table and gave a pat on his knee. "It's 'bout the girl? Jackie just beat yeh to it, right?"

In silence Juice dragged on the joint. The drug didn't make him feel better at all. What could he say? He'd no interest in smartass jokes from the others. Plus, there wasn't much too say. He'd been too late, had misjudged the situation.

The last couple of days he'd hoped the feelings that had grown rapidly since the beginning, might be mutual. Sometimes he'd seen her blush, and her eyes shot often to him. Earlier tonight he'd really believed things could work out between them... and then she was suddenly all into Jax.

Should he have kissed her? He'd found that difficult, not knowing how she felt about men touching her - or more. The past years had been hard for her, and he knew she'd been abused. Building things up very slowly had seemed logical, making sure he wasn't crossing borders.

But Jax - he just went  _all the way._ And apparently she'd nothing against it.

He'd been too careful, too afraid to trigger painful memories. That had already begun when they'd been in the van together to get her a new ID. He'd wanted to ask her a million questions, but he hadn't dared. Her life had stood still for a few years. He hadn't even dared to ask if she'd been to college, afraid Maddox had ruined that dream by locking her up for such a long time.

"Ye wanted 'er in yer own bed?" Chibs dug deeper. "Or are ye serious 'bout 'er?"

"Does it matter?" he groaned.

He couldn't compete Jax. That guy got every girl he wanted. Never for long, but that was his choice. After tonight she would be head over heels. They always were.

Not that Juice was unsuccessful with the ladies, but there was never anything serious about it, and they would fuck Jax just as easily. But Dana... yeah, he had imagined how it would be to call her his girl, and maybe one day his old lady.A big step, especially for him, but there was just something special about her, something no other girl had.

"'Course it matters. But ye crabby face is sayin' 'nough. Go for it, kid. It's a sweet girl, she needs someone like ya. Bet Jackie was just in the mood after seeing that little show of hers. If he'd seen ya this way, he wouldn't 've done it."

Juice shrugged. It didn't matter anymore. They hadn't just kissed, Jax had taken her to his room. He kept thinking about that, his brain kept creating images he didn't wanna see. He tried to picture her on the stage again. How she had moved, wearing his cut, how she had looked at him. Sensual, taking away his breath. But in his thoughts the pole quickly turned into Jax, and it made him feel sick.

"Come on, Juicy!" Chibs flicked the back of his head. "Get another beer, find another sweetheart to cheer ya up."

With a sigh Juice stood up. He wasn't in the mood to go inside, but it was a long walk to his apartment and he had drank too much to drive. His club room however was close to Jax's, and he didn't consider going there. The thought that he might hear them... He shook his head. However staying here on his own wasn't a good plan either, he didn't want the others to call him a pussy.

So he followed Chibs inside. Naturally his eyes scanned the room to find her purple-red dyed hair, but she wasn't there. Not that he would know how to react if she had been... Maybe it was for the best if he didn't see her again tonight, even if that meant she was having a good time with Jax.


	22. Juice

Dana laid on her side, turned away from Jax. It hadn't been nice, it had even hurt. Not that she said anything about it. The past year she'd learned to ignore her feelings. She knew how to move, how to look, how to breathe. But deep inside she felt empty, did she lack any warmth. She had faked an orgasm to be done with it. And now shame was flushing her. 

She'd hoped to create new memories.  _Good_ memories about sex. But that hadn't happen. She'd felt like she was a piece of meat, an animal that was ridden. Jax hadn't been violent, nor impatient. There just hadn't been a single moment that she'd had the feeling  _he_ was the one who was caressing her, kissing her, penetrating her. 

She thought about Juice, how it had felt when his hand touched hers. That had affected  her more than whatever touch of Jax. She longed for his arms, she was sure she would feel  _them_  around her. 

Her sight blurred and she blinked away the tears. Down there it was burning. Dana cursed herself for doing this to herself. She should've made clear that it was too much for her, that her past was haunting her. Jax would've understood. But she hadn't been willing to give Maddox that power, she didn't want him to still have a say in her sex life. 

But he had. 

She listened to Jax's breathing. He was sleeping. It wasn't that late, down the hall she could still hear the music. They'd been lying next to each other for a while and Dana had pretended she was sleeping, afraid he wanted another round. In the end Jax had fallen asleep and now she stared at the wall, full of regrets. 

She pressed her lips together when a tear itched down her face. Would these memories ever go away? Could she ever enjoy sex again? She could barely swallow. More tears waved out of her eyes. She needed to go away, before Jax woke up and saw her crying. Carefully she slipped out of bed. She pulled her dress over her head and rushed into the hallway. She would pick up her lingerie later, she would claim that she hadn't feel alright. 

It was just a few steps to her own dorm, but she was still afraid someone would just walk through the hallway. Someone like Juice, who'd seen her in a horrible state before. Even though she was sure he would be just as sweet as last time. Her lower lip was shaking. She wished she'd danced with him. Or would that have led to the same outcome? Maybe she'd dared to be honest with him, since he'd already seen her on her most vulnerable. 

She slipped into her room without seeing anybody, flopped on her bed and pulled up her knees. She laid her head against them and started to cry. Deep down she hoped he just happened to be around, that he heard her sobbing and came to comfort her. 

But he didn't came. Nobody did. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Dana felt horrible. Her eyes were swollen, her stomach hurt. She didn't want to face anyone, especially not Jax. But she wasn't just a Croweater, and of course he did care about her. It was quite early when someone knocked at the door. "Chloe?"

She considered to ignore him, but she knew she had to face him anyway. She mumbled "Coming" and walked to the door. Between her legs her skin still felt soar, hurting by every step she took. She opened the door a little. 

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Didn't feel well tonight, so I went to my own bed. Still feeling horrible."

"That sucks. Drank too much?"

She shrugged and took her shoes and lingerie from Jax. 

"Other than that... you're good?" he asked, hesitating. 

She swallowed. Had he noticed her resistance? She quickly nodded. "Yeah, other than that I'm fine."

The questioning look he gave her increased her stomachache. Something told her he was used to more exciting reactions after a night like that. 

 "Think I just need to eat something. I'll be there in a minute, okay?" She felt her eyes itching , and she quickly closed the door. Internally screaming she dropped down on her bed again. She didn't mean to let herself go.

It didn't take long before someone knocked on the door again. "Dane?" Opie's deep voice sounded. "Can I come in?"

She sighed. Did the whole club wanted to see her cry? 

"Or ya want me to get Gem? Cherry is at Half-Sack's."

"No," she said quickly. Jax's mother was the last person she wanted to talk to. "Come in... if you insist."

He clearly did, for the door swung open. He held a plate with sandwiches and a bottle of water. Opie put these on the table and sat next to her. "Jax worries 'bout ya."

Dana stared at her hands. And now? Should she tell him that she had sex with his best friend, while only thinking about her insane ex? What good would that be?

"Just had bad memories." She sighed. Maybe she had to get over it. She trusted Opie. And he possessed a fucking porn studio, so talking about sex must be daily business. "Hadn't taken that into account. Just thought to have fun for a night, that was ages ago. Between the sheets, you know." With her wrist she wiped away the tears. "But it wasn't fun at all, and all I could think of was Maddox." She bowed her head. "Please don't tell Jax. I don't want him to feel guilty. I should have told him how I felt."

"Then why didn't you?"

She sighed. "Dunno. Didn't wanna be weak, I guess. Didn't wanna admit that Maddox still has power over me."

Opie stayed quiet for a while. Then he hugged her. "But you have to let people know when they're doin' things you don't want, Dane. If not, he'll keep havin' this power. And if ya don't want a hug, you have to push me away."

She showed a hint of a smile while leaning against his chest. He felt like a giant teddy bear. Having a good relationship with your brother, would that feel this way? 

He messed up her hair with his hand. "What do ya want me to tell Jax? He thinks he did somethin' wrong."

She bit her lip. "Just tell him I had a nightmare after which I panicked. Happens a lot."

She thought of Juice. He'd never told anybody. It convinced her Opie would do the same. For a while they just kept sitting there, then she pulled away from him, took her plate and put it on her lap. 

"Thanks," she said, softly. She looked up to him. "I mean it, Ope. Not only for this, but for being concerned with me the whole time."

He smiled and raked a hand through his long hair, a little uncomfortable with the compliment. "No biggy. You're not the worst."

She wiped away the last tears from her cheeks and chuckled softly. "Thank God I'm not." 


	23. Dana

"What ya gonna do today?" Opie asked while Dana was eating breakfast. "Want me to ask Juice if he has time to show you around in the office?"

Dana pretended like it was a hell of a job to cut her bread into pieces while looking for an excuse.

"Rather another time," she said eventually. "After a night with more sleep. Don't think I'll remember a lot."

Opie gave her an understanding nod.

Dana finished the piece of bread before she continued. "I would like to get some air. Can I take a walk somewhere? Would that be possible?"

He looked thoughtfully at her. "Want to be alone for a minute?"

She nodded hesitantly. There was always someone around to guard her. And that was necessary, that she understood very well, but she just needed some time alone.

"Someone has to stay close. There's a park nearby, with two entrances. When we keep an eye on those, and you keep your phone ready, it shouldn't be a problem. I'll ask Clay if he can miss two people at the garage. I think he can."

* * *

One hour later Dana walked through the park. Bobby and Chibs had escorted her and were now waiting at the entrances. It was nice that they were out of sight for a moment, and she still felt relatively safe.

She sat down at the shore of a small lake and stared to the water. She tried to let go of all her thoughts, to clear her head. To leave all the memories of last night behind. The bad ones, at least. For she had enjoyed the party.

With her fingers she brushed her right hand, hooked her little finger around the other and imagined Juice's warmth. Her lips curled up. She wished he'd been here, that she could've leaned against his shoulder, both staring into the water. She felt her eyes get watery while thinking about him.

She really liked him. And she felt she needed him, much more than she'd dared to admit. She hadn't realized before last night, when she'd sat on her bed, crying, hoping he would come for her.

Should she take the chance? She was here for a few weeks now, and Maddox still hadn't showed up. Maybe her fear was unfounded, and didn't she cross his mind any longer.

_Bullshit, Dana. You're not only his fled property, you're also the murderer of his brother._

She swallowed. No, sooner or later Juice would become a target. The loneliness that was bothering her now and then was painful, but wasn't that much better than having to miss him for good? Now she could still see his smile from a distance. If she gave in to her feelings, there would only be pictures of it.

Her eyes started to itch again. Why the hell was she so erratic those last days? Was that because she was enjoying life again? The past years she'd often been careless, and many times she'd wished she was dead. But now she wanted to live. To  _really_ live. It was a long and hard road, and she needed help. She was glad there were people on the sideline, who sometimes took her hand and dragged her along a few steps. She was incredible grateful to the people she'd met. Not only to Cherry, Kip, Opie and Juice. Also to the rest of the club, who were now guarding a park because she needed space. Still she felt guilt creeping in. They gave up their time for her. It was about time she returned the favor, that she started to contribute to the club life. Doing nothing, that wasn't her at all. It would be nice to have something to do. Tonight she would ask Juice if he was serious about needing some assistance.

That intention made her whole body feel tingly, and messed up her head. She looked forward to it just as much as she did not. But she could deal with that. Sometimes things felt uncomfortable between them and she often couldn't find the right words, but when she thought of the day before, it were mostly the moments with him that she was reliving over and over again, causing a smile on her face. For that she didn't need to kiss him, nor to sleep with him. His presence alone was enough to keep the memories about Maddox away.


	24. Dana

Talking to Juice was easier said than done. When she returned to TM he wasn't around, and the day after she saw him only for a minute, right before he stepped into the van and drove away. That night she ate outside with Cherry, and when she returned it was quiet in the clubhouse.

Cherry had gone to Kip and Opie was at home with his kids. Jax was around, but she was still avoiding him a little. Chibs and Bobby were at the pool table, and after a short hesitation she walked to them.

"Hey," she greeted them. "Is Juice here too? Want to ask him if he can show me around in the office tomorrow. Haven't seen him for a while."

"He's at home," Chibs answered. "I'll give ye a ride."

"It isn't  _that_  urgent," she mumbled, feeling her cheeks turn flaming red.

Chibs chuckled. "He won't be doing much more than playing GTA."

Dana resisted the urge to wipe her clammy hands off on her jeans. What should she say? Going to Juice's house was very different from just asking a simple question. She however knew it was strange when she made it an issue. There were not many people around here, and she hung out with the others all the time.

"I'll give him a call," she suggested.

"Nah, let's surprise 'im." Chibs gave her an obvious wink, making clear he was determined to continue this embarrassment.

She glanced at Bobby, since his game was disrupted, but he winked as well.  
"Bet Ortiz can't wait to show ya some of his Puerto Rican charm," Bobby added, only making things worse.

Dana wanted to push her head into a fridge. Where the hell was this coming from? It felt like the whole MC was suddenly pairing them. Had Cherry opened her big mouth? And why did it feel so awkward, and wasn't she able to answer their hints with a joke or some sarcasm?

No one had ever spoken a word about Jax and her, but this was certainly entertaining them.

"Aah. Well, we'll see," she said eventually. It felt like a swarm of insects flew through her stomach. She wouldn't be surprised if the guys could hear them buzz. She forced herself to smile at Bobby and walked to the door. She knew for sure she would feel more comfortable around Juice than around those two.

Chibs took his Harley out of the line of bikes that was on the edge of the parking lot and handed her a helmet. Without saying a word she put it over her head and climbed behind him at the vehicle.

* * *

After ten minutes they stopped in front of a row of houses, right behind a black car.

"It's the one at the corner," Chibs said after she'd climbed off. She put off her helmet and looked around, a little lost. She felt so stupid. What should she say to him? She'd just wanted to ask him a short question, not spending the evening with him!

"Why do ye tarry, darling? Startin' to think ye don't dare to visit the kid..." Chibs tilted his head and gave her a challenging look.

Like everyone at the club, Dana didn't want to be a coward. She stretched her back and pushed the helmet in Chibs' hands. The sparkle in his eyes showed that was exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for.

"Thanks, I guess?" She raised her eyebrows to stress her sarcasm.

"No thanks, lass. S'pose Juice will bring ya back." He smirked. "Or not. Enjoy yer  _work party."_

He started the engine and Dana stepped aside, so he could pass. She took a few deep breaths and crossed the street. Behind the window shone light, thus he had to be at home. She felt how the nervousness was spreading to her toes, and when she pressed the doorbell a second later, her finger was shaking.

 _Fuck you, Chibs,_ she grumbled internally.  _Fuck you. What a hell of a move._


	25. Dana

_Here we go..._ Dana thought when the door swung open.

For just a second Juice seemed to freeze in the doorway, then a surprised smile spread across his face. "Hey..."

"Yea, hi."

_Man, this is so awkward._

Her lack of enthusiasm went not by unnoticed. His smile faded and a serious glance appeared in his eyes. "Is there somethin' goin' on? Did I miss a call?" He pat the pockets of his jeans and looked over his shoulder, as if his phone was still at the living room and he was able to see a missed call from this distance.

"No, everything's fine," she said quickly.  _Damn Dana, don't be such a brat._ "Just wanted to ask ya how serious you were about needing some assistance at the office, and when I asked for ya at the clubhouse, Chibs found it necessary to take me to ya place... And I couldn't change his mind. So yea... here I am." She shrugged.

_Man, this sounds so stupid. As if I'm_ _kidnapped_ _and his house is the worst_ _place_ _in the_ _world_ _..._

"Oh..." It was clear Juice neither knew what to say.

A few very uncomfortable seconds passed by, and Dana remember why she had avoided to spend time with him alone.

"Well, if you really don't wanna hang out, I can bring ya back?"

Dana could clearly imagine how that would work out. She could already hear Bobby and Chibs' laughter.

"No, I don't mind," she said quickly. "Of course not. It's just... I've never been at your place before. And... we aren't as close as I am with Kip and Ope... And... I don't want to disturb you," she rattled, feeling her face glow.

_Oh this is_ _horrible_ _, so_ _horrible_ _! Can't I just_ _vanish_ _?_

"Nah, come in. I don't mind." He stepped back, so Dana could enter his house.

Juice led her to the living room. The atmosphere differed from that of the other guys where she'd been. Cherry and Kip were the biggest pack rats she'd ever seen and Opie's floor was covered with toys. It smelled fresh here and the room was clean and organized.

She sat down on a black sofa and looked around. It was a modern and nice apartment. Two miniature Harleys were placed on the mantelpiece, and canvas paintings of bright colored bikes and cadillacs against a black and white background were on the walls. In front of the sofa was a large flatscreen with the paused image of a sniper scene. Chibs was right, he had been gaming.

"Wanna have a drink?"

"Eh – a beer?"

He walked to the kitchen. She heard how he opened and closed the fridge before he returned with two beers. For a moment he seemed to hesitate whether he should sit on the chair in front of her or next to her on the sofa, and eventually he did the last.

Dana took a sip before saying anything. Her throat felt dry. "I wanted to talk about it yesterday or today, but you weren't around." She bit on her inner lip.  _How the hell is that an_ _interesting_ _subject?_

"Yea... needed to take care of some things."

His tone made clear she shouldn't ask questions about it. Probably things that were none of her business as non-member.

Dana leaned back a little, looking for a way to feel more comfortable. She thought about the party, when they'd flirted to some degree. It felt like they needed an icebreaker over and over again.

"Jax must have caught you by surprise when he asked you," she tried to get the conversation going.

Juice shrugged. Again his lips formed the grin everyone would fall for. "Like I said, don't think anyone could say no to someone like you. I'm not an exception at all."

"Thought that mainly was about the private pool dance shows." The tension built up in her stomach. Still she decided to go on, if only to feel a little more at ease. "But I honestly don't know if you liked it."

His eyes lit up. She stopped breathing when their eyes met and she forced herself to inhale.

"Tig's dance act scorched my eyeballs, so I haven't seen much of it. Maybe you should do it again." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Chuckling she grabbed the cushion that was lying next to her and smashed it to his head. "Not until you turn fifty too."

He laughed and gripped the cushion so she couldn't hit again. "I rather look at ya now. Doubt your skin is just as smooth over twenty years."

"You have no idea if it's smooth now. Unfortunately you haven't been able to figure that out."

"If ya find that just as _unfortunate_ as I, we can always do somethin' about that."

Those few words caused a cramping pain in her stomach. She pulled her hand away from the cushion, took the bottle from the table and put her lips on it.

"Sorry," he said softly. "I wasn't thinking."

Dana dropped her eyes. "It's not your fault. I don't know why I can laugh about everything else, but not about this." She bit her lip. She had said the words before considering if she wanted to share them with him. "That's how it often goes. Then all of a sudden I'm reminded of... everything."

"Still I had to be more careful. I know you've bad memories with stuff like that."

Dana made a scoffing sound. "How could you know? The whole club knows I've slept with Jax. You must all think I'm fine."

A silence fell. It was an awkward subject after all, maybe also for him. 

"Went that well?" he asked, hesitating. "Weren't you... Sorry, it's none of my business."

Dana looked up. Juice avoided her eyes. She wondered how often he thought about that first night. It couldn't be easy, knowing that someone was traumatized without knowing how to talk about it. And deep down she wanted to clarify that she had no feelings for Jax. "It was the first time, after Maddox. I really wanted it, I hoped it would make the memories about him go away." She fold her hands around the beer bottle and bowed her head. "But it didn't go as planned, and I had a lot of flashbacks."

"That sucks. Have ya talked about it with Jax? Maybe... it will help? Next time?"

"There will be no next time," she mumbled. "That helps too." She didn't dare to look at him, afraid her eyes told him she rather tried another time with him. 

"Ya don't like 'em?"

"No. Not like that. It was just for one night. An experiment. Which absolutely failed."

Another silence fell. She heard her breathing, and his. She wondered what was going through his mind. He must found her a slut. Though all women – and men – in his world were. 

Dana looked aside. Did he really looked relieved, or was that just her imagination? The question was already on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it. It would only lead to more complicated conversations. What if he admitted he liked her? What should she do? Lie about her own feelings? Tell him the truth? 

That would tarnish his honor. No Son would ever eschew a relationship because he was afraid to get in danger. He would claim he'd do anything to protect her, even if that was a lie. It was a conversation she was not willing to have. 


	26. Dana

The silence made Dana nervous and she looked around, hoping to find a subject to talk about. Her eyes rested on the flatscreen. "It's been ages ago since I've played on a Playstation." 

Juice stood up. "Well, come on then." He grabbed some cushions and threw them in front of the coffee table. "The cords of the consoles are a little short," he explained. 

"Thought all that stuff was wireless those days."

"It's an oldie."

She drank up her beer, stood up and sat down on the pillows with her back against the table. Juice sat down next to her. The table was small, and his hip, shoulder and arm touched hers. 

It would be a hell of a challenge to focus on the game, she thought, while she watched how Juice returned to the main menu and started a two player game. He explained what  the buttons were for and what she had to do. His words landed very slowly, she was more aware of how his lips moved and of the enthusiasm in his voice. 

Deep down she was starting to forgive Chibs for his stupid move. 

"I'll just try somethin',' she chuckled when Juice asked her if she understood. "You'll probably win anyway."

"We're a team."

"Oh. Then we'll lose."

He bumped his shoulder against hers. "Hell no. Bet we're a top team."

"Then you better scoot over a feet or two, 'cause you're distracting me."

Dana suppressed a sigh. She was pondering her words for ages or she just blurted them out, there seemed to be no in-between.

He moved a little aside. "Better? I'm a bad loser. I'm even willing to feel the point of the table in my back if that means we'll win."

Dana chuckled softly. "As long as you can drive me back to the club house, I'm fine with it."

"If not, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Bet that's even worse when your back is killing ya."

"Then you sleep on the couch."

She laughed and shook her head. The starting signal sounded and she turned her attention to the screen. 

She wasn't very talented. She hit more walls than people, and only after a comment from Juice she discovered she was running in circles. Now and then she looked aside from the corners of her eyes. His eyes flashed from left to right, and he smashed the buttons so frantically that his fingers must be very muscular. 

"As long as you're looking at me, we'll never win," he smirked, without taking his eyes off the screen. 

"You're my teacher. Where else should I look at?"

"You're shot."

"Oh, shit." She looked forward again. The only thing she was seeing, was a pool of blood. She froze. In a flash she saw Casper's bloody face.  _Stop_ _being_ _a baby. This is just a game._ She tried to ignore the image, but she suddenly felt sick by realizing what she was doing in a  _game_. She was shooting at people. Like she'd done with Casper. Like Maddox would do with Juice if he ever found out she'd been here. 

She tried to push away the thoughts, to play along, to stay strong. 

Suddenly Opie's words were inside her head.  " _But you have to let people know_ _when_ _they're_ _doing things you don't want,_ _Dane_ _. If not,_ _he'll_ _keep this power over_ _ya_ _."_

She took a deep breath and pressed the pauze button. Juice turned his head aside, giving her a questioning look. She already wanted to say she needed to go to the bathroom, but she decided to be honest. 

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I got a flashback of Casper. Ya know... the guy I killed." 

Juice cursed. "Oh shit. I'm such an idiot. Haven't thought about that for a minute..."

"Neither did I," she said quickly. She sighed. 

Juice looked at her, his brown eyes worried.  "You okay?"

She shrugged, raking a hand through her hair. She hesitated a moment before she asked: "Have you ever shot someone?" 

She thought about the gun that had been at the table, the night that he was guarding the club house after her arrival. She knew for sure there was now a weapon around too, maybe even behind his waistband. 

He lowered the console and turned to the side, so he could look at her. He leaned with his elbow at the table. "Yea, I did. But never a kill shot." A grim expression appeared on his face. "But I swear I will kill that asshole if he ever shows up."

Dana felt a lump in her throat and resisted the tears that were filling her eyes. She refused to cry  _again._ Instead she kept silent, and did something that would surely distract her attention from her tears. She touched him. She placed her elbow on the table too and she traced her fingers up to his lower arm. They followed the lines of the reaper tattoo. 

As soon as she felt his warm skin, she could only think of him, just as she'd hoped. Her breathing faltered when a pleasant tension suddenly caught her. He lowered his arm, stretched it. She felt his eyes upon her face, but she refused to look back. Her fingers reached his wrist, the palm of his hand. Then their fingers entwined. 

Finally Dana looked up to him. "Juice... How can a sweet guy like you still be single?"

When he smiled she pulled her hand away from his and moved it to his face. Her thumb brushed his lower lip. She really didn't get it. 

"Maybe I was just waiting for the right girl." He kissed her fingertips. "Someone like you."

Goose bumps spread across her arms, her whole body. 

She closed her eyes for a moment. A tear slipped between her eyelashes. She knew she had to stop this, no matter how badly she wanted to get on his lap and kiss him. 

"I'm not the right girl," she whispered. "I'm not ready for that."

Speaking out that lie made her heart suffer, as if she was poisoning herself. He was exactly what she needed, just as badly as she needed oxygen. But she was scared as hell, she didn't want to expose him to that horrible danger. 

"Hey... That's all right." With his thumb he swept away the tear from her cheek. "I'm not goin' anywhere."

Dana laid her head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. Then he connected his phone to the TV and put on some music. The fingers of his right hand found hers again and leaning against each other they listened to the music, while Dana was fully aware of his left hand on her shoulder, the right one in her own hand and his head against hers.


	27. Juice

Juice barely dared to move, afraid to wake her up. They were sitting on the ground for at least an hour and his back was hurting like hell. He couldn't look at his cell to see how late it was, for she still held his right hand and the other was on her shoulder. But as soon as she woke up, she must find it about time to return to TM. He wanted to postpone that moment as long as possible. He moved his head to the left, then to the right, pressed a kiss in her hair knowing she wouldn't feel it and let his head rest on hers again.

He closed his eyes, listened to her breathing and enjoyed the warmth that was swirling through his body. He didn't mind that she wasn't ready to go a step further. He'd slept with many women, but he'd never felt such a deep connection as with her. Sitting here with her, knowing that she felt safe in his arms... that meant much more than just having sex.

Somewhat later he felt her move. He sat up straight and she looked up to him.

"Have I fallen asleep?" she muttered.

"Just for a while," he lied.

She sat up straight too and rubbed her neck. "How late is it?"

He pulled his hand away from hers and picked up his phone. "Half past twelve."

"Crap." Leaning on his shoulder she stood up. "Man, I'm thirsty." She stretched her back and arms and walked to the kitchen.

Juice stretched out as well. He yawned and followed her. Dana had already taken a beer out of the fridge and handed it to him. He grabbed the opener from the countertop, popped off the cap and took a drink. He could handle one more.

"Can't believe I've fallen asleep," she sighed. She leaned against the sink. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked so sweet."

She rolled her eyes, but he saw her cheeks turn red. She must have noticed too, for she turned her head to the right and looked through the window.

Juice startled when the bottle slid off her hand and smashed on the ground. Beer spatted on his leg. Dana didn't react, she kept staring outside. She'd clenched her fist and was shaking.

"Dane?" he asked alarmed. "What's goin' on?"

He stood next to her and gazed into the dark.

"That black car... there're people in it. It already stood there when Chibs dropped me off." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it firmly. "They're watchin' you!" The fear that was about to tore her face, made his heart shrink.

"Easy," he sushed.

Her eyes widened and she gasped for air.

"Dana..." he said when he realized he wasn't getting through her. "Hey..." He put his bottle on the countertop and cupped her face with both his hands. "Hey.... easy. They're cops. Keepin' an eye on me since this afternoon. Has nothin' to do with you."

He brushed her cheeks with his thumbs and looked her in the eye. Her face relaxed a little, but she still breathed shockingly.

"I... I don't get it. How... how can you be so sure?"

"Because it's Hale. Okay? The deputy. Had to get some stuff outta town and they were tailin' me. So I went home and now they're waitin' 'till I finish the job."

Actually he'd thought they would long be gone. Dana's visit was a good cover, a good reason why he hadn't returned to TM. He didn't doubt that had been Chibs' intention, and the fact that he'd sent Dana instead of a random Croweater was surely the result of their conversation at Tig's birthday party.

"I... Are you sure? Why..." She couldn't put the words together and started to cry.

Juice pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. She'd kept herself together for so long, but today he'd seen that she was broken, that fear ruled her life.

"Yea, I'm sure," he answered. His hand raked through her hair. "But if it makes you feel more comfortable we can walk to them?"

He felt how she froze in his arms. "No," she muttered against his chest. "Stay here. Please stay here."

"Okay," he said softly. "I will."

Carefully he pushed her a little back, so that she wouldn't step into the glass. She needed a few seconds to get herself back together again, wiping her tears away.

"Sorry. I'm such a wreck today." Ashamed she stared at her feet.

He lifted her chin, looking her in the eyes. "That's okay." He hesitated for a moment. "I'm glad you dare to be yourself when you're with me. That you're not acting like everything's fine."

He caught a glimpse of an uncertain smile, where after she wiped away the smudged mascara beneath her eyes.

"You want me to bring you back to TM? Or do you want to sleep here? That's fine. I'll take the couch."

"No... I can't let you sleep on the couch!"

"I've slept at stranger places."

She laughed softly, still a bit sniffing. "Bet ya have a double bed, right?"

He studied her face and nodded.

"Wel... If you don't mind to share it..."

"Of course I don't mind. Will be more comfortable than sleeping in front of the table."

A smile appeared on her face and she hugged him tightly. "You're way too sweet," she whispered when she stepped back. For a moment her arms rested around his neck. They looked at each other, he felt his heart hammering in his chest. Suddenly the hope flamed up that she wanted to kiss him after all, but then she turned her face away and let go of him.

Juice tried to push away the disappointment. He wanted to be patient, but deep down he was afraid she would eventually just consider him as a good friend. Just as Opie and Half-Sack.


	28. Dana

A little uncomfortable Dana climbed the stairs, just behind Juice. She already started to regret her decision to spend the night here. Her fear had faded away, and she thought she'd dare to go outside. Backing off was however strange as well, since she hadn't a very good reason for it. She wasn't afraid Juice would try something tonight, maybe she was more afraid of herself: that she would crawl into his arms when she was drowsy, after which one thing would lead to the other. 

On the landing Juice turned the light on. A hall with three doors became visible, and she followed Juice to the room right in front of the stairs. He swung open the door and entered his dorm. It was a bit chilly, the window was open, and the bed was made. 

A little hesitating she kept staying in the doorway.  _This is really_ _weird_ _._ She tried to get over it.  _A_ _few_ _days_ _ago_ _you were with Jax in a bed, and you_ _never_ _found_ _that_ _weird_ _. The only_ _difference_ _is that you_ _won't_ _see him_ _naked_ _._

_Which is too bad,_ _actually_ _._

She pushed away the thought. Juice had opened his wardrobe and threw a shirt at her. 

"Wanna take a shower? Then I'll get you a towel too."

 "Tomorrow morning, if that's okay?"

He shrugged. "Fine by me."

Dana raked a hand through her hair. That would be full of knots tomorrow, and she doubted there was a hairbrush in his apartment. He didn't need that with his short cropped hair. She grabbed the T-shirt from the bed and hesitated. He'd seen her in her underwear not so long ago, so her hesitation was a bit of an overreaction, but still...

She felt her cheeks brush when he took off his shirt. As she'd expected, he had a muscular body. Not  _too_ _much_ _,_ just... right. On his chest flaunted two skulls, one white and one dark. Beneath the first stood 'Son', beneath the other 'Shine'. 

Of course he had to look up at the moment that she was admiring his body. Dana felt her mouth run dry.  _And I have to_ _lay_ _next_ _to that perfect body, without touching it?_ Sleeping on the couch suddenly sounded very tempting. 

She murmured the word "bathroom" and sneaked out of the room. Behind the closed door she undressed and put on Juice's shirt. The sleeves fell over her elbows and the fabric barely covered her ass. 

She rapidly missed her own stuff. With a piece of toilet paper she tried to get her make-up off her face, which didn't work out very well. Neither did she have a toothbrush, nor her own deodorant. She took Juice's can and sprayed her arm pits. _Better than nothing._

With her small pile of clothes she returned to the dorm, not knowing where to put it. 

_What does that matter? As if_ _you'd_ _think about that when you were with_ _someone_ _else_ _._

She however hadn't been in a place that was so organized and cleaned up. She put them on the ground next to the side of the bed she thought was hers and turned to Juice. He sat on the edge of the bed, in his boxers, doing stuff on his phone. 

"You got an extra toothbrush?" 

"Yea... I do." He stood up, led her to the bathroom and knelt before the cabinet under the wash basin. 

Dana looked at the arching of his back, surprised it wasn't covered with tattoos. 

He got up again, opened a pack of two toothbrushes and gave her one. 

"Unexpected quests aren't uncommon here?" she chuckled. 

"They are, actually. But ya never know." He smirked. "Though I usually sleep at the club house anyway."

"Why's that?" she asked, twisting off the cap of the toothpaste. "You have a great apartment."

He shrugged. "Don't like to be alone. Rather have people around."

She understood why, SAMCRO was just one big family. She however would love to have her own place, her own stuff. It however was hard to imagine when she could really have her own apartment. As long as Maddox was breathing, that would probably never happen. Matter of fact, she didn't even know if the club was still looking for him. She hoped they didn't, although she couldn't imagine Happy was satisfied with that. 

She was still waiting for the bomb to drop. 

She bowed a little forward to spit out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth. Then she made room for Juice, who'd waited two steps away from here. She went to the dorm room, lifted the blanket and glided under it. 

Not much later she heard his foot steps across the lamination. He turned off the light and she felt the blankets move. 

"Good night." 

"Good night," she repeated. She turned her back to him and closed her eyes. 

It took a long time before she fell asleep. 

* * *

The curtains weren't fully closed, because of which a streak of early sunlight fell on her face. Dana needed a few seconds to realize where she was. Immediately she felt a knot in her gut. She turned around, as quietly as she could. 

Juice was still sleeping. With his face towards her, but on the far end of the bed. The blanket had slid down beneath his chest. Her lips curled up in a smile.  _How cute._ For a while she kept looking at him, until her eyelids fell down again. 

When she woke up again, the bed was empty. She sat up and looked around. 

"Mornin'," Juice greeted, who was buttoning his pants. When he was finished, he pulled down his white SAMCRO shirt a little. "I tried not to wake you up."

"Never mind." She yawned behind her hand, sat up straight and stretched. 

"It's still early. Could pick ya up when I take a coffee break?"

"Nah, it's fine. I'll take a shower, be bright and early in a minute." She pulled back the covers, slipped out of bed and pulled down her T-shirt. "Are we late?" Not that she was about to take a very long shower, but it would be helpful to know. 

"Nah, half an hour before we gotta go."

Juice handed her a towel and Dana picked up her clothes from yesterday. A few moments later she was in the bathroom. She would love to wash her hair, but as expected she couldn't find a hairbrush or a comb and she didn't found it important enough to ask him. She took off the scrunchie from her wrist, put her hair in a messy bun and decided to wash her hair tonight and take a quick shower now. 

She'd just undressed herself when she heard a gunshot, followed by a loud scream.


	29. Dana

Dana froze. The fear was still racing through her body and she grabbed the handle of the shower door to prevent herself from falling. Was this a hallucination again, just like during her first night at the club house? She could hardly imagine, she'd felt relatively save tonight, next to Juice. Her thoughts shot to the car she'd seen yesterday. Had Juice been wrong? Had Maddox' men been in it? 

She tore herself loose from the paralysis, wrapped the towel around her body and opened the door. She breathed heavily, her lips were shaking. It felt like her guts moved past each other as if they were snakes, causing a sharp pain everywhere. 

She didn't dare to yell and she held her breath to caught a sound. Should she run away? Her cowardice made her feel sick.  _Juice could be_ _bleeding_ _to_ _death_!

Downstairs she heard someone curse. 

_You're not_ _imagining_ _things._ _There's_ _really_ _something_ _going_ _on!_

Chair legs scraped across the floor. Were they tying him to a chair? Her eyes flashed through the hallway. That guy must have weapons around, right? She thought about her phone and went back into the bathroom. She'd just picked up her jeans when she heard Juice's voice. 

"Dane? Any chance you can give me a hand?"

His voice sounded shakily, pained. 

Was it a trap? It felt like her brain was sloshing through her head, it was almost impossible to think. "He's a Son," she whispered to herself. "He's loyal to his club. Even though you're not  _really_ tied to them."

"Dana!" She heard him grumble. He was suffering, that was clear. 

"Coming!" With the towel wrapped around her she rushed down the stairs.  Her eyes flashed through the living room. Juice leaned against the dinner table, and the back of his light jeans had turned red. 

She let out a curse herself. "What the fuck happened? Where are they?"

"There's nobody else," Juice said, his jaws clenched. "I shot myself. By mistake."

"You did  _what?_ What the hell is wrong with you, you idiot?!"

"I know, right!" he snapped back. "Can't you just do somethin'?  I dunno, makin' sure I'm not bleeding to death? Got the idea I've blown up half of my ass." He swore again and growled something about being in pain. 

The situation was too absurd to deal with in a normal way, and the panic still flew through her veins. She had not the slightest idea what she should do, how to stop the bleeding and...

She shook off the dismay, pulled the towel a little closer and hurried to him. The back of the gun stuck out of his waistband and she carefully pulled out the weapon. 

"Damn it, Juice. You've never learned to put the safety on?" she grumbled. 

Juice grouched something in return and looked over his shoulder. She fell silent when she saw the tears in his eyes. She realized he was in panic. His hands were shaking around the button on his pants, and the red marks around it showed that he'd tried to unbutton it before. 

"You're still standing. It won't be that bad," she said, pushing away his hands and unbuttoning it. She'd meant to comfort him, but it sounded like she was sneering at him. 

_I'm just_ _horrible_ _in_ _trying_ _to comfort people._

She helped him pull down his pants and boxers and she swallowed when she saw the bloody mess on the right cheek. He was awfully bleeding. Had he hit an artery? Where those in your butt? She felt as if she was the world's greatest loser. 

 _Stop the_ _bleeding_ _,_ she said to herself. She rushed into the kitchen, opened some drawers until she found tea towels and took the pile with her. 

"And?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder. "Oh shit. Oh shit man..."

"You will be all right," she said shortly. She felt her stomach turn when she realized the bullet was still inside. How deep would it be? She pressed the pile of towels against the wound, but it turned red immediately. 

"I have to call the ambulance."

"No," he said immediately. "We can't give the cops a reason to come in. There's too many stuff around they can't find. Call Chibs." After these words he moaned softly. 

She bit her lip. "Your phone, where is it?"

Although she sounded surprisingly calm, she was anything but. It felt like she was looking at herself from a distance, not having any influence on her acts. 

Before Juice answered, she saw the device at the coffee table. She ran for it and turned around halfway because she was afraid that Juice would collaps. A lump appeared in her throat when she saw his pale face. 

She cursed, and was so distracted that she stepped on the tip of the towel, so that the thing was pulled off her body. She ignored her nudity, grabbed the phone off the table and returned to Juice in a hurry. 

"You have to lay down," she said.  _I think._ She shoved everything from the table and helped him on top of it. He looked at her, his eyes glazing over. It scared her so much that she started to cry. No, he wasn't dying, was he? Not because of something as stupid as this? While she was acting like a fucking moron? She put pressure on the lump of towels again, and with her other hand she unlocked the phone – thank the heavens there was no password needed – and typed in Chibs' name. 


	30. Dana

Relief spread through her body when Chibs picked up the phone. 

"Aye, Juicy-boy. Had a rough nig-"

"Juice shot himself and I don't know what to do," she raved in a breath. "He doesn't want me to call the ambulance because of club shit and he's bleeding like hell and..."

"Take it easy, love. I'll be right over, give me a minute. Keep 'im conscious, put pressure on the wound."

Chibs' gentle voice calmed her down a little. 

"Got that, Clo? Talk to 'im, distract 'im, put pressure. I'm right there."

"Y-yea," she answered with a trembling voice. She laid the cell on the table, took away the clot of towels and smeared the blood away so she had better sight on the wound and knew where to press. "Chibs is comin'. Okay? He's comin'." She stroke his head, realized that was probably more comforting to herself than to him and stopped with it when she saw the trail of blood she'd left behind.

Without looking back, Juice grabbed her hand. Their bloody fingers slithered about each other. "Let me feel where to put pressure," he said with a raspy voice. "Then you can put on a coat."

Only now she realized she was naked. She swallowed a sudden lump, nodded (even though he couldn't see that) and led his hand to the hand that was pushing the towels. When he got it, she hurried to the hall, put on the largest coat she could find and buttoned it up. It covered most of her upper legs, enough for now. She opened the front door already so she wouldn't have to leave Juice again to let Chibs in, and returned to the living room. She took Juice's hand in hers, and with her other thumb she pressed the wound.

"You're holdin' up?" she asked softly.

"Yea. I'm okay."

She doubted that, although he wasn't crying. Still he was so pale she feared he could collaps any moment. 

"What happened?" she asked, remembering Chibs had instructed her to talk.

"Dunno. I put it in my waist band, as I do every day, and then it went off."

He leaned a little more on his left elbow, looking over his shoulder at her. It couldn't be a comfortable position, right atop of the dining table. 

A shiver crept down her spine. "Could somebody have unlocked it? Tonight?"

"Only you." He forced a grin on his face, though it looked like a painful grimace. "Nobody did this." He squeezed his eyes, as if a gulf of pain was torturing him. He panted a little. "But sometimes... I just do stupid things."

"Not too often, I hope. Imagine that I hadn't been around... or had already been in the shower?" She shuddered again.

"Then I would've crawled to my phone. But I'd rather be nursed by you."

A teasing smile broke through his grimace. There was a bit more colour on his face. 

"Really? I'm startin' to believe you did this on purpose."

"You got me. It was a very spectaculair plan to get you out of your clothes anyway. Ow!" he complained when she pressed harder on the wound.

"Talkin' smart, huh? You're getting better." She smiled relieved. She placed her free hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Man, you scared the hell outta me."

"Wanted to make a lasting impression."

She chuckled. "Well, that worked. Don't think I'll ever forget this."

The sound of engines filled the street. Her nervousness increased. What if Chibs discovered that he wasn't going to be all right at all? 

Not much later the Scot came in, followed by Tig. 

"Aye Juice-boy, what ya do kid?" He put a bag on the table. "Yer the only one who can do this." He took out some stuff from the bag and turned to Dana. "He'll be fine, love. Go wash yer hands, I got this."

Dana nodded in relief, washed her hands in the kitchen and filled two glasses with water. She walked back and put a glass next to Juice.

Tig tore his glance away from Juice's bleeding ass and looked at her. He pointed from Juice to her and back. "Did I miss somethin'?"

"I guess." She took a drink and looked at Chibs. He held a pliers in his hand and was poking in the bullet hole. She saw Juice squeeze his eyes, but she resisted the urge to grab his hand. There were more than enough jokes waiting for him.

"If you plan to spoil more Sons, I would be happy to volunteer."

She raised her eyebrows. "You just turned fifty, Tig. You really think you can handle me? You see what happened to mister Ortiz..."

Tig stared at her, surprised. He was crazy enough to believe this had really been some serious form of SM. The fact that she was currently dressed as a flasher wasn't helpful either.

She stepped towards Chibs to ask how bad it was, but he looked very concentrated and she decided not to disturb him. She muttered that she was going to change, picked up the towel and headed upstairs.

 


	31. Dana

"You  _have_ to be kidding me!" Cherry looked at her with raised eyebrows. "You've slept in his bed, and you haven't seen each other naked?"

"Not then," she murmured. The circumstances in which they  _had_ seen each other naked, had been anything but romantic. 

"Ah, you must have seen something when you helped him out of his pants." She chuckled. "And? You like what you saw?"

Dana rolled her eyes. "I had other things to worry about."

Cherry laughed. "What an idiot. Can't think of anyone else who could be so stupid. Except for my own man, after a few drinks." She took some apples and oranges out of the shelves and put them in the basket. 

A few hours had passed since Dana had returned to TM. Chibs had removed the bullet and stitched the wound, and they'd picked up Juice with the car and brought him to the club house. For the time being he was chained to his bed. 

After Dana had told Cherry what had happened, her friend had dragged her to the supermarket to put together a basket of fruit. 

"So... you haven't made out? Not even a little?" Cherry asked. She'd hooked her arm around Dana's and dragged her along the shelves. She was more curious about what had happened between Juice and her than about the accident. 

"Nope. Told him I wasn't ready to get intimate."

Cherry frowned. "Well well... There must've been a reason you were discussing things like that."

Dana felt her cheeks glow. She dropped her eyes. "It ain't difficult to be honest with him. He's very understanding."

"You think he's in love with you?"

She shrugged. "Hard to tell. Besides Opie's old man there's no Son who  _hasn't_ been flirting with me. It's just in their nature."

Cherry had to agree.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I don't want somethin' serious, that's way to dangerous. A friendship, that's all it's gonna be. And believe me, after all those years on my own that's worth something as well."

Cherry pulled her closer and kissed her cheek. "I believe you. But I'm impressed by you. Don't think I could restrain myself if it had been Kip."

"You would when you'd lived with Maddox. I know why I'm doing this. There was a bullet in his ass today, but if I give in to my desires, the next one will be in his head."

In silence Cherry added some bags of beer nuts and beers to their "fruit" basket. 

* * *

Cherry and Dana had some dinner in town and filled the basket with all the things they'd bought. It was the first day she'd headed out without protection, for it wasn't far to the mall and there were lots of people around. 

This afternoon a bike had been waiting for her, a light model. Gemma'd told her that Happy bought it with the money from Maddox' Harley. Dana liked the idea that she could be a little more mobile now, though she stayed alert. They fastened the basket and Cherry climbed behind her. Together they rode to TM and went to Juice's dorm. 

"Hey,  _Half-Ass_ ," Dana grinned when she entered the room. Juice lay on his left side and was looking at some action movie.  _Apparently_ _he_ _hasn't_ _heard_ _enough_ _gunshots_ _today_ _._

Cherry chuckled. "What were you thinkin'? Half-Sack got himself a smoking hot girl, so I'll create a war injury in my private zone as well?"

Juice smirked, saying nothing. 

Cherry greeted him with a kiss on his cheek. "You're a pretty little thing, aren't you? Shooting yourself in your ass on your first date with this hottie."

"I was there for work," Dana muttered. 

She loved Cherry, except on moments like these. 

"Who are you trying to convince? You've already told me you're crazy in love with him, and even though Juice is dumb enough to shoot himself, he wouldn't be  _blind_ as well, hmm?" She gave him a ornery smile. 

Dana felt red spots creeping up her neck.  _Please! Are you ever_ _listening_ _when I_ _say_ _something to you?_

To top of it all, Juice gave her a questioning look. As if he was waiting for a confirmation. 

Cherry started to laugh. "You're sweethearts, both of you. Well, I'll leave ya alone. Maybe Dana lets you nibble some strawberries from her belly, we've taken those too." She gave them a wink and walked to the door. 

"What the hell are you doin'?" Dana grumbled, right before she closed the door behind Cherry. "I've told you why..."

"I know, baby. Just teasin' a little," Cherry whispered. "Believe me, this will help him get better."

Dana rolled her eyes and closed the door. A bit awkward she turned to Juice. "Cherry is on fire today. Anyway, we got you a fruit basket. You deserved that, after my bumblin' instead of helpin' ya. Don't think I should find a job in a hospital." She took the basket Cherry had put on the ground and moved it next to him. Then she sat down on the edge of the bed. "How ya doin'?"

"Better, now you're here." He smirked. His eyes had a playful glow.  _Oh_ _dear_ _._ "So... Crazy in love, huh? I feel honored." He gave her a wink. 

Bam, her temperature sped up ten degrees. 

"You shouldn't believe everything she says. She just wants to cheer you up."

"Well, she did." He sat up a little straighter, and because he was relieving the right side of his body, his face came very close. "But ya  _do_ like me a little, don't ya?"

"A little." She tried to act just as provocative, but his lips so close to hers were distracting her, and her head must still have the colour of a beet. 

Very lightly his finger tips brushed the skin of her lower arm, from her wrist to her elbow. Dana held her breath, watching how his fingers moved. She wouldn't be surprised if a heated trace had been visible on her skin. Her whole body reacted: there were goose bumps everywhere and her blood seemed to boil. 

"I think a little more than a little," he teased. "Bet you won't say no to a  _real_ date?"

_Breath, Dana. You can do that._ _Otherwise_ _they've_ _to patch you up as_ _well_ _._

She breathed in and looked up to him. Man, she really wanted to kiss those grinning lips. Just for once. 

But judging from the way she longed for his touch again – and not only on her arm – being satisfied after a single kiss wasn't very likely.

What should she say? She was aware of Juice's staring. And even though he deserved a little tension, that tension was now mainly present in her own stomach. 

"Well, you need to consider that for a long time..."

"It isn't easy to turn down somebody who's lying next to you with a bullet wound."

"Was hoping for that."

She started to laugh. Her heart jumped wildly in her chest, there was nothing it wanted more than spending time with him. But in the back of her head was still that ever-nagging voice that warned her for Maddox' vengeance.

She looked at him again. He was calmly waiting on her response, but she saw a hint of uncertainty flashing in his eyes. 

She couldn't. She couldn't turn him down.

"Okay."

"Okay," he repeated. The boyish grin returned. "Okay, cool. At least I got now somethin' to look forward to ."


	32. Dana

Juice wasn't the type of guy that could lay still for a very long time, so after a day he was already shuffling through the clubhouse and the garage. He showed Dana around in the office and she discovered that his activities involved three things: yields from the garage, from Cara Cara and from "other cases". The last group was none of her business, and she concluded illegal matters must be involved. Something she wanted to keep herself as far away from as was possible. It was mainly the paperwork from the garage that ended up on her plate: something Gemma had taken care of before her grandson was born. Since then it had quietly landed on Juice's desk. It had piled up quite a bit, and she started to process the invoices, verify the payments and other administrative matters. 

In the week that followed she was alone for the most part of the day, since Juice couldn't sit for a long time. He stopped by less and less to check upon her, and ever more frequent her thoughts shot back to the evening and night she'd spent on his place. She longed for his touch, his smile, his voice. 

The moments he did spent in the office, he ordered her to wait outside because he was discussing things that weren't for her ears. He always brought it up carefully and not on a commanding tone, but it was still annoying. 

The uncertainty started to gnaw. Was he losing his interest in her? Had the novelty wore off, was she just a common colleague in his eyes? Though she should welcome that idea, it caused pain in her stomach. 

She looked over her shoulder when the door opened again. He gave her a quick wink and flopped on the desk chair in front of his laptop. She guessed the healing of his injury went well. From the corners of her eyes she looked at him, while his fingers raged over the keyboard, alternated by fast mouse clicks. 

She felt caught when he looked up. The golden rings around his fingers shone when he motioned her to come closer. 

Dana stood up, walked around the table and kept standing next to him. She looked at the screen, showing a database. He laid his hand on the side of her leg and softly pulled her closer. Dana had the feeling his fingers were melting right through the fabric of her pants. With a nervous feeling she dropped down on his knee and his hand moved to her hip.

"We look into everyone who shows up at the garage, or one of the other projects, for the first time," he said. "The guys want you to be able to look into the database in case I'm not around, so I'll teach you how to do that."

Dana did her best to focus on his words, but she could only think about his hand on her hip. It wasn't just lying there loosely, he held her tightly. 

"Why are you looking them up?" she asked, hesitantly, after she'd processed his words. "How do you know..."

"The guys will ask you specific questions. You'll be fine. As long as you know how the navigate through all the information." She felt that he was looking at her, but she kept staring at the screen. "Sometimes people try to get to the club for the wrong reasons. Since you're here, we always examine if there're connections to the place you're comin' from."

Now she did turn her head to the side, and when her neck started to hurt, she delicately shifted a little on his lap, so that she sat sideways. "Did that ever happen?"

Juice shook his head. "Nope, guess Charming was a good choice to hide."

Dana didn't know what to answer. She kept looking at him, and he held her glance. She sighed internally. His eyes were always so vividly, she could look at them all day. But preferably without her breakfast and lunch churning in her stomach. Her hands were tingling all of a sudden, her whole body was tingling. In the end he was the one who broke their eye contact, and though his lips moved, she didn't hear his further explanation. 

She was suddenly irresistibly drawn towards them, and she couldn't find a shred of energy in her body to resist them. With her thumb she brushed his lip so that he stopped talking. Without being fully aware of it, she rotated her body, so that they were facing each other. 

Juice stared at her, his eyes wide by surprise. 

"Kiss me," she whispered. "Kiss me, Juice."

He didn't need a lot of encouragement. She closed her eyes when she felt the pressure of his lips against hers. They were soft, but firm, a little drier than she'd expected. His hand glided to her neck, tangled up in her hair, and she pressed two kisses against his lower lip. She tilted her head a little and she just wanted to open her mouth when she heard the door open. 

A rude curse rolled towards them. "Do that in your own time, Ortiz!"

Dana shoved back, and if the table hadn't been there, she would've fallen. With cheeks that must be flaming red, she looked over her shoulder. 

Clay stood in the doorway, with no hint of humor on his face. 

"She came her to work, not to suck your dick. Get here, idiot."

Dana quickly stood up. Juice didn't say a word. He cast her a quick, apologetic glance and rushed out of the office. Clay put a hand beneath his neck and pushed him forward, then he chuckled softly, gave her a wink and followed Juice. 

A little dazed Dana stayed behind. 

Clay's banal words seemed to hover in the room.   
  



	33. Dana

Clay's interruption felt like a warning, as if the universe was intervening because she'd been too weak to resist Juice. The rest of the day she experienced mixed feelings. She felt guilty because she'd crossed her own borders, which was unfair to Juice either, and at the same time the butterflies in her stomach ignored the strict rules she'd applied to herself.

 Either way Dana couldn't eat a thing. 

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" Gemma asked, studying her face. 

Dana was bummed about most of the men being gone: only Piney and Kip had stayed behind to guard the club house (or actually her). With Chucky and the kids of Opie and Jax they were with only seven, and Dana was convinced nobody would've noticed her loss of appetite if they hadn't been with so few. 

"Yea, I'm fine."

Gemma gave her another questioning look, but left it at that. 

After dinner Dana took Kenny and Ellie to Opie's house, as she'd done a few times now when Opie was not around. Kip had joined her, and it felt a bit ironic that she had to watch the kids while having her own babysitter.

Opie's house was within walking distance, so that was easy. As soon as they were inside, Kenny ran to the closet and took out a board game. That'd became a habit very quickly. 

Until eight o'clock they played Monopoly, there after Dana put them into bed. They were sweet, easy kids. They'd left the toddler phase behind a long time ago and even though Dana panicked at the sight of a baby or something else that couldn't talk properly, she didn't mind to watch these two. 

After they were both tucked in, she went down the stairs. Kip had fallen asleep on the couch and she sat down at the opposite one. A bit bored she took her phone out of her pocket. It was a simple device with only a few contacts. Only the Sons, Gemma and Cherry. She almost never received messages, and she was surprised to see the green icon at the top of the screen. The only one who texted her sporadically, was Cherry. The others were only in her contact list to make sure she could reach out to someone when she was in trouble. When they usually wanted to speak to her, they just knocked on her door, whether it was 12 o'clock or 6 in the morning.

With her finger she swiped down the bar and opened the message. 

Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed it was from Juice. He'd sent it three hours ago.

\- Sorry that Clay was being such an ass. Can I make it up to you tomorrow? x J. 

A smile flickered across her lips. It wasn't up to him to make things right, she'd been the one who wanted to kiss him.  _Although he was the one who pulled you on his lap._ She typed back: 

\- You don't need to be sorry. 

She stared at the six words she'd sent. Her fingers floated above the letters. 

\- But you still owe me a date.

The addition made her stomach go flip-flop. She didn't know if it was wise to continue what she'd started earlier today, but she neither wanted things to become awkward between them  _again._ She honestly didn't want to think about the grasp in which Maddox was holding her at all. She could try for a date, right? As long as they weren't a couple in public, there wasn't much of a risk, right?  

Her own thoughts made her feel sick. 

Not much of a risk? She should avoid every little risk! She might have the feeling that she was still a prisoner, but he would at least be safe! She sighed deeply and wrapped her arms around herself. 

_How I wish he was here now..._

She blocked the thought immediately.  _Nóóó Dana. He has to stay away from you!_

She bit the nail of her pinky. But that applied to everyone, right? If Maddox found out she was here, he would destroy the whole club, no matter who her friends were. 

Maybe she really needed to let it go a little, as scary as it was. Maybe he wasn't even thinking about her anymore, was he satisfied with the thought that she would live in fear for the rest of her life. That she would never be able to commit herself to someone else, that she would always be looking over her shoulder. 

The thought that she would do that to herself, while he'd moved on for a long time, made her shiver. 

The screen lit up. 

\- Tomorrow after work?

\- Okay. :)

\- :)

Her lips curled into a smile. She'd never messaged with him, but even such a simple smiley was making her feel warm from top to toe. 

* * *

At half past twelve she heard a rattle at the door. She'd fallen asleep on the couch and sat up straight. The TV was on. Kip had laid his feet on the table, but his eyes were closed. 

She grinned.  _Cherry must be slaving him away._

The floor cracked beneath Opie's heavy boots when he walked through the hallway and into the living room. 

"Hey Ope," she smiled.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late." He sat down next to her. 

"It's okay. I've been sleeping. As did Half-Sack, as you can see," she said in a low voice. 

He smirked. "Good. The kids behaved themselves?"

Dana nodded. "They're angels."

"Only when you're around, I guess." 

She chuckled.

"Hate to ask, but can you watch them tomorrow night too? Clay wants me to finish some things off."

"Oh. Eh... Actually, I can't..."

"All right. I'll send one of the sweetbutts. But they really like you." Opie walked to the fridge, took two beers from it and sat down again. "Doin' somethin' fun tomorrow?"

She grabbed the beer, realizing she was thirsty. It had been a few hours ago that she had a drink. "I hope so." She tried to hide a smile, but failed miserably. 

"Sounds excitin'?" Opie raised his eyebrows. 

The warm glow returned to her stomach.  _You're really making a big thing of it._ She resisted the urge to drop down her eyes. "I think I'm having a date."

"Well well..."  Opie started to grin. "With who?"

She had another sip of her beer and smiled mysteriously. 

Opie chuckled. "Know 'nough. Have seen someone else grinnin' like an idiot today. Clay bawled him out for not keepin' his head clear."

For what felt like the millionth time today, she felt her cheeks glow. Hopefully Clay hadn't been too hard for him. 

"But an  _old-fashioned date,"_ he continued, referring to one of their first conversations. "You came up with that condition?"

"No, not even. Was his idea."

Opie started to laugh. "Juicy must've got it bad, then. Can't even remember which of us was the last who had a real date."

"You only date in bed, huh?"

"If I'm not mistakin', you already had that date."

Dana shook her head. "I've been a good girl, we've just slept. After the last time..."

Opie gave her an understanding nod. He put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm happy for you, girl." His beard tickled her cheek when he kissed her temple. "I can see that happen, between you two."

Dana finished her beer and nudged his shoulder. "Well, it's a big relief to receive your blessing."

She rather did not think about the opinion of her brother.

"Yea, that's really important." He glanced at Kip, who was still sleeping. "Next time you should take another guard with you. This one will even be sleepin' when a bulldozer is drivin' over him." Opie took his boot off and threw it at Kip's head. 

The boy jumped up, eyes wide. 

"Could've been worse," Dana chuckled. "Let's go, Kip. We don't want Cherry to seek pleasure with the neighbor, do we?"

 


	34. Dana

Juice closed his laptop, stood up and put some folders in the file cabinet. Just like the last hours Dana pretended she didn't watch him and forced herself to keep working. Clay's words still seemed to rove around, and they had focused on their jobs very decently.

Although she knew where exactly he was every minute, she was still startled when she suddenly felt two hands on her shoulders. She wore a summer dress because it was really hot today, so that his fingers directly touched her skin.

"You're ready?"

"Almost," she answered, teasing him a little and pretending his touch wasn't messing with her feelings. She added a few numbers to the Excell-file. "What we're goin' to do?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

She quit the program and turned off the computer. Only when she turned around her chair, his hands slid off her shoulders. She stood up. "I have to know what to wear, right?" She pointed at her dress. "I'm not wearin' this on your bike."

"Thought you'd put it on for our date."

"Rather because it's so hot."

He moved his eyebrows up and down. "Because I was around all day?"

She pushed against his chest. "Don't be so full of yourself. Or I'll put on a turtleneck."

He wrapped his arms around her and entangled his hands on her lower back, so she couldn't get away. "Whatever you want, baby. I'll bet it won't take long before you beg me to take it off." He pulled her a little closer. Her breasts were pressing against his chest. Her fingers were tingly, in her imagination they already slipped under his shirt.

She looked up, in those brown shimmers. His lips moved apart, showing the white of his teeth. Her hands slipped under his cut, noticing how his muscles tensed beneath her touch. A quick smile spread across her face, then she poked his sides, forcing him to weaken his grip.

Swiftly she sneaked out of his embrace. "Don't wanna repeat yesterday, do we?" she reminded him. "In ten minutes at the front?"

She didn't wait for an answer, but stuck out her tongue and walked to her room.

* * *

Dana put on some shorts and a simple bright green tank top. She didn't expect Juice to take her to a chique restaurant, as Maddox often had done. He'd let his money roll everywhere. What Juice  _had_ planned was hard to predict, but she dared to bet he hadn't even changed clothes.

She checked her make-up in front of the mirror and decided to leave it at that. She shove her phone in her left pocket and her wallet with her fake ID in the other.

On her way out Opie gave her a thumbs up, the rest of the guys didn't even look at them.

Juice had already gotten his bike out of the line and handed her a helmet. She waited until he sat down, strapped her helmet, sat down behind him and placed her feet at the right places.

Though she usually held the sides of the vehicle, she wrapped her arms around Juice. Since the beginning she'd imagine how it would feel to ride together with him, to feel his back against her chest.

It was nice, she concluded, and if the helmet hadn't been in the way, she'd rested with her cheek against his back.

* * *

It wasn't a long drive, fifteen minutes at most. Dana was glad about it, she wasn't dressed for a long ride – she didn't try to think about the consequences when she would slide across the asphalt without protective leather – and the way Juice's back muscles tensed showed that the bullet wound was still giving him trouble.

They'd left the main road and followed a gravel path through the woods. She was a little surprised, Juice hadn't seem a walk in the woods-type of guy.

A moment later it turned out he indeed wasn't. They reached an open space with a few cars, in a semicircle around an enormous screen. He rode his Dyna at the rear, to a small hill, and came to a standstill there.

"A drive-in theater!" With a grin she took her helmet off. "I only know that from movies."

She saw his eyes lit up by her enthusiasm. There were five cars and two other bikes, so it was nice and quiet.

"We can get a pizza over there." He pointed to the entrance. "The movie doesn't start for like three hours or so. Until then we can just talk and stuff."

She chuckled. "And stuff?"

With a crooked smile he shrugged.

"Yea, right... Well, let's score a pizza first."

Juice locked his bike and they walked to the pizza place. After a few steps their hands were already bumping against each other and a paralyzing feeling conquered her arm.

_Grab his hand, you idiot. You know you want it._

She sure as hell did, but there was still hesitation. Walking hand in hand was one step further than just innocent flirting. At least for her. She took a deep breath, decided not to think too much today and to just follow her heart.

For one day. She would worry tomorrow.

She let her hand slip into his. He gave a soft squeeze and turned his head aside.

The smile he showed her set every cell of her body on fire, making every memory of Maddox vanish.


	35. Juice

It was something so small, walking hand in hand with a girl, and still it meant a lot to him. Maybe it was because there hadn't been many girls  whose hand he'd hold, apart from leading them to his dorm room. For a long time the urge to hold hands with someone hadn't been there, but now he held Dana's, he didn't want to let go.

While walking to the pizza stand, he looked aside. A large, sweet smile was drawn on her face. He was glad she liked this place, though seeing her relax was what really did him good. She felt safe with him. Something he'd been wishing for since the moment he found her crying in her  room.

They both ordered a pizza and took them back to the hill  where Juice had parked his bike. There they sat down on the grass.

"You've been here before?" she asked, trying to loosen a slice without pulling off the cheese of the whole pizza. 

"When I was still a prospect, we sometimes hung around here. When we were still the rookies of SAMCRO." 

With her shoe she bumped his boot, teasing. "You still are."

He wasn't entirely sure she was joking and a little awkwardly he slid with his hand over his mohawk, as he always did when feeling somewhat insecure. "Five years ago even more than now. And you? You ever been to a drive-in?"

She lifted her eyebrows. "No. When we got here I already told ya I only know this from TV."

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

She rolled her eyes. "You're a great listener."

Juice felt his cheeks blush. Was he well on the road to ruin this date –  that had started so well? "Sorry," he muttered. "It's probably the nerves."

He took a bite of his pizza, watching how she would react. She tilted her head a little, while putting a piece of cheese in her mouth. Mesmerized he stared at her lips.  _Man,_ _how_ _long_ _before_ _I may kiss them again? This time for real?_

"You're really nervous?"

Her question forced his glance higher, to her eyes. 

"A little," he admitted. "Don't wanna mess things up again."

The wound on his butt stung. With shame he thought back of one of the most embarrassing mornings of his life. 

 "And a mess it was," she chuckled. "As long as you're not injuring anybody, I think we'll be fine." She gave him a playful wink. 

He wasn't afraid that would happen again. It was the way he felt attracted to her that worried him. How did he know when she was ready to kiss again? It was really annoying that Clay had interrupted them last time, if not they would have passed that stage by now. He didn't mind to take the lead, but he remembered very well what she'd said. That being with Jax had brought back painful memories and that she wasn't ready for something serious. Still he hoped to make her change her mind. 

"I'm goin' to ask you a very silly question," she said, holding one hand in front of her mouth because she was still tucking away a part of her pizza. "But I don't even know your real name."

"Well, that's a very intimate question to start with, don't ya think?" he answered with a grin. "That's more of a second base question."

She started to laugh. "You just wanna kiss."

Her laugh chased a pleasant shiver across his spine. "And you don't? You're the one who asked for it so desperately yesterday."

"First I'm gonna finish my pizza."

"Priorities."

"He tastes well."

"The pizza or I?"

She kicked his foot again. "The pizza. I'll say you to you."

He shrugged. "Thought you were talkin' to the pizza."

She laughed again and Juice started to eat his pizza a little faster. 

"You're serious? You ain't gonna tell me your name?"

He shook his head, determined. "Second base. Thus keep on eatin', if ya really wanna know."

 


	36. Juice

When Juice finished his last slice of pizza, he wiped his mouth and hands with a napkin and leaned back on his elbows in the grass. His Beretta pushed in his back. He took the gun away, dropped it on the ground, took off his cut and threw it over the weapon. 

"You're already strippin'?"

He leaned back in the grass again. "Hope it makes you hungrier."

"Maybe you should take off your shirt as well ."

He chuckled. "Maybe I should help you finish your pizza. Must be cold by now."

"Think it'll warm up too if you put out your shirt."

"Then why don't you give me a hand?"

She shook her head. "You've a big mouth today, don't you?"

"Says who? Think we're a good fit."

She laughed and turned her head away, looking at the drive-in. 

She was playing with him. Of course he knew that, and it turned him on. He acted like he wasn't dying of impatience, stretched himself out in the grass, with a hand beneath the back of his head. He closed his eyes. The sun was shining behind them, but now he was lying, it still warmed his face. 

He was glad he'd taken her to this place. He loved his brothers, but he was happy none of them was around to make fun of him now. 

A shadow fell over his face. "Ya waitin' 'till I wake you with a kiss?"

"Mm-hmm."

He felt a pressure against the side of his left leg and he opened his eyes after all. On both sides of him she'd placed a knee, and she lowered herself on his lap. He wanted to sit straight, but she put her hands against his chest and pushed him back against the ground. He licked his lips, that suddenly felt dry. Every muscle in his body tensed, and he just hoped his excitement, on which she was practically sitting, wouldn't scare her away. She placed her left hand next to his head in the grass, with the other she brushed his cheek. 

Her eyes shone expectantly, and she closed them when her lips touched his. He did the same,  catching her kisses and answering them. His midriff contracted, desire was filling him from top to toe when their tongues found and probed each other, quietly, registering every touch and movement. He put his hands on both sides of her body, gliding up. He felt how she held her breath when his fingers ran over the curves of her breasts, and she breathed out when they spread over her shoulders, her neck, to ultimately disappear in her hair. 

While tasting her lips, he elevated his right knee and pushed her aside, so that they rolled over. For a moment their lips were apart, and he used that to check if she didn't mind that he was on top. 

She looked at him, a beautiful smile adorned her face. There was no way he could  _not_ bring back his lips to hers. From the corner of her mouth he trailed kisses across her jaw, and his lips strayed over her neck when she exposed the skin there to him, turning her head to the right while softly sighing. Her hands found their way under his shirt, caressing his stomach, his back. A shudder shot through his body. His own fingers were burning, craving to glide under her top. He however resisted the urge, and brought his lips to her ear. 

"Now we've left the first base..." he whispered. "My name is Juan Carlos."

One hand left his chest, and she placed it on his cheek. She forced his face to the left, so she could look him in the eye. Her fingers brushed  his lips. 

"Well... Juan Carlos... Then I think it's 'bout time I admit that Cherry was right. I don't just like you a little, I  _am_ crazy in love with you."

The way she pronounced his name, made all the hairs on his arms stand up straight. He planted a kiss on her lips, then on her nose and her forehead. 

"I know ya wanna build up things slow," he said, his voice soft. He stared in her eyes for a few seconds. "But I really hope you wanna be my girl one day."

For a moment he thought to see a tear shimmer in her eyes. Then she sat up straight, put her arms around his neck and gave him a hot, almost greedy kiss. 


	37. Dana

Her hands were sliding across his chest, her lips across his neck. His skin was warm, and man, he smelled so good! She couldn't get enough of him. How long where they sitting here? She didn't really care. It felt as if she'd found something she'd searched for her whole life, and she was scared to death that she would lose it.

_I wanna be your girl._

The words were buzzing through her head, it even felt like she was  _breathing them out._ But she couldn't say them out loud. Now and then a cramping feeling rose in her chest that prevented her from saying the words. Then she kissed him even more passionately, pulled him even closer, until the feeling faded away, leaving behind nothing but a breathtaking passion.

In the end they both ran out of breath and let go of each other. Juice stood up to get two large cups of soda, and when he returned he sat down close to her, behind her. She leaned against his chest while drinking through a straw. His right hand was on her stomach, and she looked at the golden rings that reflected the sunbeams around almost every finger.

They were quiet, and it was a nice silence. They just enjoyed each other's company.

* * *

They spent the evening kissing, talking and cuddling. Although the movie started, they both paid no attention to the screen. All they were seeing, was each other.

Happiness, did it feel this way? For a moment it felt as if there was nobody else in this world but Juice and her, and when her buzzing phone proved the opposite, she just ignored it. Without a doubt it was Cherry, who wanted to know how their date was turning out. After a few silent seconds the vibrating started again, and with a sigh she took the device out of her pocket.

It was Happy.

He never called her. Since the day she'd come to TM, he'd barely talked to her at all. It felt like they'd nothing to talk about, as if he considered it his obligation to keep her alive, but wasn't in for a relationship. Something she could understand, and respected. But the fact that he  _was_  calling her now, made her therefore even more nervous. She sat up a little more straight and pressed the green button.

"Hey..."

"Where the hell are you? Thought you were looking after Opie's kids."

"I'm with Juice," she answered, frowning.

"Get the hell over here."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!"

His voice sounded dark, and a shiver crept down her spine. "What's goin' on?"

"I'll tell you when you're here."

He clearly was tensed. Dana felt ice cold. What in the world could make him nervous? "Okay," she said softly. "We're on our way."

Happy hung up.

"What's goin' on?' Juice asked when she stared in disbelief at her phone.

"That was Happy... He... He didn't sound well. We need to go back."

She stood up, as did Juice. She rubbed her upper arms, it felt as if the temperature had dropped ten degrees.

Juice laid a hand on her cheek and looked her right in the eye. His eyes were filled with concern. He kissed her forehead, grabbed her hand and pulled her to his Dyna.

He said nothing, asked no questions, didn't even try to comfort her. Not with words, at least, for there was no one in the world she'd rather have on her side right now.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Juice parked his bike in front of the garage. Dana's legs were shaking and she was glad when Juice took her hand in his, giving her a bit more strength. What could have happened? It must have something to do with Maddox.

It was quiet when they entered the club house. There was a choking atmosphere. Nobody joked about the fact they walked in hand in hand. Apart from Jax and Opie everyone had gathered. Bobby greeted her with a nod, a pitiful glance in his eyes, and it felt like an invisible hand squeezed her throat.

Silently they kept moving, Dana got the feeling she was heading to her condemnation. Was that what all this was about? Had the police found out where she was hiding? Did they came to take her into custody?

"What's goin' on?' Juice asked when they'd reached the others. She squeezed his hand gratefully, she couldn't utter a word herself.

Happy spoke directly to her. His face was pale.

"The Memorial Hospital just called. Mom... mom died."


	38. Dana

All Dana could do, was stare at her brother. It felt like her brain registered the words in random order, not able to put it in a sentence.

Her mother.

Was dead.

Very slowly the realization landed.

Her mother.

Dead.

All of a sudden, out of the blue.

"I... I don't get it," she stammered. "What happened?"

From the corners of her eyes she noticed that Juice put his arm around her shoulders, but she didn't feel his touch. As if he was a ghost.

No, as if  _she_ was a ghost. She could see herself standing in the room, her shoulders slumped, her eyes wide of disbelief.

"She suffered from heart condition since a long time. Last year they even had to resuscitate her."

Dana said nothing. Kept staring, into the void.

Her mother had almost died once, and she'd never known.

Nobody had told her.

"Come, take a seat," Juice said softly.

Without having a say in it, her feet moved with him, to the couch. She sat down, bent over, leaning with her elbows on her knees. Someone tried to hand her a glass of water, but she couldn't raise her hand.

_My mom._

_Dead_ _._

Juice took the glass. His other hand had to be somewhere on her back, but she didn't feel it.

* * *

Dana kept sitting on that couch, staring, silent. It became elf o'clock, twelve o'clock. The men gave her hugs she didn't feel before they left. Juice sat next to her as if he was a statue. As did Happy, in front of her. She thought he was looking at her, maybe even talking to her, but his face was a blur.

"I'll get you to bed." Juice's voice was the only one she registered, although she didn't care about his words. To bed, not to bed... it wouldn't change a damn thing.

"Can you walk?"

Dana shrugged. She got at least the impression she was doing so, it was impossible to tell if she really moved.

"Come on."

Juice lifted her from the couch and carried her away. Dana let him. She vaguely realized that it wasn't her own room they entered. Juice laid her down on his bed and took off her shoes. Dana rolled over, her face away from him. A single tear glided down her cheek while she stared at the wall.

* * *

"I haven't talked to her in five years."

Her voice sounded soft. She didn't even know if there was anybody around. It had to be midnight. "The last thing I said to her, was that she was a retarded cunt who should mind her own business."

She heard a movement behind her. An arm glided across her side, and a hand fold around hers.

"I'm so sorry. I dunno what to say."

Dana didn't answer. There wasn't much to say anyway. It just all felt so surreal. There had been many times she'd thought she would never see her mother again, but not because  _her_ _mother_ would suddenly die.

"Hold me," she whispered. "I feel... nothing. It scares me, Juice." Her voice cracked. "As if  _I am_ fading."

The mattress sagged a little when Juice moved towards her. He wrapped both of his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. "Is this better?"

"Yea," she lied.

* * *

Dana kept pondering all night. Had mom thought about her, right before she died? Had she cursed the daughter who had cast off her own mother? She felt so ashamed she wanted to free herself from Juice's arms, she didn't deserve his consolation. But she didn't move, the last thing she wanted was explaining why she hated herself. She wanted to keep the real Dana secret from him, for as long as she could.

Now and then she wept quietly. There was no maddening loss, as a normal daughter or son would experience. There was only disgust, because she'd been such a monster who'd been far too self-involved. Oh, how she wished she could turn back time, do things differently... But she couldn't. She had to live with the things she'd done. Others had to live with the things she'd done... or die with the memories of them.


	39. Dana

"How do you feel?"

Juice sat down next to her. Dana had no clue how long she was sitting here, on the edge of the bed. It felt like her head was filled with syrup. 

She shrugged. 

"Come on baby, you need to eat somethin'. Want me to get ya somethin'?"

Again her shoulders moved up and down. Juice pressed his lips against her temple, stood up and left the room. 

For a long time the plate stayed untouched when Juice returned five minutes later. The thought of eating alone was enough to make her feel sick. She'd just aten one tiny piece when someone knocked at the door and yelled they needed to gather at the club house.

Very slowly Dana put on her shoes. She left behind the plate on Juice's bed and said nothing to him when she strolled to the club house. She kept her eyes aimed at the floor, so that she wouldn't have to bear their empathetic looks. 

_If they only_ _knew_ _..._

"Dana and I need to go to Bakersfield to make funeral arrangements," Happy said. 

Reluctantly she looked up, before he would make a comment about that. 

"You stay under the radar, there's still an APB out for you. But we'll be doin' this together, she's your mother as well. Opie won't leave your side."

 _She's your_ _mother_ _as_ _well_ _..._ She could hear the silent reproach in his voice. He knew they'd never worked things out, and the only thing she could do now, was making sure she would have a proper goodbye. Even from the shadows.

"I'm going with her," Juice said.

 "You stay here," Happy answered shortly. 

"But..."

"Here, Ortiz," Clay cut him off. 

With a drooping head he remained silent.

"Why can't he come with us?" Dana asked. She addressed her question to her brother, instead of Clay, this was a family matter. She didn't mind that Opie was coming along, but she didn't understand why Happy was snapping at Juice. 

"Because I say so. Now get your stuff, we'll leave in a minute."

Dana suppressed a sigh. She walked to her room, grabbed some things and when she was about to leave she found Juice in the hallway. He leaned against the wall, waiting for her with a long face.

"I dunno what's wrong with him," she muttered. She laid a hand against his chest. "It would have been nice if you'd been around." She gave him a sad smile. "But when Happy got somethin' in his head..." 

"Don't tell me about it." He sighed. "If I say one more word about it, he'll bash my head to pulp."

She caressed his cheek. "Now that would be a real shame." She kissed his lips, let him hug her and then they walked outside. 

"Guess I won't see you before the funeral," he sighed when they reached the car. "I'll make sure I'll be there. Even if it leads to a crushed head."

"I would really appreciate that," she answered softly. She stroked with her hand along his and climbed in the back of Happy's car. Opie sat down on the passenger seat.

For a long time they drove in silence. Dana stared out of the window. The question why Happy had behaved so crude against Juice, kept weighing on her mind. In the end she decided just to ask him. "Why were you so rough on him? Why couldn't he come with us?"

"You really need to ask that?" Happy snorted. Through the rearview mirror he gave her a sullen look. 

She raised her eyebrows. "Well?"

"Maddox might've heard about mom's death and expects you around. Wanna make sure there's somebody looking at the door, and not fucking you while hoping to cheer you up."

Dana clenched her jaws. Now he sounded exactly as the brother she'd tried to avoid. And it was bullshit what he was saying. Juice cared about her, he would've stayed alert.

From her seat behind Happy she looked at Opie. He stared forward. Something told her that wasn't the real reason he was with her, instead of Juice. 


	40. Dana

Dana stared at the blinking cursor. She had to come up with ideas for the memorial. After her husband had ended up behind bars, her mother had turned to the church, something Dana had never understood. All that happy fuss about nothing...

How did that work, in a church? Did she have to pick out hallelujah-songs? Or was normal music permitted as well? Not that that would be very helpful, she had no idea what music her mother had liked. It was very confronting to realize she had alienated so much from the woman who'd given her birth.

The door of the minibar opened and Opie put a bottle of liquor in front of her.  
"Maybe this will give you inspiration."

"I have to drink alone? Man, that's depressing. And you have to draw  _all_ your attention to the door." She couldn't help she sounded embittered, although Opie had done nothing wrong. "Bet Happy will freak out if he sees the bottle, afraid that I'll drag you to bed after a few glasses to make sure I'll get my cheer-me-up-sex."

Nonetheless she opened up the bottle and took a few swigs. Maybe it would help.

"He means well," Opie appeased.

Dana snorted. "He acts like Juice and I can't keep our hands off each other. Which is bullshit, before yesterday we hadn't even  _kissed._ And my concentration wouldn't have been worse than it is now anyway."

"It's not about that."

Dana gave him a sharp look. "Then what  _is_ it about?"

Opie shrugged and lit a cigarette, ignoring the forbidden to smoke sign. "He doesn't know if he can count on Juice when it comes down to it."

Dana frowned. "Why's that?" She took out a cigarette from the pack as well and let it lit by Opie.

"It's just... Juice isn't often in the field when things need to be done. He arranges the transport and that kind of shit..." Opie looked at her as if she should draw her own conclusions from his words. He sighed when she kept staring at him. "He never needed to kill someone. Think Hap doesn't know if he will hesitate when Maddox will be at the door. I don't have to explain to you that the first kill isn't easy."

Dana turned around a strand of hair while she thought about Opie's words.

"It's just an uncertainty which Hap doesn't want. There's enough shit on his mind."

"Then why doesn't he just say so?" Dana mumbled.

"Can imagine it isn't somethin' he wants to brag about to his lil sister."

Dana blew out a cloud of smoke. "I'm no idiot. I know you're no saints. That's the reason I came to you in the first place."

Opie shrugged. "Still feels the need to set an example, I guess."

Dana thought about his words. How many people would Happy have killed? Had they all deserved to die? And what about Opie? Were those things she wanted to know at all? She decided she didn't.

"There's another reason," Opie continued after a short silence. "Unfortunately I have some experience with all this shit. I have no doubt that's another reason he wanted me around. Two years ago I was in the same boat, when Donna died."

"What happened to her?" Dana asked softly

Opie's gaze strayed away. Smoke sneaked out of his mouth. "Clubshit. Retaliation."

"Oh God..." A shiver crept down her spine. There was no way he wouldn't blame himself. After all,  _he_ was the club member.

"Yea. It was a hard time." He dropped his eyes. "It still is, often. With the kids. There're days I can barely get out of bed. The pain... her absence... it only seems to worsen every day."

Dana quietly wrapped an arm around him and leaned against his shoulder. She thought about Juice. She was afraid that  _she_ would cause his dead. Had that fear flashed through Opie as well? Had he done things differently, had he distanced himself from the club if he'd known what would happen to his wife? Was he aware of that, every morning that he woke up and noticed the empty side of the bed?


	41. Dana

Happy entered the hotel room with a few boxes from the Chinese take-away and put them down on the small table. The room was actually suited for two persons, and even though they'd booked an extra room, they would all stay here tonight.

The first thing Happy had done today, was visiting the coroner to make sure there wasn't an indication for foul play. When it turned out there hadn't been, he'd had conversations with the notary and the pastor, while Dana had searched for memorial stones, coffins and the contents of the memorial online.

It all felt very unrealistic, and often her thoughts shot to Casper. Not so long ago Maddox had done the same for him. Maybe he'd even visited the same websites.

A shiver crept down her spine, and quietly she ate the food Happy had brought with him.

In four days her mother would be buried, then everything needed to be perfect. The three of them had made a checklist of everything they still needed to do. Most things still had to be done by Happy, since she couldn't show herself in public. She couldn't even inform her own family. It made her feel sad that she would have to act as a stranger on the funeral of her own mother. That Happy would give a goodbye speech in which he stressed how sorry he felt that his little sister couldn't be around.

She would just be Opie's girlfriend. That was all.

There would be nobody who encouraged her, nobody who would noticed her.

"Do I really have to stay inside all those days?" Dana asked, sighing.

The walls were already choking her. Since she'd fled from Maddox, walls easily had that impact on her.

"We could go to a florist together," Opie suggested. "To see what flowers you like. Seein' them in real life ain't the same as on pictures."

Dana looked at her brother, waiting for his approval. After a short hesitation he nodded.

"Fine. Go there tomorrow."

* * *

That night Dana took a long bath. The bathroom was the only place she could be alone for a minute. She hoped the hot water would clear her head, but that didn't happen.

Self-recrimination buzzed through her head. The realization that she could never see, hear and touch her mother again, slowly started to sink in. It was eating her away.

Around ten she crawled under the blankets from one of the two beds that stood next to each other. Opie would keep the first watch and Happy the second. She sat down with her back against the wall and took her cell from the nightstand. She'd called with Cherry and Kip for a while, who hadn't been around this morning, and she had texted nobody else.

Now she was staring at the screen, that was glowing brightly since she'd touched it. She wanted to call Juice, just to hear his voice. She however wasn't alone, and the last thing she wanted to hear were mocking comments from her brother.

Should she text him? But what should she tell him? That she missed him? That was no lie, but she still had to figure out how she thought about a relationship with him. Was that something she wanted? Was that something that was even  _possible_? With all the danger they were in? She had to think about that, and at this moment her head was already flowing over. Until she knew what she wanted, she didn't want to give him false hope.

Still she wished he would step into this room now, that he had ignored Happy's comments and had followed them anyway. That he would hold her in his arms, pulling her so close that it felt as if their skin melted together.

Of course that didn't happen. He was probably at the bar now, talking to the other guys and not even thinking about sending her a message to ask how she felt. And why would he? She felt miserable. He knew it, and she knew it. There were no messages needed.

And still her chest felt heavy, making her wish he'd done it anyway.


	42. Dana

It was during breakfast – two delicious sandwiches from the roomservice cart, which she ate in bed – that the screen of her cell lit up. The bite she'd just taken, stuck in her throat, and she swallowed once more before she opened Juice's message.

\- Hey. You've had some sleep tonight?

Her lips curled up. She had the idea  _anything_ he would type could cause this warm feeling in her chest.

\- A little. Happy snores.

She saw he typed something, removed it, and typed again. A nervous knot arose in her stomach. He wouldn't say that he had to stay at the clubhouse during the funeral, would he?

\- You holding up?

A little relieved she breathed out.  _Don't worry so much._

\- I'm OK. The whole thing is still very unreal. This afternoon I'll go to a florist with Opie.

\- Okay. It's all so tough. :/

 _Yeah..._ Dana sighed internally. She didn't know what to answer, though she didn't want this conversation to be over. Her fingers felt cramped, they only seemed willing to type five words.  _I wish you were here._ She didn't give in. She typed nothing.

\- Good luck today!

And that was it. She typed back "Thx" and laid her phone aside to finish her breakfast.

They'd a lot to do today.

* * *

Around two o'clock they left the hotel. It was an average hotel, where Opie and Happy fitted in. It however wasn't in a seedy suburb, but relatively safe in the center.

Opie caught a taxi and they sat down in the back.

"I wonder when it was the last time you've been in a cab," she said with a smirk.

"I have no idea." His eyes were aimed at the driver, as if he still had to figure out whether he found it a reliable type. In the end he relaxed a little and leaned against the seat back.

"How was your ma?" he asked after a while.

Dana looked shortly at him. She'd never talked about her mother to anyone. Not with Maddox, not even with Happy.

"When I was six, my father went to prison. Got life. Happy was sixteen, and well... he dealt with it badly. Got anger issues, was aggressive... and my mom was just the same. Two walkin' bombs at home. He often stayed away for nights, pissin' my mother off and encouragin' her to drink." She sighed. "One day my mom ended up in a church during rehab, and she changed. Calmed down. Meanwhile Happy got over his puberty, made up with mom..."

She turned a little more to Opie when her neck started to ache.

"But it was like she didn't dare to lay down rules anymore, because things had become so shitty between my brother and her. I could do everythin' I wanted, there were no boundaries. And, well... unfortunately I was the type of girl that immediately did everythin' her stupid brain could think of."

She chuckled quietly, even though she felt ashamed.

"Things were fine at home, there was no fight. But we lived past each other, we shared nothing, and when I had somethin' on my plate, I didn't feel I could talk to her. She never intervened, and often I had the feeling she didn't give a shit about me." She searched for words. "But she hated Maddox, ever since the first time she saw him. She tried to keep it secret, but I wasn't blind. Of course I sensed it. And for the first time, we had a massive fight, and she couldn't bring herself to say one good word about him. I hated her for that, and made that very clear. To make a point, I slammed the door behind me and moved into Maddox' house."

She dropped her eyes.

"That was five years ago. I've never seen or spoken to her again, I changed my number and wanted nothin' to do with her anymore. I was convinced Maddox was enough to make me feel happy." She laughed, cheerless. "I was a crazy bitch, I really was. Hap came after me once, but I beat him and screamed he could go to hell if he even called Maddox' name. Of course he didn't give a fuck, he grabbed my arm and wanted to drag me home. I screamed bloody murder, I yelled at everyone that he was a rapist. And you know... with his bad ass reputation... people easily believed me in our little town. So he let me go."

She clamped her lips, tried to keep herself from crying. She felt so ashamed.

"I hadn't seen him in years. Only a month ago, when I came to the club house. I thought he would laugh at me, that he would send me away and claim it was exactly what I'd deserved. But I didn't know another place to go. All I could do, was hopin' he remember he'd been on the wrong path too, and that mom had forgiven him. And that he would forgive me as well."

Opie raked his hand through his hair. "Hell, that's serious shit, man. No wonder we'd never heard of ya." He watched her from the side. "I can barely believed you wanted people to think your brother was a rapist. You... you seem a whole different person now. Happy must've seen that immediately."

She sighed deeply. "Yea... it was a harsh lesson... that eventually brought me back with my feet on the ground."

_And far, far beneath the ground, for a long time._


	43. Dana

The pew on which she was sitting, felt hard. Dana had wriggled herself in diverse positions, but they all felt uncomfortable. At least five rows were filled with bikers. Not only from Charming, Opie'd told her that Happy had been a Nomad for a long time, resulting in lots of brothers from different charters.

Almost every man was accompanied by a Croweater. From SAMCRO Clay and Kip were the only ones who really had an Old Lady. But nobody would know that, and the large amount of alternative, way too sexy for a funeral dressed girls who were barely identifiable by all the make-up they were wearing, made it easy for Dana to get lost in the crowd.

Opie's hand rested on her right leg. It felt heavy, heavier than Juice's. She wondered how Opie would feel about all this: to pretend to have a girlfriend on a funeral. She was sure Donna would cross his mind more than once today. Still she was glad he was the one who was sitting next to her, instead of Juice. Not because her brother believed Opie could better protect her, but because Juice had the annoying effect of intensifying all her emotions. The fewer attention she attracted, the better, and since she was pretending to be the girlfriend of Happy's friend, it would be strange if she would cry all the time.

Juice sat a row before her, a little more to the left. He'd laid his arm on the seat back of the pew, making it look like he'd put his arm around the girl next to him. Dana wondered if he knew her, if they'd ever slept together. These were questions that shouldn't be of importance at all, she knew he hadn't all of a sudden fallen in love with someone else. But maybe pondering about that was less stressful than listening to the speeches of two of her aunts, aunts she was hiding from and who brought up memories that meant nothing to her.

Most part of the memorial Dana was watching her knees. Especially when Happy was doing his valedictorian, sharing some memories she hadn't forgotten. Still Happy was himself and he was just to the point. He said that he felt sorry that his little sister was not around, but his voice sounded down-to-earth.

* * *

Dana made it through the memorial without shedding a single tear. It was the funeral itself that cut right through her heart. The moment she stood before the coffin, so close she could lay her hand on it, her lips started to tremble. Opie pulled her a little closer while they were standing there, both with a white rose in their hands.

_She's right in there. Dead._

She blinked away the tears and took a deep breath.

_She's really dead._

She felt a hand on her lower back, hesitating. The scent of his aftershave gave away who it was. There was nothing she wanted more than turning around and burying herself in his arms, but she didn't. Persistently she stared forward, fighting her tears. Gravel grind when Juice took his hand away, let down a rose on the grave and walked off, his arm around the unknown girl.

"You're ready to go?" Opie whispered.

Dana didn't answer immediately. Her eyes moved over the memorial stone.  _Forever in our hearts,_ was written in the marble.

 _Forever..._ She had the feeling her mother had to die to truly get a place in her heart.

Suddenly the hairs on her arms stood up straight. Her stomach cramped. A sweet scent invaded her nostrils, and she felt weak in the knees.

Somebody stood next to her, slowly tossing a flower on the grave. There was a flash of tattoos when he pulled back his arm.

It felt like thousands of pounds were dangling around her neck, she couldn't lift her head.

"Such a shame, huh? She was such a sweet lady."

Dana squeezed Opie's hand so tight that she heard his fingers snap.

She felt a warm breath near her left ear. "Red hair suits you."

Her heart faltered. She started to sweat all over her body.

Ice cold fingers brushed hers. "It's scandalous, isn't it? That they gave her the wrong medicines at the pharmacy?"

A sob escaped her lips.  _Run away, Dana, run away._ There were thousand voices screaming at her, and still it felt like her feet were stuck in concrete.

She couldn't move.

"You really thought your biker boyfriend could protect you?"

Even before he completed his sentence, there was an incredibly loud bang, stinging her head. All the noise became silenced, and something warm spattered in her face.


	44. Juice

The gunshot resonated through his body. He just stood there, rooted to the spot.  _Dana!_ There was no way this had nothing to do with her. Around him sounded screams, people tried to push him aside. 

The girl he was stuck with, pulled his arm, sobbing. Juice tore himself away, snapped she had to wait at the parking place and moved into the panicking crowd. Just to be sure he drew his own Beretta, not caring about the people around him who only became wilder. 

His heart raced in his chest while he tried to calm down. The fear that something had happened to her, blurred his vision. She had to be close, a few minutes ago he'd been with her. 

"What happened?" Jax showed up next to him, a gun in his hand. 

Juice grimaced, assuming Jax would understand he didn't know. His shoulder bashed someone's face when he looked backward, and he felt a nose break. He didn't care and marched on. 

The row of graves they'd stand in front of a while a go, came into view. He froze when he saw a body on the ground. He started the run, but quickly discovered it was a man who wasn't wearing a cut.

The man had been shot in the head from close, a part of his face was blown away. Juice felt his shoulders relax a bit, though he was still nervous. Where was Dana now? Had there been more men, and had Opie taken down only one of them? 

Juice cursed himself. He should have stayed closer. The last two nights he'd had nightmares about this day, he'd been terrified Dana's ex would be waiting for her. And what had he done with it? Not a damn thing. It had been a damn warning and he'd lost sight of her anyway. Panic squeezed his throat, he could barely breathe and the fear waved through his body. 

"Hey, calm down." Jax grabbed his lower arm, caught his glance and kept looking in his eyes. "Easy. We'll find her. Bet Ope took her to a safe place."

Juice breathed shakily. It felt like there was no oxygen in the air. 

"Come on, put that thing away." Jax gestured at the Beretta. "We don't want people to think  _we_ were the ones shooting, right?"

Juice put his gun behind his waistband and took a few deep breaths.

"We gonna find the others, a'ight?"

Juice realized he was nodding, even though it wasn't a conscious act. They rushed to the exit. On their way they encountered some other Sons, who'd been attracted to the commotion as well. With a rapid hand gesture Jax ordered them to the entrance.

His nerves almost broke down when Juice arrived at the parking place. Everybody was there – except Opie and Dana. 

 _Oh shit man. Oh shit!_ Distraught his hands glided over his head. With shaking fingers he touched in his pockets, but there was no joint and he really needed one to clear his mind.  

He paced up and down the sidewalk, trying to call Opie and her, but got no answer. Happy stood a few meters away from them, trying to calm down some family members,  _her_ family members, and Juice doubted he knew Dana had disappeared. It took a lot of effort not to run at the man, to scream he had to find his sister. Luckily his brains were working good enough to see that would only cause trouble when she was  _not_ in immediate danger.

"Nobody's seen anythin'?" he asked when Jax had asked around.

Jax shook his head. "The pigs will be here soon." He raked a hand through his blond hair. "What a fucking mess." He pressed his phone against his ear again, but Juice already knew nobody would answer.

Juice turned around. The waiting made him sick. "I start lookin' at the graveyard. Call me when ya know somethin'."

Jax seemed to consider his words, but Juice didn't give him time to make a decision. He'd already done that. He had to do something, he needed the feeling he was trying to help her. He didn't care he would be at a crime scene while the cops were on their way. 

As long as he found Dana.  
  



	45. Opie

Opie had dragged Dana across the cemetery, away from the entrance. Her face was covered in blood, which he needed to remove before they could merge with the crowd again. They'd wrestled through bushes until they'd found a ditch. The water however was so dirty it didn't help much. 

"You okay?" he asked softly. 

He'd asked that a few times now, but since the shooting she hadn't said a single word. He put his arm around her. "He's dead, Dana. It's over. Even if I'm caught for murder, you'll be safe. He can't hurt you anymore. Not ever."

Opie hadn't hesitated when he'd felt how Dana tensed after the man had whispered in her ear. He knew he would get only one chance, and without thinking about the consequences he'd shot the man in his head. He didn't know what Maddox had told her. It didn't matter anyway. He was gone.

She went down on her knees, staring at the bloodstains on her hands. She'd incurred them while rubbing her face. "What have you done, Opie..." she whispered. 

Opie crouched down next to her. "Hey... He deserved that. This had to happen." He hesitated, surprised she reacted this way. She'd killed someone too because there was no way out, and he'd never had the feeling she was really struggling with that. And for good reason: that guy had deserved to die. 

As did Maddox.

"You don't get it." She breathed shakily, and shrunk. "That wasn't Maddox, Ope..."

Opie froze. "What... Whatcha mean? You reacted so intense!"

Had he misjudged the situation? Hadn't it been someone who threatened her, but just an acquaintance who'd seen through her disguise? He cursed. "Then who was it, Dana? Not... not someone you liked, right?"

She wrapped her arms around her knees. "No. His name was Danny. Maddox' best friend. I... I had to suck him. He deserved to die." Her hands glided through her hair, and she grasped the red strands so tightly her knuckles went pale. "But... Now I'm the reason that Casper  _and_ Danny are dead. The two people Maddox cared about most." She hid her face behind her hands. "And now he knows where I was hiding, who were helping me. He's goin' to declare war to the MC." She stared forward. "I've been so stupid, Ope... All this... it was all Maddox' plan. He ensured my mother was gettin' the wrong medicines, that's what killed her. And he just waited until I came here, and now I got no place to go and..."

"Sst." He pulled her close. With her head she leaned against his chest and she started to cry. "The club will handle this, Dane. Don't underestimate us. We know how to protect ourselves. We've been a target before." He stroke her hair. "And we don't know how much he knows. There a lots of MC's with charters all over the world, not only in Charming. That fucker deserved a bullet in his head, and I don't regret it and neither should you. We'll handle this. Together. Okay?"

She nodded, hesitating. 

"Good. Now, give Ortiz a call first. I think he's shittin' his pants." He stood up and looked around. They first needed to leave this cemetery, soon this place would be crawling with cops. 

Dana nodded and grabbed her phone. Opie did the same and called Jax to inform him about their situation. They needed to ride back in small groups, making sure they wouldn't be followed. 


	46. Dana

Thousand terrifying thoughts shot through her head. If Danny was around, Maddox had to be too. He must've been in the crowd, he wouldn't miss this chance to see her. Her hand was shaking when she unlocked her phone. What if Maddox had caught a glance between Juice and her? She'd tried not to look at him, but it was hard to tell if he'd done the same.

The first thing she saw on the device, were six missed calls, mainly from Juice. The last one was from four minutes ago, she saw with relief.

He was alive then.

She pressed the green button and held the device against her ear. He answered within a second.

"Dana?"

"It's me."

"Oh god, it's really you!" His voice cracked, as if he was fighting his tears. "What happened? Where are you? They haven't..."

"I'm okay." She took a few deep breaths and tried to filter out Opie's voice, who was giving orders to the one he was calling.

"Where are you?"

"Somewhere at the back of the cemetery. Behind the fence, between the bushes.

"I'm close."

"Are there no cops?"

"Not yet."

Dana walked a few steps back, to the edge of the vegetation so she could see him coming. It didn't take long before he caught her eye. She waved, and as soon as he saw her, he quickened his pace until he was running. In a fluid motion he jumped over the fence, and he hugged her so tightly she was gasping for air.

"I really thought..."

He didn't finish his sentence, but pulled her so close it hurt. She said nothing about it, she didn't even care. She wrapped her arms around him and realized how much she'd missed him. When he let go of her, his hands covered her cheeks and he looked intensely at her. He didn't mention the blood on her face. In fact, he wasn't saying anything at all, but he pressed his lips on hers and kissed her.

His mouth stunned her immediately, and she kissed him back, a little desperate even, as if it could make all the horrible things that had happened go away.

Somewhere behind them Opie cleared his throat. "Hate to spoil your little make-out session... but we really gotta go."

They pulled back their faces, smiling awkwardly. Opie was right.

"What happened? I saw a body. Was it Maddox?" Juice asked.

She shook her head. "No. A friend of him." She dropped her eyes.

_Maddox._

Why was she kissing Juice as if her life was depending on it? Maddox had killed her mother. Just because he had that power. More than ever she needed to make sure he wouldn't go anywhere near Juice. No matter how badly she needed him, she had to do this on her own. If Juice would die because she couldn't keep her hands off him... she would never be able to forgive herself.

She squeezed her lips before she would cry again and turned to Opie. "You've spoken to Jax?"

He nodded. "Yea. They take away Juice's bike and get ya a bottle of water so you can wash your face. Then you go back to TM with Juice, don't want anyone to see us together."

Dana nodded quietly. Riding with Juice didn't fit in her plans to distance herself from him, but she didn't want to be too harsh to herself. She would explain her decision when they were back at the clubhouse, and she assumed he would respect that.

* * *

For a while they walked through bushes, jumped over a ditch and walked through even more bushes. Eventually they reached a residential area where Opie called Jax. A moment later he found them. He gave her and his brothers a hug, and handed her a bottle of water. Finally she could wash away Danny's blood from her face.

Dana didn't say much. They followed Jax to a parking spot, where the black van was waiting. Juice's motorcycle was in the cargo hold and was taken out immediately. Kip and Cherry left the van and hugged her.

Dana was getting a little emotional by all the attention. Once again she realized how much she cared about these people, and how much they cared about her. She felt cold. There were now so many ways in which Maddox could hurt her...

"You wanna drive with us?" Cherry asked. "You look pale, honey."

"I'm fine. I'll ride with Juice."

She wanted to enjoy this last ride. She wanted to hold him close, she already knew that would calm her down.

"Okay. I get it." Cherry kissed her cheek and gave her another hug. "See ya at the clubhouse."

Dana took the helmet Juice handed her, put it over her head and looked at Opie. "What will you do? You think someone could identify you?"

"Gonna have a little chat with Unser." He grabbed his phone. "I'll make sure Hap picks me up with his car."

Dana nodded slowly and climbed at Juice's bike. She let her arms slip around his waist, holding him much tighter than she needed to.


	47. Dana

It was a long ride, Dana felt exhausted when they arrived at TM. She could barely stand on her feet any longer. It was quiet in the clubhouse, and Dana headed in a straight line to the dorm rooms. She feared she would collaps if she had to receive more comforting hugs. She apologized to Juice without looking at him and went to her own room. There she dropped down on the bed. She kicked out her shoes and stared at the wall. She felt queasy, and she had the feeling she could burst out into tears by the smallest breeze. Her belongings weren't back yet, Happy probably hadn't returned. Thinking about her brother made her feel gloomy. The past days they'd spent more time than in the years before, but she felt an almost unbridgeable distance between them. Would she sit here again within a few weeks, mourning for her brother who'd died without them having become any closer? 

She looked up when there was a knock on the door. With a sigh she stood up and walked to it. 

"Hey..." Juice stood a little lost in the doorway. With his hand he rubbed his mohawk. "I thought... You mind if I stay with ya tonight?"

She felt her cheeks glow when she saw those of him blush. 

"I mean... Just wanna have you close. To know you're safe. In case nightmares..." He didn't finish his sentence and dropped his eyes. 

Dana did the same. "I... I don't think that a good idea, Juice."

A tear rolled down her cheek. Oh, she wanted it so badly, to fall asleep in his arms, knowing he was safe. But she heard Danny's words again, insinuating they'd killed her mother. 

She kept staring at the ground, hoping he would leave. But he didn't move. She jolted when he suddenly took her hand, his thumb rubbed the back of it. 

"Why not?" His voice sounded broken.

She wanted to pull back her hand, but it felt like she had no control over her limbs. Instead she closed her eyes. Tears pressed through her eyelashes anyway. "We... we just shouldn't go on with this."

She could barely hear her own words. She felt how he bowed over her, opened the door a little more and stepped into her room. Dana did her very best to muster courage. "Juice... please..."

"I love you, Dana."

Her eyes grew wide while she looked up. "W-what?"

He shrugged. "I just do."

The loving glance in his eyes made her tremble. She swallowed with difficulty. 

His lips formed that beautiful smile again. "You don't need to say anything. I just want you to know I love you, and that I'm here for you. Even... even when you don't feel the same about me."

Although he'd said she didn't need to say something, she saw in his eyes that he was looking for confirmation. She let out a shaky sigh. 

"Hey, come here." 

She didn't object when he wrapped his arms around her. One hand raked through her hair while he pressed his forehead against hers. A while they were just standing there. She raised her head a little, found his lips and kissed them. Carefully, hesitating. It was a kiss of reluctant surrender, a small crack to a future where he would stand beside her.

Longing rose in her chest, filling every far corner of her body. She wanted his love to fill all of her, so that there wouldn't be anything but the two of them. 

But that was an illusion. One that would shatter sooner or later. 

With stooped shoulders she turned her face away. She took his hand, sat down on her bed and pulled him next to her. 

"Maddox killed my mom. Danny told me. Said they'd given her the wrong medication."

"Holy shit," Juice stammered, staring at her with wide eyes. 

"Yea." She bend her head, lifted his hand and kissed the knuckle of his forefinger. "The reason I don't want anything serious with you, ain't because I'm afraid of bad memories. Believe me... I wanna be your girl." She kissed another knuckle. "I wanna be yours, want you to be mine." She lowered his hand and looked up again. "But I know you would become Maddox' new target. And I don't wanna lose you, Juice." Her lips started to shake. "I can't deal with that." She took a deep breath. "So yea, I wanna be your girl. But not now. Only when Maddox is gone." She bit her lip. "And I don't know... I don't know if that will ever happen."

"That sure as hell will happen." His nose stroke her auricle, before he kissed her skin right beneath her ear. "Maddox killed your mom. Happy's mom. He'll pay for that. The club will take him out."

Dana froze. "What... what do you mean? You goin' to attack him?"

He looked at her in silence. Then he nodded. "Yea. Nobody touches our family. Happy wants his revenge. Not only because of you, also because of your mom. He won't rest until that asshole is dead." A regretful expression slid over his face. "I'm sorry. Ain't nothing you can do about. All of us will support him."

She sat up straight. "You can't tell him!"

"I have to, Dana." He gave her a penetrating look. "That's the way it works."


	48. Juice

She pulled her hand away from his, shove it between her knees and stared at the ground. He let her be, no matter how badly he wanted to pull her close. 

"So you will go to San Fran soon and attack his house?"

Juice shrugged. "I guess."

She looked up. Fear shimmered in her eyes. "Can't you stay with me? Someone will guard me, right?"

He hesitated. "It's not up to me who will be doin' that."

That the others preferred someone else to do so, was made painfully clear a few days ago.

"I don't want you to go after him, Juice. The thought that I have to stay behind, to wait for  news..." She shivered. "I can't handle that."

Juice didn't know what to say. Of course that wouldn't be easy for her, he understood that very well. But if the club decided he had to join them during retalliation, he would do so.

She grabbed his hand again and looked up. "And when they know I belong to you? Then they will allow you to stay with your Old Lady, right?"

He turned a little more toward her. "Whatcha mean?" Despite understanding her fear, he frowned his eyebrows suspiciously. "You want me to lie to my brothers?"

She bowed her head again. "No, 'course not." She bit her lip, leaving a small mark behind.

"Then what?" he asked softly. "You... You _do_ wanna be my girl?"

"Maybe." She looked up again. "I dunno... if I dare."

Juice watched her face pensively. He understood well why she found it so hard and he didn't want to convince her to do anything. She had to make this decision herself.

"I'm afraid too, Dana. To lose you," he admitted reluctantly. "Today... The thought they'd taken you was drivin' me crazy. So I get it if you don't want a relationship, I really do. It's just... my feelings for you are there anyway. Despite the fear to lose you. So we can keep them to ourselves... or we can share them." He turned sideways, took her hands from her lap and brought them to his lips. Just like she'd done, he kissed her knuckles. "And  I want to show you there are other feelings than fear alone. For when I'm with you... I feel complete. And I guess... I hope... you feel the same."

"You have no idea, Juice," she whispered. "You have no idea what you're doin' to me."

Juice smiled and hovered forward to kiss her. "I think I do."

They got wrapped up in a long, long kiss. The resistance that had been there when she opened the door, crumbled down by every touch of his lips. She crawled a little back on the bed and he followed her, kissing her neck, her lips. Her hands found their way under his cut and pushed it off his shoulders.

He gasped for air when her hands went under his shirt, leaving behind warm traces on his skin. Hesitating he caressed her arms, her shoulders.

"I want you," she whispered. "I want all of you, Juan Carlos."

A shiver crept down his spine. "I want you too," he whispered back. "But... we don't have to do it now." He laid down on his side, stroking her stomach, higher, to her right breast. While he did so, he kept looking at her. She was fine with it, he saw, and he left his hand there.

"And what if I tell you I _do_ want you now?" she asked, a little provoking. She wiggled her eyebrows. "You think you can resist me?"

"Sure. Easily."

She laughed. "I don't buy it."

He smirked, moving his hand to her face and caressing her cheek. "Okay, probably not. But I'm serious. We should build things up slowly, take time for each other. I just don't want you to think about that asshole when I... make love to you. And with all the shit that went down today, I'm just afraid he's too much in your head. And... and in mine."

There was a nervous knot in his stomach. He didn't know how she would react. But it was true. He'd fallen in love with a girl that had been abused, that had been _raped_ , and every time he touched her, his brain was working on that. That way, it would be comfortable for neither of them.

She rolled back with her head and stared at the ceiling. "You find it hard? To be together with someone like me?"

"I want this to last, to work," he answered. "And the only way that's gonna happen, is when we deal with it. Together."

She looked at him again. "That ain't an answer. You disgust me? You think about what others have done to me, when you touch me?"

Juice lifted himself up on his elbow. "Of course I don't disgust you. But what they did to you..." He searched for words. "Yea, I think about it a lot. For I'm afraid to cause flashbacks."

And sometimes the images shot through his own mind. He'd had lots of nightmares, the past nights. He didn't know what Maddox looked like, but that wasn't required to hear her sob, to see her fight when someone entered her violently. But he kept these thoughts to himself. He didn't want to burden her, and he could only hope such images wouldn't haunt him when he made love to her. When they slowly build things up, he told himself, and intimacy became more and more familiar, he assumed they were able to let go of the bad memories a little more every day.

 


	49. Dana

Dana leaned with her head against his shoulder. Her hand slid under his shirt again, and she left it on his warm stomach. He was so sweet, so honest. So different from Maddox. The thought that he was so serious about what was going on between them and his will to cherish it, made her eyes wet. What would her life have looked like if she'd never met Maddox? Would she have had a normal relationship with her brother? Would she have met Juice years ago? Or would she never have become the woman she is now, the woman he'd fallen in love with?

Someone knocked at the door. "Dane? Got your stuff."

She left the bed, walked to the other side of the room and opened the door. Happy observed her from top to toe. "You okay? Heard what happened..."  
  
"I'm fine. Just a lil shaken."

Happy nodded, though he looked over her head, to Juice. She was relieved he was still clothed, she rather not imagined what Happy would have done otherwise. The bed cracked, Juice was on his way to the door and a moment later he took her hand in his. 

For a few seconds the two stared at each other. Dana's mouth felt dry. Should she say something? The features of Happy's face were harsh, but they always were. Eventually it was Juice who cleared his throat. 

"I didn't forget your threat, right after we'd seen Dana for the first time." Even though Happy was a foot taller than he, his voice sounded firm. "But I'd come to love her. So do whatever you need to do as her protective brother. I'll do anything for her."

The look in Happy's eyes was inscrutable. Dana held her breath. 

"Then pull down ya pants, huh?"

Juice's fingers moved in her hand, and Dana squeezed them. He wasn't that much of an idiot that he would do something so ridiculous, right? 

Happy stepped forward, raised his arm. For a moment she believed he would hit Juice, and the way Juice was freezing showed her he thought the same, but then Happy put an arm around him in a brotherly hug. "Why she wants an idiot like you is beyond me, but she picked bigger assholes in the past."

Dana exhaled in relief, then she started to smile. Happy let one hand rest on Juice's shoulder and he put the other on hers. 

"Congrats, I guess?" For the first time in days it felt like he _really_ looked at her. "He ain't that bad, this time." He turned to Juice. "But if you cheat on 'er, I'ma cut off your balls."

"Thought that would be up to me," Dana answered drily. 

Her brother smirked. "Fair enough."

He slapped Juice's shoulder and stepped back. "Tomorrow at the table at ten, Ortiz." Then he looked at Dana again. There was something wild in his eyes. Smouldering wrath. Opie must've told him what Danny had said to her. "And you don't leave the clubhouse without your man and an extra guard. Tomorrow at Cara Cara at four, I'ma learn you how to shoot."

After these words he closed the door. With a satisfied smile she looked at Juice. He looked really relieved now he had Happy's acceptance. 

"Well, I'm upgraded to your personal guard right away."

Dana liked that thought, even though it gave rise to her fear as well. The idea that someone outside the club would see that they were together, that Maddox would hear it... she started to doubt her decisions again. 

"Don't," he said. "Don't go ruminatin'. Nobody needs to know I'm more than your bodyguard. Within these four walls, however..." With a grin he lifted her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her down on the blankets and hovered over her. 

She sighed softly when she felt his lips again. She still hadn't get used to the warm glow that filled her when he touched her. It was amazing, and it flushed away all the thoughts in her head. He was able to make her forget about everything and she realized now she wasn't the only one who was longing for that oblivion. 

She pulled his shirt over his head, let her fingers run over the muscles underneath. "This was all I could think of since the moment you put out your shirt, that night I stayed at your place," she whispered to his lips. She left his mouth and trailed kisses along his neck, the tattoos on his chest, his stomach. She smiled against his skin when his breathing sped up, and he curled the strands of her hair with more force around his fingers.

When she reached the skin right beneath his navel, she felt a bad memory push against her mind and she quickly raised her head. As if he'd felt how she tensed, he pulled her in his arms and held her close. 

"Maybe we should go to sleep," he suggested after a while. He pressed his lips against her temple. "It was a hell of a day, for both of us."

Dana nodded. He was right. It must be after midnight. It felt like the funeral of her mother was much longer ago. She stood up, opened her bag and took her toiletry bag.

After Dana had removed her make-up and they'd both brushed their teeth, they returned to Dana's room. She put on her nightie and cuddled up to Juice. He laid his arm around her and she used his chest as a pillow, dreaming away while listening to his heartbeat. 

 

 


	50. Dana

It was a restless night. Dana slept now and then, but most of the time she spent staring at the ceiling. Then she remembered that one second in which she'd thought that Opie was dying. That had been the first thought that popped in her mind, right after the gun shot next to her ear. The moments that followed had been so chaotic, so full of emotions, that her brain seemed to have ward off that horrible second. But now, now she heard nothing but her breathing and that of Juice, the bullet seemed to be fired over and over again. Opie's death had been so close. He could just as easily have been the one who dropped on the floor with a bullet in his head. She shivered, she felt ice cold. She pulled the blankets a little closer, although she knew she couldn't expel this kind of cold with something like that. 

She looked at Juice. He was lying on his side, his face toward her, fast asleep, and his mouth a little open. She smiled. Dana sat up carefully and took off her nightie. She wanted to feel his warmth, his skin against hers. Maybe this wasn't the slow development he had in mind, but she didn't care. She needed it.

She laid down on her side and snuggled into him. The warmth of his chest warmed her back, and she took his hand, pulled his arm around her. His fingers clamped around hers and she heard him mumble, but he didn't wake up. 

* * *

When Dana woke up, the sun was already shining. She felt Juice's breathing in her neck and turned around. Her fingers run over his abs, while she bowed forward to kiss him. 

A grin played around his lips when he opened his eyes. "Can get used to this." His voice sounded raspy. His glance drifted over her face. "Have you sle  –  oh," he stammered dumbfounded when his eyes discovered her breasts. "Now I'm startin' to wonder if I'm not still dreamin'."

Dana chuckled, stretched her neck and whispered in his ear: "Maybe you should find out if they feel real enough."

A wicked grin appeared on his face, that also lit up his brown eyes. With his right index finger he poked her right breast. "Hmm, not sure."

She tapped his nose, and when his laughter filled the silence an elated feeling flamed up in her chest. Before she could say anything, he spread his fingers and enclosed her boob, squeezing softly. His thumb stroked her nipple and she felt the goosebumps spread over her body. 

"And? Still thinkin' this is a fantasy?"

"Nah, were bigger there."

She made a offended noise. Chuckling he shove an arm underneath her and rolled her on top of him. "Kiddin'.' Both of his hands slipped over her bosom now. Her belly tightened, it was gorgeous to feel his fingers play with that sensitive skin. 

"You're beautiful, Dana. You really are. You're not outta place next to me."

"Shut up," she chuckled, leaning forward and biting his lower lip when he was about to kiss her. She felt his grin against her lips, being very aware of his thumbs pressing against her hard nipples and the rest of his fingers warming her skin. 

"But? You were hot tonight?"

She bent back a little. Her fingers strayed off his chest. "Felt cold. Knew you would warm me up." She bent her head, watched how his fingers caressed her breasts. Desire raged through her. How would he feel, inside her? Despite the fact that she was already sitting on top of him half naked, the thought made her blush. "Actually I wanted to get dressed before you'd notice. Building up things slowly huh? Dunno if that's my strong suit. Maybe I should look for another boyfriend. One who isn't as damn hot as you."

He rushed into laughing again, and the sight of it made the warmth in her stomach bubble up again. "What about Bobby? Long grey hair, a beard... a very manly beer belly... Kinda has everything I've not?"

She made a face. "If you keep suggestin' things like that, my lust will die easily."

He sat up straight and enveloped his arms around her waist. "Was your idea."  
  
She wanted to say something smart back, but all she could do was sigh with closed eyes when his lips glided down her neck, kissing, softly sucking, along her collar-bone, further down... 

Three loud bangs against the door made her widen her eyes. In a reflex she recoiled. Not that she came far, Juice's arms were still around her. 

"Juice!" a compelling voice sounded. Jax. "You're here? 's a quarter past ten. Get the hell out of there and move your lazy ass to the table!" 

"Oh shit." Juice's eyes grew wide. "'s that late?" A little harder he continued:  "Comin!"

"You better be there in a minute!" 

Still Dana could hear the VP chuckle, before his footsteps moved away from the door.

Dana climbed off Juice and watched him slip into his jeans, grumbling. He put on the same shirt he'd wore yesterday, followed by his cut. He quickly pecked her lips and barefoot he hurried out of the room. 

Dana chuckled softly.  _Yeah, go explain your brothers why you're too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story, please also take a look at my other SOA-fanfic that I started not so long ago. :)
> 
> Will be something totally different, but I've great plans for that story as well. ^^  
> It's called "A Raven's Sorrow". 


	51. Juice

Being late at a club meeting wasn't something he did on daily basis. Nobody did. It was only tolerated by very good reasons – and lying in bed with Dana surely wasn't one. He hurried to the Chapel and felt the annoyed glances of his brothers burn on his face when he slipped through the door and sat down on his chair.

"Where the hell have you been?" Clay's moody voice sounded. 

Juice felt a vibration in his chest. He hated to disappoint his brothers, but disappointing his President was even worse. "I overslept," he muttered. "Won't happen again."

"You'd better not." Clay blew out the smoke from his cigar. "Whatcha got?"

Juice bowed forward, his lower arms leaning on the table. What did he got? What was Clay talking about? He furrowed his eyebrows and felt sweat drops itching in his neck. "Huh?"

"Are you deaf, Ortiz?" 

Juice tensed as he realized everybody was glaring at him. He craved for a smoke. 

Jax sighed. "That Danny-guy, Juice. That asshole Opie put out of his misery. You looked into him?"

"Eh... not yet," he muttered. Nervously he twisted the ring around his thumb. He hadn't thought about that for a minute.

  
"That didn't seem relevant to you?" Clay mocked. 

Juice rubbed his head.  _Oh shit man._ What should he say? "I was with Da- Chloe. She needed me."

"She sure as hell did. To find out what motherfucker kept her imprisoned all those years! If she wants her pussy licked, send Sack or one of the other prospects to her. You're our Intelligence Officer, not some whoremonger. Carry out you damn tasks!"

Juice bent his head. 

"Is my sister you're talkin' 'bout. Little more respect, huh," Happy growled. 

Clay snorted. "You talkin' to me? It's not my dick she's on."

Juice peeked aside. Suddenly he was glad Happy had stepped by tonight, he'd rather not discussed this over the table. He got a obstinate glance in return, giving him the impression Happy had only reacted so mildly because of Dana. 

"Enough," Jax intervened. He turned to Juice. "Look into that dead guy, we still know shit about that asshole. And see if the cops have evidence leading to Opie."

Jax' intense glare made clear he should do so immediately, and he stood up. 

"And I don't wanna see your ugly face before you found a lead," Clay warned him.

Embarrassed Juice turned away from the others. Even though it was all his own fault, he didn't like to be dispatched. He had no say in the decisions that would be made now. 

Before heading to the office, he went to his dorm to put on his boots, and in the clubhouse he ordered one of the Croweaters to get him breakfast.

In the office he opened his laptop. Dana's spot was still empty. Since she'd buried her mother yesterday, nobody would blame her for taking a day off. It was better for him as well, the last thing he needed now was a distraction. Hopefully a background check of that Danny would give him something. He hadn't found much about Maddox, and he suspected he got a man inside who shielded his data. He however had found a few houses in San Francisco that were on his name, but how the hell he'd gained so much money and power was still a mystery. There were no leads within the gun and drugs business, it felt like a dozen of people were covering him. 

Maybe he would find a link through Danny. 

After a few phone calls he'd discovered Danny's real name was Owan Gregor. The first hit only led to a jailtime of a few months because of being involved with a knife fight. He sighed frustrated and rubbed his mohawk. Couldn't they just have a little luck for once? As long as they didn't know who exactly Maddox was and which connections he had, they couldn't do a damn thing. Rushing into his house blindly while not knowing with what kind of shit they were dealing, was just dumb. 

He looked up when the door opened and a dark haired girl entered the office with a few slices of bread and a cup of coffee. 

"Thanks," he sighed. 

"Anything else I can help you with?" she asked. "You look stressed." She laid her hands on his shoulders and rubbed his muscles. 

"Nah, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Her hand glided down his face and she turned the desk chair towards her. She leaned into him and whispered: "You know I'm happy to help you relax." She put her finger against his chest and let it slip downwards, across his stomach, until his crotch. He felt how his jeans got tighter underneath her hand and hesitated. 


	52. Juice

For a moment Juice considered giving the Croweater what she wanted. His brothers would be at the table for the next hour anyway. But Dana... No, he couldn't blow off steam like he used to. He was now with someone.

The Croweater however perceived his silence as a sign to go ahead, for she knelt down in front of him and brought her hands to the button of his jeans. He froze when he heard footsteps, and he quickly pushed away the girl. "Don't need anything, I said. Got other stuff to do."

The wench pouted her mouth and he felt relieved when she stood up. 

"You got other stuff to do?" a voice spoke from the doorway. 

 _Oh fuck._  His eyes widened when he saw Dana leaning against the door frame, her arms crossed. 

"Not: 'I have girl?' Damn it Juice! I never expected this from you!" She stared him in the eye. There were no tears running down her face, as had happened to his ex when he'd cheated on her. Neither did she walk away, she just stood there, as a statue, with an inscrutable glance in her eyes. She turned to the Croweater. "Get the hell out of here."

For a moment she seemed willing to give her a smart answer, but Dana looked kinda scary and the girl quietly slipped past her. 

"Thought Clay was teasing you last time, but I guess you find it very normal to get your dick sucked during work?"

Juice felt his cheeks glow. Internally he cursed himself. Why hadn't he  pushed that bitch away in the first place? The taunts of his brothers still had been in his mind, he wasn't thinking clear. Stupid old habits...

"Nothin' happened," he said. 

"Only because you heard my footsteps." She closed the door and walked toward him. There was a fire in her eyes, and he couldn't help but think that she looked damn hot when she was mad.  _Keep your dumb thoughts in control, you idiot._ A meter away from him she stood still. " _You_ are the one who pretends wanting to do things slow. And in the meantime you let other girls..."

"I'm not doin' anything with other girls!" he interrupted. His eyes shot to his laptop. He had no time for this. He had to find leads and give them to the guys. "Just stupid old habits, okay? She just wanted to help me relax and I already told her I didn't need her."

"She just wanted to help you relax," Dana repeated, snorting. She raked a hand through her hair and cursed. "What the hell was I thinking."

"Dana..." He stood up and wanted to extend his hand to hers, but she grabbed his wrist and pierced his skin with her nails. 

"Go fuck yourself, Juice. You're as much an asshole as all the others."

Now the tears did jump into her eyes.

Juice took two deep breaths. What could he say? He knew what it looked like. Why had she entered the office right at that moment? He rubbed his head, frustrated. "Wanted nothin' from her," he said softly.

"She was already on her knees!"

"I didn't ask for that!"

She snorted. The hurt look in her eyes squeezed his heart. 

"If that's really true, why didn't you tell her you were with me?"

"You don't want that, right? You wanted to keep our relationship secret outside the club."

Not that he'd thought about that, but she didn't know that.

Or maybe she did, for she laughed scornfully. "Sure, Juice. As if you thought about that. You don't look that far ahead. Will that be your excuse to screw whoever you want?"

"Of course not," he answered annoyed. He'd told her he loved her. Something he hadn't said in years to a woman. Did that mean nothing to her? His mind had just been miles away, that was all. He would never have let the Croweater get that far. He sighed deeply and looked to his computer. "I have to get back to work. The guys are waitin' and they aren't too happy with me."

"They're not the only ones. You're on a roll today, huh?" She turned away from him, piled up a lot of papers, took her laptop and walked to the door. 

A little lost Juice watched her leave. He wanted to go after her, talk it out, but he had no idea what more he could say and he really needed to dig deeper into that Owan Gregor, before they would really whip his ass. 


	53. Dana

Dana smashed the pile of papers on the table in the annex of the garage. She leaned with her hands on the table and took a few deep breaths. What made her think Juice was different from all the others? Because he didn't want to have sex immediately? Apparently other women were satisfying his needs, and he just found her too gross to touch. 

Behind her a door opened. She kept staring at the table top, convinced she would start to cry or throw things around if she didn't. 

"Chloe? What's goin' on, sweetheart?"

Dana clenched her teeth. She'd hoped it was just a mechanic who'd step in to take a folder out of the cabinet, not Gemma who wouldn't act as if everything was all right. She took another deep breath, tried to relax her fingers and looked over her shoulder. "I'm fine," she muttered. 

"Doesn't look like it."

Dana snorted. "We buried my mom yesterday."

The woman didn't buy it. She went over and stood next to her, leaning with her bottom against the table. "That ain't the reason you wanna work here."

Again she clenched her teeth. There was no use in sharing her disappointment. The last thing she wanted, was listening to Gemma's explanation that all the men around were fast and loose with relationships. 

Gemma studied her face. "Juice?"

With a deep sigh Dana turned her face away. Apparently it was quite obvious. 

"Was a slut on her knees in front of him when I entered the office a minute ago. He couldn't push her away fast enough."

Gemma shook her head, sighing. "What did he say?"

"To her that he got other stuff to do. To me that he didn't want anything from her."

"And you don't believe him?"

She rolled her eyes. "Would you?"

The older woman shrugged. "I was in the kitchen when Juice asked for breakfast. Irene couldn't wait to take care of it. She always kept a close eye on him."

"Not only an eye, I bet," she sniffed. 

Gemma's lips bend into a smirk. "That's all he allows since you showed up at the clubhouse."

Dana rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he does."

"She's a total bitch. Wouldn't be surprised if she waited for you to get to the office." Gemma laid a hand on her shoulder. "Talk to him, baby. Be honest to each other. Juice is hangin' around here for more than ten years. The way he looks at you... I've never seen him looking at someone like that."

Dana sighed. Gemma wasn't the kind of person who told people what they wanted to hear, she was always straight up and honest. 

"I don't want all this crap," she muttered. She wiped her eyes. "Got enough on my plate."

Gemma raised her eyebrows. "Suppose you give up on him... you think another woman atop of him won't bother you any longer?"

"No," she admitted with a whimper. That would hurt just as much. 

"Thought so. Don't give up on him after the first fight. Have a little patience. It's quite a change for them when they find out they wanna share their lives with one woman, instead of a harem."

Dana sighed again. She just couldn't get rid off the image of the girl, sitting in front of him. How many times had she been in that position? She'd disgusted it, she'd hated men for it. And although Juice hadn't forced the girl to do anything, she hated the idea that someone just offered him a blowjob during work. 

"And now?" she muttered. "Don't wanna see him for the time bein'. Maybe I shouldn't be in the same room all the time anyway."

"Then stay here," Gemma answered. "There're more people walking in and out, but it ain't  _that_ disturbing. Just go to the office when you need the quiet or when the guys need somethin' from Juice's laptop."

Dana thought about it. She didn't like the idea that she would have no clue about what he was doing there. She couldn't imagine Juice would just have let the girl sit there on her knees if she hadn't interrupted them. It however wasn't very healthy to be around your partner all the time either. 

"Okay," she said after a heavy sigh. "Will do that." 

Gemma smiled and patted her shoulder. "You're doin' great here, baby. Living this life ain't easy."

Dana stared at her. Did the woman forget where she'd come from?


	54. Dana

After working one our and a half Dana needed a break. She sat down on the picknick table while she watched the men working in the garage. She still felt miserable about this morning. Could she just get past this? Since the moment they'd shared their first kiss, the idea that he was also into other women hadn't crossed her mind . But now she couldn't get rid of the thought. 

Kip left the garage and wiped his smudged hands on his overall. "Hey. You make it easy, was just going to look for you. Juice is asking for you."

She raised her eyebrows. "Something wrong with his own eyes?"

"Nah, busy or something. Didn't know where you were."

She let out a long sigh. "I'm busy as well." 

Kip gave her a questioning look and she kicked out her cigarette. "Never mind." She wasn't about to share her feelings with everyone. Not the whole club needed to be aware of their struggles. They probably found her a poser, nothing had happened in the end. 

She strolled into the clubhouse, straight to the hallway on the far end. He was overreacting if he ordered someone else to look for her. She pushed open the door and kept standing in the doorway. 

The pale light of his laptop screen lit up his face. His eyes were weary, as if he'd sat here the whole night instead of a few hours. With her right hand she held her other upper arm, not knowing how to act.

"You let me summon now?"

"You have to look at some pictures and tell me if there're people you know."

His voice sounded concisely, and it hurt her. She felt a little stupid for thinking he wanted to see her because of their fight. He looked past that: he was working. 

She walked to him and kept standing next to his chair. He didn't pull her on his lap, but pushed back the screen of his laptop a little. The rigid way in which he moved, showed his susceptibility. She leaned with her left hand on the table while scrolling through the pictures with her other hand, looking at the photos of different men. 

A shiver crept down her spine when she recognized the face of a pale man with cold eyes and straight black hair. "He. He used to come around."

She could just picture him. He'd always looked at her in a peculiar way, although he'd never laid a finger on her. Something she'd always been afraid of.

"How did you find 'm?"

"Danny – whose real name is Owan – often visited illegal fight clubs. This is the owner of one of those clubs. We finally have a way in."

Juice's voice sounded a little more vividly. 

"Okay. Good." She wasn't entirely sure what the guys planned to do, but they undoubtedly knew what they were doing. 

"Any others?"

She scrolled further and shook her head. 

"I'll try to find an overview of their regular visitors."

"Okay."

She stared at the screen stubbornly. She felt that he was looking at her. "Can I go now? You can send Kip if you need me again." She didn't wait for an answer and wanted  to walk away. Before she'd passed him, he grabbed her wrist. She tried to tear herself away, but he held on tight and stood up. 

"Ow, you hurt me."

His grip loosened a little, but he didn't let go of her. "Are we done? You and me?"

She looked down, to his black boots. Eventually she only shrugged her shoulders in silence. She shivered when he laid his finger beneath her chin and lifted up her face. 

"I don't want anyone but you, Dana. Since the moment I saw you, you were all I could think of."

Her shoulders tensed. "You say that to all of 'em?"

"I honestly never talked much to them."

She started to feel sick and stepped back. She tried to pull away her arm again, but he still didn't let her go.

"You know my feelings for you are real."

"How should I know ?" she taunted. 

His face grew gloomy. It was like something in his eyes was breaking. "You really need to ask that? You hadn't doubts this morning. Nor yesterday. And now you do, because some stupid bitch dropped on her knees before me? Why the hell would I ask you to be my girl if you didn't mean much more to me than all those club whores? I'm a Son, Dana, finding a chick to keep my bed warm isn't even a challenge.  But I don't want them since I've met you. None of them."

Dana squeezed her lips. A tear rolled down her cheek. 

Again she pulled her arm away from him. This time he let go of her and allowed her to leave. 


	55. Juice

Two hours had passed since Dana'd stormed out of the office. All these time Juice tried to ignore the voice in his head that whispered girls caused nothing but trouble, and that things had been much easier between them when he hadn't committed himself to anything. But it wasn't that simple. Sure, he could go back to an unbound life, to sex without any obligations. But he knew that wouldn't make him feel any better. It actually were those repressed feelings of loneliness that had bothered him when she hadn't been around. He needed someone who waited for him at the end of the day, who counted down the hours just to be with him. And not only because he was a Son, because he was good in bed, but because of who he was. Who he  _really_ was. Whoever that might be. 

He heaved a deep sigh. He had to let it go. He'd said everything he could think of. It had just been a bad timing when she'd entered the room and with her past she'd drawn the wrong conclusions. Her words that he wasn't different from all other men hurt. Had she meant the ones who'd abused and raped her? Was that really what she was thinking, or had it just been a manifestation of powerlessness? Had it been hard for her to trust him? Her last boyfriend had destroyed her life. Something he'd never considered. The development of their relationship just had felt so easy, so natural. 

Patience, that was the key. It always had been the key. She'd buried her mom yesterday, and a demon from her past had plagued her. A bullet had drilled someone's head, next to her own head, and she'd been covered in blood. He couldn't blame her for being so emotional. But exactly that made it so damn hard, for he felt she needed him while she was pushing him away. Who knew how long it would take before she would let him in again?

He aimed his eyes at the screen of his laptop again and printed everything he'd found about Owan Gregor and Philippe Montez, the owner of the underground fight club. A few minutes ago he'd hacked into the customer base of Montez, but he still needed to add pictures to the names before Dana could take a look at it. He would do that later tonight. He would give Jax and Clay the intel he'd found and then he had to take Dana to Cara Cara so Happy could teach her how to shoot. He hoped she wouldn't object. The worst thing that could happen now, was Happy asking her where he was and figuring out a Croweater had been willing to suck him. Happy would at least break both of his arms and legs. The fact he hadn't done so already, gave him a ray of hope. If Dana had told her brother what had happened, he wouldn't have been here. 

He walked to the workplace, relieved he could finally tell the two men something useful. 

"Good job, Juice." Jax hit his shoulder and Clay gave him a small nod after Juice had shared his findings with them. He immediately felt lighter.  _At least one_ _problem_ _is_ _solved_ _._

The clock at the garage showed it was half past three. He hadn't lunched yet, there was just enough time to do so. When he walked into the kitchen, his eye caught the girl that had brought him his breakfast. He acted as if he wasn't seeing her, opening a locker and taking out a sack of bread. 

"I hope I haven't caused any trouble," a sultry voice whispered in his ear. "I didn't know you had an Old Lady."

"You know now," he grunted without looking aside. He opened the fridge and took a stick of butter and a packaging with slices of sausage out of it. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the Croweater crossing her arms. 

"You can't blame for not knowing..." 

With a bang Juice closed the fridge, cutting off her sentence. "Fuck off."

She looked at him with eyes wide open. 

"Get the hell outta here. Don't wanna see your ugly face ever again. Find another place to fill up your holes."

He didn't even know what her name was, so she hadn't impressed any of his brothers. He rather saw her leaving for good, so that Dana no longer needed to see her.

In silence the girl turned around and walked away, swinging her hips. Juice focused on his sandwiches again. Before he'd reached Gemma's office, they were gone.

When the door opened, Dana didn't even look. She was staring at her laptop screen, her thoughts clearly not occupied by work. He glanced at Gemma, who raised her eyebrows. 

She wouldn't leave.

Juice cleared his throat, not knowing if he could lay a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. In the end he stepped sideways to her so that he wouldn't scare her off. 

"Hey," he said softly. "We should go to Cara Cara. Or... have you asked someone else to escort you?"

Her eyes flashed aside, to Gemma. Juice didn't turn his head to see the expression on the woman's face. 

"I've asked Kip to come along. As extra man," she clarified when he dropped his eyes. A hint of a smile played her lips.

He wanted to pull her close at the sight of it, but he restrained himself, gave her a nod and left the room. 

In front of the garage he stood still and beckoned Kip. He grabbed his helmet from the hook and gave Dana hers. Whether she wanted to ride with him or Kip, was up to her.

The three of them walked to their bikes. At the driveway to the parking lot stood the wench he'd just sent away. With a scrunchy face she looked at her phone. He saw Dana tense. Softly he touched her upper arm. "Relax. I sent her away. She ain't comin' back. Ever."

She looked up at him, confusion in her eyes. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Nobody will miss her." His lips curled into a smirk. "Unless you want to teach her a lesson because she was about to assault your man?"

She rolled her eyes. "You goin' down that road now?"

"Every road I can think of, until I find one that leads to your forgiveness."

She didn't say a word. 

But when she climbed behind him on his bike and wrapped her arms around him so that he felt her upper body against his back, he knew the situation wasn't completely hopeless. 


	56. Dana

Dana let her hand rest on Juice's hip when she climbed off his Harley. She loosened the strap of her helmet, took the thing off her head and hung it on the handlebar. While she was doing so, his index fingers slipped through the belt loops of her jeans, pulling her close.

"Are we good?"

She looked up at him. His eyes expressed the same uncertainty. When he looked that way, it was hard to stay angry. Especially with the thought that that stupid bitch had  _wanted_ them to fight. The message that she would never accept things like this, had at least landed.

"Good enough for not wanting my brother to emasculate you."

He couldn't laugh about it – and it hadn't entirely been a joke. The most important reason why she wanted to act like everything was fine, was to prevent Happy from getting involved. Juice clearly felt that.

"You're getting off way too easy if I forgive you already."

The way in which his shoulders dropped, was actually enough to forgive him.

"I've felt like shit all day."

Her lips curled up. "Good." She wrapped her arms around him. Her hands slipped into his back pockets. She pulled him close, and almost immediately she felt his hard length pressing against her pubis. "From now on this little friend of yours is mine alone. You got that?"

"Little friend?" he asked indignantly.

She squeezed her hands by way of a warning. "I've the right to call him whatever I want."

He chuckled softly. "As you wish, Mistress."

Her lips wandered along his neck, softly biting his skin while she squeezed his ass. A pang of sudden lust made her hiss.

"You done?" A crude voice made her pull back her hands and she chuckled when she turned around.

"I wanna see porn, I go inside." With a face like thunder Happy nodded to the building a few meters away from them.

"If you consider this to be porn, I wonder with what kind of video's you earn your money."

Happy snorted. "Let's go. The idiot stays here."

After what had happened today, she didn't like the idea of making Juice wait inside a porn studio, but she wouldn't win a discussion with Happy. Plus, the club owned part of the studio, whether she liked it or not.

Dana pecked Juice's lips. "Don't forget what I said, huh?"

"I'll wait outside." He gave her a wink.

Dana smiled, she appreciated that. She watched how he walked away, lighting up a smoke on his way to Kip. Their friend leaned against the doorway of the entrance, looking inside with a grin on his face.

 _Waiting outside, huh?_ Dana thought, shaking her head.  _Yeah right, tell me another one._

She tore her glance away from him and looked at her brother. When their eyes met, he turned away from her and walked down a path leading around Cara Cara.

A bit awkward Dana followed him. She'd barely been alone with him, she realized. Even during the preparations for their mother's funeral Opie had been close all the time. Did he miss spending time with her? Was that the reason he'd sent Juice away?

Happy took her to a remote open field where a few empty oil drums were lying around. Some were riddled with bullet holes, she clearly wasn't the first to practice here. Happy pulled up two guns, one out of his waist band and the other out of the inside pocket of his cut.

"You keep this one close, wherever you go," he said, pushing the small gun into her hands. "Get yourself a purse. That idiot is way too handsy, keep it away from your body. He already..."

"I was there when he shot himself," she reminded him. If he was going to make more of these derogatory comments about Juice, she was quickly done with this.

Happy snorted, but seemed to get the message.


	57. Dana

"Try first the barrel that's closest. You use a light model, hold it with one hand." He gave her the smallest gun. 

"I know how to shoot," Dana muttered. "I've shot someone in the head before, ya remember? Having a girlfriend that knew how to use a gun turned Maddox on."

All she knew however were the basics. He'd never taken her to a shooting range. The only reason she'd been able to shoot Casper in the head, was because he'd been so close. 

"But I've never shot at anything that was more than a meter away."

Happy nodded slowly. That she knew the basics, clearly satisfied him. "Then shoot. We'll see how it goes."

Dana folded her right hand around the weapon and flicked the safety off. She took a deep breath. _The last time I held a gun..._ She swallowed. She looked at Happy in doubt. She tried to find calmness in his eyes, as she did with Juice when she needed it, but his glance was hard. Her hand started to sweat and she tried to find a better grip. 

"Don't keep your thumb at the back of the gun. You'll crush it. Keep your index finger at it in a right angle."

She took a deep breath and did as Happy told her. She realized she didn't know much more than unlocking the weapon, aiming it and pulling the trigger. 

"What the hell did he taught you? Not a damn thing," Happy sniffed. "Widen your stance first, your feet have to be in the same line as your hips. Hook your left hand behind your belt or in your pocked, so that you keep your balance. Now, aim for the middle of the barrel."

Dana moved one feet a little more forward, hooked her left thumb in her pocket and reached out with her arm. 

"Keep your arm straight. Rotate your upper body at the same way. Breath in, not too deep, and shoot before you exhale."

She turned her upper body a little more to the left, looked through the rear sight until she was focused on the front sight. Those were things she did remember from Maddox's lessons. 

"Don't hold so tight. 's Just a little one, the recoil ain't that bad."

She tried to relax her hand a little more, but here fingers started to shake. She thought of Casper again. Her throat squeezed and she gasped for air. 

"Pull yourself together." Happy stood next to her, his arms crossed. 

"I... I can't stop thinking about him."

"I don't give a fuck. Concentrate."

His harsh tone made her cower and she lowered the gun. "Maybe I'll do better if Juice..."

"Don't even think about it," he cut her off. "It's my responsibility to teach you how to shoot. Should have done that ten fucking years ago. Come on, shoulders back. Push your memories of that asshole away and focus." His voice sounded a little gentler. "After a few times it will be easier."

Dana nodded without looking at him, raised her arm and stared at the barrel.

"Look at the front sight, not at your target."

Her glance shoved down a little, to the vertical protrusion at the front of the loop. Again she laid her finger on the trigger, took a deep breath, focused on the front sight again and pulled the trigger. 

A loud _bang_ sounded, and a second later another one when she hit the barrel. With wide eyes she stared forward, her breathing had sped up. For a moment she was back at the cemetery. She felt the blood spat on her cheeks, felt the raging fear that Danny had blown up Opie's head. Her knees were shaking and she lowered the gun. 

Vaguely she realized she had to pull the safety on before she would shoot herself in the foot, then she dropped down on the ground. With her fingers she raked through her hair. "I'm not like you, Hap. I can't just forget all the shit that happened."

"You have to."

"But _how!_ " she snarled. "What the fuck dude, just one day has passed since I thought someone blew up Opie's head! You can't expect me to just forget about that!"

"It wasn't Opie's head. And the only reason he's still alive is because he  _did k_ now how to protect himself and others."

"I can learn that too," she grumbled. "Just not right after a trauma!"

"Shit like that should be a motivation."

Dana wiped away a few tears. "This ain't working.  You can't force me."

"Like hell I can. You're not leaving before we're done. And don't think your toy boy will dare to make me change my mind."

Dana bent her head and stared at the ground. This was her brother, the one she'd grown up with. But he felt like a total stranger. It was clear he could only do things his way and that wasn't working. 

But she had no choice. He was right. Happy could silence Juice, could silence _everyone_ , with just one look. She stood up again, in silence, and with a grim face she unlocked the gun. 

A satisfied smile played around Happy's lips, one that only fueled her anger. She used it to focus, to keep control of her muscles and to get the bullets where she wanted them. 

 

 


	58. Juice

"What's keeping you from comin' in?" With raised eyebrows Luann handed him a beer.

Juice shrugged his shoulders. "I'm on watch."

The woman narrowed her eyes. "Need to expect trouble?"

He quickly shook his head. "Hap's teaching his sister to shoot. She's stalked by her ex, he's a freak."

It was information he shouldn't share with everyone, but the owner of the porn studio was Otto's old lady, one of his brothers who was in jail. She had a right to know.

"Poor girl. Well, she's in good hands with Happy." She gave him a wink and returned into the building to give some instructions.

"Yea..." Juice muttered, not enthusiast at all. He didn't like the way Happy had ordered him to stay here, even though there was no point in making a problem of it. Happy was her brother. And she was his girlfriend for less than 24 hours, so he didn't really had much to say.

Moreover, it was probably good for them to spend some time together, for he knew they hadn't spoken much since she was here. He hadn't talked about it with Dana, just like so many other things they hadn't discussed yet.

The fear of losing her which had made him almost lose his mind yesterday, had showed him how much he cared about her, but now he thought about it, he didn't know her very well. There were many subjects they'd avoided, on purpose, and he'd been at peace with that because it was none of his business. But his vision about that had changed now they were together.

Juice took a gander inside. Sack was sitting on a black couch, watching one of the sets where a man sat on his knees, a collar around his neck, while two porn girls were bubbling around him. He looked the other way. It was not his thing, most things that happened here were rather nasty or hilarious than hot.

In the distance the last bang faded away. Juice strolled a few meters away from the entrance so that he didn't create the impression he'd been there all the time. He leaned against the wall, put his sunglasses on and lit up a cigarette. It couldn't take long before they would return, they were gone for more than an hour. He wondered how many Happy had suggested about his activities within the club. Did she know about the skulls he'd tattooed on his stomach, symbolizing the murders he'd committed for the club? Happy was a tough one, without hesitation the most ruthless of them all, and his crusade against his mother's murderer would provide him with a whole lot of new tattoos.

He just kicked out his cigarette when brother and sister left the row of threes. Her tensed shoulders showed him her anger immediately. Was she still mad at him? He pushed himself away from the wall, pulled up his pants and took a few steps forward.

Happy walked past him without saying a word and entered Cara Cara.

Juice looked at Dana. "How did it go?" His eye caught the Glock she was holding in her hand.

Dana heaved a deep sigh. She looked tired. "I remember better brother-sister-moments."

Juice didn't know how to answer. His relationship with his own sister was anything but fantastic, so he wasn't the best adviser. He pulled her close and kissed her temple.

"And the shooting?" A little worried he studied her face. Shooting during a game had already triggered bad memories, he couldn't imagine things had been better with a real gun.

Her glance slid down her arm and rested on the weapon. "I had a hard time. Not with hitting the targets, but..." She sighed and shrugged a shoulder.

"I get it."

"Yea, you do. Happy however said I just have to get over it."

Juice could easily picture Happy telling her those words. That was probably what Hap was doing all the time. Juice himself however wasn't good in letting things go at all, thoughts always kept circling around in his head until they were driving him crazy. He had the feeling Dana was more like him than like her brother.

Or maybe he was wrong. For someone who had gone through so many horrible things, she really was a tough one. Of course there were moments she was having a hard time, but most days she was energetic and her smile wasn't a rarity at all.

"You'll get over it," he said. "In your own way."

He smoothed her thick hair that started to get blond at the roots again, and he put a lock of hair behind her ear. She let him kiss her, but he noticed she was distracted and he didn't insist.

"I'm going to get Sack." He motioned with his thumb over his shoulder and sighed softly when he turned around. He wished he could erase this morning from their memories. He entered Cara Cara, walked to the couch where the prospect was still watching his private show and tapped the back of his head. "We're leavin'."

He nodded to Luann on his way back and went outside again.

"Is Happy not goin' with us?" Dana asked.

"He eh... is busy."

She raised her eyebrows and he shrugged. He could think of only one reason why Happy had marched inside: to blow off steam. To get distracted.

"Right..." she muttered. "Gross."

"It's their job," Juice answered indifferently, "and they're good at it."

He quickly kept his mouth shut when she gave him an angry glare. He bit on the inside of his cheek. He had to think twice before speaking. Normally he just blurted out what came into mind, there was nothing that could surprise his brothers, but this clearly was a sensitive issue for Dana.

At least since she'd walked into the office this morning.


	59. Juice

When they returned to TM, Dana immediately headed to the kitchen to see if she could help. Juice walked to the office, opened his laptop and continued to vet the regulars of the underground fight club. Some of his brothers would probably go to the building tomorrow or the day after, to nail the guys Dana had identified. Hopefully that would lead to new information about Maddox. He took a look at the extra print he'd made of Montez.

Dana had recognized him...

What memories had he called up? Had he ever touched her? Or even worse? The thought made his stomach stung. Was it only Maddox who had raped her, or had there been others? He felt how his breathing started to speed up. He wanted to join Happy, he wanted to kick out the brains of that asshole. He had that right. Damn, it was even his  _duty_ to do so! He however knew Clay would send Tig and Happy, maybe Chibs as back-up. Tasks like that never landed on his shoulders and usually he didn't mind.

But now he did.

He moved his gaze to the screen again and tried to focus on the list he had to check. If he let his resentful thoughts drag him along, he wouldn't get the intel he was looking for and the last thing he needed, was to be bawled out again.

* * *

"Dinner's ready."

Juice looked up when he heard her voice. Dana stood in the doorway. There was something in the way she was standing there that gave away she had been watching him for a while. He nodded and stood up. He was surprised to see she didn't walk away, but kept waiting for him. When he wanted to go through the doorway, she didn't step aside. Instead, she just stood there and took his hands.

Without saying a word she looked at him. He didn't know how to interpret the look in her eyes. She had so much shit on her plate, he got the feeling she was slowly drowning in it. Her fingers slipped out of his and she folded her arms around him. With a sigh she leaned with her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her back.

The words "are you okay?" were lying on the tip of his tongue, but he choose to stay quiet, to just hold her. He knew the answer to that question anyway. The tightness with which she was holding him, showed him how desperately she was seeking comfort.

After she'd let go of him, she turned her head away, a little embarrassed.

"Don't," he said softly. He laid a hand against her cheek and softly forced her face back to his. "You don't have to feel ashamed. Never hesitate to let me know what you need from me."

Still she bent her head to escape his glance. "Why do you want such a wreck like me, Juice? Shouldn't you have a strong, independent woman? You're a Son!"

"You  _are_ strong," he answered. "That's one of the things I admire in you. All those horrible things that happened to you... they didn't bring you down. You are still enjoying life. You're a runaway for weeks now and there has not been  _one_ day I haven't seen you smile." With his thumb he smoothed her warm skin. "And nobody blames you for feeling shitty now and then, especially not me."

She looked up at him and pressed her lips together. Her hands slid underneath his shirt, her long fingers brushed his stomach. A little overwhelmed he breathed in when she pushed him backwards, until his back hit the wall.

He dipped his head, wanted to say something, but she captured his lips with hers and kissed him passionately. While his stomach was fluttering, his tongue slipped along hers. He moved the hand that had cupped her cheek to the back of her head, his fingertips rubbing her scalp.

"Hey, lovebirds!" a shrill voice suddenly yelled, just when he wanted to let his hand slip underneath her shirt. "Dinner's getting cold!"

Juice smirked against her lips. He was aware of Dana, who was so startled she wanted to pull back her head immediately. With the hand right above her neck he however kept her close for one more long, intense kiss.

With a red face Dana turned to Gemma, while quickly smoothing her hair.

Gemma watched them with one hand on her hip. "Guess things are right again between you two?"

Juice wanted to say that was none of her business, but that wasn't true. Everything that was said outside the Chapel was her business. At least, that was what she was thinking and who was he to disagree? Instead of saying anything he just gave her a nod.

She answered with a satisfied smile.

It felt right, knowing that she was approving their relationship. In the past he'd been afraid they'd assign little value to his ex – which they had – but now he was more worried they believed Dana deserved better. Up to now there was however nothing pointing into that direction.

He let his hand slip into Dana's when the three of them walked to the dinner table.


	60. Dana

Dana opened her eyes, still drowsy. Quick, clicking noises had waken her up. It took a few seconds before she realized where she was. After looking through dozens of pictures of men she didn't know, they'd gone to Juice's room. For some reason she'd wanted to play Mario Kart, but when she found out that was a game she neither was very talented in, she'd lowered the controller and watched how he was playing. Apparently, she'd fallen asleep. 

He sat with his back against the wall, and she leaned onto him him, her head against his chest, while he'd wrapped his arms around her. The controller rested on her stomach. Contrary to the device that had been in his apartment, this one was wireless and he didn't need to change discs. That was at least what she was expecting,  since he was playing a shooter now. Now and then he cursed softly when he was hit. 

She chuckled and looked up. His eyes were focused on the screen, but it didn't take long before his lips curled into a smile. 

"Guess you were tired?"

"That seems to happen often when we're watching a TV-screen."

"Well, they were some steep days." He put the controller aside and pulled his arms a little tighter around her. 

"I don't mind if ya play along. It's kinda sweet, all that mopin' of yours."

"I've done that enough for today."

With her index finger she stroked the back of his hand, slowly drawing curls. She laid the back of her head against his chest again and looked up, so she could just get a glimpse of his face without stretching her neck. "Why were they angry with you, this morning? Just because you were too late?"

His lips glided down her neck and she closed her eyes for a moment, humming in approval. "Because I was busy doin' this, instead of finding out who Danny was."

"Hmm. I can't be mad about that."

He chuckled softly, which was muffled by the kisses he pressed against her skin. "They were right, though. I should have looked into that guy before I went to the Chapel. I just hadn't thought about it for a second. Like I forget so many other things when I'm with you."

Dana smirked. Still her thoughts shot back to the Croweater in his office. Back then his mind had clearly been occupied by something else as well. "When you're with me or when your with girls in general?"

"With you."

A silence fell. She sensed he knew what she was thinking of. 

"You're still mad?"

She sat up straight and turned towards him. "It's just hard for me to... to imagine someone just kneels down in front of you to..." She made a gesture with her hand, she didn't feel like saying the word out loud. "I saw that you were startled when you heard my voice. So, deep down you must have known that..." With a deep sigh she shook her head. 

"You wanna know what I was thinkin' when she insisted?"

"Well?" she muttered, without looking at him. "Do I?"

"Maybe not."

She looked up. It was shame that was written all over his face. "Well?"

"My first thought was that I might as well give her what she wanted since the guys wouldn't come back any time soon. Right after that I thought about you and I realized that wasn't the way to blow off steam anymore." His hand caressed the duvet, as if he didn't know how she would react if he touched her now. "I got a lot on my mind, and it took some time to switch. But before I could dismiss her, you were already there and as soon as I saw you, I knew you would draw your own conclusions."

Dana's glance wandered across his face. He was sincere. She had no doubt. 

"Have you been with someone else, the past days? When I wasn't around?"

Juice shook his head. "I've been with no one since you're here. I came close to doing so at Tig's birthday, when you and Jax..." He sighed and shook his head. "But I didn't."

Dana dropped her eyes. "You already liked me?"

"Since the moment you stood in the clubhouse in the middle of the night, the desire to protect you against who ever scared you so much was growing. In the days that followed I sometimes got the impression you started to have feelings for me, as did I. But when you made out with Jax... I thought I had been wrong all along."

Dana chuckled softly. "Yeah, that was a real ridiculous thing to do. I wanted to do anything to get rid off my feelings for you. But it didn't make any difference. You'd stolen my heart anyway."

"That's what happens, in a house full of Harley fanatics with a criminal record." His lips reached the cavity between her shoulder and neck, and a pleasant chill crept down her spine. With his hand he rubbed her goosebumps on her arm. "You like this, hmm?"

"You're trying to make things right?"

"Hmm-hmm," he mumbled, gently biting her skin. "Any success so far?"

"Nah. You should try harder."

Teasing, his teeth sunk a little deeper in her flesh. She kissed his forehead and he looked up to her. "You can't let it go, can you?"

"It reminds me of how you guys are dealing with women." She pulled up a knee and took Juice's hand. The golden rings felt cold against her skin. It was no reproach, but she did have the feeling they needed to talk about it. "Did you ever cheat?"

Juice looked shortly at her. Then he looked away. "Yeah. I did."


	61. Dana

Dana felt a stab of pain in her stomach. In a reflex she pushed her elbow against her belly, as if that would change anything.  _At least he's honest._

"My ex was a junk, and we were always fightin'. So yeah, sometimes I cheated on her. As did she, by the way."

Dana observed his face. He clearly wasn't proud of it. 

"But you don't have to worry about that. What I feel for you, is completely different from what I felt for her."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Come on, Juice. How many women have you told this?"

Did he really think she was that naive? She knew it was a matter of time before he started to get bored. She'd even heard there were  _club rules_ justifying cheating, when they were on a run. She however wasn't in the mood to discuss that topic. She'd made her point today. He knew he would lose her if he ever pulled a stunt like that. 

"I told no one, I think," he answered calmly. "The ones I slept with, knew it was only sex I was interested in. But you're no Croweater, Dane, and Happy would fillet me if I treated you like one. And I guess he's not the only one. They all love you."

She chuckled when she heard pride seeping into his voice.  Even though most girls would consider it an honor to call themselves an old lady, Juice rather created the impression it was the other way around. 

"Did they like your ex?"

Juice chuckled softly. "Not really." He pulled her back against his chest. With his fingertips he brushed her skin, downwards from her shoulders. "I just patched in. Opie and Jax both had a girl and I think that was the reason I wanted one too. Flaunting a girl who'd more to offer than big tits. It was never really serious. Sure, we had fun, and I thought that was enough. Of course I was wrong. In fact we had a hard time talkin' to each other and I don't think we ever really understood each other. But I didn't want to give up my first old lady, and we wasted too much time putting out fires instead of accepting we weren't made for each other. It was so much trouble I was done with serious relationships after we broke up."

Dana laced the fingers of her right hand between his. "It's hard to imagine. You seem to talk about what's on your mind pretty easily."

"Not then, I think." She felt he shrugged his shoulders. "Talking to you was never difficult, as soon as we'd gotten to know each other a little." He squeezed her hand. "I knew I wanted you. Not for a night, for longer. As if you were the girl I was looking for five years ago. I don't know exactly... It just played out this way."

"Hmm yeah... a love speech in the middle of the night, right after my mom's funeral, that was very casual. Just like asking someone out when you're in bed with a bullet wound in your ass. You have a wonderful sense of timing."

He chuckled. She felt his chest move against her upper back. "Wait till I propose."

"I sure as hell hope to wait on that a little longer," she answered with raised eyebrows. "Dana Ortiz... I don't know if I like the sound of that."

"Hmm, I think it sounds sexy."

"You even find your own name sexy,  _Juan Carlos._ You never sounded so steamy as that time you whispered your name in my ear."

"It's even more exciting if you say it." With his free hand he swept her hair away from her left shoulder, so he could dot kisses on her neck, until the spot it tickled, causing goosebumps again. 

Her pelvic floor tensed and she closed her eyes. His right hand let go of hers and slipped under her shirt, caressed her stomach and moved up painfully slow. Dana was aware of every inch his fingers moved and she bit her lip when his hand glided into the cup around her left breast. Her own hand stroked his right upper leg, and she squeezed it when his finger slowly circled around her hard nipple. 

She sighed shakily when her thoughts commuted between the massaging movements of his hand, and his lips and tongue that kept moving from her shoulder to her ear. She sat up a little straighter, and immediately his second hand moved underneath her shirt and unhooked the clasp of her bra. With both hands he held her breasts. Tinglings spread from her chest to the rest of her body, she even felt them in her toes. She arched her back, felt his torso against her back while his breathing tickled her auricle. His manhood pressed against her tailbone and she sucked in oxygen. All those things he could do with his fingers, his lips, his tongue... She couldn't remember she'd ever longed for a man so desperately. 

She took off her shirt, let the bra slid from her arms and turned around. Lust flamed in his brown eyes, but not in a frightening way. She knew for sure her own eyes expressed the same passion. She stroked his head, pushed it a little down so she could kiss the ink atop of it. She got the feeling she could burst any moment when he closed his mouth around her nipple and started to suck. She gasped for breath, and a soft moan escaped her lips. With her hands she glided down his shoulders, kneaded the muscles, buried her nails in his skin when a pleasant pain shot through her nipples as soon as they became too sensitive. 

 _If this is your way to make things right, I'm going to regret you send away that slut._ The words were on the tip of her tongue, but all she did was heaving a satisfied sigh. 

The last thing she wanted, was making him stop. 


	62. Juice

Despite the many women he'd slept with, the intimacy with Dana was of a whole different level. Usually he didn't care much about the other, his own pleasure was central and as long as he didn't hurt anyone, he was fine with it. 

But he'd never known it could be so exciting to hear your partner, to  _feel_ your partner enjoy. It gave their togetherness a much deeper dimension. Every sigh, every moan chased chills across his back, turning up the heat inside him. 

He was still overloading her breasts with kisses, and even so her neck, her stomach. He wanted to claim every inch of her body with his lips and tongue. Her hands slid underneath the waistband of his jeans and boxers, kneading his behind. The healing gun wound started to throb when she touched it, and she whispered an apology against the skin of his neck. 

He moved up his head again, and his mouth was immediately drawn to hers. She wrapped her arms around him and looked at him. Her eyes were sparkling. With his thumb he brushed her cheek. 

"It's been one o'clock," she whispered. "How late do you have to get up?"

"Hmm. Don't wanna think about that." His lips wandered to her collarbone again. 

"They"ll come to kick you outta bed."

"They wouldn't dare. Not when you're here."

"And they know that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and silenced her with a hot kiss. He didn't want to stop. He had the feeling all of this could be over any moment. Not only because he was afraid he would fuck things up again, or because she would find out he wasn't as nice as she thought, but also because he was constantly thinking about the danger she was in. Maddox might have sent more people to the funeral. Then he would know it was a motorclub where she was hiding. There had been lots of Nomads, but the charter that was closest to Bakersfield was the one in Charming. It would be a logical next step and at moments like these that knowledge paralyzed his thoughts. 

It didn't elude her. She pressed a kiss on his nose to get his attention. "What's goin' on in that head of yours?"

Instead of answering, he kissed her lips again. His tongue slid into her mouth and her touch made all the bad thoughts go away. She kissed him back, but when he looked at her somewhat later, the same question was in her eyes. 

He rolled off her and laid down on his back. Her hair tickled his neck when she laid her head on his shoulder and looked up to him. His hand followed the curve of her side while he looked for a way to express his thoughts. He didn't want to ruin the moment, but he'd insisted she had to share her thoughts when something was bothering her and it felt hypocrite if he didn't do the same. He however was tempted not to expose himself, to act like Maddox wasn't frightening him. But Dana was no idiot, and he knew there was no point in pretending all of this shit wasn't affecting him. 

"The thought that I have to enjoy this as long as I can, shot through my head."

"You think Maddox will take me away sooner or later?"

The ease with which she asked that question, shocked him. As if she believed that day was inevitable. 

"No," he lied, and he turned on his side to look at her. "I believe you're safe here. We can protect you. Happy, Opie, me... and the others no less. We're working on a plan and we'll get him." He took some time to breath and sort out the right words for his plea. "But things  _could_ go wrong. It almost  _went_ wrong, yesterday..." He took a deep breath. Suddenly it felt like there was something in his throat. "There's just a knot in my stomach, all the time. And I'm afraid... afraid to lose you. By doing something stupid myself, or because of  _him_..."

For a long time he'd spent his life in a daze. There had been moments his life was in danger, but the fear of losing someone else... that was something new and he didn't know how to deal with it. 

"I know," she said quietly. Her hand glided down his arm and she reached out for his fingers. "Sometimes that fear is drivin' me crazy. But at the same time I feel so alive when I'm with you. You make me feel things I never thought to feel again. Whatever happens, nobody can ever take these moments away from us. And that gives me strength. It gives me strength to no longer linger in the misery I've been through and it gives me strength not to be paralyzed by all the things that could happen. The here and now, that's all we have." Her lips formed that smile again that could weaken his whole body. "And what we have now, together... that's something new and scary, but also somethin' beautiful." She turned her face toward him and bit his shoulder with a teasing grin on her face. "And somethin' really delicious."

He chuckled, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. Then he grabbed the corner of the blanket and draped it over them. Sharing his thoughts with her had eased his mind, even though it didn't change a thing about their situation. Although, that wasn't entirely true. Knowing that he gave her strength, was the greatest gift he could give her.  
  



	63. Happy

Happy took another good look at the picture. It wouldn't be hard to find the owner of the fight club, but he wanted to be hundred percent sure he wouldn't be messing with the wrong guy. When his vision was clouded by anger, all the faces would look the same. Sharp nose, deep-set eyes, smooth chin, thin hair, he told himself. A rat face.

He switched his cut for a normal leather jacket. Nothing was gonna lead anyone to the club. This would sure as hell be a murder worth investigating. His lips curled into an excited smirk. Oh, everyone would talk about this...

He opened a drawer, pulled out two guns and slid a knife on the side of his boot. There was a slight chance they would be searched and unarmed when they got inside, but the weapons he took with him were just tools. Nothing irreplaceable. He slammed the door of his dorm behind him and walked to the clubhouse. He grunted when his eye caught his sister on the side, her face way too close to Juice's. That idiot had wrapped his arms around her, and they rested too low on her back for his liking.

He didn't think Juice was a real jerk, his sister was probably better off with him than with any of his other brothers. He just hated the thought that somebody was touching his little sister, whoever it was, and especially right under his nose. Every time he saw the two together he felt the urge to strangle Juice. However, up to now he'd controlled himself. The last time he'd interfered with his sister's relationship had led to the fact they hadn't seen each other in five years, and in that time worse things had happened to her than he ever could have imagined. If he hadn't dragged her out by her hair back then, would she have discovered sooner what kind of man Maddox was? Or wouldn't have changed that a damn thing? 

He shook off the thought. 

It didn't matter anymore. Things were just the way they were. He'd thrown her to the wolves, just as she wanted, and now he had to clean up the mess. 

"Ready?" Chibs' voice sounded next to him. 

Happy nodded. Tig was already waiting at the entrance. More than anything Happy wanted to leave as well, but he still felt a brotherly obligation to say  _something_ to his sister. 

"Comin'."

With large steps he walked to the couple. Juice quickly pulled back his hands from Dana's lower back when he caught his glare. He didn't know what to make of the look in Juice's eyes. He got the impression Juice didn't know what to feel himself either. He'd wanted to come along, he'd wanted to take revenge. 

Happy got that, but Juice was the last person he wanted around. Not only because that kid had a serious lack of improvisation talent when it came to dangerous situations, also because he knew his little sister would be a nervous wreck, afraid something would happen to him. And who knew what stupid things that would make her do. 

And that was also the other side of Juice's struggle: he wanted to stay with his girl to make sure nothing happened to her while a part of the club went to San Francisco. 

He laid a hand on Juice's shoulder and gave a firm squeeze. "Make sure she's safe."

"Always."

Happy glared at him. The word had slipped his mouth easily, but his eyes showed his honesty. He gave him a nod and turned to Dana. "Take it easy. I'm back tomorrow."

Her eyes probed his face and her lips moved apart a bit. Before she could say a word he turned around. He hated to say goodbye. He would be back tomorrow, nothing was gonna happen. He'd make sure of that. Tough words weren't needed. All he's gonna do, is having a little talk with that motherfucker. And then he would offer him the blackest night from his life – and immediately the last one. That wasn't something he hadn't done before. He knew what he was getting himself into.

After one step he changed his mind and turned to Juice. "Don't forget to hack the security camera's at six. If you do, your face ain't gonna differ from that of Montez. My sister will get over you some day."

Juice had always had his distracted moments, making Happy wonder to what fucking world his mind wandered to, but since Dana was messing with his head, things had only became worse. He had to keep it together. Otherwise he was of no use to them. 

"Got it," Juice said, giving him a nod. 

Happy nodded back, turned around and did leave the clubhouse this time. 


	64. Dana

Dana rubbed her upper arms while she watched how Happy got out of sight. A few seconds later the rumbling of three bikes filled the air, which faded out not longer after that.

"They gonna kill him?" she asked Juice timidly. 

He looked her short in the eye, then he nodded. "Yeah."

She sighed. She didn't like the idea they wanted to kill people for her. She was fine with them beating the guy up, but killing... That man had a family too; a wife and children. She didn't want to be responsible for their pain.

There however wasn't much she could do about it. It wasn't like they valued her opinion much. Happy wanted him dead because of his ties to Maddox. It didn't matter what she wanted. The club obviously supported Happy out of solidarity. It made her feel sick. 

"Happy's gotta hear what he wanna hear. If he deserves to die, he will."

Dana rolled his eyes. "The fact that he even  _looked_ at meonce is for Happy reason enough to want him dead."

Juice shrugged his shoulders. Apparently he felt the same way. 

"Come on. Let the men do their jobs. You need some distraction. We've got a couple of hours before I have to hack the camera's." His fingers slid into her belt loops and he pulled her close. His nose stroked hers. "You know what I want to do with you, but if we do that I'm sure I will be late again." He smirked.

She bit her lip when she saw the mischievous look in his eyes. She felt how he held his breath shortly when their eyes locked. "I think you're right," she whispered. With her lips she slightly brushed his, then she pulled back her face, teasing. "So, what now?"

Juice shrugged. "Ain't nothing you wanna do? Or used to do, in the past?" He smirked. "No strange hobbies?"

 _Hobbies..._ That word sounded like something from a past life. There had been things she'd liked to do, like playing basketball and going to concerts. She'd done neither of them for more than two years.  

" _Strange_ hobbies?" she repeated. "Well... I've done archery for a few years. As a child I idolized Robin Hood," she admitted. 

Juice raised his eyebrows, a surprised smile played his lips. "Archery? So we should have given you a bow and arrow instead of a gun?"

"Yeah, I can deal with that much better." She grinned. "But it isn't very low profile, ya know, if I walk down the street like the Green Arrow."

"Not really." He took his phone out of his pocket and started to type on the screen. "Fifteen minutes from here is an achery ranch. Let's go."

Dana doubted that was a wise idea, but Juice's face expressed so much enthusiasm she was easily persuaded. 

"Give Cherry a call to see if she wants to join us? A small group is less conspicuous. I ask some of the guys."

Dana didn't believe they could go anywhere unnoticed as long as half a motorclub was on the road, but she kept those words to herself. She had to admit she loved to do something spontaneous with these people, instead of hanging around in the clubhouse all the time. They'd became her friends, but since they were always here it felt like she knew only one side of them. 

"Great plan." She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek. 

He smirked. "Yeah, sometimes I have one." 

"Sometimes."

She laughed when she saw his indignant face and he playfully slapped her ass when she walked away, out, so she could call Cherry without the music distorting the conversation.


	65. Dana

An hour later the six of them stood in front of a ranch in a hilly area, surrounded by high trees casting shadows on large fenced-in plaques of grass. On some, horses were grazing but most were empty and the height of the grass showed it had been a while since animals had been there. 

Next to the entrance stood a wooden poster in the form of a baby Indian with a bow and arrow in his hand. 'Bowmen of the Hills,' was written down on it in rough, red letters. 

"So you would have joined this club if that Puerto Rican of ours hadn't claimed you?" With a smirk Jax swung his arm around her shoulders. 

Dana hadn't spoken much to Jax since their failed adventure in bed. Now and then, of course; there hadn't been a reason to avoid him, but there neither had been a reason for a deep conversation. She however didn't mind he'd joined the two couples, together with Opie. The more guys, the lesser the chance something would happen to her.

"I might be ready for some Indian blood now."

Jax chuckled and let go of her. "Then I bet you'll see some Indian blood indeed."

Dana grinned. She'd had an awfully possessive boyfriend before, but the thought Juice couldn't control himself when someone was touching his girlfriend still felt good. As long as he didn't become  _really_ violent.

"Ya heard anythin' from the cops?" Dana asked Opie.

He shook his head. "No witnesses, as far as I know. They might wanna interrogate all of us, but there's no evidence directing to me."

Dana smiled in relief. If things had been different she'd surely heard about it, but it was good to hear it straight from him. 

They reached the first building and Dana hoped non-members would be welcome. On the wooden door a poster was put, showing an event that took place within a week. She peeked through the window, seeing a bar with a few stools around it. Animal heads and bows in different seizes were hanging on the walls. 

"Howdy," a man greeted them when they entered the room. His low voice sounded a little tensed; the Sons had quite a reputation. But he seemed to relax somewhat when he saw Cherry and her. 

Dana sped up a little so that she could talk to the man herself. She had the impression a friendly smile achieved more than the usual way in which the guys told other people what they wanted. The man was in his late sixties, wearing a cowboy hat on his head and a red hanky around his neck. Dana got the idea he'd tried to bring some Texas to California. 

"Hi," she said with her sweetest smile. "In a dim past I did some archery and I would love to do that with my friends for once. Can we do that here? Or is this a private club?"

"We don't have visitors often, but I'm sure we can make a deal." He gave her a wink. 

"Good!"

"I'll set up some things. Y'all want somethin' to drink?"

Dana nodded, and a second later they all had a beer in their hand. 

"Did one of you ever do archery?" Dana asked the others after they'd hoisted themselves on a stool. 

"Only on a fun fair, I guess," Opie answered. "Can't remember well, I was just a kid. Think they even used arrows with suction cups."

Dana imagined a little Opie with a child bow and arrow and smirked. "I'm a little disappointed in all of you. I thought you could deal with all kinds of weapons."

"We ain't elderly," he answered with a grin. "Got plenty of time to specialize in archery. Might be a nice business as well. You never know."

Dana didn't know well how to put his words. She'd wondered for some time what their illegal business consisted of. Weapons or drugs, she'd guessed. She'd seen none of the guys using drugs, so she'd expected the first. Although gun business was a dangerous branche as well, it was much better than being tied to some drug cartel. She however was surprised Opie spoke so openly about it. He must have noticed too, for he shrugged his shoulders. 

"You didn't know how we earn a livin'?"

"Porn and Harleys, I supposed."

He raised his eyebrows skeptically. 

"And other things," she admitted. "Ain't none of my business."

"Indeed," Jax judged, giving his friend a questioning look. 

"She's an Old Lady now. If Juice has to hide another cargo of KG-9's in his house, she'll find out anyway."

"I didn't plan on making a habit of that," Juice muttered.

Jax raised his eyebrows. "Wow, did I miss somethin'? Are you two so serious?"

Cherry started to laugh. "What rock have you been livin' under, honey?"

"Yeah bro, everyone could say that from miles away," Kip chuckled. 

He shrugged his shoulders. "Thought you were just friends with benefits, ya know? Well, congrats then." With a smirk he hit Juice on the shoulder. "You're one lucky guy."

Dana felt a little uncomfortable. She still wished she'd never slept with him. 

The owner of the range returned and gestured them to come along. Dana saw her way out, finished her beer and walked to the door.


	66. Happy

The three of them watched the cage fight from a distance. They were in a dim hole, breathing in more cigarette smoke than oxygen. They hadn't found their man yet. His home address was their back-up plan, but Happy preferred this place over the man's house. It was a mess here anyway, they didn't need to pay attention to their finger prints.

After watching a few rounds they took a bet too. Some people had asked if he was interested in joining the fight too, but Happy had answered with a sniff. He wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty, tonight however he had other plans. There was only one person whose blood he wanted to see. For that to happen, they needed to find the guy first without catching anyone's attention. If they would move around like a bunch of crazy pigs they would be thrown out immediately.

Chibs hovered over to him. "Think he's up there." The Scot talked to him without taking his eyes off the match.

Happy looked up. The cloud of smoke was so thick he hadn't realized there was a gallery. The place wasn't lit, but in the corner he indeed distinguished a shady figure. The thing that stood out most, was the glowing end of a cigarette.

"Might be."

"Ya want me to take a look?" Tig suggested.

Happy thought about it for a while. Whoever was sitting there clearly wasn't a regular visitor. But it could also be a guard, somebody who was looking for people like them, people who were here for dubious reasons.

"Fine," he said eventually. "Be subtle. Go fuck a bitch, with some money ya pass the guard on the stairs easily."

Tig took a look inside his pocket, noted he had enough money and squirreled through the crowd, up to the scantily dressed women who were clearly hoping to earn some money tonight as well.

Happy focused on the fight again, and bowed towards Chibs. "We've bet on who?"

"The bald one, I think."

Happy nodded. Not that he cared much. Nobody could conclude from his face if he was happy or angry about something. He lit a cigarette, slid one hand into his pocket and watched how the bald one punched the other – a beaner with slicked back hair – on the temple. The man faltered backwards, hit the bars of the cage and got a knee in his stomach. He bent over, spitted out gobs of blood, and just when the bald one wanted to hit him again, he suddenly threw himself forward and tried to bring the other down to the ground.

* * *

 By the time Tig joined them again, he was grinning from ear to ear. He hadn't used the girl just to get to the gallery.

"It's our guy," he said. "Two guard dogs on his side."

"Good. Any other stair?"

"On the other side. Can't reach it from here."

Happy nodded. "Gonna find out how to get there." He walked outside and breathed in the clean air. When he was sure nobody was around, he gave Juice a call.

"Got a blueprint of the building?" he asked when the kid answered.

"In a sec."

Happy suppressed an impatient grunt, but pacified when he heard Juice's rattling on the keyboard. For a moment he'd been afraid the guy hadn't even been close to his laptop, but apparently his little sister hadn't fucked up all of his brain.

"Need to find the stair that ain't leading to the hall."

A few quick clicks followed. "I'll send the image."

Happy disconnected and a second later there was an image on his cellphone with the building schematic of the club. By moving his thumb and index finger away from each other he zoomed in so he could distinguish the different rooms. The other stair terminated in quite a large room that was accessible from the hallway. A conference room, he suspected, business had to be discussed somewhere and the other rooms were much smaller. He'd seen a couple entering one of the other rooms and guessed the guy was running a small brothel as well. It was a good thing they hadn't started to invade the rooms, that would have attracted too much attention.

Happy went inside again and pushed down the door handle of the room he'd been looking for. It was open. He sneaked inside and looked around. There was a suite with comfortable couches. He sat down on one of them, his face toward the stair and laid his gun on the armrest.

He sent Chibs a message about his whereabouts and waited patiently until their target came down, unaware of his visitor.


	67. Dana

Dana was lying on the couch, her feet in Juice's lap. It was ten o'clock.  Juice's laptop was opened on the table, but it had been a while since Happy had called. They were at Kip and Cherry's house, it was the first time Juice and Dana were there together. After archery Opie and Jax had gone home to their kids, and Cherry had taken them here and ordered pizzas. 

"A cocktail _à la Cherry._ " 

Cherry pushed a martini glass in her hands, complete with a lemon wedge on the rim. Dana took it from her and looked at the red liquid. "Looking good." 

"Of course it does. I've worked a couple of years in a bar at the beach. Making cocktails is one of my talents."

Dana took a sip. The sweetness rolled through her mouth, it tasted like cherries. "Hmm, it's really good, dude." She looked at the two boys. "You're missin' one hell of a drink." 

Kip and Juice confined themselves to cola, so they were sober enough to ride and stay alert. Dana didn't know if they were taking a bigger risk while staying here – she doubted it – but the guns were ready on the table and the two shooters would make sure they wouldn't miss a bullet.

"Hmm-hmm," was all Kip answered, his eyes glued to the tv where some motorrace was going on.

Cherry squeezed her eyes, grabbed the remote controller out of his lap and turned off the tv. "Don't be so unsociable."

While cursing, Kip tried to get the device back, but Cherry pushed him away with her foot against his chest. "Calm down. Don't wanna spoil this cocktail. I got a better idea than watching tv."

Dana raised her eyebrows. Cherry's ideas were usually quite special. 

"Let's play poker." She started to grin. "Strip poker."

Dana looked at Juice, curious how he would react. She'd already experienced the guys were quite possessive when it came to their old ladies, and she doubted he would still appreciate it when she would do a pole dance act again in her lingerie. In that respect she was  _his_ , although in a less obsessive way than Maddox. 

Their eyes met. She shrugged her shoulders; everyone in this room had seen her in her underwear. It was more of a question how Juice and Kip thought about stripping in front of each other. 

"All right," Juice said eventually with a crooked smile. He rubbed his stomach. "Although I don't wanna embarrass Sack with my great body. It would be too bad for him if Cherry fantasizes about me tonight."

"Oh, I do that all the time." Cherry put down her empty glass. "Maybe we could switch partners for once. Or do a foursome. Dane already told me see would love to try a threesome. One more or less won't make a difference."

Dana felt her cheeks glow when she caught Juice's questioning look. That it had been a joke, sounded as a pitiful defense.

"Well Kip? You're joinin' us?" Dana asked, who rather went back to the strip poker instead of explaining where Cherry's remark was coming from.

"With a foursome?" He stuck out his tongue. "Or poker? I'm open to both, as long as we find a female candidate to replace Juice."

Cherry snorted. "As if you can handle  _three_ chicks."

Kip seemed to find this the right moment to walk to the closet to search for a game of cards. Dana sat up straight, folded her feet beneath herself and took a sip from the cocktail. It was a strange day. On the one hand more relaxing than whatever day before, whereby they'd gone out like a normal group of friends and ate pizza with another couple –  and were about to play strip poker now. 

And at the same time her brother was torturing someone. Right now. 

Kip and Juice acted like it was the most natural thing in the world, but not for her. What if something went wrong? What if  _he_ would be the one to be tortured, to be killed? Nervously she scratched her elbow. She had no doubt Cherry's suggestion was nothing more than an attempt to distract her. 

Kip sat down on the couch again and shuffled the cards. 

"So how does this work?" Dana asked Cherry. Back in the day she'd played for money, but she couldn't imagine they had to throw their clothes at the table now to determine their bets. Then this game would be brief. 

"The loser takes off somethin'?" Cherry suggested. "Or the winner takes off somethin' from someone else. Free choice."

Dana chuckled. "Yeah yeah. Then we'll be in our bra's after the first round. That sounds more like the grand prize. Let's build it up. First shoes and socks, and so on." Dana looked around and discovered she was the only one who'd taken off her shoes. "And I'll put those on first too."

"You don't need to worry, babe," Juice said while leaning forward to pick up his pile of cards. "I assume Cherry rather undresses men, if Sack ever wants to earn his full patch he keeps his hands off my girl and I'll catch up tonight, when we're alone." 

His confident tone and grin made her want to jump his bones right her and now. She hovered over to him and whispered: "If you keep talkin' like that, I'll rip off your clothes before we've even started."

"Don't be so barbarous. We'll behave and play by Cherry's rules."

She chuckled softly. The look in his eyes almost challenged her to break these rules.


	68. Happy

Happy's hand went to his gun when the door opened. He lowered it when Chibs stepped into the room. They didn't need to exchange words to know Tig was keeping an eye on the other stair. Chibs sat down next to him, his Beretta casually in his hand. For a while they sat in silence. Thoughtlessly Happy stared forward. He didn't permit himself to fantasize about his revenge, he didn't want to feel the icy hate flowing through his veins. This was just a job that needed to be done. As soon as things became personal, he showed a weakness and then a mistake was easily made. He had to get information about Maddox, that was his main goal. If he succeeded, he allowed himself some bloodshed. 

Rumor in the hallway distracted him. Were the fights over or were they taking a break? It was almost midnight, quite early to shut the place down. The stair was cracking. The men on the gallery clearly needed a walk too. Happy picked up his gun, tightened the muffler and watched how a pair of shoes came down. Right after that a second pair followed.

With two quick shots Happy took out both of the guards.

Montez froze on the stair. His hand reached for the banister, the subtle way in which his shoes were turning gave away that he was about to flight upwards. 

"You better not. I blow up your ass if you try to turn around. Get here."

The owner didn't move immediately. A little doubtful he looked at the two men that had glided down the stair. He had to understand he hadn't much of a choice, but he probably knew as well that he wouldn't get out of here alive. His hesitation however told Happy enough. He wasn't keen to die and he would take every opportunity to delay the moment. 

Happy stood up from the couch when Montez was only one meter away from him. "I bet you have a room where we can talk in private." He stepped forward and pushed his gun against the chest of the man. "And where we can get to unnoticed."

Montez' eyes wandered to the Scot, who moved his neck from left to right until a snap was audible. He didn't say a word.

"Yeah," Montez said. "There's a small room behind the stair."

With a nod Happy gestured him to take the lead. The man turned around. Although it was clear he didn't like the situation, he didn't look nervous 

_Good. Nervous people do stupid things._

Behind the stair was a door indeed. As soon as the man turned away his head to find the light switch, Happy punched the side of his head so he went KO. 

Happy grabbed the guy by the collar before he could collaps and dragged him into the small room. Bottles of wine were piled up against the wall, there wasn't much space left. He put the body against the far wall and crouched in front of him. 

After a minute the door of the wine collar opened. Chibs shuffled in, his arms around the chest of one of the shot men. 

"You get it clean?" Happy wanted to know. 

"Aye. Ye stick to our sleeping beauty." 

The Scot dumped the body and turned around to get the next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you all still like this story!
> 
> I wanted to inform you that I started a new Juice fanfic and I'm very passionate about it. It will be something totally different than this story, but I've great plans. :)  It's called Guardian Angels and can be found on my profile :) 
> 
> The blurb:   
> After the death of her little brother, Alex is feeling restless. In an attempt to find closure, the former military joins the Sons of Anarchy. Since her brother spent his last hours with this motorclub, she hopes to feel his presence within the family he was willing to die for. While Alex blends into her new identity as Shane Brewster and pretends to be a man, there's one thing she'd not foreseen. She falls in love with the intelligence officer. 
> 
> Struggling with her feelings, the secrets of her new family and the ghosts of her past, she tries to keep her real identity to herself. However, danger of exposure is always lurking.
> 
> You would be the best if you give it a chance! :)


	69. Juice

For a moment Juice wondered how the hell Happy would react if he would storm into the apartment  _now_ with news about Maddox that couldn't wait. Playing strip poker while they were on guard would surely lead to a blow to the skull. And his little sister was sitting half naked on the couch next to him, her pants and socks already on the ground. 

Still he liked the current situation and he found it more important that he stayed sober. He could gun down an intruder perfectly well, whether he was fully clothed or only in his boxers. Perhaps it was wrong, but he didn't want to think about the danger that surrounded Dana  _all time._ The moments she could let go of the fear were golden, and he knew for sure she was having fun right now. 

With a grin he looked at her. She'd just won a round – actually she was pretty good in the game – and she was taking off Cherry's top. He didn't know what was happening between those two girls, but it turned him on to watch them undress each other. His thoughts went back to Cherry's words and he pictured a threesome. He didn't feel the longing to do something with Cherry himself – even though she surely was beautiful – but the influence those girls had on each other was just sexy as hell. 

He glanced at Sack, who watched the two with an amused smirk as well. No way his thoughts didn't follow the same pattern, and the thought of that made him clench his teeth. Of course that was hypocrite, but he couldn't help it. The idea that others were mentally unclothing his girl just made him mad, even if it was Sack, who would never touch her if she didn't want him to. Not only because he would lose his chance on a full patch forever, but also because he respected Dana. 

Dana dropped down on the couch again and Cherry bend over to pick up the cards to shuffle them. The lower parts of her cups were inlaid with black stones that reflected the dim light. Even though he'd planned to undress Dana himself tonight, he was getting curious to the lingerie she was wearing. He'd been at work when she got up this morning and she was now wearing a long green blouse that fell over her hips, so that he didn't even know what panties she was wearing. The few things he'd seen up to now hadn't been disappointing at all and...

"Hey, dreamer." Dana poked his side. "Take a look at your cards."

Sack chuckled. "Since he heard the word  _threesome_  his thoughts aren't with the game at all."

Cherry raised her eyebrows. "And yours are? You are the only one who's wearing a shirt nor pants."

"I just like being undressed by you two."

It wasn't as if Sack had a lot to hide. He even pulled down his pants to show his mutilated ball by way of an introduction. 

Cherry squeezed her eyes a little. "Now I think about it... you don't let us win, right? If I remember well you haven't taken off a single piece."

"I took out Dana's shoes," Sack defended himself. "And your socks." He pulled a face.

Juice watched his cards. Two sevens, a nine, a king and an ace. This time he neither was going to be a winner. "Then give me cards that don't suck, for once."

"Here, take mine." With a smirk Dana shoved her pile to the side, right when he wanted to discard the nine. Before he could pick them up, she pulled his play cards out of his hands. She moved a little closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder while he watched the cards. Three queens, a ten and a jack. 

"Well, you know what you give away," he muttered. 

"Uh-uh." Her lips gently touched his ear as she whispered: "I wanna be your price."

His body tensed when hearing her sensual voice, and since he was only wearing his boxer everybody could see that. It took all of his willpower not to pull her on his lap  to make out immediately. 

"Then you better hope for the queen of spades or a joker."

He discarded the ten and took a new card. A five. 

Dana threw away a card when it was her turn, took a new one and shove it between his cards, a mischievous look in her eyes. It was a joker, he noticed, and she picked the jack from between his fingers. 

"Aren't they cute?" Cherry asked, looking at Sack. "There was a time you were blushing too when I acted like that."

Juice suppressed the urge to touch his cheeks. No, he wasn't red, right? 

"Nah, think that was just your imagination," Sack answered with a wolfish grin, which earned him a slap in the face. "This is the only way you get my cheeks red," he muttered, rubbing his face.

"Just play a card," Cherry insisted, wearing a sour face now. 

"I pass. If I get in the way of Juice's fun now I have to scrub toilets for a month."

Cherry watched his cards, removed two of them and added them to her own pile. "I know a little about cheating too. Maybe I neither can wait to take Dana's blouse off." She turned around her cards. "Full house."

Dana pulled the cards out of his hand and laid them down one by one. "We have four of a kind."

" _We?_ Really?" Cherry shook her head. "Well sweethearts, do your thing. Make me wet."

"Shut up," Dana chuckled, throwing her pants to Cherry who caught them out of the air with a chuckle. 

Dana climbed on Juice's lap, a knee on both sides of him. His breathing became more heavy when she lowered herself a little, until his erection pushed against her soft flesh, only separated by two very thin pieces of fabric. His fingers were trembling because of the desire that was racing through his body. Man, he wanted her so badly. Right here, right now. He didn't care the others were around. He pushed through the nebulae that were clouding his head and started with the top button. 

He felt that she was watching him and looked up. Her lips moved away from each other, showing the typical little gap between her front teeth. Her eyes were dark with lust and he kept looking at her while his fingers lowered down, fumbling with the buttons. He felt her chest rise and fall while she breathed. The back of his index fingers glided down her warm skin while he opened up the buttons one by one. 

However magical her eyes were, his glance wandered downwards. She was wearing a black and red bra, the upper part was covered with lace. Her breasts fitted in perfectly and his fingers slid down the edges. 

"As if they're doing this for the very first time," Cherry chuckled, somewhere far away.

 _We do._ But he didn't say it out loud and continued to unbutton her blouse, looking up to Dana again and seeing the flaming desire in her eyes that was messing with his head since the day they met. 

When he reached the last button, he pushed the fabric off her shoulders. His own T-shirt followed. Her fingers brushed the tattoos on his chest, traced the letters beneath the smileys. 

"I suggest we take a break from the game," he muttered, before he bowed his head and claimed her lips. 

In the background he heard Cherry whistle, then footsteps sounded and a door was closed. His hands wandered across her back, across her buns. With both hands he held them while pulling her closer without his tongue losing contact with hers.   
  



	70. Happy

Happy's phone was buzzing. It was a message from Tig; the hall emptied out. He ordered the sergeant-at-arms to stay close to make sure nobody would interrupt them. Normally it wasn't up to him to give orders, especially not since Tig was a member for a much longer time than he, but the man didn't complain and understood his thirst for revenge.

When he was notified the building was empty, save for some hookers who were pleasing their clients, Happy picked up a bottle of wine and slashed it to the wall, above the head of his unconscious captive. With a loud moan the man looked up. Several bumps had appeared on the side of the man's head, caused by the times Happy had sent him back to oblivion.

"Listen to me," Happy grunted, hovering over the man. "If you speak loud I'ma blow off your balls." He pushed the gun against the crotch of the man. "Got that?"

The man looked at him with cracked eyes. He was undoubtedly tormented by a hell of a headache.

Happy smirked satisfied. "Good. Let's talk." He crouched down in front of him. The man sat up a little straighter. Happy had tied his hands on his back, so his position wasn't going to be much more comfortable.

He took his phone out of his pocket and showed the man a picture of Dana. He'd made it this morning, before she disappeared beneath a layer of make-up. "You know her?"

The man tilted his head to the left so he could look past the wet strands of his hair. "Should I?"

"Yeah. Imagine her with blonde hair."

"Hmm. Hot chick."

Happy snatched a piece of glass from the ground and stabbed it forward, right through the man's pants, in his balls. "Watch your mouth, my friend." He pressed his gun to the lips of the whining man so he would shut up and jiggled the shard deeper into the soft flesh. "Ssh... Not gonna ask again."

The man sucked in oxygen. His eyes were almost popping out of his head, while his blood mixed with the pool of wine he was sitting in.

"I wouldn't know," he grumbled. "I see bitches all the time."

"Think a little harder. Maddox. That ring any bells?"

The eyes of the man widened, although his glance briefly wandered to the shard that was still sticking out of his pants.

"I guess so," Happy concluded with a satisfied smirk. "Good boy. Now, where can I find him?"

The corners of Montez' lips curled up. "You're an idiot if you think you'll ever get close to him."

"Wrong answer." With the back of his gun Happy hit the man's head. A piece of his tooth broke down and his lip split. With a grunt he turned his head away.

He spitted out the piece of his tooth. "He possesses a few neighborhoods. We've always met on different places."

 _A few neighborhoods._ Happy felt his blood boil. _How does that prick get a few_ _ **neighborhoods**_ _?_ The connections he had must go very deep. Maybe even into the city counsel. How the hell did that asshole manage to build an imperium like that in such a short time? He was barely thirty.

"And what were you doin'?" Happy let go of the shard.

"That's none of your business."

Happy sniffed. "One more word and you're done doing business with that little thing over there." He nodded to his crotch.

Behind him Chibs chuckled.

"Don't be afraid Maddox will get even with you for ratting on him," Happy entrusted him. "You gonna die tonight anyway. It's up to you with how much pain that's gonna happen." He took a zipper out of his pocket and held the little flame close to the pant leg of the man, until it started to smolder.

Fascinated Happy watched how the flame consumed more and more of the fabric. He leaned on the man's leg so he couldn't kick out the fire. "So, tell me... What kind of business is Maddox in?"

"I brought him whores," the man lisped, wildly trying to rotate his leg to put out the flame.

Happy inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of burnt flesh. It made him hungry.

"You brought him whores," he repeated slowly. He'd expected more. Were they just entertainment during his activities? Whatever activities that might be? Did he own a brothel?

"Yes! I told you everything I know!"

Happy glanced over his shoulder. With a nod he told Chibs he had to hold the other leg. The Scot crouched down next to him and Happy lit another flame right beneath the hem of his other leg.

"Not everything. How did you get in touch? Where did you meet?"

The man breathed heavily, he started to kick with his legs wilder and wilder. No longer could he ignore the pain, he started to scream and Happy quickly pushed a large hand against his mouth.

"First answers, Montez. Otherwise I make sure you stay conscious until the last cell of your ugly body is burnt away."

* * *

Happy wiped his bloody fingers on his pants and glanced at the blocnote in Chibs' hands. They got three addresses. Montez had told them surveillance was increased the last weeks and that some attic rooms were confiscated by snipers.

Satisfied Happy looked down on the body. Shards were sticking out of his body as if he was a fucking pincushion. The man breathed loudly through his nose, they'd taped his mouth right after he'd told them everything he knew. It was less than Happy had hoped, but they knew more than before they'd stepped into this place.

A door behind them opened. Tig walked in. "Haven't seen anyone for more than an hour." He stood next to Happy and watched the mutilated body with an admiring look on his face. "Nice."

"You're right in time to see the firework."

Montez moaned in response, but there wasn't much strength in him anymore. That would come back, Happy knew, when his body would fight its last battle.

He took a few bottles from the rack, broke off the necks and let the contents spill over the man until he was totally soaked. The alcohol burned in his wounds and made him crack his eyes.

Happy knelt down and lighted up the shoe-string. Because of the alcohol the flames spread immediately and Happy stepped back, until he stood shoulder to shoulder with his brothers again.

In silence they watched how the flames raced over the body, how the man started to struggle and scream again. They just stood there, until there was so much smoke they could no longer see Montez. His noise had already died away.

"One down," Happy said with a grim face while leaving the wine cellar. "Whole lotta motherfuckers to go."

* * *

 

**Hi! You guys still there? Hope you'll still enjoying the story, please let me know what you think of it or what you expect to happen :)!**


	71. Dana

Dana had hoped this day would never come.

Two weeks had passed since the funeral of her mother. All things considered, she wasn't unhappy. She had the feeling she really fitted in. Of course the fear that Maddox could step in any moment still slumbered in her body, and she had to admit the absence of a sign of life sometimes grabbed her by the throat. As if he was giving her this freedom on purpose, so it would destroy her even harder when he took everything away from her again. For precisely that reason she tried to enjoy every moment. She not only enjoyed the hours she spent with Juice, but also the company of the others. She felt home here. Not because she was Happy's sister or Juice's old lady, but because of who she was. Now and then she was even talking to her brother again. About simple things, but it was a start. Their relationship was starting to restore.

And now they left.

Yesterday the club had laid hands on a new shipment of AK's and bigger artillery that were clearly meant to blow up Maddox' buildings. Even though Maddox had declared them war at the day he'd murdered her mother, this was the first public counterattack. And the guys were not beating around the bush. Piney, Bobby and Juice would stay behind to guard the clubhouse, the others were about to ride to San Francisco, together with some Sons from other charters. There were four locations they would assault in groups. It was going to be a bloodbath. Dana knew for sure. She  _knew_ this would go wrong, but nobody listened to her.

Even Juice was convinced their plan was solid. He laughed away the thought that things could go wrong.

Dana could almost hear Maddox' triumphant laughter. She sat on the couch and massaged her temples. A dull headache plagued her since the moment she knew they would hit the road today.

However this would end, her life would be different tomorrow.

Or half of the club would be massacred, with no one left to keep Maddox away from her.

Or Maddox was dead. Then she wouldn't be in immediately danger anymore, but she would still be tied to a motorclub who'd openly declared war to a gang of which they didn't even know how exactly they financed themselves.

But Dana stayed silent about it. She'd already told them what she was thinking and there was no point in repeating it.

She was a woman, according to them she couldn't assess the situation.

Maybe they were right. She just hoped they were right.

* * *

With a deep sigh she stood up from the couch when the men went outside. They were leaving.

"Keep your worries to yourselves," Gemma instructed them. "Be strong."

Dana sniffed. She didn't care about her  _old lady peptalk._ The last time they'd been confronted with Maddox' men, Opie had been very close to his death. It was up to Gemma if she was satisfied with a quick kiss from Clay, but Dana hugged Opie and Kip as if it was the last time she could do so, and she even broke through the awkward wall between her brother and her to hold him tight.

"Please be careful," she whispered.

"Sure." He lifted her chin and looked at her. "I'm fine. Got no plans to die soon. Don't worry, kid.I should have done this years ago." He let go of her and walked to his bike.

Sighing, she watched him leave. A hand slid into hers and she looked aside. Cherry looked pale. It was the first time Kip was involved in a major operation like this. It was probably the final hurdle to his full patch, so he was eager to prove himself.

Dana straightened her shoulders. Now she understood why Gemma found it so important they stayed strong. She looked around to see where Kenny and Ellie were and noticed they'd found comfort with their grandpa.

Juice stood a few meters away from her, his phone pressed to his ear. He'd probably called one of the other charters to pass that SAMCRO was leaving. His surly face showed he was anything but happy to stay behind.

Nevertheless she felt an immense relief that he stayed with her. Yesterday they'd had a massive fight since he wanted to avenge her, but in the end she'd told him she was afraid Maddox had waited for this moment to get her out of here. Maybe he needed to make just one phone call when the first Harleys showed up on his block. The fact that she wanted him  _here_ to protect her, had ultimately convinced him.

Dana pulled her hand out of Cherry's and lit up a smoke. She gave her friend a cigarette too and watched how Bobby crossed the parking lot to close the gate. It wouldn't be opened before the guys returned, they'd told her.

She felt a soft caress across her hand, and a moment later her cigarette was gone. Juice took a drag, returned it and laid his arm around her waist. "They'll be back before you know it. Then all this shit is finally over."

Dana blew a cloud of smoke and watched how it slowly vanished. "I hope so."


	72. Happy

Their group consisted of five men. It was a good number, the situation would be manageable. The house they would invade was situated in the center of the city. It was the building in which Dana had been locked up, and Happy had the feeling the motherfucker was still living there. As if her pain and sadness were still wandering around like a ghost, providing him with energy. Happy wanted to see that place with his own eyes. He wanted to know where her tears had fallen, where her cries had echoed, so that he would never forget what that asshole had done to her. 

As soon as they went down the street the house was on, he glanced briefly at his four brothers. They were tough guys who wouldn't freak out when snipers would let their bullets fly. Tig was his only brother from Charming, the others were from Tacoma, where he had spent quite some time before he'd transferred to Charming. He'd hung out with Kozik for years and he couldn't think of anyone he'd rather have on his side. He kept a cool head in whatever situation, and contrary to Happy himself he never lost himself in violence. 

Kozik was the only one who'd met Dana before she ran into Maddox' arms, even though it nearly costed his life. Happy had found the two of them elf years ago in her bedroom, kissing, his hands already underneath her shirt. He'd sliced and diced him so badly he'd spent three days on the ICU. The beat-up had led to a long period of validation, since Happy had broken both of his arms and legs, and a scar above his right eye was still a witness of the whacking. 

Kozik had never reported the assault and after he'd sworn to touch Dana never again, they'd shaken hands. Happy had never truly forgiven his friend for trying to get his little sister in bed, but they'd been through so much together he couldn't stay mad forever. There was even regret that started to eat him now. If he hadn't intervened when the fifteen year older biker had touched her, would his sister have gone after him instead of Maddox? Kozik would have broken her heart, but he would never have treated her like Maddox had done. 

Happy focused on his surroundings again. This wasn't the moment to get lost in thoughts. The rumbling of their bikes filled the street. His eyes were glued to the skylights, looking for the shooters his martyr had talked about. They were all wearing a bullet proof vest and a helmet, but he couldn't rely solely on that. They had no clue with what artillery their opponents were equipped. 

They stood still in front of a large freestanding house. The front yard was well maintained and there wasn't a wrought iron fence that surrounded the place, as he'd seen at many of the other houses. There was no indication it was a criminal who was living here. This however was the only address Dana had been able to confirm. It had to be here. 

He got off his bike and took the machine gun he'd tested this morning. He wasn't about to take any risk and he wouldn't rely on a single bullet. 

Inside the house was a light which brightness was constantly changing. Was somebody watching TV? He exchanged a look with Kozik, who'd got off his bike as well. None of this felt right. There still was no sign of the snipers. 

They first tried the front door, then they walked to the back of the house and arrived at the back door. That was open. For a moment he imagined how Dana had opened that door, how she'd looked over her shoulder in fear before she ran to the garage. For a split second he felt a lump in his throat. He breathed in deeply, blew out his breath with force and entered the house. Tig, Kozik and one of his Tacoma brothers followed him, the last one stayed at the door and gestured he would stand guard. Happy nodded, held a firm grip on the KG-9 and crossed the pantry. Farther away in the house sounded laughter – tinny, coming from a comedy show. 

He briefly looked over his shoulder when someone's shoe caused a squeaking sound. It was more of a reflex than that it really bothered him; he wasn't moving very carefully either. A few steps later he reached the kitchen, and a few seconds later he could view the living room. 

He froze immediately. 

"The fuck," he grunted. 

Two meters away from the tv sat a man, bounded to a chair. His head was leaning over. Happy strode to the victim. From the side he grabbed the man's chin and turned his face to have a better look. 

Next to him Tig cursed loudly. 

Happy's jaws tensed. He'd seen lots of gruesome murders – he'd even carried out a great deal himself  –  but this time he hadn't been prepared for it at all. Blood was dripping from the face, coming from two empty eye sockets. A second later he distinguished both of the eyeballs on the ground, together with a knife. 

He had not the slightest idea what this was supposed to mean, but the blood was still wet.  _Maddox's still here._

Kozik elbowed his side. "It's a cop."

The shoulders and chest were drenched in so much blood Happy hadn't noticed yet, but now he recognized the blue emblem with the eagle and the imprint 'San Francisco Police' above it. 

"Oh shit man..." Tig muttered. "This ain't good man." He strode to the window and shoved the curtain to the side. "It's a fucking set-up."

Right at that moment, the back door was swung open, followed by the noise of hurried footsteps. Happy's eyes shot to the window, there were flashing lights now. 

_What a fucking mess._

Everything happened so fast his brain could barely process it. Suddenly cops swarmed inside from two directions. He didn't know who started the fight, but bullets were flying everywhere and he felt two hits in his back. Thank god he was wearing a bullet proof vest. 

Not everyone was that lucky. Right next to him Kozik dropped on his knees, pushing a hand against his bleeding neck. 

"Fuck," Happy grunted.  _Let's hope it's not his carotid._ He stepped in front of his fallen brother in a protective position and let his automatic gun rattle until all cops had taken cover. 

"Put down your weapons!" somebody yelled from behind a wall. 

With his guts in a knot Happy glanced over his shoulder. If there was still a chance that Kozik would survive this, he got to get to a hospital immediately. "An ambulance!" he yelled back. "Call an ambulance!"

He exchanged a look with Tig, who nodded with a grim face. Happy laid down his gun. They had no choice. The three of them wouldn't stand a chance against a full police department and he wasn't going to be killed by a pig. Not as long as Dana was still in danger. 

And she was. 

Now more than ever.


	73. Maddox

Right through the window of the police car he felt the burning glare of the Tacoma killer. 

It did nothing to Maddox. That bald muscle couldn't even get close to him. He smirked satisfied and waved to the biker while the police car drove away. 

It had been so easy Maddox almost felt disappointed. He breathed the fresh air in, through which he could still smell a hint of gunpowder and blood. Then he slid his hands into his pockets and strolled along his house, that had been turned into a crime scene now. 

He didn't care. There were many other apartments where he could spend the night. This one had bored him for a while anyway. Of course the best memories lingered there, but it was time to create new ones. It wouldn't take long before she would return. He was sure of it. He allowed her to enjoy the freedom she thought to have. Soon she would decide if it was worth the sacrifices she was making to keep it. 

It wasn't. He knew her well enough to assess that.

Back in the day she'd been selfish and her own pleasure had always been central, but that had quietly changed. She'd became humble, she'd learned that she  _wasn't_ the center of the earth. 

She'd grown up. 

Unfortunately that had also been the moment she wanted to leave him. He'd been surprised how far she'd been willing to go. Killing Casper... he hadn't thought she had it in her. For a moment he'd caught a glimpse of the rebel girl he'd fallen in love with. 

And now he wanted her more than ever.

At the funeral of her mother he'd discovered that her brother – whose existence Maddox had forgotten – had ties with the Sons of Anarchy. Which charter exactly he didn't know. Tacoma, had been his first guess, but after pushing a gun into the mouth of a six year old boy, the father had made clear she wasn't there. He however had a mole and it had only taken a few days before he got a call the motor gang would head for San Fran to nail him. 

The timing was great. He'd thought killing her mother would be enough to make her obedient again, but he was wrong. She was tenacious, although that shouldn't have surprised him. Her brother was a tough one, he'd found out, his nickname was even "Tacoma Killer". For a moment he'd considered to kill him too, but he'd refrained. It would be a shame if her spirit was crushed when she returned. 

Being tough, being wild, being vivid... that's how he liked her. Now and then she'd lost those characteristics the past months, but there had always been a little flame that flared up. He didn't want to extinguish that forever.

Furthermore her brother was good leverage when he went to jail. His club couldn't protect him there and there were some guards on his payroll. He thought back to how easy it had been to trap the bikers. This morning he'd heard the Tacoma Killer was on his way. To his house, of all places. Like it was all meant to be. He'd taken an officer off the street, tortured him and waited until the bikers entered his house. 

The man whose kid he'd threatened had warned him as soon as they left and Maddox had given the police a call, claiming the biker gang wanted to expand their weapon territory to San Francisco. He'd argued he wasn't in for that, so he'd became an obstacle they wanted to eliminate. He had carefully raised the suspicion that gang members had tortured the cop to get intel from him, after which the pigs had repeated his words as if it had been their own idea.

The cops praised him for warding off the gun trade out of their city. Even if some of them had doubts about the truth, they didn't care about a few gang members who had no business in their city anyway. 

Maddox stood still in front of a traffic light and when it turned green he crossed the road with a smile on his face. 

Everything went according to plan. 

Dana was awaiting a new shock to process, and if this wasn't enough to convince her that she belonged to him, her new biker boyfriend would be the next in line. 

Sooner or later her resistance would break. It was up to her how much she was willing to sacrifice. 

He was in no hurry. 

 


	74. Juice

Bobby's guitar playing calmed her down. She'd laid her hands in her lap, no longer fiddling with her nails and clothes. Juice was grateful to his brother, for he hadn't known what he could do to distract her. His video games never had a good influence on her, and this wasn't the best moment to spend together in his dorm. Even more, Kenny and Elly were there, who did want to play games. 

A smile played Dana's lips while she watched how Bobby's fingers touched the strings. It was a sad, nostalgic smile. The past two weeks he'd learned how to interpret her smiles. Despite everything she smiled a lot, but by now he knew they corresponded to different feelings and thoughts.

"Ya know how to play?" he asked, even though he thought to know the answer. His hand laid on her shoulder and his fingers played with a strand of her hair. 

"I had a guitar once, but it's been ages since I touched one. I doubt I still know how to play."

Bobby kept his hand still, watched her for a while and then reached his guitar to her. "Give it a try, sweetheart."

Juice pulled back his arm to give her some space. He was a little surprised by Bobby's offer, he dealt with his instrument as if it was a newborn child and he'd never seen him lending it to anyone. But that was exactly how people reacted to Dana; without realizing she got things done others didn't.

"I had an electric one," she told them while taking the guitar from Bobby. Carefully she placed it on her lap. Her slender fingers folded around the neck and pressed the chords, while pulling the strings with her other hand. 

From the side Juice studied her face. Between her eyebrows appeared a wrinkle that was always there when she concentrated, and her eyes were focused on the instrument. His lips bent into a smile. He loved to watch her while she was passionate about something, when she forgot for a moment that other people were around. That was the reason he loved to do archery with her, which they'd done a few times now, together or with others. He was no match for her, but he could watch her shooting arrows all day. To see how her muscles tensed, how she took the right position, the way her eyes lit up when she hit the target... he couldn't get enough of it. On moments like these she was in her natural element, and she was able to release the threat that was constantly surrounding her. 

Would that threat be gone for good, after tonight? Would his brothers succeed in taking down Maddox? They had to be in San Francisco by now. He expected a phone call any moment. What if it really came to that? He could barely imagine their future. Would she leave the clubhouse? Would she stay in Charming at all? 

A cramping feeling arose in his stomach. He hadn't thought that far. It felt like his life had been on stand by since he shared it with Dana. Actually, he didn't know if she wanted to stay for him. They were together for a few weeks, they hadn't even had  _real_ sex. To what extend did she feel connected to him? Was he more to her than temporal comfort, a distraction? The warmth she'd missed the past years? There had to be countless dreams she wanted to chase, and which of those would keep her in  _Charming_? 

They'd never talked about what she wanted to do when Maddox was dead. She doubted it was a plausible outcome, but he didn't. He had faith in his brother. They would fix this shit. 

But then what?

It felt wrong he worried so much about it while her fears went so much deeper, but uncertainty started to gnaw. He had to let her go so she could follow her heart. And that heart wouldn't lead to a motor gang. 

This was her refuge, her safe haven. 

Not the place she'd been dreaming of since she was a kid. 

Anxiety attacked him like a swarm of mosquitoes, buzzing annoyingly, without a chance to chase them away. He focused on the guitar play again, and only now he realized she was playing Sweet Home Alabama, softly singing along. 

It was the first time he heard her sing. The words weren't clearly audible, but it was more than humming and it was easy to filter her voice from the others. Soft and warm, but with a slight hoarseness that was so typical. Her cheeks flushed when she caught his glance and she smiled a little shy. 

Things like that kept surprising him. In many ways she was a tough chick, but a shy girl was also hidden deep within her. He winked at her, where after her lips turned into a smile. His glance wandered to her fingers, taking in the calm way they moved across the strings. Right now he wanted nothing more than feeling those underneath his shirt. 

Before he could lose himself in that fantasy, his phone rang. Even before he'd pulled it out of his pocket, the guitar play died away and it became dead silent around him. 


	75. Dana

Dana barely dared to breathe. With a pounding heart she looked at Juice's brown eyes when he answered the phone. It didn't take long before his face turned blank, before he started to grimace. 

She covered her mouth with her hand. 

_Things went wrong, just as I_ _predicted_ _._

Even though she wanted to scream, wanted to grab him by the collar to shake him until he told her what had happened, she forced herself to sit down. 

When the conversation was finally over – even though it couldn't have been that long, Juice had barely spoken a word – he looked up. Past her, to Bobby. 

"They shot Kozik. He's in ICU, close to dead. The ones who were with him, are arrested and accused of murder."

"Oh fuck." Dana closed her eyes and bent her head. With her hands she clung to her hair. She took a few deep breaths. "Who's arrested?"

"They couldn't tell. Kozik is unconscious."

"Kozik?" Dana repeated when the name came up again. Through the dense forest of concern in her head, a light became visible. Her eyes went wide. "Herman?"

The name left her lips in a whimper. As soon as she'd said his name, she knew it was him. 

Juice sat down next to her and laid a hand on her knee. "You know him?"

"I did. When I was a teenager," she muttered. "Oh fuck man!" She shook her head. The powerlessness she felt was unbearable. 

The last time she'd seen him, she had been fourteen. While her friends were giggling because of one of their macho classmates, Dana had been on fire because of the friend of her brother, regardless the fact that he'd been twice her age. He had been her first love, something that had grown slowly.  He'd looked after her sometimes, when Happy wasn't at home and her mother wasn't able to take care of her. He'd done so since she was ten, and even though he'd been like a brother in the first place, her feelings had gradually changed when she grew older.

When she no longer needed a babysitter, he still came over. Together they read comics he brought with him, and they came up with their own superhero stories. There had even been some nights they'd kissed, and it had been one of these nights that Happy had opened the door of her room, not suspecting anything when he heard them laugh. 

Since then she'd never heard from Kozik again.

She hadn't known the two had still been in contact. In fact, she'd been afraid she had ruined their friendship. She had been outraged when Happy had snapped at her that she wouldn't see Kozik ever again, and that she should find someone of her own age. 

Now she understood him very well. The idea that she would do anything with an elf year old, made her feel sick. But no matter how wrong it all had been; she had been fourteen and  _very_ curious to the other gender. She'd never blamed him, and she never would.

Had Happy forgiven him? Had they been just as close as they'd been in old times? Had Happy been with him, was he arrested now? 

She could no longer sit still. She dumped the guitar on Bobby's lap and started to pace through the room.

It might have been years ago that she'd seen Kozik, or even thought about him, but a part of her heart had always belonged to him, and the thought that Maddox would soon be responsible for  _his_ death too, made that she wanted to scream in frustration. Before she would really do so, she slipped out, sat down on the picknick table and lit a cigarette. Her fingers trembled when she moved her hand to her lips. 

_What a fucking mess._

And the worst of all, was that she'd seen this coming. 

She looked up when someone sat down next to her and put an arm around her. Cherry rested with her head against her shoulder and heaved a deep sigh. 

"I never should have come here," Dana muttered. The thought that Kip could end up behind bars thanks to her, made her feel sick. 

"Don't say stupid things like that. If you hadn't been here, I would have been crying in a corner all alone. Or perhaps with some croweaters who think they feel the same as I do."

Dana looked up. Cherry's face looked pale. 

"I love Kip and I know how much the club means to him, but only since you're here, I have the feeling this is also the place where I belong."

"I bet you change your mind when Kip will end up in jail," Dana muttered.  _Or even worse._

"Then Kip will be there because he is loyal to his club. To his friends. To his family. They're involved in dangerous business all the time. I rather see him doing prison time because he hurt the man who'd screwed your life than that he will be arrested because of some stupid gun deal."

"Then he won't face life."

"Come on, Dane!' Cherry bumped her shoulder. "You should be cheering me up, tell me that I have no reason to believe Kip was with that group!"

"Sorry," she sighed. "You're right."

But she couldn't think of any encouraging words. Sometimes the days were pitch black, feeling heavy as lead, and after her mother's passing the amount of those days had increased. It felt like Juice was the only one who could keep that stifling darkness away from her, and as soon as she was alone, she didn't know how to defend herself.

"Now, here comes the talk," she sighed when Juice walked toward them. In the meantime he'd surely gotten in touch with one of his brothers.

The way he looked at her, already told her the truth. 

Happy had been there. 


	76. Dana

Dana bobbed her head and tried to fight the tears. She didn't know what hit her harder: the fact that her brother would be send to jail or the fact that it could be no coincidence that of all people he was the one whom this happened to. 

Juice stood still in front of her and heaved a deep sigh. "I'm sorry." She pushed her knees apart and pulled him closer. She buried her face into his chest. 

"Was it Maddox?" Cherry asked. "The one they killed?"

"No," Dana muttered. Happy wasn't that stupid, he wouldn't let them catch him. "Maddox framed him."

Juice's fingers raked through her hair and ended up in her neck. Then he sighed deeply again. "It was a cop."

Dana breathed in shakily.  _A cop._   _That's just fucking perfect._

"Who was with him? Except Kozik?"

"Two guys from Tacoma. And Tig."

Dana felt a little relieved he didn't speak about Opie or Kip, but it didn't change the dull, nagging feeling in her stomach. 

"I told you so," she whispered, even though she knew there was no point in doing so. "I told all of you that you were underestimating him. But none of you listened to me." She leaned back and looked up to Juice. His jaws tensed, but he didn't say a word, he didn't even look at her.

"It was a club decision. We all agreed," he said eventually. 

"It was dumb decision."

"Then what  _should_ we have done?" he snapped. Now he did look at her, and something she'd never seen before was churning in his eyes. It gave her goose bumps. "Nothing? You just wanted to wait until he switched medicines again? Clay's this time? Or Piney's? Or  _mine?_ "

He turned around and rushed into the clubhouse. Blindsided Dana watched him leave. "Yours?" she repeated, dazed. She gave her friend a questioning look. "Why's he takin' meds?"

Cherry shrugged. "How should I know? I'm not his girlfriend."

Dana dropped her eyes.  _No, but I am._

And right now she felt the worst girlfriend ever. At the night of her mother's funeral, Juice had told her he was afraid of losing her, but she realized now he wasn't just afraid to lose  _her._ She clawed through her thick locks. Most days they were just avoiding the subject, but he wasn't an idiot. He knew their relationship put his life in danger. She'd thrown it into his face since the very beginning. 

"I don't know what to do, Cher," she whispered. "Maybe we should break up. Should I..."

Cherry moaned loudly. "You have to be kiddin' me, right? Your thoughts are following that path  _again?_ You know you can't be without him, and neither can he. I thought we'd passed that stage by now."

Dana stared at the asphalt beneath the picnic table and intertwined her fingers. "Should I go after him?"

"Nah, give him some space. Just give him some pleasure tonight. There's no better way for them to unload. You two have fucked by now, right?"

"Not yet," she muttered. "He wants to take things slow."

Cherry laughed, it sounded hollow. "Don't be so silly."

Dana looked at her friend in confusion. "What?"

"He's had no sex in a month. That must be his record. No wonder he's so grumpy."

"That's his choice," Dana stressed. 

"He wants to be a gentleman. Man, your sleeping together for two weeks. Are you in a fucking coma? How can you  _not_ touch that perfect body?"

Dana shrugged her shoulders. She'd wanted to go further a couple of times, but something had held her back.  _He_ was the one who wanted to take things slow. 

Cherry patted her knee. "He needs it, baby. To get laid." She pulled up the corner of her mouth. "As do you. Believe me, it's the best way to de-stress your man. Mine will be all over the apartment tonight."

Dana shook her head, chuckling. 

"See? You're already smilin'."

"I smile because you're such a weirdo."

Cherry took the pack of cigarettes that had laid between them and lit one. "I just know how things work here. And believe me, all those guys are the same." She blew out a cloud of smoke and gave her a wink. "And not only the guys."

Dana rolled her eyes. "You're the only one who thinks about sex at a moment like this."

Cherry shook her head. "I'm not the only one, honey. Believe me. Why do you think this place is bulging with croweaters now? They know the guys need them. Whether they have something to celebrate or want to get rid of their sorrows; the outcome is the same."

A small smile played Dana's lips. The guys weren't the only ones who wanted to forget their sorrows, and she wasn't afraid of flashbacks as long as she would take the lead. Butterflies raced through her stomach while she quietly fantasized about tonight - which was a hundred times better than contemplating the fate of her brother - while she waited with Cherry until the roaring of bikes filled the warm night air. 


	77. Juice

Juice felt like shit.

He'd slammed a few drinks, but it only made things worse.

Thoughts were spinning through his head, again and again, and he wanted to bury his nails into his scalp to pull them out.

He'd been 100% sure this would be over after tonight, that his brothers would solve the problem like they always did.

But they'd failed.

And he was sitting here, waiting until they returned. He couldn't do a damn thing to help them. All he was forced to do, was wait. And he  _hated_ waiting, especially when it was late, when he felt tired, when he saw how all this affected Dana without having a damn clue how to help her.

In fact, he'd only made things worse by snapping at her. He'd even told her he no longer took his meds because he was afraid to be poisoned. Now he looked like a fucking coward.

He hated his restless mind – and the fact that he was too chicken shit to take his meds. He didn't need medication all the time, he was fine most days, apart from stressful periods. And knowing a psycho was after your girl, certainly was stressful. He'd wanted to hide it from Dana, afraid her guilty feelings would push her to leave him. But now his secret had slipped his lips and she sure as hell wanted to know why he needed pills.

With a deep sigh he emptied another bottle of beer. He had to pull himself together. He was of no use to anyone when all he heard were the voices in his head. Their mission had failed, they hadn't lost the battle. Dana was still with him, and he would make sure it stayed that way. He just had to keep a clear head and stay careful.

Despite that firm intention there was a heavy feeling in his chest. That wasn't his fault; the morale was a little low everywhere around him. A few girls had tried to distract him, but he'd blown them off, although he craved for a distraction. But until his brothers returned, he had to be alert anyway.

"Where's your girl?" Gemma's voice cut off his thoughts. She stood next to him.

"Outside. With Cherry."

"She okay?"

Juice clenched his jaws. Did  _anybody_ feel okay right now? Two of their brothers were framed for murder and would probably be sent to a jail where they couldn't offer them any protection.

"Yeah. She'll manage," he answered, since he didn't want to give the queen the impression he was abandoning her. She didn't need to know he'd just entered the clubhouse feeling angry. Although she might have seen that already; nothing ever escaped her attention.

"And you?" Her eyes probed his face. It felt like she could see right into his head and he suppressed a deep sigh. He wasn't going to admit he had the feeling a bomb could drop down on the club house any moment.

"I'm fine. I just called the others, they cancelled the plans. They're on their way back."

Gemma held his glance a little longer. "Good," she said eventually.

* * *

It was a childish hope that filled him when he heard the rumbling of bikes. An idiotic hope that the pres from SAMTAC had been misinformed, and that Happy and Tig hadn't been caught at all.

But they were. One glance was enough to conclude the two were missing. His eyes shot to Dana, who was still sitting at the picnic table. The return of almost all Sons but her brother would probably make her feel even worse. Should he go to her?

He had no idea what to tell her. She was angry at him for not listening to her, for not bringing her opinion to the table.

"Chapel," Clay grunted when walking by, by which the decision not to go to her was made for him.


	78. Juice

Juice followed the others to Chapel. The sight of the two empty chairs made him feel uncomfortable. Sack was the only prospect who'd entered the room, he leaned against the wall until somebody would tell him to sit down. Nobody however did so, everybody was lost in his own thoughts.

Clay told them he'd called with Happy from the police station where he was held. Three of them were arrested; Kozik was still in the hospital. If he would survive, he would probably get a lighter sentence because he hadn't shoot. The other member from SAMTAC had probably been a rat, he wasn't arrested. 

"We have to give it some rest," Clay decided with a deep sigh. "Two of our men in jail..." He shook his head. "That sucks."

"And that prick probably knows she's here now," Opie said, blowing out a cloud of smoke. 

"On case at a time," Clay grumbled. "We have to protect our guys. Find out to what prison they will be send, who're in it, where we can buy protection." The president clenched his fist, Juice knew he was trying not to slam the table. Clay glanced at him. "I want a list of possibilities next morning."

Juice nodded, happy it was already midnight. It was too late to call around. Hopefully his thoughts wouldn't be such a mess tomorrow. 

"Then that asshole..."

"We can do shit," Jax objected. "Everything has to calm down first. And..."

A few knocks on the door made them all look up. Juice felt his muscles tense. Nobody ever dared to interrupt their meeting. 

After a nod from Clay, Sack opened the door. Juice was surprised to see Dana. Gemma stood at her side, a hand on her shoulder. 

Juice felt his heart beat in his throat.  _Please don't say anything stupid. Don't repeat the things you just told me..._

"I... I heard Chucky and Gemma talking about protection for Hap and Tig," she started hesitating. Her eyes shot to Clay, who gave her an impatient nod to encourage her to continue. "And... I heard it will cost you lots of money to fix that." She was quiet for a while, seemed to be looking for words. "If they send them to San Quentin, you don't have to."

"There's... a good chance they will?" Clay answered with a drawl, clearly waiting for an explanation. 

Dana took a deep breath. She seemed to find it difficult to keep looking at Clay. 

"My dad is in San Quentin. Hap's too, thus. For twenty years."

A gulf of dismay waved over the table. Juice was just as overwhelmed as his brothers. 

"Hap told us his ol' man was dead." It was Chibs who formulated the words they were all thinking. 

"He's dead to us for twenty years," she answered. "But he isn't  _really_ dead. And he'll do everything in his power to make sure his son is willin' to look him in the eye again."

Juice studied Dana's face, wondering what terrible things her father could have done if both his children were pretending he was dead. His mind was probably the only one who went that direction, for the others started to grin triumphantly. 

"Well, that changes things," Jax said satisfied. "Thanks, doll."

"And your former lover?" Clay asked. "Does he know?"

Juice saw her jaws tense because of that term. She shook her head. "Not that I know of. I never said a word about him."

"Good." He gave her a nod, indicating she could leave.

* * *

The knowledge that Happy's father could provide his son and Tig at least some protection when they would be sent to San Quentin indeed, relieved all of their minds. However, that didn't keep their two brothers from going to jail, and maybe even for good. The murder of a cop, and thereafter shooting at his colleagues, wasn't something they would take lightly. Plea bargain probably wouldn't be a possibility until Dana could testify of everything that had happened to her, and as long as half of the police department was on Maddox' pay roll, that wasn't going to happen. It changed the atmosphere around them in something dark and oppressive, and in the end the meeting was suspended to the next day. They all needed some sleep or distraction. 

Juice returned to the clubhouse. His feet were scuffling, his whole body felt heavy. His eyes flashed through the room, along all the girls, but Dana wasn't around. A few meters away from him Cherry wrapped her arms around Sack, pulling the guy close. He felt a stab in his stomach. If he  _had_ joined the others, Dana surely would have received him with open arms. Now she'd probably went to bed, and more than ever he longed for her intoxicating lips, for her fingers massaging all tension out of his muscles. He considered to go to her anyway, but he didn't want to force himself. The fact that she wasn't waiting for him, already told him she wanted to be alone.

Juice watched how his brothers spread to the clubhouse, seeking the company of the Croweaters. He suppressed a sigh and walked to his dorm. When he opened the door he felt a glimmer of hope that she was waiting for him, but his bed was empty. He undressed himself and put his clothes in a hamper in the bath room. It was almost bursting. It was a long time ago he'd been to his own apartment, but he would have to wash his clothes soon. There was a washer here as well, but he preferred to do things like that at home. 

He stepped into the shower stall, turned on the shower and felt how the water fell down on him. He heaved a deep sigh when the heat made the muscles in his neck relax a little. 

When he was done showering he put on his boxers. In front of the mirror he shaved his face and the sides of his head. He had to be precise to not to destroy his mohawk, so that it felt a little therapeutic and he was able to keep his thoughts away for a while. 

He however couldn't shave his head all night, and in the end he brushed his teeth and fell down on his bed. Since he was together with Dana, he hadn't slept alone for a single night. Sometimes they slept here, sometimes in her room, but always together. He sighed again and stared at the ceiling. Although his muscles felt a little less tensed, there was still a knot in his stomach. 

Was she already sleeping? He could imagine she felt exhausted, but at the same time he wouldn't be surprised if all the things that had happened tonight kept her from sleeping.


	79. Juice

Juice was still lying on his made-up bed when the door opened. A little surprised he looked up, but when he saw Dana he quickly sat up straight. Her hair was still damp because she'd showered and she had taken off her make-up. She wore a grey dress he hadn't seen before, with black motives he couldn't recognize. It fitted her perfectly, emphasizing her female forms. From her hips the skirt fanned out, until halfway her upper legs.

He left the bed and felt a bit stupid, since he was only wearing boxers. His mouth felt dry and it felt like his brains were still piecing a decent greeting together.

"I – I thought you were sleepin'," he said eventually.

"I wanted surprise you." Her arms slipped around him. They felt warm against his cooled skin. "Thought you could use some distraction."

He looked at her. The hungry glance in her eyes made it hard to keep breathing. Even though that was caused by more than her glance alone, it was also because of her challenging smile, her fingers that slightly brushed his spine, the sweet scent that surrounded her...

He knew what she wanted, and damn, he wanted it too. So badly. But he was still afraid to ruin it, to discover things weren't going like she was hoping...

"Stop it," she whispered in his ear. "Whatever you're thinkin', let it go." Her lips glided down his neck, followed his collar bone.

He closed his eyes for a moment, did as she said, stopped thinking about anything but the movement of her lips across his chest. He was aware of every inch they moved, of her teeth softly scraping his skin, of her tongue leaving behind a heated trail. He laid his hands on her arms, moved them up to her shoulders. She was wearing a strapless dress, and his hands glided up to her neck and disappeared in her hair.

She moved her head upwards and his lips crashed down on hers. Her fingers wandered across his stomach and played with the elastic of his boxers. Although his tongue had swirled gently and imploring around hers at first, their game became more passionate now excitement spread through his body. His breathing sped up, his erection pressed against her underbelly and his hands slid across her dress more purposeful, until he found the edge. His fingers glided underneath the fabric, across the back of her upper legs until he felt the lace of her panties. She bit his lower lip, challenging, and her presence was suddenly so overwhelming he almost lost his balance. The finger tips of both his hands left behind their prints on the paper-thin fabric, through which he could feel her warm skin.

His heart beat in his chest fanatically when his hands slipped into her panties. With both hands he held her buns, and it took everything he got not to rip off her underwear, to push her on the bed and get into her immediately. He could see what would happen otherwise: being done before they even got that far, for it was at least a month since he'd been intimate with someone – and he didn't even know with whom.

Her lips had left his in the meantime, trailing teasing kisses across his neck. He was sure violet marks would be a reminder of this tomorrow. He moaned softly when she sucked a little too long, and he moved up his hands to take off her dress. The garment fell on the ground. He folded his arms around her and pulled her warm body close.

She looked at him, her eyes shining, just like her smile. With his nose he brushed hers.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered. "Are you... are you sure you want this?"

Her fingers glided down his stomach, underneath the band of his boxers. He held his breath when she took his hard length in her hand and teased him, moving her hand back and forth. Her eyes flickered mischievously. "I never wanted anything so badly. If you refuse me  _again,_ I'm really going to Kip and Cherry for a threesome."

Juice found it hard to focus on a conversation while her hand was moving like that. Maybe it was better not to answer. He was tempted to her lips again and his hand moved to the clasp of her bra. A second later her breasts were freed. He panted softly while he loved them, first with his fingers and later with his tongue.

"Stop," he moaned when he was almost about to come, and he pulled her hand away from his boxers.

She chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him so he could calm down a little. He felt her hard nipples against his chest and moved his hands to her buns again. While pulling her even closer, he lost his balance and they fell backwards, on the bed.

"Fuck," he grunted when their heads bumped. His tooth had penetrated his lip.

"Don't be so impatient."

"Tooth in my lip, I mean," he said, a little unnecessary.

Her grin showed him she already knew that. Her tongue swiped away the blood from his lip, and the little wound stung. "Maybe there's a vampire hidden in me."

"If not I'll make you one." His teeth gently sank into the skin between her neck and shoulder, and from there he found a route to her breast, to her nipple, and he placed his mouth around it. He felt how her lips pressed a kiss on his head tattoo. Her hand was lying in his neck and forced him to keep sucking. She raised a little, a knee on both sides of his hips, and he heard her aroused breathing in his ear.

He looked up to see her face. Her lips had parted a little, her eyes were closed, her purple red strands were curling down.

She had to feel he was watching her, or perhaps she wondered why his lips had left her skin, but she opened her eyes and showed him a lascivious glance. A vibration went through his chest. The thought that somebody who was so hurt, was still longing for him, was craving for his touch... was something he would never understand. He was still afraid to surrender to his passion, afraid he would touch her in a way that would rake up memories and...

Suddenly her lips were on his again, cutting off his thoughts. Her fingers moved over his right hand, that was lying on her side, and she led him downward, across her stomach, until the lace of her panties tickled his finger tips.


	80. Juice

With his pinky Juice lifted the elastic and shoved his hand further, to her warmth and dampness. Her kiss faltered when his finger found the right spot and started to tease her. 

"Oh man," Dana whispered hoarsely when two of his fingers slid inside her. He searched for her eyes to make sure she still wanted to go on with it. She buried her nails in the skin of his back to encourage him and he continued while kissing her neck, her breasts. Now and then he massaged the little swelling with his thumb, and every time he did, she arched her back a little, gasping for air.  "I swear to you... Juice..." Her breathing felt hot against his neck. "If there ain't a rubber within reach I'm gonna kill ya."

"We're doing a breath play then?" he teased. 

"Probably."

His hand left her panties and he touched for the night table next to the bed. His fingers wandered through the drawer until he caught a condom. Dana got off him so they could both get rid off their last pieces of clothes and he put on the rubber quickly. 

There was a twisted feeling in his stomach; he still felt nervous. Actually he'd thought she wanted to stick to a hand job. Wouldn't she panic when he entered her? He intended to love her as gentle as possible, but he didn't know how long he could control himself. 

He looked at her body when she crawled on top of him again. She was beautiful, he was lost for words. A smirk played her lips while she looked at the one part of his body she hadn't seen before. He closed his eyes when her fingers stroked it. He loved her touch. He couldn't remember he'd ever been so aware of someone's touch before. She hovered over him, pinned him with one hand against the mattress and started to kiss him again. His hands touched every piece of skin he got access too, which became less and less when she sat up straighter. She looked down on him while she slowly led him inside her. He heaved a shaky sigh when he felt her around him. His hands glided across her back when she started to ride him, slowly, while her fingertips were caressing his chest.  

They kept looking at each other, which strengthened their intimacy, while she allowed him to go deeper and took her distance, on and on. She'd dipped her head, her lips were slightly parted and she looked sweet and sexy at the same time. Her firm breasts wobbled in the same pace as she moved her pelvis. 

She moaned softly, not as loud as most Croweaters were doing. They could often be heard in the whole clubhouse. A drop of sweat left her hairline and rolled down her neck. 

Tension built up, and not only inside him. He followed her rhythm, faster and faster. The expression on her face became ecstatic, and the sight of it pushed him over the edge. His hands hugged her bottom and he pulled her closer, to thrust even deeper inside her. His muscles contracted, a few times in a row. For a moment his sight blurred, his head was swishing, and an intense feeling shot through his body. 

With half-open eyes he looked up to her, while his chest went up and down heavily. She'd closed her eyes, curved her back, her head in her neck. Her upper body jolted and her soft moans made him smile.  

There was a hint of shyness in her eyes when she looked at him after her releae, as if she felt ashamed of fully surrendering herself to him. He took her hand and kissed the back of it. She lowered down on him, her cheek on his chest. With his other hand he brushed her hair. 

 _I love_ _you_ _._ The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he kept them to himself. He'd told her before, but that had been some kind of last resort to keep her from pushing him away. He didn't want to daunt her by repeating those words. They weren't together for a long time, and he could imagine it would take some time before she dared to admit she loved someone again. 

Still he had the feeling he needed to say  _something._ With his index finger he glided down her spine. "Did you like it?"

She raised a little, her face was only an inch away from his. "Did it look like I didn't?"

He shrugged, hesitating. "You once told me you're good in fakin' it..."

Her thumb brushed his bottom lip. "Yes baby, I liked it. A lot. You too?"

Her lips came closer, although they didn't touch his. Her eyes stared awaiting at him. 

"Absolutely... it was great."

For a moment he was got caught in a meaningful smile, that disappeared from sight when she kissed him. "Good. Cause I'm not done with you yet, Juan Carlos."


	81. Dana

Dana wished she could stay in bed, feeling his warm body against hers and hearing his peaceful snoring in the background. It was easy to forget everything when his hands were all over her body and his lips seemed to soak up all her worries. 

But in the end they always returned and caused a dull feeling of guilt. While Juice and she had made love three times tonight, her brother and Tig had been in a cell, cursing their fate, and Kozik was fighting for his life. 

Kozik...

Something heavy descended in her stomach. The idea that Maddox could so easily take away two people she cared about, squeezed her throat. Could she stay here? No doubt about it, Maddox knew exactly where she was. Where was he waiting for? Did he enjoy this? To take out everyone who cared about her one by one? Would he hide in the shadows until she'd lost everyone she loved? 

_He isn't untouchable. He can die too._

The club had learned its lesson, she assumed. They wouldn't move to San Francisco any time soon. It would leave the least victims when they stayed in Charming, close to the clubhouse. That thought was suffocating her, but if that meant she could fall asleep in Juice's arms every night and could laugh with Cherry and Opie and all the others during the day, it was certainly worth it. For her, that was enough. 

She just wanted to enjoy every minute of this. Sooner or later this would be over, she knew that, but at least she would have dozens of beautiful memories to cherish, from which she could draw strength. Seeking danger was the last thing she wanted. 

Unfortunately it wasn't her call. Seeking danger, that was something these guys did on daily basis. Admitting they couldn't handle something... Dana doubted they would ever do that. But at least one of them must be able to  _think,_ right? To realize they'd lost two members in one night? That came down to a quarter of SAMCRO! If they continued along this path, there  _wouldn't_ be a SAMCRO soon.

Who could she convince to give this some rest? Juice had too little to say, and she doubted she could convince him at all. He hated Maddox for what he'd done to her and she knew he wouldn't suggest to give up their hunt. He was too emotionally involved. 

Perhaps Clay? As president he had a lot of influence. However, she'd never had a conversation with him that consisted of more than one sentence and he seemed to be the type that believed violence was a solution for everything. 

Jax? They would value the words of the VP. She didn't know him very well, but that could be an advantage. He was less involved in this than Juice, Opie and Happy, and she had the feeling he wasn't always getting himself in trouble. It was worth a shot. 

She glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was 8:00 AM. Not too early to step by before they would go to Chapel. She quietly crawled out of Juice's embrace, even though he wasn't a light sleeper at all, and put on her underwear and a SAMCRO shirt from Juice. She picked up her dress and slipped through the door, on her way to her dorm room on the other side of the hallway. There she put on her jeans and fixed up herself a bit in front of the mirror. 

When she stood before Jax's door, she started to doubt again. Was she overreacting by waking him for this? No – she told herself. Things went really ugly yesterday. They needed to avoid a recurrence of the situation and this was the only thing she could do about it herself.

She clenched her hand into a fist and knocked on the door. "Jax?" she asked, so he would know who she was. 

It took a while before he swung open the door. He was only wearing his boxers and rubbed in his eyes, looking drowsy. "Hey," he said with a raspy voice. A mischievous smile played his lips. "Ya gettin' already bored with Juicy?"

"Yeah. Need some advice." She looked past his shoulder, to the Croweater who was still sleeping without even a little piece of the sheets covering her body. "But I guess you ain't much better."

He pulled up the corner of his mouth. "Touché."

Dana smiled briefly, before she got serious. "I need to get something off my chest. About all this. Before you... go to Chapel. And since you're the VP..." She shrugged. 

He took her in for a moment, and then nodded. "Give me a sec."

After those words he turned around and closed the door. Dana slid her hands into her pockets and waited until Jax was dressed while wondering what Juice would think about this conversation with Jax. She didn't do anything wrong, right? She just needed to vent, and it was her call with whom. Nothing was more important than the club, and what she wanted would benefit the club. 

They went out and sat down on the picknick table. Jax offered her a cigarette, but she refused it with a shake of her head. She's wasn't really into smoking when she was just out of bed. 

"Must've had a bit of a scare yesterday," he said when he'd given himself a shot nicotine. 

"I feel sorry for the guys," she admitted. "But to be honest, I saw it coming." She sighed deeply when a cloud passed over Jax's face. "You know... I never asked the club to kill Maddox. All I wanted was a place where I would feel safe. Where I could settle down. And I know I wasn't the main reason to attack Maddox: my mother's dead was." She inhaled deeply and stared at her fingers. She felt the urge to twist a ring, to fumble with something, but she wasn't wearing jewelry. "If you guys go ahead with this, there will be nothing left of SAMCRO."

"Your brother and Tig take the blame for a murder they didn't commit and one of my other brothers is already flirting with the reaper. If we don't answer this, we'll look weak."

"No, you'll look smart." Dana turned her face away. It sounded more blunt than she'd meant to, and she wondered if she wasn't crossing boundaries now. From the corners of her eyes she watched Jax, who was staring in the distance. 

"I can see how you'd see that way. But the bigger picture..."

"Your honor has been tainted. I get that." She took a deep breath. "My honor has been violated too, Jax. If there's anyone who wants Maddox to answer for all the things he's done, it's me. But I also know we're like a bunch of rabbits attacking a fucking T-Rex.  He possesses half of a city, he got the cops of San Fran covering his ass and in their eyes all of you are nothing but a bunch of criminals. There's no point in trying to catch him on his own terrain, it's better to wait 'till he comes to us. And he will. It serves no one's interest if the club is thinning out until that day."

She looked aside. Jax was still staring in the distance. The frown in his forehead showed her he was thinking about her words. 

"Maybe we can even set a trap. In our own territory," she mused. "He knows I'm here and he'll send someone to keep an eye on me. A Croweater, I bet. They constantly walk in and out here, they can easily keep him up to date. I really think it will be worth monitoring them. They won't be happy about it when finding out, but if we can look into their incoming and outgoing texts..."

Jax shook his head, chuckling. "Juice's old lady, huh? He's whispering words like that in your ear during the night?"

She pulled up the corner of her mouth. "I ain't gonna share his sweet words with his VP." She winked. "But no, I don't think Juice will approve this idea and he almost certainly won't bring it to the table. He's to close to me to look that far ahead." She examined Jax's face. "But the bigger picture, like you said... I think you have a good view on it. If you agree with me... and act like this isn't my idea, but yours..." She hesitated moment. "Then I would be very grateful." 

He considered her words for a while, then he patted her knee. "I'll think about it. I promise."


	82. Juice

Juice splashed cold water in his face and looked into the mirror. He smirked by the sight of the purple spots in his neck. When he'd waken up all alone he'd been afraid their love making had only taken place in his dreams, but this proved the opposite. He however did wonder why Dana had already left the room. Had she regretted their intimacy? No, he shook off that thought. He knew she'd enjoyed it, just as much as he. But now matter how great the sex had been, it couldn't solve their problems. She must have became aware of that too. 

He dressed himself and walked to the canteen. The smell of coffee greeted him and he smiled when he saw her. She was standing on her toes to take glasses out of the cupboard, wearing one of his T-shirts.

"Hey baby," he said softly, kissing her cheek. "You're up early."

She put the glasses down on the counter top, turned around and slipped her arms around him. Her eyes rested in his, and he felt his stomach turn when he sensed her doubts. Or was it grief, fear? No, he believed it was something else.

She cupped his cheek with her hand and gave him a kiss. "I talked to Jax." She looked him in the eye again and he could almost hear her think. Did she want to share the content of that conversation with him or not? Was their argument yesterday the reason she didn't tell him what she had told Jax? Did she think he was a coward? 

"About what?" His voice sounded more heated than he meant to.

She however didn't step away from him. "About what I think is the wisest thing to do." She sighed. "And that's not playing the tough, so-called untouchable gangsters again."

"That just how we..."

"I know, Juice." She sighed again. "But this ain't an enemy you've faced before and you should at least  _consider_ a different approach. There will be two empty chairs around the table, while you haven't even harmed Maddox at all. I know you want your revenge and I know you want me to live a normal life again, but that can't result in the downfall of your club. Maddox just isn't worth it."

"So you want us to give up?"

"No, dummy, of course not." She gave him another soft kiss. "I just want you to do this differently than storming into danger again. Hopefully Jax will explain my plan later." She looked him straight in the eyes. "But please, let others believe this wasn't my idea."

* * *

His girl wasn't just beautiful, she also was smart, Juice realized when Jax later that morning summarized Dana's suggestions without telling them she'd been the one suggesting them. It sounded good, but he didn't like the idea they would lure Maddox's men in a more passive way. It would be a hell of a job to investigate all the incoming and outgoing telephone traffic, but with help of the area code he could leave a lot of the messages out and he would put a prospect on it. 

For now they agreed not to organize another assault before they knew more about Maddox's activities and contacts. How Happy would react on their decision, was hard to predict. Not that they were able to contact him; the guys had been sent to San Quentin without any kind of trial. Visiting them was way too risky: they had no idea how trustworthy the guards were. They could easily be stabbed in the back when going near that prison. The fact that they'd end up behind bars without the chance to defend themselves in court, showed that Maddox's influence reached even into the legal system. An oppressive thought, and Juice wondered if that had happened just as easy if they hadn't been outlaws. Contact was probably restricted to phone calls –  if that was even allowed – and all their hopes for the protection of their brothers laid in the hands of Happy's mysterious old man. Juice had searched for other acquaintances or members of their alleys in San Quentin, but there hadn't been a single one. 

At the end of their meeting Juice's phone started buzzing. A single look at the screen told him it was one of Lee's man. "SAMTAC."

Clay gestured he could take the call and Juice swallowed his nerves. It was surely news about Kozik.  Dana hadn't said much about his brother, but the expression on her face had told him she cared about him. If he would disappear from her life too...

And not only from her life. He liked Kozik. He had a bright personality, he was always relaxed and more patient than most of his brothers. There had been periods Kozik hung out with them and the idea that would happen never again, caused a heavy feeling in his chest. 

He muttered a greeting and awaited the news.


	83. Dana

Dana broke a painkiller in two pieces and flushed it away with a glass of water. She felt a pressure in her head, as if she was wearing a tight cap, and tried to avoid a real headache. 

"You worry about your brother, sweetheart?"

Dana looked over her shoulder. Gemma stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her shoulder leaning against the door frame. Her brother... Kozik... The outcome of the meeting... Her safety and that of Juice... there were dozens of things she worried about. 

"He'll be fine," she answered. Happy would take care of himself. She had to believe that. Otherwise... she would go crazy. 

"He will." Gemma laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "He knows how to take care of himself."

She sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes. "What if he never leaves that place, Gem?"

"Those pigs over there are corrupt. The truth will come out eventually, baby. The truth is never buried for good. The boys will find a way to end all this shit."

Dana dropped her eyes.  _If_ _I'd_ _never_ _came_ _here..._

The thought suddenly felt so heavy she could barely keep it to herself. But before she could share it with Gemma, she heard voices. The meeting had ended. The two women left the kitchen and Dana waited until Juice walked up to her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her lips. His eyes were smiling, and it felt like a heavy weight fell off her shoulders. 

"Kozik is out of danger. He's gonna be fine."

"Oh God," she whispered, and she hugged him in relief. "I'm so happy to hear that."

"Yeah..." His fingers raked through her hair. 

Reluctantly she let go of him. "And... the meeting?"

"We'll take it easy, as you wished." His nose brushed hers. "That with the phones, was that your idea?"

She nodded and smiled when he grinned proudly. 

"That's my girl!"

* * *

Dana put the completed paperwork in the appropriate folder and cleaned up the office. It had been a busy day. The garage had been closed yesterday and they were missing two mechanics now. Even Juice had pitched in, and from the doorway Dana watched him working on a bike. He wasn't only handy with computers, she discovered, and she loved to watch his muscles bulge while he was working.  

When he noticed she was watching him, he put down his tools and came to see her. "You look like an officer, quitting work at 5 pm sharp."

"I'm promoted to supervisor, so get back to work."

He pouted his lip. "Why so tough?" His eyes were sparkling and the sight of it almost made her heart explode. It was so different from the worries that had been etched on his face the day before. He wrapped his arms around her, and on the back they slid underneath her shirt and stayed on her bare lower back. 

"And what if I refuse to listen?" He dipped his head and whispered in her ear: "You're going to punish me?"

"Uh-uh. Celibacy for a week."

He chuckled while his hands wandered downwards, inside her pants. "Then try to stop me."

Her breathing faltered when he grabbed her ass and pulled her close. She looked up to him, his brown eyes dark with lust. Instead of coming up with a sharp answer she pushed her lips against his and let her tongue slide inside. 

For a moment she forgot Juice wasn't the only one who was still working, and when she heard a sniff next to her, she froze. 

"I'm startin' to think it was  _your_ idea to send Happy to prison. If he'd seen this, you would've had the same amount of fingers as Chucky."

Dana pulled back her face and squeezed her lips to keep herself from grinning stupidly at Gemma. The situation really got embarrassing when Juice tried to pull back his hands so quickly the rings hooked on the lace of her underwear, and he couldn't free them. 

"Eh, a minute of privacy please?" Dana managed to say before she laughed so hard she smothered it to Juice's shoulder.  _Man, soon they'll all look at us._

Juice pushed her against the wall, hoping their bumbling would be less obvious. Dana caught a glance of Gemma's shaking head before she turned around and walked away. She felt his fingers move rougher over her skin while he tried to loosen his rings. 

"Need some help, Juicy?" Kip chuckled from a distance. 

"I don't wanna ruin her panties," Juice answered dead serious.

That comment made her laugh even harder –  it felt like all the tension of yesterday suddenly left her. 

"Just do it," she said, giggling. She wiped off the tears on his shoulder. His left hand still continued the struggle with her panties, but in the end she heard a ripping sound and he'd finally freed his fingers. 

"Sorry about that," he said softly, but his barely cloaked smirk told her otherwise.

"I'm startin' to see why they call you an idiot." Her hands slipped beneath the waist band of her pants while identifying the damage. Well, that would end up in the trash can. She looked around the garage and chuckled, still too much captivated by her laughter to feel embarrassed. "The show's over, boys." She leaned forward and briefly pecked his lips. "Go back to work, dummy. Seems your fingers need some more exercise."

A mischievous smirk flashed over his face. "Well I didn't hear you complain tonight." 

Stupidly, she felt her cheeks turn red this time, and she quickly pushed him into the direction of the bike he'd been working on. While walking back to the vehicle, he looked over his shoulder with a wolfish grin and winked. 


	84. Dana

In her room Dana switched her ruined panties for a thong  – he couldn't destroy much about that – and tossed the piece of cloth in the trash can in the bath room.  _Idiot,_ she thought, shaking her head, but with a smirk on her face. She didn't know why, but it were actions like these that she liked about him and that made her smile. Everything was so different from her former relationship. Maddox never had been very spontaneous, he'd been very calculating and he never would have done something like tin front of others. Nothing must hurt his reputation, while Juice didn't seem to care about what others were thinking of him. It was liberating.  _He_ was liberating. 

"Hey baby?" she heard on the other side of the door. "Ya here?"

"Uh-uh."

The door handle went down and the door swung open. Juice entered the room. 

"I needed some Juice-proof underwear."

"That means no underwear?"

She stuck out her tongue. "A chastity belt."

He captured her in his arms and it took only a few seconds before his hands moved inside her pants again. "Hmm I think I know how to handle this one." He spread his fingers across her ass and pulled her close to his waist. 

"You do?" Her hands shoved underneath his shirt and with her index fingers she trailed his abs. She stretched a little so she could reach his lips and surrendered to an intense kiss. 

"I'm going home," Juice said when they'd ended their kiss and he'd pulled his hands out of her pants. His thumbs were still casually hooked around her waistband. "I'm out of clean clothes."

Dana pouted her lip. "Will I sleep alone tonight?"

"I can come back, if you want me to."

"Or I can go with you? Have dinner together? Then we would for once spend the evening like a normal couple." She hesitated. "Or do you need some alone-time? I get that. It's nothing but normal if you need some space." She didn't want to force herself, although she would love to spend the evening together, without the other club members. They didn't spend much time together, only in their bedrooms and that wasn't the quality time she had in mind this time. Hell, she didn't even know why her boyfriend was taking meds, so they wouldn't easily run out of conversation topics.   

"When I would be alone, I'd only think about you."

She pinched his side. "Don't be so cheesy."

His lips curled up, but then the expression on his face grew more serious. "You think it's wise to go to my place? You'll be safer here."

"We can be there for a few hours, right? Then we'll go back tonight." She gave him a pensive look. "Why don't you fix a good security system with all your high-tech skills? I kinda like the idea to have sex with you without all your brothers hearing us through these thin walls."

She wasn't very noisy, but the thought had raced through her mind more than once tonight. The past weeks she'd caught a lot not so charming noises from the other rooms, so her request wasn't far-fetched at all. 

"You don't? That doesn't turn you on?" He dipped his head and kissed her right beneath her jaw. A shiver crept down her spine. 

"No," she muttered, her thoughts already miles away from their conversation.

He chuckled. "I'll work it out. Either way a good idea, for the club house as well." 

Dana smiled and took his hand. "Awesome. Well, let's go to the supermarket. I finally get the chance to make dinner for my boyfriend. Our relationship is almost sounding serious."

Juice bumped his shoulder against hers and chuckling she squeezed his hand. 


	85. Dana

Dana reduced the heat when two arms snaked around her. With his chin Juice leaned on her shoulder. "Smells good."

"Hope it tastes good too," she chuckled. She'd never been a kitchen princess and the spaghetti that was on the menu tonight, wasn't particularly a culinary triumph. 

"I can get used to a woman in the kitchen."

"Bet ya do." She smirked and pecked his cheek. "You really think you can get used to someone else livin' in your house that easily?"

She'd seen how absurdly organized his house was. In the fridge all the labels were turned forward, jars and glasses stood right next to each other and the spices were even alphabetized. She leaned forward to stir the meatloaf and vegetables and noticed Juice hoisted himself on top of the dishwasher. 

He looked pensively at her, as if he didn't know whether he could be honest or not. She took a little step toward him and laid her hand on his thigh. "This ain't a covert means to move in with you," she said with a little smile. She didn't know how to translate her thoughts to words. She hadn't considered Juice as a person with some form of autism and she found it weird to just ask about it. Maybe this was just the way he was raised, or something. "It's just... this place is so organized. Does it make you uneasy when things aren't in the right place? Is that why you need meds? Some sort of autism?" she asked carefully nevertheless. 

His eyes probed her face. Then he shook his head, twisted the ring around his thumb and looked the other way. "No, it's not autism. A canine compulsive order... OCD..."

"Okay." She leaned over to him and kissed his lips. She didn't know whether he felt ashamed of it or that it just never came up, but she wasn't looking differently at him now. Some of his traits actually fell into place now. "Does it bother you much?"

He shrugged his shoulders and peeked at the pan. The spaghetti was about to boil over, contrary to the frying pan she hadn't lowered the heat of it. She turned down the button, emptied the contents of the pot tomato sauce in the frying pan and turned her head back to Juice. 

"I don't suffer from a very serious form. It's just that my mind won't stop spinning in stressful periods. More than normal people, I mean. I just keep thinking and thinking and nothing can pull me out of it..." He took a deep breath and looked at her. "Sometimes I can't sleep for nights. All I can think of, are the things I could have done differently and my mind keeps playing thousands of scenarios. Usually the antidepressants are helpful..."

"But you ain't taking them anymore," Dana understood.

He bowed his head, clearly ashamed. "That fear, that I will be poisoned, that forces itself on me in an abnormal way. It... it's also an anxiety disorder. I usually go clean things up, sort them, straight them out... trying to keep myself busy. But it only works for a while."

Dana caressed his face. An anxiety disorder was intense in itself, let alone when you were living in an environment where fear was considered as a weakness and you always had to behave tough... That made it even more difficult. 

"You're often anxious?" she asked, monitoring his eyes, hoping they would reveal if he was telling the truth or not. "During... the things you need to do for the club?"

Juice shook his head. "No, not at all. The adrenaline keeps feelings like that away. I never have panic attacks at moments like that. It's just... that shit with Maddox... that constant threat, and all those moments I can worry about it..." He heaved a sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked softly. "Sure, I knew you wouldn't remain indifferent, but if I'd known..."

"Then what?" His voice sounded embittered and the glance in his eyes became hard. "Then you'd have thought twice about gettin' into a relationship with me? I can handle this, Dana."

Dana sighed. She didn't know what she would have done. Maybe he was right. Maybe she'd used it indeed as an excuse to keep her distance from him, and dealing with all the shit that had happened would have been ten times harder without him.

"Of course you can handle it," she said eventually, and she took his hands. "I've never noticed anything."

His lips curled into a smile. "You are my medicine. I mean it, however cheesy it might sound. When I hold you in my arms at night... that's the only way to be sure you're safe and in the end that's what I'm worrying about all the time."

His honest words caused a lump in her throat. She wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned with her head against his chest. She closed her eyes when his fingertips glided through her hair. Every touch, anywhere, softened her to the core. It was unimaginable she'd stayed so long with a man who'd never accomplished that. 

"I wish I met you five years ago," she muttered. 

"As do I." He laid a finger beneath her chin and lifted her face. "But no one is ever going to take you away from me. I promise."

A tear slipped out of her eye and she caught his lips in a gentle kiss. All this time she'd told herself that this would end one day, that this couldn't last forever. But now she rose up against that thought. His fears could never become reality. 

Never. 

She couldn't bear the thought that his spontaneous laugh would be smothered and the twinkles in his eyes would die forever because Maddox didn't only bring her nightmares to life, but his as well.


	86. Juice

"I didn't know you were such a philistine," Juice chuckled when Dana cut the spaghetti. 

She gave him an apologetic smirk. "I don't have the patient to roll it up, as you do."

With a hint of a smile he watched how she ruined her dinner. He liked to eat together, to notice the differences between them. Never before he'd paid attention to the way she ate, nor had she noticed his neurotic urge to keep everything organized. Even though that was much more visible in his apartment than in the clubhouse; he was used to all the others making a mess of that place. 

"Well, now we're already in a serious conversation mood; what about your dad?"

She stared at her plate. "Thought we were gonna have a nice evening."

He hesitated. Shouldn't he have asked about it? He didn't mean to ruin the evening, but it seemed something really essential. Already at their first date at the drive-in they'd talked about his family, about his mother and sister who were living in Queens, and because he'd thought her father was dead, he hadn't asked questions about him. 

"We can talk about it another day," he said eventually. 

She shook her head. "Never mind. I just wanna get over with it." She reached for the glass of water next to her plate and took a sip. "It ain't a long story anyway. I was little when it happened, but I can still picture the two cops that were at the door. My mother panicked at the sight of them; she thought he was dead. But no, he was still alive.  _He_ was." 

Her face looked tensed, her eyes seemed to darken. 

"What happened?" he carefully pushed her when she seemed to need a little encouragement to continue. 

"He'd been high while drivin', and hit two kids. Both killed instantly. Four and six years old, part of a family that lived up the same street as where we lived. It could've been me."

Juice's eyes widened and he cursed. 

"He turned out to be a dealer. He wasn't only fuckin' up our lives, but that of others too."

"And your mom didn't know?" he asked, overwhelmed. 

Dana snorted. "She was blind to his shortcomings." She laughed embittered. "Sounds familiar, huh? Oh, how I hated her for livin' with someone like that. And what did I do? Exactly the same. And now my insane ex sends my brother to the same prison my father's in. How ironic."

Juice didn't know what to say. All this seemed too much misery for one person. But wasn't that how things often went? Some people attracted shit like they were a fucking magnet. If there was a god, Juice hoped he believed Dana had been through enough by now. 

"You ever visited him, in prison?"

"Yeah, when I was a kid and didn't understood all of it too well. But it was something my mom and Happy were constantly fightin' about. I think I was eleven when I saw him for the last time. He always kept sending me letters – and I wouldn't be surprised if he still did."

"And you don't wanna see him again?" he asked, hesitating. It was a question that had kept him busy for a long time. His father had left his mother right after she'd given birth to his sister. A few times Juice had been on the verge of paying him a visit to demand answers. With his hacking skills it hadn't been hard to find his address. But he'd never taken that step. The fact that he came from a broken family had always marked him, had always given him the longing to find a place where they would accept him, where he could be himself. The club had taken the place of his family and in the end he'd decided that was all he needed. Some of the older Sons, especially Chibs, were more of a father to him than his biological father would ever be. Furthermore he didn't want to take the chance that he would lose the club when they'd find out who his father was. Then he would lose this family  _too._

Juice realized his thoughts had floated away from the conversation and he had no clue what Dana had answered. 

"Sorry," he muttered. "I... got lost in my own thoughts."

"About your father?" she asked, understanding. 

He nodded, glad she wasn't pissed because he was distracted. 

"You would want to see him again?"

He shook his head. "No." There was too much at stake. He however didn't dare to dwell on it too much. No one knew about his father's ethnic background and no matter how much he loved Dana, this wasn't something he wanted to share with her. Maybe later, if he had no other choice. It just wasn't worth the risk. 

"And you? I didn't hear your answer."

"No," she said shortly. "I wouldn't know what to say."

Juice mixed the spaghetti with his fork because it had cooled down, even though cold spaghetti was fine too. "Got to be a strange idea that Happy will talk to him soon."

She sighed. "Yeah... I wonder how that will go. I'll probably never know."

Juice agreed in silence. Happy wasn't very talkative and he couldn't imagine he would confess to anybody how he felt about this father-son reunion. Not even to his little sister. 


	87. Dana

"The weather is way too nice to go back inside," Dana sighed. She put out her cigarette in the ashtray at the picknick table. 

"We'll be quitting two hours earlier today, so that's a plus," Gemma answered. 

Dana nodded. She was right.

Tonight they'd planned a party: Kip would receive his full patch and officially become a Son. Dana looked forward to it. Ten days had passed since the failed attempt on Maddox's life and they all were still a bit gloomy. Everybody needed some fun, a distraction. 

Dana hadn't talked to her brother in person, but a few days ago Tig had called and ensured them both he and Happy were fine. That was all they could ask for. 

"We could barbecue too," Dana thought, her face tilted to the sun again. "In the park. Take a dip in the lake."

Gemma smiled. "Good idea, sweetheart. The kids can run around too there." She petted Dana's hair lovingly and stood up. 

Dana wasn't used to the mother-like way Gemma sometimes treated her yet. In the past she would have hated it and if she was honest she still didn't feel comfortable about it. She however had the feeling Gemma wanted to show her she belonged with the club, especially now her brother wasn't around anymore. That's why Dana decided to be okay with it. She found it important to get Gemma's support and truth to be told: she had nobody outside this club. 

_And this club is already falling apart._

She couldn't ward off the thought. But it was true. The fact that Tig and Happy were no longer part of their little community was sensible at all the time. Three new prospects had been assigned to take their empty spots, but they first needed to earn their way in and it would take a long time before they really fitted in. 

"Since when is sunbathing an administrative task?"

Dana looked over her shoulder and smirked at Opie, who sat down beside her. 

"I need a tan too. You can fix your stuff outside, but I won't see a damn thing on the laptop screen."

"You need a tan?" Opie repeated. "Tryin' to pass as a Latina?"

She grinned. "That would make us the perfect couple, right?"

Opie shrugged. "Only if you get head tats too."

"Obviously. I'm still considering the design."

"A crow, I suppose."

"A crow?" she repeated, surprised. "Why's that?"

Opie held her glance for a moment before he shook his head. "Ya should ask him."

 _Whatever._ "What about you, Ope? Have you met any nice girls lately?"

She'd seen him talk to a very pretty woman yesterday who'd visited the garage with a flat, and she believed she'd seen a spark between them. With satisfaction she noted him picking at his sleeve and he watched her from the side. 

"Maybe."

"Now I'm curious."

Opie didn't answer immediately, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. "I've helped a girl, Lyla, with her car yesterday. She gave me her number when I was finished."

Dana whistled. "You called her?"

Opie shook his head. "Nah."

"Invite her for tonight."

He gave her a questioning look. "At a club party?"

"Yea, why not? Should be a relaxed evening. And hey, I'll be there to keep her company. For it would be totally uncool if you hang around her all night." She winked. 

He sighed, took a piece of paper from the pocket of his overall and looked hesitantly at it. "Dunno if I'm ready for it. After Donna..."

"You don't have to marry her. You'll find out soon enough if you're ready." Her lips curled into a smile while she thought about Juice. "I'd never thought I would be open for a relationship so soon after Maddox. But if you find the right person..." She shrugged. "Then you'll be fine."

Opie nodded slowly, still staring at the graceful handwriting. "Maybe she just wanted to be friendly," he muttered, barely audible. "And wasn't she..."

"No woman gives you her number for no reason, Ope." She bumped her shoulder against his. "Don't be such a pussy. You ain't tellin' me a tough, rough biker like you doesn't dare to call a pretty lady?"

He mumbled something she really couldn't understand this time and stood up, took his phone out of his pocket and started to dial the number. 

Satisfied Dana looked at him, happy she could do something for the one who'd been such a great support since the beginning. She realized she'd missed to spend time with him. It wasn't just because of Juice that they hung out less often; after the death of her mother they'd decided it was safer for his kids if she did no more babysitting. And it had been evenings like that when they'd talked late into the night after he'd got home. 

A broad grin was drawn on his face when he returned to her. 

"She's comin'?" Dana guessed. 

He nodded. "Thanks," he said softly when he sat down again. "Needed that push, I guess."

"You're welcome." She gave him a wink and leaned into his shoulder. "I miss our late-night talks."

He patted her knee. "I'm late at the clubhouse almost every night. Always ready to talk with you until the sun's comin' up. But I guess you rather do other things than talk around that time." He wiggled his eyebrows. 

Dana felt her face glow. Not because having sex with Juice was an embarrassing subject, but because it wasn't the first time she let friendships grow cold while being in love. Hadn't she learned anything from her relationship with Maddox? It felt like she was falling into the same pits over and over again. 

"Sorry," she muttered. 

"What? No man, I'm just kiddin'." He nudged her shoulder and she looked up. Whether he'd been serious or not; he'd hit a nerve.

"You just adapted to the club life very quickly." His smirked. "A beast between the sheets, just like the others."

"A beast," she repeated, frowning. "Well, that sounds romantic."

Opie chuckled. "Romance's for pussy's."

Laughing Dana shook her head. "Well, you surely need those before you can do your thing."

Opie laughed too. Absentminded he picked at a strand of her hair while she leaned against him.

"I meant what I said," she said after a while. "I'm sorry. When I was with Maddox, I didn't care about anyone but him, and I lost all of my friends. The idea that will happen again, just makes me feel sick."

"Juice ain't Maddox, Dane. He'll never try to isolate you. And you... you ain't the same girl you was back then."

"Fortunately not," she muttered. 

However, that girl was still part of her. Maybe she would never truly go away. 

"And if it's really hard to keep your hands off him, we should take a break more often together." Opie moved a little and Dana sat up straight. He gave her a wink. 

"Yeah, about taking breaks... Think my break time for the next week is up by now."

"Well, in that case... we might have to lock up that Puerto Rican of yours for a night."

"With handcuffs. He'll like that."

Opie rolled his eyes and Dana stuck out her tongue. "Fine, I'll save my fantasies for Cherry."

"Great."

Chuckling she stood up. "I'm gonna head back to Gemma, before she punishes me with turning around sausages all night."

"You better be talkin' 'bout the barbecue."

Laughing, she shook her head. "See ya, Ope."


	88. Dana

They attracted a lot of attention at the park. There wasn't a single passerby who didn't cast them a glance. There wasn't anything odd about it; even though the Sons weren't a rare appearance in Charming, they usually hung around the clubhouse or raced through the streets. 

But to barbecue in the park like a bunch of hippies, that was something new. 

They weren't only receiving dirty looks. Sure, some people walked past them as quick as they could, or even turned around and left. Most however had a little chat with them, took a hamburger or just sat down with them, so that it started to look like a block party. 

Dana had the feeling this was only improving the reputation of the club. 

Kip was proud as a peacock, his fingers kept caressing the new patch on his chest as if he couldn't fully believe he was no longer a prospect. His attitude had changed immediately, he puffed out his chest and stuck out his chin like no one could lay a finger on him. He was just as intimidating as the other guys, Dana had to admit. 

Her eyes wandered to the side, to Juice, who was playing soccer with a ball Kenny had taken with him. He'd taken off his shirt and boots, even though his pants were too baggy to sport, and he had to hoist it after every five steps. 

"Not a bad a sight, huh?" Lyla's conniving voice sounded. The young woman sat down next to her in the grass and gave her a warm smile. 

Dana had talked to her for a while, but when she went to introduce herself to the others, Dana had lost sight of her and her son. Piper had the same age as Kenny, and Dana found it a good thing Opie and Lyla's children at least seemed to like each other. 

"Not at all," Dana smirked. Opie, Jax and Juice all had a body that wasn't unpleasant to look at. "I hope you like tats, otherwise Opie's screwed."

Just like Jax, Opie's back was fully covered with the reaper. Even without their cuts everyone knew who they were. 

"It suits him," Lyla thought. There was a dreamy smile on her face. 

 _They will be fine._ Nobody could miss their stolen glances. There was something angelic about Lyla, with her dreamy smile, deep blue eyes and her waving blonde hair. Dana couldn't have been more surprised when she found out the girl was a porn star working at Cara Cara. She hadn't asked further questions, assuming it paid well enough to support herself and her son. 

"Burgers!" Cherry dropped down next to them with a plate of bread rolls. 

Dana took one and cast a glance at the barbecue. Over there it had to be even hotter than here. The three new prospects were turning the meat, under supervision of Piney. Opie's old man had crossed his arms and was sweating bullets. The look in his eyes was dead serious, as if the boys would lose their chance of a patch when they burned the food.

It paid off, for the burger tasted very well. Before she could take another bite, an arm brushed past her and the bread roll was grabbed out of her hand. She looked over her shoulder and saw a way to wide grin before the burger disappeared through it. 

"Man, I'm hungry," Juice said by way of apologizing. 

She looked at the plate Cherry had taken with her, but the other sporters had already claimed their share. 

She tried to give Juice a wronged look, but his infectious laugh made that anything but easy. He reached out his hand. "Come, got a surprise for you."

A bit hesitated she let him pull her on her feet. Suspiciously she looked at his sweaty torso. "No soggy hug, I hope?"

The widening of his grin proved she should have kept that thought to herself. His arms snaked around her and pulled her to his heated chest. 

"Ugh, you stick."

"Now we can go in for a dip together."

Her nose brushed hers and his eyes were smiling with the same enthusiasm as his lips. Dana felt totally defenseless. Her hand stroked his left side, until her fingers found the chain on his belt and played with it. "After dinner."

His answer was drowned by the rumbling of motorcycle. He let go of her and laced their fingers. "Come." He pulled her gently to the barbecue. Curiously she walked with him, even though it weren't the prospects they were going to. They walked to the row of bikes, where somebody just got off his Harley. When the Son turned toward them, she froze. For a few seconds she forgot to breathe. 

"Koz?" she stammered when he walked up to them. 

His typical grin confirmed her suspicion. It was exactly the same grin he'd worn ten years ago. A lump appeared in her throat. Suddenly she realized how badly she'd missed him the past years. She let go of Juice, ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. 

For a second she was fourteen again, when she felt his arms around her, breathed in his scent and looked into his ever friendly blue eyes. After a tight embrace she watched his face. He'd became older, his face was rounder. His blonde hair was messy and her fingertips stroked the stubble on his cheek, that felt rougher than the last time she'd touched his face.

"Holy hell, Dane, you look so fucking good." Kozik's voice sounded deeper than she remembered. 

Still she couldn't say a word. It felt so surreal he was here, with her. After her brother had dragged him away so violently, she'd even been afraid he hadn't been alive at all, and even though she knew that had never happened since he had been shot, it was too strange to see him face to face, to touch him. 

"I just... I can't believe it's really you," she muttered. Absent-minded her thumb brushed the tattoo in his neck, that hadn't been there in the past. 

"If I'd known you were here..." His eyes rested in hers. 

She noticed his face was coming closer, and when his lips found hers and his hands glided across her back and laid still at her bottom, she didn't push him away, caught in the memories she'd cherished her entire youth.


	89. Juice

He'd wanted to  _surprise her_  tonight. 

But now he was the one who watched utterly bewildered how his ten year older brother kissed his girl. 

And she didn't push him away. 

She didn't fucking push him away!

He really had no clue what was going on here. He'd thought Kozik had been like a brother to her, or that they'd had a close friendship in the past. But he'd never expected...  _this_ _._

Juice went along with the rage that arose within him. He rushed to the couple, grabbed Dana's shoulder and tore her away from the blonde man. He clamped his hand around Kozik's shoulder and with his other fist he slammed the man in the face. Before Kozik could come to his senses, Juice grabbed his throat and squeezed. "If you ever touch my girl again, I snap your fucking neck," he spatted. 

"Juice! Stop!" He felt Dana's pulling hands around his wrist, but he roughly tore away his arm and kept looking at Kozik. If the man hadn't been released from the hospital a few days ago he'd probably returned the punch by now, but at the moment he rather looked confused than angry. 

With a grunt Juice let go of his throat, cast Dana a dark glare and grabbed her wrist. Ignoring the looks of the others, he dragged her away from them. 

"The fuck was that?" he snapped when there was enough space between them and his brothers. 

"Let me go." Her voice sounded rough, but the look in her eyes was insecure, maybe even anxious. He did as she asked and stared at the marks his fingers had left on her arm. He however didn't apologize. Hell, she'd been on the verge of cheating on him under the eyes of his brothers. Right under his nose! 

He hated the fact she'd slept with Jax once, but that she had a history with  _another_ Son as well made him feel sick. As if half of the club had already done his girl. 

"You gonna answer?" he snapped when she kept staring at her shoes. 

"I don't know what happened," she answered quietly. "I haven't seen him in ten years, Juice. I was completely overwhelmed."

Against his better judgement he tried to explain the kiss in another way. Sometimes old friends greeted each other with a kiss on the lips. But the way she'd caressed his face, the ease with which Kozik's hands had moved to her ass... "You fucked him?"

"What? No..." She looked up to him. He didn't know what to think of the look in her eyes. He rubbed his hand over his mohawk and started to pace. What was he supposed to do with this? There was something between those two, everybody could see that. What a fucking mess. He never should have called that asshole. 

Dana heaved a sigh and let her hands slip into her pockets. She didn't look at him, but aimed her eyes on the others. Nobody paid attention to them, they all greeted Kozik enthusiastically and undoubtedly asked questions about the night he'd been shot. 

Dana's silence frustrated him. She didn't even apologize. 

He forced himself to stop pacing and took a step toward her. "You have feelings for him?"

She crossed her arms and rubbed her upper arms as if she felt cold. "You really want to talk about this now? Here?"

Juice clenched his fist. 'No' wasn't a difficult answer at all. He forced to spread his fingers when he noticed how nervously Dana stared at his hand. "You clearly don't," he grumbled. 

For a moment he looked at her, then he shook his head and rushed back to the others. Even though he was sure his brothers would have reacted in exactly the same way, he had the feeling they were all looking at him. 

With a sulky face he walked to the barbecue and tried to participate in the conversation the prospects were having, but everything they said passed him right by. He was having a hard time not to look over his shoulder to find out what Dana was doing. He however didn't want to show the others how hurt he felt. Not only because she'd let someone else kiss her, but even more because she acted as if it was no big deal. He remembered all the angles he'd worked himself in, that time a Croweater had knelt in front of him. Dana didn't even try to give him the impression this meant nothing. 

"Hey man, I'm sorry." He froze when he heard Kozik's voice. A firm hand squeezed his shoulder and Juice clenched his teeth. "I didn't know she was yours."

Juice turned away, so his hand glided off his shoulder. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you kissed her, asshole."

He peeked aside. Where his fist had hit Kozik's cheek, his skin was already swelling up and turning dark. Kozik looked at him with sincere regret, there were no signs that he was trying to provoke him. 

With a grim face Juice moved his glance back to the smoking meat, realizing he felt more anger towards Dana than towards Kozik. 


	90. Dana

Dana took a few deep breaths before she sat down with Cherry and Lyla again. Her eyes were itching, she had the feeling she could cry any moment. The look in Juice's eyes and his angry face when he grabbed Kozik by the throat... Thinking of it still made her shiver. It was a side of him she'd never seen before. She shouldn't be surprised. Despite his sweet smile, sparkling eyes and sometimes foolish actions, he was a Son, no less than the others. He didn't eschew violence. And even though that caused a safe feeling in the beginning, she'd experienced the opposite now.

Fear.

Fear that he would hurt someone she cared about. 

Just like Maddox. 

Of course Juice wasn't like Maddox, but the glimpse she'd just seen... she couldn't let go of it. The arm he'd squeezed when he dragged her along, still hurt. Again she had a violent boyfriend. She couldn't imagine Juice would  _really_ hurt her, but hadn't she thought the same of Maddox? Was she really making the same mistakes all over again? She blinked away a tear, tried to push away the thoughts and to focus on the people around her. 

"What's goin' on?" Cherry asked. "Did Juice fight with someone? I heard Kenny tell something like that to Opie."

Dana shrugged her shoulders and looked at her friend.  _Not now,_ she tried to tell her with the look in her eyes. 

Her friend got the hint and stood up. "Let's get my Crow." She offered her hands to Lyla and Dana.

"What?" Dana asked dazed, while Cherry helped her on her feet.

"My tattoo!"

She still didn't understand and gave Kip a questioning look, who was grinning like an idiot. He clearly knew what his girlfriend was talking about. He stood up and walked with them, to a burly woman who was talking to Chibs. Every inch of her arms was covered with ink. 

"Ah, you're ready?" the woman asked.

Chibs pulled up the corner of his mouth. "Ye gonna get yer Crow?"

"Yeah, thought today would be a good day."

Together with the tattoo lady Cherry sat down in the grass. The woman placed a cushion in her lap and Cherry put down her arm, the inside up, where after the tattoo artist started to clean her skin. 

"And yer lookin' for inspiration?" the Scot asked, before he lit a cigarette. 

"To be honest I have no idea what you're talkin' about."

"A crow tattoo," Cherry answered, while the woman in front of her drew the design on her skin, "is an old lady thingy, with which we show the world we belong to a Son."

"Some sort of engagement ring for bikers?" she asked with raised eyebrows. 

"For Sons," Kip answered with a smirk. "Thus if you decide one day ya wanna stay with Juice, he probably wants you to take a crow tattoo too."

_Ah. That's what Opie was talking about, earlier today._

"So this is a big moment for you," she grinned at Kip, even though her smile wasn't truly genuine. "Your Old Lady is immortalizing her love for you."

There was something sweet about it, and it was more subtle than tattooing somebody's name on your body, but it still sounded a bit misogynistic. As if they were a herd of cows that were marked by their owner. But maybe she was too embittered at the moment to feel the romantic gesture.

She nodded to Kip as if his answer got through her, but she didn't hear a word he was saying. Past him she looked at the barbecue, where Juice was standing. He was talking to Kozik, she saw to her surprise, and he didn't look as angry as before, not by a long shot. Kozik seemed to take Juice's words to snap his neck if he ever touched her again much more lightly than she. She however couldn't get rid of that thought. Again and again she saw that look in his eyes, his tensed face, his fingers around Kozik's throat... 

She didn't even dare to go to Kozik to catch up, and the idea that she was not doing something because she was fearing the reaction of her boyfriend... that was something she'd hoped to never go through again. She didn't want a relationship like that anymore, not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never had such a quiet audience! Please let me know what you think of the story, I would love to hear from you! (:


	91. Dana

Dana wished she could go back to the clubhouse, to her room. She felt awful and was tired of Cherry's and Opie's attempts to get her to talk. She didn't want to share anything about her past with Kozik before she'd talked about it with himself or Juice.

Even though it first had been Juice's actions that had kept her mind busy, she was now starting to wonder why the hell Kozik had tried to kiss her, ten years since the last time they'd seen each other. 

And why she hadn't stopped him. 

She had been blindsided, there was no doubt about that. Both by his appearance and his actions. But Juice's question kept racing through her mind.  _"You have feelings for him?"_

It was impossible to give an easy answer. For years she'd been in love with him, she'd shared her first kiss with him. Nobody could just forget such a first love. She couldn't decide how much of her feelings had remained in just a few minutes, and it didn't matter anyway. 

She didn't want to lose Juice. 

She wasn't going to trade him for Kozik. 

She just wished Juice had given her some time to make that decision herself, before he'd pulled them apart. Or would she have kissed him back? 

She couldn't say with certainty she wouldn't. She'd really been sucked back in time. 

Would Juice have forgiven her if she'd kissed Kozik back? Or had he just saved their relationship? Or had she ruined that now anyway?

She took a deep breath and looked around. Together with Jax and one of the prospects he stood knee-deep in the water, while some Croweaters tried to push them over, laughing way too loud. Had he missed that? Other women that paid attention to him, that hung around his neck and pushed their breasts against his body? 

How would she feel when one of them started to kiss him? Would he kiss her back? Would she storm into the water too and threaten to drown the girl? 

She dropped her eyes when he looked over his shoulder, whereby their eyes briefly met. Was he waiting until she would go to him? He believed he'd done nothing wrong – and she... she neither thought she'd done something wrong. She hadn't kissed Kozik, Juice hadn't even given her the chance to tell the man she was in a relationship. 

Or did he? Had the moment taken much longer than she thought? 

Her memories were nothing but flashes and Juice's actions were more at the forefront than whatever had happened between Kozik and her. 

Dana stood up because her thoughts were wearing her out. She felt remarkably lonely. It was her own fault, Opie and Cherry had tried to keep her company, but she'd wanted to be alone and regretted her decision now. She started to pick up the plastic plates and cups from the grass. 

She'd filled half of a trash bag when she felt a hand around her wrist, keeping her from bending over again.

"We have prospects and sweetbutts to clean up, sweetheart," Gemma  spoke on a tone that didn't tolerate any disagreement. "You don't need to do this."

"I know," she sighed. "I just... need to be busy."

"Then talk to your man," Gemma answered simply. "That will more likely clear the air than piling up plates will."

"Well, of course I will," she muttered. "But we've caused enough trouble here."

Gemma's face told her she wasn't done with sharing her opinion, but Dana had heard enough. She walked to the cooler, took out a beer and sat down at the shore of the lake, a little away from the small group in the water. She lowered her bare feet in the water and watched the circles she caused. She didn't know why she'd sat down here. Was she hoping Juice would come to her? She'd been the one who didn't want to talk. He wasn't just going to forget about that.

She looked up when she noticed a movement next to her. Her stomach cramped when she realized it was Kozik who sat down beside her. She took an anxious look at Juice, but he paid no attention to them. He'd lifted a girl on his shoulders and tried to push over Jax, who was also carrying an oozing and squealing girl on his neck. Both men had already fallen; there jeans were soaked. 

"'m sorry, girl," Kozik said after staying silent for a while. "I... I don't know what happened. Didn't want to cause trouble."

Dana didn't know what to answer. She wiped her eyes when they got damp and turned her head away in shame. She hated her emotional outbursts. Of course they were fed by everything else that was going on, but it felt like she was now crying because of some stupid misunderstanding. 

"I don't think you should sit next to me now," she said softly. She hated to tell him that, especially because she  _did_ want him to stay and the thought that Juice wanted to forbid her to talk with someone, made her feel sick, but she didn't want to make Juice even more angry. 

"I honestly don't think you should sit here either. I think you've had enough of this party."

She shrugged her shoulders, but man, he hit the nail on the head. Opie and Cherry had tried to get her to talk and there after they'd tried to distract her, but even after not seeing each other for ten years, Kozik knew exactly what she needed. 

"I can't go back alone."

"Then I'll take you to the clubhouse."

She snorted, even though a small smile appeared on her face. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Kozik shrugged his shoulders. "He'll take you home or I do. It's up to him." He stood up, yelled Juice's name and beckoned him to come. 

Dana froze when Juice turned around and gave them a questioning look. Again there was that scorching gaze. She bowed her head and nervously intertwined her fingers. "You shouldn't have done that."

Kozik snorted flippantly. "Nah. You two really are blowing this out of proportion." 


	92. Juice

Juice felt his jaws tense when he saw the two sitting together. Dana had bent her head and he wondered if she finally felt too ashamed to look at him or that her defeated attitude was caused by something else. Kozik sat next to her, relaxed, even though there was a compulsory look in his eyes. Despite his often friendly behavior he wasn't the type of person you ignored easily, and since he'd been an SAA of SAMTAC, he had a higher rank too. 

"Sorry babe, gotta go over there," he told the girl on his shoulders and he bend his knees so she could fall down in the water. A second later there was a splash, and water spatted around. 

Before he could walk to the shore, her fingers laced with his. 

"You coming back?"

He couldn't help it; he couldn't say he didn't care about her hopeful glance. She knew perfectly well hard words had fallen between his old lady and him, and he knew she would try to kiss him if he stayed with her. He pulled back his hand and shrugged his shoulders, he didn't want to give her the wrong impression. Running into someone else's arms during a fight in a relationship had never benefited anyone. 

He waded to the shore, his jeans stuck to his legs and felt heavy. A meter away from the two he nodded his head upward, in a silent question what was going on.

"Dana wants to go home. You bring her back?" Kozik asked. 

Juice aimed his eyes on Dana, who still stared into the water. "You're not talkin' to me anymore?" He didn't like Kozik playing some kind of messenger. 

Still she didn't look up. In silence he watched her dropped shoulders, her fingers that clawed through the grass. What should he do? Pushing his own wronged feelings away so she would feel better? Or should he not let himself be manipulated and stand his ground? He hated all this relationship shit.

With a sigh he sat down next to her and gave Kozik an intrusive look. If he really had to talk to her, he wanted to do that alone. The man got the hint, squeezed Dana's shoulder and walked away. 

Hesitantly Juice laid a hand on her thigh, hoping she would at least look up. She tensed immediately and with a sigh he removed his fingers. There was a little voice inside his head whispering she'd responded differently when Kozik touched her. 

"You want him to take you to the clubhouse?" Juice asked when her silence caused a dull feeling in his chest. "You wanna be with him?"

She said nothing. He however saw a tear running down her cheek. He was already moving his hand to wipe it away, but decided not to touch her again. Why didn't she want to be touched anymore? He really didn't get it. She was acting like  _he_ had been the one who'd kissed someone else.

With a deep sigh he stood up again. "I assume you first need a good talk with him before you got something to say to me. I'll sleep in my apartment tonight. When you've figured it all out, I'll hear it, I guess."

Her head shot upwards. Her glance flew from him to the lake and back. He didn't understand her sudden panic, until he realized she was looking at the Croweater that was peddling for his attention for hours. 

The sight of it calmed his whirling stomach a little. He smiled sadly because she was afraid that  _he_ would search for someone else's warmth tonight. "Until you don't want me anymore, you don't have to worry about her," he promised. He didn't know how he could say something like that so gently, knowing she would soon have a conversation that was undoubtedly involving their future. 

Finally she looked him right in the eye. It was hard to explain the look in her eyes, and he felt a lump in his throat when he saw the tears that were piling up. He remembered all the shit she was dealing with. Her mother that had died, her brother and father in prison, her ex that still wanted to destroy her life. 

After a short hesitation he offered her his hand. Relief flushed through his veins when she took it. He pulled her on her feet and into her arms. 

"My head's a mess, Juice," she sobbed against his chest. "But I... I don't wanna lose you. I... I just need some time to figure things out."

"Okay," he answered softly, rubbing between her shoulders. He pressed his lips against her crown. "I love you, Dana. Whatever thoughts are bothering you, you should never doubt that."

She nodded against his chest, took a deep breath and stepped out of the water.

Juice watched how she walked to Kozik, with a nagging feeling in his stomach. Although she'd never told him she loved him and he'd never cared about it before, the lack of the words did hurt this time. And why was she afraid to lose him? What thoughts bothered her so much that she didn't dare to share them with him? What kind of connection existed between Kozik and her if it could mess up their whole relationship? 

He heaved a deep sigh and decided to clear his head too. He thanked Gemma for dinner, went home and flopped on a chair at the porch. There he lit a joint. He felt a little guilty about it, knowing Dana hated any kind of drugs because of her father's use. Nevertheless he needed something to calm him down. He had no idea what Dana and Kozik were doing and suddenly he felt like the biggest idiot on earth for letting her leave with the man who'd tried to kiss her just a few hours ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just discovered chapter 73 and 75 were missing, so I'm sorry if things didn't ready very smooth. :(


	93. Dana

Kozik didn't bring her back to TM, but took her out of town, to a hill looking out over Charming. It was a beautiful, quiet place, and from this distance she could see the park where they'd been a while ago. 

"When I was younger I came her a lot, when I needed to clear my head," he told her. 

They sat down in the grass, shoulder to shoulder, and took in the view in silence. The sun was setting, by which the sky bathed in a beautiful glow. 

"That sunset makes this almost romantic," she muttered, not entirely sure what Kozik's intentions were. 

He chuckled. "I was never good with romance. That hasn't changed much, the past years." He bumped his knee against hers. "Don't worry. I won't kiss you again."

Dana looked at him from the side. "Why did you do it?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. You've became damn beautiful, Dane. It just... it just happened."

She couldn't help his words made her blush. 

"Juice sounded so enthusiast when he told me I had to surprise you by stepping by tonight. I thought you were friends, that you had told him something about our past and that he thought it would be funny if I suddenly showed up. Sounded just like him.  Maybe I thought you still had feelings for me or somethin'." He chuckled. "But he was so enthusiast because he honestly wanted to surprise you. Not a single moment I thought you two would be together." 

Dana bowed her head. A warm glow filled her body. Juice had indeed wanted to surprise her, and if Kozik hadn't tried to kiss her, it would have been a great surprise. 

"Is he mad at you for not punchin' me in the face?" Kozik asked after a while.

Dana stared into the distance. "I guess." She however knew that wasn't their biggest problem. His violent side had shocked her. She peeked aside. Kozik studied her face, and his piercing look called up memories. There never had been a subject she couldn't discuss with him. When she started to get interest in boys, he'd been the one she'd asked how to kiss. And when she'd just asked him if she could practice with him, it had led to her first kiss. 

"Our relationship was so weird," she realized out loud. 

Kozik raised his eyebrows and she shrugged her shoulders. 

"I thought back to the time I could tell you everything that was on my mind. And how you taught me to kiss."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. That was really, really wrong."

"Yeah," she admitted. "It was."

"You always looked so much older. And it felt good." He snorted and shook his head. "Shit man, listen to me. I'm still trying to smooth things over. I could have gotten in real trouble –  and with good reason. I'm sorry, Dana. I..."

"I was in love with you. I  never blamed you, I still don't. You never did anything I didn't want."

"Never?" He held her glance. 

She bowed her head, knowing he referred to today. "If I hadn't been in a relationship with someone else, I wouldn't have mind." She sighed. "I don't know what it is, Koz. I never felt so comfortable around anyone but you. Even after our... strange reunion I'm just happy you're back. For I really missed you, especially the first years. You never came back." She looked up to him. "Why didn't you?"

"I promised Hap." His lips curled into a smirk. "You almost killed me, girl. After your brother was done with me, I've been on the brink of death for three days."

Dana's eyes widened. "Did Happy–"

"Yeah, he broke pretty much all of my bones. I really thought I would die. When I left the hospital nevertheless, he made me swear I would never ever go looking for you. And I kept my promise."

"Until now."

"Yeah. Until now. Think he would've been harder on me than your lover, if he'd been around." He grinned. "But before we left the other day, he told me you were at TM – and why. When I asked him if his restraining order was still valid, he just sniffed. So, yeah, I just interpreted it however I wanted."

She chuckled quietly. It wasn't difficult to imagine Happy's cold glance and dismissive sniff. Her smile devoured when she thought about how that night had ended. 

"And now you were flirting with the Reaper for the second time, because of me."

He winked. "Some women are worth the risk. And hey, I'm still alive and I even got bail. Now I have a tall tale to tell and a few more cool scars to show the ladies. They love it."

Dana shook her head, laughing. "You're almost forty. I expected you to have a family by now."

"I have a daughter," he told her. "She's six now. However, I don't see her much. Her mother doesn't think I have a very good influence on her."

He laughed about it, but the look in his eyes told her it did bother him. 

"Then she doesn't know you very well. Unless you've became a whole different person the past ten years. You've always been sweet and caring."

Kozik shrugged his shoulders. "But I'm still a Son. And with that, comes a certain way of life. You're together with a Son too. Would you want to raise your child within the club?"

Dana raised her eyebrows. "We're together for roughly a month. I haven't thought about that yet," she answered skeptically. 

"It can happen anytime. For me, all it took was a week."

A week... Subconsciously she rubbed her belly. The chance something was growing in there was unbelievably small, for they'd always done it safely. "A child is always vulnerable. You know what my father has done. You don't have to hang around with a motorclub to meet mad men like him. And I think ten overprotective uncles can create quite a safe environment."

Kozik smirked. "Well, that's one way to look at it."


	94. Dana

 

Kozik watched her for a while. "Where did the time go? Last time we discussed Iron Man versus Superman and now we're talking about kids. Speaking of our former heroes..." He reached into the inside pocket of his cut and took out a folded package. "I've carried on our tradition."

Eager as if she was still a child, she pulled off the elastic and rolled out the comic. 

"You still lack a good taste?" she asked when she saw Batman on the cover. She'd always been more into the Marvel comics, but Kozik always brought her DC. She secretly liked them just as much, thanks to him she'd read hundreds of them, but she would never admit it. 

"Thanks. It's been years ago since I've held a comic book in my hands."

"Then it's about time old times will relive. Even though you can't tell me that crush of yours has no comics in the house. He scores high on the geek-indicator."

"We're busy with other things than reading comics."

He laughed. "Right, you're old enough now to do those things, hmm?"

She poked his side with her elbow, even though she could appreciate his inappropriate jokes. The discomfort of the beginning of the evening was long gone. Thoughtlessly she flipped through the comic while leaning against Kozik. "I've missed you, Koz."

He rustled her hair. "I missed you too, girl. You still need help with a  _how should I make up with my angry bad ass biker boyfriend_  plan? I recommend a blowjob."

"Yeah? You cheered 'em up with that once?" she asked with a blank face, still flipping through the book. There was no way she would do that. It was a border she didn't want to cross yet, no matter how angry Juice would be. But that wasn't something she was going to tell Kozik. 

"It was a rhetorical question, Koz," she said when he was about to answer. "I don't wanna know what your boys nights look like." She closed the comic book and looked at him with a serious glance. She needed to get it off her chest, it was bothering her the whole night. "Juice ain't unyielding. We'll figure that out. If it was him, we would've talked it out by now." She sighed and fiddled with a cracked cuticle. 

"Then what is it?"

Dana bit her lip, not knowing how much she needed to tell him before he would understand. Usually he was very perceptive, so she decided to just come out with it. "When he beat you... grabbed you by the throat... That was a side of him I've never seen before. And the look in his eyes, his tensed face... He scared me, Koz." She took a deep breath. "My ex... He was violent too. And it felt... it felt like I had an aggressive boyfriend again."

"Juice ain't aggressive, Dane. I've known him for ten years. He's protective and  stands up for himself, but he's not violent. I deserved a beat up." She heard him chuckle. "I fight those guys all the time. We're macho's, all of us." He patted her knee. "And you secretly find that attractive, otherwise you wouldn't be falling in love with bad boys over and over again."

"But whether that's smart, is a different story," she muttered. She raked a hand through her hair. "You know, Koz... Rationally I can argue all this. I know he's not Maddox. But what I felt, the associations I made, the fact that I froze when he touched me afterwards... and his grave look I see again and again... I just can't let go of it." She heaved a deep sigh. "And I find it hard to tell him that he reminded me of Maddox. It will hurt him and..."

"Juice's a big boy. He'll get over it. It will only help him to understand you. If he'd known this, he never would have treated you so coldly."

Dana pondered his words. She wondered what he was doing now. Had he gone home, or was he still at the clubhouse? What was on his mind? A lot, she didn't doubt that. And knowing him... he would see how Kozik kissed her and she didn't push him away, over and over again. What did he think they we're doing now? Figuring out how much they still liked each other?

Dana looked aside, to Kozik's lips. She had no desire to kiss him, not for a single moment since they were here. His arm around her shoulder, leaning against him, she liked that. But she wasn't longing for him like she'd longed for Juice– and was still longing for him.

"You're right. He has no idea why I behaved this way." She grabbed her phone and checked the time. 11 PM. He probably wasn't sleeping yet. "If he's home... you want me to take me to him? I doubt I will be able to sleep when I wait 'till tomorrow."

A smile played Kozik's lips. "That's what I like; women who take the bull by the horns." He winked. "Of course I'll give you a ride. After all, all of this is my fault."

Dana looked up his phone number. Her heart bounced in her throat when she called him. The phone rung once, twice. A third time.

With an uneasy feeling she lowered the device. He didn't pick up, while his phone was always within reach because of the club. Was he showering? Already sleeping? Or did he ignore her on purpose?

"He doesn't answer," she said quietly. 

"He's probably focused on his game," Kozik reassured her. "Just leave him be. Maybe it's even better if you don't talk before tomorrow, when you've both slept and are – in his case – sober again."

With a deep sigh Dana agreed. She didn't have a choice. 


	95. Juice

Juice stared at the ceiling. Hours ago he'd given up the hope to fall asleep. Maybe he should have picked up the phone, but he hadn't been willing to talk to her while he was high. She'd neither left him a message nor sent him a text, nor had she called again. Whatever she wanted to tell him could apparently wait until tomorrow. And maybe he wanted to wait too. He didn't want to see his fear that she'd reconnected with an old lover who she would choose over him, turn into reality. For what else was there to think about? She'd probably wanted to tell him that as soon as possible, so she could fall asleep in Kozik's arms tonight without having to feel guilt. But one attempt to call him might have been enough for them.

With a deep sigh he turned on his side. It was 4 AM, the alarm clock told him. He was glad it was Sunday today, so he wouldn't have to go to the garage. Hopefully Kozik turned back to Tacoma after the weekend. And took her with him.

The thought made his chest cramp up. But wasn't that better than still seeing her every day? At the moment the Tacoma charter was bigger than theirs, so they had better means to protect her. He sat up straight and took a few deep breaths. Man, how long could a night take? He'd been gaming until 2 AM, and he decided he might as well continue with that. Then he could at least get rid off the frustration a bit.

* * *

When he woke up, his neck ached. The Playstation was still on, ominous music blasted through the living room. He rubbed his stiffened muscles and looked at the clock. 9.30 AM. He couldn't remember until what time he'd been awake, although it was hard to imagine it had already been light.

A shrill sound overruled the game music, and it was held for such a long time he suspected it wasn't the first time someone buzzed.

He stood up, stretched his back with a grim face and walked to the hallway. It was probably one of his brothers because he hadn't picked up his phone.

Or it was Dana.

All of a sudden he was wide awake. There was a knot in his stomach, and even before he'd opened the door there was another one in his throat.

It was her.

Instead of looking at him, she briefly glanced over her shoulder. Juice had the feeling the blood clotted in his veins when he saw Kozik, sitting on his bike. The man raised his hand and left the street.

"Hey," she said quietly. "Can I... Can I come in?"

"Can't slam the door right in your face, huh? You're ride is already gone."

She looked up to him. Usually her brokenness would have hit him, but today his own hurt feelings had the upper hand. He turned around and let the door open.

"I'll get dressed," he yelled over his shoulder, since he felt even more vulnerable in his boxers alone. It was a stupid idea clothes would hide how terrible he felt, but he couldn't let go of the feeling.

Slowly he dressed himself, doing everything in his might to delay the confrontation. With his shirt in his hands he sat on the edge of his bed for a while, trying to pull himself together. This was ridiculous. If she wanted to dump him, he just had to face that.

With a sigh he pulled his shirt over his head and descended the stairs. He noticed she'd turned off the TV and rolled up the wire of the controller.

"You gamed all night?" she asked softly.

"Why do you care?" He shoved his hands into his pockets and sat on the edge of the table. At a small distance he looked at her. Contrary to yesterday she seemed to feel guilty today. She'd crossed her arms in front of her chest while sitting straight on the couch, avoiding to look him right in the eye. Was that because much more had happened between Kozik and her by now?

"I... I called you yesterday... And this morning."

"I know."

"Okay..." It was a soft whisper that left her lips.

He knew it was his moodiness that made her so insecure, but he didn't know how to change that. Maybe he should just ask her what he wanted to know. He just wanted to get over with it. "You go back to him?"

As soon as he'd spoken the words, he could barely breathe. What if she said  _yes_? Or nodded?

A vibration went through his chest when she looked at him. "I have no feelings for Kozik, Juice."

He needed a few seconds to realize what she was saying. She had no feelings for him. Not... at all? He couldn't imagine, he'd seen how they'd touched each other. With a sulky face he folded his arms. "I don't believe that."


	96. Juice

"I get that..." Dana intertwined her fingers and walked up to him. Her scent almost knocked him out, obscuring his anger. "Koz and I... we used to have a weird relationship."

One step away from him she stood still. He wished she came closer, longing for her touch. Still he just kept looking at her, fighting off every distraction from her words.

"Kozik was a close friend of my brother, and even though I considered him as a brother too for quite some time, my feelings started to change when I hit puberty. I fell in love with him. My first love, and since it wasn't just a fling, my feelings for him ran deep. He was my best friend, I could talk with him about everything. We've shared some kisses now and then. The last time that happened, Happy invaded the room, dragged him out of the house and beat him – Kozik told me yesterday – almost to death. It wasn't until yesterday that we met again. I hadn't seen him in eleven years, Juice."

Juice did a little bit of math and shook his head, cursing. "Are you tellin' me you were  _fourteen_ years old when Kozik was messin' around with you?!" He felt disgusted. Suddenly he viewed his brother, whom he'd always respected, in a very different perspective.

"He never insisted on anything. I think I seduced him, instead of the other way around. Anyway, it's a long time ago, Juice. And I was in shock when he suddenly stood in front of me, yesterday. For a moment I was that fourteen year old girl again." She took a deep breath. Her eyes probed his face. "I should've pushed him away. But... you didn't have to hit him."

Juice sniffed. "I wack everyone who touches you like he did. He wasn't just trying to kiss you, Dana, he grabbed your ass as if it was the most normal thing in the world!"

"To him it  _was_ the most normal thing in the world! Shit Juice, you told me you were used to girls sucking your dick while you  _were working_ and now you're blaming Kozik for  _this_? He knew I wouldn't freak out – and there was no way he could have known we were together."

"I know that now," he grumbled. "But not at that time." He took a deep breath, searching for the words to express what was bothering him since she was around. "How did you find out you no longer have feelings for him? Did you..."

"No. We've talked for hours and I didn't even  _think_ about kissing him." She took a step forward and laid her hands on his knees. It felt like months had passed since the last time she'd touched him, and a warm glow waved through his body. "The reason I needed time... wasn't because I had to choose between you and Kozik." She stroked his cheek and looked at him with so much love in her eyes he forgot how to breath. "You're so sweet, Juice. And funny, and handsome." She smiled lightly. "And a bit of a bad ass. Kozik is no match for you. No one is."

Juice wanted to close his eyes and surrender to her lips. But he knew she wasn't done talking yet. "Then why did you need time?"

She lowered her hand and bent her head, like she'd done so many times when she believed she was being a baby. "When you attacked Kozik... I saw a side of you I've never seen before. You startled me, you  _scared_ me. Again I had an aggressive boyfriend who hurt someone I cared about... and it felt... it felt like I was making the same mistakes as I'd done with Maddox."

It felt like she suddenly exhaled snow. The thought that he'd scared her, froze him to the core. "Dana..." he uttered, dazed. He stood up and cupped her face with both hands, slowly moving his thumbs across her cheeks. "I would never do something like that."

Suddenly he felt like a complete idiot for not having drawn that conclusion himself. She'd begged him to let go of her, and she'd tensed as soon as he'd touched her. He ran a hand across his mohawk. "Shit... I'm so sorry baby... I didn't knew... I would never..." The fact that she'd seen a glimpse of Maddox in him, made him feel sick. "I would never have hurt Kozik, not  _really._ That's not who I am. You... you have to believe that!"

"I know," she answered softly. "In my head, I know that. But your actions triggered memories and I... I needed to reconsider if I really wanted a boyfriend with a dark side again. For you have one, Juice." She bit her lip. "If not, you never would have became a Son. And of course, all along I knew you had a dark side, that's why I felt safe around you. But now I've  _seen_ it too... it was a lot to take in."

He felt his stomach twitch. Had he messed it up again? "You want... you still want to move on? With me?"

"Yes. Of course I do. Deep down I know I shouldn't be afraid of you. It's just... just another fear that asshole left behind."

Relief filled his chest, with such intensity tears jumped in his eyes. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She stayed with him. He hadn't lost her.

"It's a fear we will face together," he promised her.

She looked up to him, tears clouding her eyes. Then she wrapped her arms around him and Juice pulled her close, burying his face in her hair.


	97. Dana

Now she stood here, with his arms around her and her ear against his chest so she could hear the beating of his heart, she couldn't imagine she'd really been afraid of him. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew she wasn't the easiest girlfriend, but he stayed with her nonetheless and wanted to help her to get rid of her demons. She loved this man. She knew it, felt it in every inch of her body. It felt like he was perfectly balanced. Sometimes he was a bit silly, but he wasn't dumb at all and she often got the feeling others underestimated how smart he was. On some days he was just joking around with a wolfish grin on his face, but he was always open to a serious conversation. He wasn't afraid to use violence to protect the ones he loved and at the same time he had a soft side that made her feel so special. He wasn't perfect – who was? – but she could see herself growing old with someone like him. At least, if they would get that chance. 

She looked up to him. Her stomach wallowed when his brown eyes rested in hers. His glance was warm, emotional, so different from the look in eyes when he'd opened the door half an hour ago. That had been a facade, a way to hide how deeply she'd hurt him. 

She kissed him softly before eyeing him again. "I left the clubhouse as soon as I could," she said. "Can I shower here?"

"Hmm? Yeah, sure."

It felt as if she'd broken through deep thoughts. His eyes moved across her face, hesitating, as if he wasn't sure if things were really okay between them again. She gave him a wink, took his hand and pulled him upward the stairs. 

"You take a towel," she said with a crooked smile. "Before I turn your color-coded pile upside down." She went into the bathroom and pulled the scrunchie out of her hair. A moment later Juice appeared in the doorway and handed her a towel. She took it from him, tossed it in the corner, grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. Apparently it didn't occur to him all of this was a not so subtle hint she wanted to get intimate with him. When her hands slid underneath his shirt and pulled it over his head, it finally dawned on him. 

"You need some encouragement today," she chuckled when his hands found their way underneath her clothes and started to undress her. 

"I didn't know if..."

"Sssh. Let me see my bad ass biker now," she cut him off with a smirk, moving her lips to his neck while taking off his belt. It was astonishing how quickly he shook off his hesitation. Eagerly his hands moved over her body, following every curve, bringing down the garments one by one. His mouth merged with hers when they stood naked in front of each other. He lifted her up and stepped into the shower. Dana wrapped her legs around him while the heat of his lips waved down her neck. His skin felt clammy against hers – she could almost hear the excitement that overwhelmed both of them.

The tiles cooled her down a bit when Juice pressed her back against them. 

"You like this better?" he asked, softly panting. 

Her thumbs traced the edges of his head tats while he looked up to her. "It's nice to look down at you for once."

That wasn't the only thing that was nice. The pressure of his hips against hers drove her crazy, as did the way his muscles tensed while he held her. 

With one hand he turned on the water, that rained down on his back. She licked the drops that glided down his shoulder while his hands seemed to be all over her body. 

"You're so beautiful," he whispered after a long, intense kiss. "You feel so good."

"As do you." Her voice cracked when he opted that moment to suck her nipple. He lifted her a little higher and she felt his hard length pressing against her soft flesh. She wanted to feel him inside her so badly the desire pulsed painfully, but she couldn't reach him with her hand and he wasn't making any move to do it. 

He moved his lips back to hers and smirked, as if he knew too well she was almost bursting of impatience. 

"Sorry babe," he grinned. "Unless you already want a little biker in your belly the rest will have to wait."

"Asshole," she grumbled. 

The smirk on his face only intensified her lust. She kissed him eagerly, her nails scraping across his shoulders and back. With her heels she pushed him closer until a frustrated grunt left his lips too. He turned off the shower, moved his hands to her ass and carried her out of the shower. She watched his face while he took her to his room, still soaking wet. Desire churned in his eyes and his confident smile quietly promised her she wouldn't have to wait much longer. Drops glided down his neck and blended with hers a little lower. Gently he laid her on the bed, rummaged in the nightstand and a moment later he hovered over her and kissed her again. The fresh air in the dorm room cooled her down a bit, but every inch of her skin he touched, seemed to melt. 

"Get in me," she whispered, hoping her voice sounded more sexy than desperate. 

Leaning with one elbow on the mattress he looked at her, with twinkles in his eyes because of her impatience. "Tonight I thought we would never lie here together again."

"If you keep me waiting, you might have been right about that."

Chuckling he kissed her lips. "Then I suggest you do something else with that big mouth of yours."

When she wanted to answer him, his tongue took away her words. His hand wandered across her breast, embracing it, and at the same time he thrust inside her, immediately deep, and more roughly than he usually did. She moaned in approval, crossing her ankles higher on his back to have a better angle. His kiss stilled when he thrust again and her fingers caressed his tensed face. He opened his eyes and looked at her. Suddenly it felt like they saw past each other's eyes, as if their bodies melted together in more ways than just physically. 

There was only one thought that came over her while her muscles tensed and her body prepared to unload in a way she would feel in every fiber of her being. 

If soulmates existed, he had to be hers. 

She could feel it in her toes, and she even believed to see the same thought reflecting in his eyes. 

 


	98. Juice

Absent-minded Juice stroked her dyed strands. She was lying on her side, her head on his chest and one leg draped over his. With her fingertip she drew meaningless figures around his navel. He felt peacefully, as they were lying here in a content silence.

He wished it could stay this way forever. 

He did his best not to look too far ahead, to not wonder if they would still lay here next year. The thought she might no longer be in his life, twisted his intestines. 

Nevertheless her turbulent life was also the reason she meant so much to him. Because he'd been there for her when her mother died, when one of Maddox's men had been next to her at the funeral and also when her brother was arrested, they'd been through many emotional moments whereby he'd gotten closer to her in a month then had ever happened with his ex. The constant threat made every moment together worthwhile. They made love like each time could be the last one, they fully surrendered themselves. It made this relationship much intenser than he ever could have imagined. 

She turned up her head and studied his face, smiling. "What are you thinking?"

He laced his fingers with hers when they climbed his chest and pressed his lips to the back of her hand. "It feels like our relationship rushed by like a bullet train because we've faced so many heavy things in a short period. I just can't imagine I'd never heard of you two months ago."

"Yeah... that's crazy, huh? Two months..." She sighed softly. "I never met anyone of the people I care about now."

"Except Kozik," Juice realized. It still felt strange his girlfriend had already known his brother when she was at the elementary school. 

She squeezed his hand. "You still angry at him?"

Juice suppressed a sigh. Was he? As soon as Kozik had discovered Dana belonged to him, he hadn't challenged him. No, he wasn't angry at him. "It's just... a strange idea. That you two..." He shook his head and stared at the ceiling. "He's so much older."

She shrugged her shoulders. "You're older than me."

"Four years. Not four _teen_."

She chuckled softly. "I just have a thing for older men."

"And I thought Opie and Jax were my only rivals. Apparently I have to keep an eye on Bobby and Piney too."

She raised herself on her elbow and brought her face closer to his. "You never had a rival, mister Ortiz." Her lips floated above his. "And isn't it a relief to know I'll probably find you still hot in ten years?"

"Probably?" he asked offended. 

Her tongue stroked his lips. Whatever he'd wanted to say, he forgot instantly. 

 

* * *

 

"You think I can stay here tonight?" Dana asked after a while. 

A few days ago Juice had secured his house in every possible way. As soon as somebody would break into the house at night, an alarm would wake the whole neighborhood and the police would receive a message immediately. He'd done everything he could to make sure Dana was safe here, but he was afraid Maddox had access to means he couldn't even think of. 

However, in the clubhouse her safety was neither completely guaranteed. People were constantly walking in and out, and even though a prospect looked into all calls and messages, there was no real assurance nothing would happen to her.

Dana was nowhere completely safe, but she already knew that. "This place is a bunker if I turn on the security system. They have a better chance at stealing a centerpiece of a museum than entering our bed room."

"Our?" she repeated, giving him a surprised look. 

He shrugged his shoulders. "Last night was the first time I slept without you and I rather not do that again."

He knew living in the clubhouse was sometimes suffocating her. He didn't thought it would be wise if she moved in, but he still wanted some kind of back-up, so they could retire to this place if they felt the need to do so. It was a step he wouldn't have taken so easily in different circumstances, but Dana had no place of her own and he just wanted to have her near him as often as possible. It was the only way to be sure she was safe.

"You really played videogames all night?"

"Kinda," he muttered. "I fell asleep on the couch."

She snuggled into him. "I haven't slept at all." 

His hand glided down her side. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Nope."

He kissed her forehead and sat up straight. "Then let's have breakfast."

"Hmm, breakfast sounds good." She came upright and slid off the bed. "Having breakfast naked sounds even better, by the way."

With a naughty smile she took his hand and pulled him out of the room. With an ear-to-ear grin he followed her. Being together with a smoking hot girl who wanted to hang out naked in his apartment all day long... He'd be crazy if he ever let her go.


	99. Dana

Dana smiled at the young waitress when she set two plates with burgers and French fries at the table. 

"You've had dinner here before?" Opie asked. He looked past her, to the entrance of the diner, but eventually aimed his glance at her. 

"A few times, with Cherry."

Cherry and she were both a disaster in the kitchen, so when they decided to have dinner together they usually ended up here. The diner was located on a busy street and the large planter boxes took her out of sight. 

"You've talked to Lyla lately?" While waiting for an answer, Dana took a sip water and started to eat her burger.

Opie shook his head and took a big bite out of the bun. With the back of his hand he wiped away the sauce sticking to his beard. 

"Why not? She didn't like the barbecue?"

Opie shrugged his shoulders. "It will come."

"Or not. She's a pretty girl. If you let her believe you're not interested in her, someone else will run away with her."

The corner of her lips curled up when she saw how he contemplated her words. The guys easily got ladies in their beds, but how to handle the rest was a question that was much more difficult to answer. Nine times out of ten sex was all they wanted from a woman, but she knew Opie didn't consider Lyla as a toy. 

"She can call me too."

She chuckled softly. "You're a Son. She knows your reputation: you take what you want and if you don't, you're not interested. She ain't gonna call you."

"So you'd never have taken initiative if Juice hadn't done it?" Opie asked with raised eyebrows.

Dana took a bite of the burger and swallowed it before she answered: "I was only trying  _not_ to fall for him."

"But in a normal situation? If there hadn't been a crazy ex in play?"

Dana had no illusions things would have been very different between them if Maddox never had been a threat. Juice wouldn't have been as careful as now. They would have slept together pretty soon and maybe it had ended with that. 

"I wouldn't know. But Juice... Juice is Juice... I saw immediately he had a soft side. But you... you make quite an indestructible impression."

Opie snorted. "Bullshit. You just want me to call her."

Dana smirked guiltily. 

"Maybe you should have dinner with  _her_ if you like her so much."

"It's on my to do list. But I need no guards at the entrance when you're with me. And my latest guard dog... he's annoying enough to just sit around the table with us. Thought that would only cause awkward situations."

Since Kozik had been to the barbecue, he hadn't left Charming. He'd transferred from Tacoma and had declared himself as her personal escort when Juice wasn't around. He'd told the others he'd sworn Happy to protect her, but Dana had her doubts. She had the feeling Happy would want anyone  _but_ Kozik to carry out the task. 

Dana wasn't complaining. His company was never boring and Juice and he hadn't said a bad word against each other. Now and then she caught a glance from Juice she didn't know how to interpret, but if he still had a problem with Kozik he just got to tell her.

"Awkward situations for who?" Opie asked, frowning.

"Seemed just a little weird if I would grill Lyla about you when Koz was sitting with us. You know how he is, he'll wrap her around his finger immediately."

"That the reason he stuck his tongue in your throat Saturday?"

"Exactly," Dana answered unmoved, noticing Opie tried to shift the attention to her. "But..."

"I'm sorry to interrupt you." The waitress stood next to their table. She was holding a phone in her hand and looked at Dana. "There's a man on the phone who wants to talk to Dana Lowman. He... he gave me a pretty accurate description of your clothes."

Dana stared at the girl, completely stunned. She couldn't breathe and grabbed the edge of the table. 

"Give it to me." Opie took the phone from the waitress.

What he said next, passed her. She gasped for breath while her surroundings were spinning around. It felt like she could feel Maddox's chill right through the phone. It was him. She was hundred percent sure.

Vaguely she registered how Opie ended the call. "Hear nothing. Must be some stupid joke."

On the moment the device ended up in the hand of the girl, it rang again. 

"I... I have to answer." Her voice was shaking, she didn't even know whether Opie could hear her. "I have to answer. Or else.... he will do something horrible."

That he was taking the initiative now, could only mean one thing. 

He ran out of patience. And he would take it out on somebody. 

Her thoughts immediately shot to Juice.


	100. Dana

Opie shook his head firmly, took the phone again and pressed the red button. "You're not takin' that call."

Dana jumped up, bent over the table and tried to snatch the device out of his hand. "You think this is a game?" she snarled. "This is serious, Ope! People die if I don't..."

"We will not participate in his games. We go back to the clubhouse." He stood up and gave the phone back to the waitress. 

Tears jumped in Dana's eyes. He didn't get it, he didn't see the danger. She saw an image of Juice, tied to a chair with a gun pressed to his head. 

Maddox would pull the trigger.

He would pull the trigger when he thought she was ignoring him.

She rummaged in her purse, took out the gun Happy had given her and pointed it to the waitress. "Give me the phone."

Her heart shrunk when fear skewed her sweet face. Her fingers were shaking when she handed Dana the device. 

"Sorry," Dana muttered, and she gestured the girl to walk away.

She cast a glance at Opie who looked like a statue.

A very grim statue.

Of course they both knew she would never shoot at that poor blonde girl or at him, but Dana knew she'd damaged their friendship now, maybe even for good. She'd used a gun to get her way. Something dark, something unstoppable had awakened in her, the same darkness that had forced her to fire a bullet through Casper's head. 

Not in his foot, not in his knee.

In his head. 

"And now what?" Opie taunted. "Maybe  _this_ was the respons he was hopin' for."

"He will call," Dana grunted. Her eyes flashed through the diner. At least fifty people looked at her with pale faces, too scared to move. 

Dana cursed under her breath. People were scared of her. 

Of  _her._

She knew she had to leave, somebody might have called the cops. Perhaps Maddox himself had even done so. At the time regret marched through her body, the phone rang again. She pressed the device against her ear and breathed in and out. 

"Are you having fun?"

His voice was drenched in mockery. It felt like the oxygen in her lungs froze, causing jolts of pain in her chest. Breathing was almost impossible. There were no doubts somebody told him exactly what was going on here. Her eyes wandered across the dinner guests, looking for the spy. 

"I do," she grumbled. She didn't know whether she was encouraged by the gun in her hand or by the fact that it had been  _her_ decision to take the call, but she managed to shake off the fear that had almost taken over her body.

"Do you miss me yet?"

His voice sounded warmer than she remembered, creating a shiver creeping down her spine. "What do you want?"

"Come on, Dana, you know very well what I want. I want you to come home."

Dana kept silent, giving him the room to continue. That was the easiest way to find out if Juice was in danger. 

"I'll play along, baby. I've decided not to come and get you. I will wait until you come back to me. But... I have created some obstacles to spice things up."

She heard a rattling sound, followed by a click. 

"What about a round of Russian Roulette? Every thirty minutes you delay my assignment, we will take a guess." There was a sinister chuckle. "There are two nice obedient children on the couch in front of me. Could you tell her your name, darling?"

The phone cracked. "Elly..." a voice whispered nervously. 

"Oh god..." The gun clattered on the ground. "Oh god. You can't hurt them, you hear me?"

"That will fully depend on you, my love."

Dana dropped down on her knees and started to sob. "I'll come back to you.... I swear... Please don't hurt them," she whimpered. "This has nothing to do with them, they..."

"Oh, I indeed expect you back soon. But you will still follow my rules. And for someone... for someone your return will be too late."

"What... What do you want me to do?" She fully focused on forming the words. As soon as her thoughts shot to other things, she would collaps. And if she didn't know what Maddox wanted, it could be too late for Opie's kids.

"I want this whining crybaby to disappear and I want bad ass Dana to shoot her new  _bestie_ through the head, just as he has done to mine." His laughter sounded hollow. "And I know you can do that. You've done this before, remember?"

Dana bit her knuckles so hard she tasted blood. She wanted to feel the pain that kept her focused, that prevented her from being swept away by the fear ripping through her body. 

"You can do this, baby. Thirty minutes. Tick-tock. Oh, and... make sure the police can't identify you as the murderer. If you end up behind bars, I might become very unpleasant."

Again she heard the chamber of his revolver turn. The rattling squeezed her throat. She could clearly see how Kenny and Elly were sitting on the couch with pale faces, the Croweater who had been looking after them probably next to them. 

Or maybe she was already lying in a pool of blood. 

"Oh, and as soon as I see someone who even looks like a Son, these little kiddo's are done. But you know that very well, huh? Haven't we done hundreds of role playing games like these?"

The memories made her feel sick. Bile crept into her throat. Even then, she should have known he was insane. His fantasies had always been repulsive, but she'd found them exciting. 

She was disgusted with herself now.

"Now, remember these numbers and send me proof as soon as you've accomplished your task."

A series of numbers followed and a click announced the ending of the conversation. Slowly Dana stood up, repeating the numbers in her head. It was the only thing that kept her from getting insane. Her legs were trembling, her whole body was shaking.

"We have to go," she whispered without looking at Opie. With a quick movement she grabbed the weapon from the ground and headed for the exit. With her other hand she took her own phone and saved Maddox' number.


	101. Opie

Opie had often wondered how the hell a sweet girl like Dana could end up with someone like Maddox. 

Since the moment she'd pulled the gun out of her purse and aimed it at the waitress with a cold glance in her eyes, he'd found the answer. Only then he'd realized she'd put a bullet in someone's brain before. Her first victim had totally deserved that, but still it asked for a determination not everyone possessed. 

Maybe it shouldn't have surprised him. How many times had he seen the same cold glance in Happy's eyes, before he killed someone? They were siblings. 

It had never been so clear before. 

However, it didn't take long before she'd winced and started to cry anyway. Her whole body had been shaking, but something had kept him from helping her. 

She'd wanted to have that conversation. This had been her own choice. 

She'd whimpered some things, but her sobs had made the words inaudible. 

Now he followed her outside. He made an apologetic gesture to the waitress, telling her he would come back to pay later today, but the way she turned away her face showed him she rather not saw him around anymore. 

Sighing, he left the place. Dana stood next to his bike, shoulders slumped and staring into the distance. 

Opie stood next to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. He felt how she tensed, but didn't pull back his arm. "What did he tell ya, Dane?"

A silent tear glided down her cheek. "Can we... can we go please? Before the cops arrive? But not back to the clubhouse. I want... I want to leave Charming for a while."

Her faltering was the umpteenth symptom of her brokenness. Whatever she'd heard, it had made her all shaky. 

"Yea, sure."

His own voice was trembling too. Turmoil seemed to tear his guts apart and it took a while before he realized what caused that feeling. She did not look at him. 

She'd never avoided his eyes, whatever she was worrying about. Still he suppressed the urge to question the hell out of her. She was right. She'd just threatened somebody, there was a fat chance somebody would call the cops. 

He unlocked his bike and sat down. Dana climbed behind him. She'd never wrapped her arms so tightly around him as he left the strip mall and took the road that would bring them out of Charming. 

Ten minutes later Opie took a lane into the woods. With a squeeze in his side Dana told him she wanted him to stop. The roaring of the tailpipe had drowned out Dana's crying, but as he climbed off the bike he noticed her cheeks were soaked. 

He held out his arm to hug her, but she stepped back. With shaking hands she searched for something in her purse. He was astonished to see how she took that damn gun out of it again and took a deep breath. She didn't look at him. Instead, she stared at the shiny weapon. 

"He told you to kill me?" he asked blindsided while putting the pieces together. She wouldn't seriously consider this, unless... "Will Juice die when you refuse to do it?"

"Not Juice." She sniffed. "Your kids."

Cursing, Opie stepped back. He'd lost friends, damn, he'd even lost his wife, and he'd felt the barrel of the gun against his head more than once. But his  _children_...

"Maddox is with them. I... He... He let Ellie talk through the phone. He will play Russian Roulette with them if... If I... If I haven't killed you within half an hour."

Opie took a deep breath, but it felt like there was a hole in his throat through which the oxygen escaped immediately. Black spots danced before his eyes. He had the feeling he'd been drugged. One moment they'd talked about Lyla and the next she was holding a gun in her hands, convinced she had to kill him. 

"Let me call Jax. As..."

"He will kill them before someone can save them, Ope." Tears were still running down her cheeks, pasting her hair to her face. "I kill you or he kills them. I thought... that your kids..."

"Of course I'm not going to sacrifice them," he grumbled. 

This was his fault. His kids couldn't pay for that. He'd put a bullet through the head of Maddox's best friend. This had to be his revenge. 

"There's... there's nothing we can do?"

She wiped her eyes. "You really think I would point a gun at you if there was a way out?" Her voice cracked. "Even if I kill myself, your kids won't be saved."

The lump in his throat became larger when he realized she'd seriously considered that option. 

"We have ten more minutes, Ope. Ten minutes to decide."

There was nothing to decide. He would die. Die to save his children. 

"Okay," he said softly. "There's nothing more beautiful than to die to save your children."

Through his own tears he saw how Dana's eyes went wide. Her shoulders started to shake and she dropped down on her knees. He had the feeling the situation was finally hitting her. 

He held out his hand, towards the gun. "Lemme do it."

The last thing he wanted, was forcing Dana to kill him.

Sobbing she shook her head. "No. Only cowards take their own lives. I have to do this. This... this is my fault. And if the cops prove this was a suicide, your kids are still in danger."

Opie shook his head, searching for words. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, especially because he knew this was the last straw. 

After this she would go back to Maddox. Nobody could convince her to stay. And that thought hurt just as much as all the others thoughts that shot through his head. The fact that he would never see his children again, that he would never hit his brothers on their shoulders. But time was running out. His kids were in danger.

"Do it," he whispered, his head bent. 

A moment later he felt her arms around him. 

"I'm so sorry Opie," he caught between her sobs. "I wished... I wished..."

The cold steel in his neck distracted him. Dana held him so tight they almost fell down. 

"It's okay baby. Tell my kids I love them. I will always be proud of them. And never –  never go back to that asshole. Promise me."

The gun was shaking against his skin.

Her cries cut like knives through his heart. Instead of making him that promise, she screamed as if she was bursting out of her skin. 

There was an ear-splitting blast – and then there was nothing. 


	102. Dana

Dana had fallen down on her knees. Helplessly she clung to Opie's body. She screamed, squealed, screeched. 

She'd really done it. 

She'd killed him.

What was wrong with her? How could she be able to do such a thing? 

Opie was gone. Through the flood of tears she could barely recognize his face. What was left of it, was covered beneath a pool of blood. 

His eyes were open, as was his mouth. 

Bile crept upward and she turned away her head and threw up. 

Right through her screams she heard a whisper. 

She had to tell him she'd done it. So he would leave alone the two kids. Her bloody fingers slithered inside the pocket of her pants and pulled out the phone. Sobbing she took a picture and sent it to the number she'd saved after the call. 

A thumbs-up. 

A thumbs- up was all he sent back. 

She didn't dare to call, didn't dare to ask if he would leave the children alone now. She didn't trust herself, she was afraid she would spew her hatred, jeopardizing Kenny and Elly once more. 

Her body suddenly felt so heavy she fell forward. With her head she rested upon Opie's chest. How could she let this happen? She'd  _known_ something like this would happen. And  _still_ she'd stayed with the Sons. 

She was the definition of selfishness.

And still she didn't want to return, still she couldn't make that decision. 

But she had to.  _She had to._

She took a deep breath, picked up her phone and wrote a new message. 

-  _Leave the others alone, please. I'll come home right after Opie's funeral. I promise._

Her stomach twisted again when she read his answer. 

 _\- I will wait for you._ 😉 

She took a few deep breaths. The kids were safe now. Juice was safe. And if she kept her promise, things would stay that way. 

The only thing that could endanger their lives now, was the police. She couldn't be found here. But what the hell was she supposed to do? Who could help her?

She could only think of one person. She scrolled through her contacts until she found the newest – Maddox's number excluded. His name was almost unreadable because of the traces of blood she spread across the screen. She pressed the button and held the device against her ear. 

"Koz?" Her voice cracked when she said his name. "Oh Koz..." 

Then she broke. For minutes she could do nothing but cry.

"What's wrong, Dane? Where are you?"

He repeated his question at least five times before she could answer.

"The first lane in the woods after you've left Charming. Don't... don't say anything to Juice. To nobody."

"I promise. Stay were you are, okay? I'll be right there."

Dana lowered her phone. She wrapped her arms around Opie, craving for the last shreds of his warmth. Maybe it was because dusk was setting in, but he already felt cold. She let her head rest against his chest and started to weep again, wondering how the hell she could keep this secret from the club. If Juice found out she was the one who'd ended Opie's life, things between them would never be the same. 

And she wanted to feel his arms around her, these last nights before she would return to her tormentor for good.

* * *

Dana felt completely sedated when she heard the rumbling of a bike. She didn't manage to raise her head. It didn't take long before she heard Kozik's voice, but she couldn't concentrate on his words. 

Vaguely she was aware of an arm gliding around her waist, and a moment later she was pulled away from Opie. Freaking out, she tried to grasp him. Even though she knew better, it felt like there was still a slight chance he could survive this as long as she shared her body heat with him. 

Kozik pulled her on her feet, turned her away from Opie's body and pulled her against his chest. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks while his hand fondled her hair. 

"You're safe now," he said on a soothing tone. "I'm with you."

Dana stayed silent, except for her sobbing. 

For a long time she leaned against him, waiting until she'd recovered her composure.   

Kozik cradled her softly, whispering words that undoubtedly should sound comforting, but his words got lost before they reached her ears.

Her throat felt scalded when she started to tell him what happened, still whispering. "We were having dinner when he called. I had to kill Opie, if not he would kill Kenny and Elly. He – he told me he was going to play Russian Roulette with them. He was with them, Koz. He was with them. I had to kill Opie or he would kill the kids."

She felt how Kozik tensed, as if he only just realized  _she_ was the one who'd killed Opie.

"What are you talking about, Dane? Kenny and Elly were in the clubhouse the whole evening. Right before you called me, I've even played Jenga with them."

Dana stepped back, away from his embrace. His words took her breath away. 

"W-what? No... I – Elly spoke to me through the phone..."

Slowly Kozik shook his head. "That's impossible."

Dana looked away. She stared at Opie's lifeless body. "O god... O god. What have I done?!"


	103. Kozik

For a moment the thought crossed his mind that she had gone mad. It was a mystery what had happened to her in the years they'd lost sight of each other, but Happy'd told him things hadn't been easy for her. That she wasn't stable, was something he'd already noticed the past days, even though she'd been more emotional than anything else. Nothing however could have predicted she would lose her mind, that she would experience hallucinations leading to Opie's death.

And even though that might be the most obvious explanation for all of this, he knew deep down Dana wasn't delusional. More than anyone, he knew what Maddox was capable of. He had been there in that house, when cops swarmed inside and arrested his friends for a murder they didn't commit. He had been there, when the cops started to fire out of the blue because someone had whispered lies in their ears.

Damn it, he'd almost died that day.

The scar right above his collarbone stung. 

Maddox had figured it out so perfectly, they'd entered his trap with eyes wide open. 

Just like Dana had done this time.

Maybe Maddox had recorded Elly's voice a while ago, or maybe it had been a completely different child. He could imagine Dana's fear had changed the tone of the girl's voice. 

It wasn't hard to see why that psycho had done this. Giving her a dilemma to choose between the life of a father and that of his two children was gruesome itself. But the idea that the lives of the kids never really had been in danger made it even worse, not the mention the way this would affect the club. 

Grief and anger easily pushed people to their limits. He knew not everyone would be so understanding. There was no doubt Maddox was hoping they would all turn their backs to Dana, so she would be alone again. 

"Clay can't know this, Dane. That it was you." He wiped away the tears from her cheeks and stood a bit over her to look her in the eye. "And neither can Jax."

He knew for sure the president wouldn't take the death of one of their brothers so lightly and vengeance would cloud his judgement. From Jax he wasn't expecting a different reaction. Usually he could keep his head cool, but Opie was his best friend. They'd grown up together.

Dana nodded. Her lips were quivering.  Of course she'd drawn that conclusion herself, that was the reason she'd called him instead of one of the others.

"You trust Juice?" Kozik asked. He knew the boy had serious feelings for her. But how he would deal with the knowledge his girlfriend had killed his friend, was hard to predict. Juice was already on the edge, only a light breeze seemed to be enough to unbalance him. In that respect, Dana hadn't chosen the most stable partner.

"I do." She wiped her eyes. "But... I dunno... I didn't know if he could help me with this. I was afraid... I was afraid he would freak out. And you..."

With a grim face he nodded. Yeah, he knew what to do. 

"You'll tell them you needed to leave town for a while. Just like we did, a week ago. Then you were forced off the road and a man tried to take you. Opie tried to protect you, caught a bullet and you shot the man in his leg, where after he fled." 

Kozik took the gun that was on the ground and put it away in his inside pocket. Then he searched Opie's body and gave his weapon to Dana. 

"You shot the guy with this."

Dana didn't raise her hand. She stared at the blood that was on it.

"This... This ain't gonna work. I... I threatened a waitress in the diner because Opie forbid her to give me the phone. At least fifty people have seen me." Her shoulders started to shake again. "If I... If I'd listened..."

"Hey. Not now, Dane." Kozik laid a hand around her upper arm and cupped her cheek with the other. He brought her face close to his. "You have to keep it together now."

While he said that, he thought about her words. 

That was a problem. 

"Okay. New plan. You got a call while you were having dinner and you were told to get to this place. His life in exchange for that of his kids. You panicked and couldn't do anything but cry, Opie was the one taking the initiative. You blacked out for a lot of it." He ran a hand across his face. "Same story. Maddox's henchman was waiting for you, killed Opie and wanted to take you. You defended yourself, grabbed Opie's gun from the ground and shot the asshole in his stomach. Then he took off."

"In a car?" Dana bit her lip. "Shouldn't there be tire tracks? Blood on the ground?"

"No detectives will look into this," Kozik answered. He wished he'd taken the car instead of his bike. "They have no reason to doubt your story. Nobody will think  _you_ shot Opie, Dana. And bringing in the cops will only cause more trouble." He took his phone. "I call Skeeter, he's working at the morgue. He knows when to keep his mouth shut."

While he instructed the man to pick up the body, he watched Dana from the corners of his eyes. Again and again her eyes shot to Opie's body.

 _Poor girl..._  He suppressed a sigh. He could hear her think. 

"Listen to me, baby," he said after ending the call. He grabbed her arm and looked her in the eye. "Don't think about going back to that asshole. That will be of no use to any of us. Juice will do everything in his power to get you back. As will I. And then it's just a matter of time before we die." He showed a wry smile. "So we're fucked either way. And it's more worthwhile to die when your with us than when we're looking for you. Okay?" He squeezed her arm when she stared at the ground. "Okay?"

She looked up and nodded quietly. "Okay," she whispered.

"Good." He let go of her arm. 


	104. Dana

It was the most heartbreaking thing Dana had ever seen. A group of tough, unyielding men who were now staring forward, completely dazed while they tried to wrap their heads around the words Kozik had just spoken. Dana herself hadn't been able to express a single word. 

Right through her own tears, she saw those of the others. Chibs wiped them away with fierce movements, and Bobby and Kip didn't even try to do that. Jax had squatted on the ground, clawing with his fingers through his blonde hair while mumbling "oh god no" over and over again. Clay was leaning with his hands on the table, glaring at her. His glance made her shiver, it felt like he knew perfectly well what she'd done. He didn't cry, and together with Kozik he was the only one. 

Juice stood a few steps away from her, his back turned toward her. She knew  him good enough to know he felt ashamed of his tears, believing he had to be strong for her. She didn't know whether she had to go to him or should wait until he was ready. 

Cherry and Gemma both sat on a chair, their faces pale. Tears were also shining on their cheeks. None of them seemed to find the strength to comfort their partners. 

All Dana wanted, was leaving this room. 

 _She_ had caused this.  _She_  had taken away their friend. 

And it wasn't just that. Soon someone would tell Piney he'd lost his son, and someone would awake Kenny and Elly telling them their father was murdered. 

Dana turned around and rushed outside. The grief of the others made her burn with guilt. Her whole body was shaking, and the atmosphere felt so oppressive she couldn't stand on her feet any longer. A few meters away from the picknick table her legs could no longer carry her. She dropped down on the ground, wrapped her arms around her knees and pushed her face against them. 

Her whole body was trembling while she wept and mumbled incoherent apologies. Oh, how she wished she could turn back time. The emptiness she'd felt when she had been a prisoner was much easier to bear than the pain and the guilt burying her now. And then Opie would have lived, her brother had been free and she would never crush Juice's heart.

Dana knew she had to repress her own pain. She had to do everything in her might to make Juice feel better. It was her obligation, it was what she was supposed to do. But she couldn't force herself to stand up, to face the pain  _she_ had caused. She felt broken,  _shattered._

Everyone in that clubhouse hated her. 

They had to. Subconsciously.  _She_ did this to them. A black sheep, attracting nothing but misery. She had to leave this place, things would only become worse. She took a few deep breaths. This was her fault. She couldn't make things right, all she could do was making sure no more graves needed to be dug. 

She had to go now, now Juice and Kozik were struggling with their own feelings and didn't pay attention to her. They would realize she had no choice, that this was best for everyone. She didn't know how to live with the knowledge she'd killed Opie. Opie, who'd promised her to show how it felt to have a real friend when she told him about Casper. 

He'd paid the ultimate price. 

That wasn't a thought she could just ignore. As long as she stayed in Charming, that thought would hung over her like a dark cloud, cloaking everyone around her in shadows. 

Her gullet contracted, she broke out in sweat. Before she could take a deep breath, she puked on the asphalt. Vomit splattered on her bare arm and her pants, and she stared at it stunned. She spitted on the ground, hoping to get rid of the awful taste.

She rubbed her eyes and tried to pull herself together. She needed to go, now. Could she sneak inside to get her helmet and keys? Or was the chance that someone would notice her too big? For a moment she toyed with the idea to send Maddox a message to pick her up a few blocks from here, but it would take some time before he was here and in the meantime they would get suspicious. 

No, she had to do this all by herself. 

She got up and strolled back to the clubhouse. It was still dead silent. Her eyes crossed Kozik's and she quickly turned away her face and moved on, to the dorm rooms. There she pulled a sweater out of the closet and grabbed her helmet and keys. How could she take those with her without being noticed? Maybe she should go the office and use the window.

She froze when the door opened. 

Feeling caught, she turned around. 

Juice was standing in the doorway, his eyes puffy and red. "You really think this is the best moment to leave me? You think I don't feel messed up enough?" Even though his tone had been vicious at first, he broke now and started to sob. Tears rolled down his cheeks. 

Dana flinched. Seeing him so broken, hurt every cell of her body. Her lips started to quiver. "It could have been you, Juice," she whispered. "I can... I can't stay..."

"Neither can you leave!" He stepped toward her, cupped her face with both hands. "I love you, Dana. I know we aren't together for a long time, but I never loved someone so much and I rather die than letting you return to that asshole. He will hurt you again, he will... he will rape you." More tears streamed down his face. "We will find a solution, you just have to stay inside the clubhouse. I know you hate to be locked up but... but it's better than returning to him, right?" He took a deep breath, his eyes were giant because of the panic that had a hold on him. "I can't lose you, Dane." His thumbs caressed her cheeks with choppy movements. "I will never stop looking for you and..." The rest of his murmurs got lost in his sniveling. 

Dana had the feeling her whole chest shrunk and swelled, as if it could burst any moment. It was horrible to see him so wounded, to feel his grief.   

Her helmet slipped out of her hand. There was no way she could leave him this way, she couldn't run away at the moment he needed her the most. Her arms slipped around his lean body and she pulled him close. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I panicked, I'm just... I'm just scared as hell you'll be the next." She closed her eyes, holding him tighter. 

She wished she could get so close to him Maddox could never ever separate them.

 


	105. Juice

Juice wrapped his arms around her, bowed his head and buried his face in her hair. In silence he cursed the tears that were piling up again.

Opie was dead.

And he had almost lost her.

The first one caused a pounding, nagging pain, something that would become much worse if the truth would fully hit him. The second... that made him almost choke. Something that had  _almost_ happened, felt more real and depressing than something that had  _really_ happened.

Nevertheless a warm tear rolled down his cheek as he heard her cry, even though his chest smothered her sobs. Her fingers had curled around the hem of his cut, so tightly she appeared to be scared to collaps if she let go.

Juice wished he knew what to say.

But he couldn't think of anything, not a single word.

He couldn't say it would be all right, for that would never happen. They'd both lost a friend. They would learn to live with it, but they would carry it with them for the rest of their lives. He had always known something like this could happen and he wasn't worried about himself, but Dana... she was already carrying so much weight he couldn't imagine she could take more pain.

A terrible feeling came over him. What if she  _couldn't_ handle this? What if she realized she rather said life goodbye, so nobody would be suffering because of her? For he knew that had been the reason she'd wanted to return to Maddox. If Kozik hadn't warned him, she might have been on the way right now.

A shiver crept down his spine. Was that a thought that was really plaguing her? What if that was the only way out she could see? Or would she have done that months ago?

No, she'd been a fighter back then. She'd believed there would be a day to escape from Maddox. But it was the other way around now. Now she believed she had to return to him one day, to make sure nobody else would die.

For a long time they held each other in silence. Frantically Juice kept searching for the right words, until he realized she might not want to hear any words. She just wanted to be hold. And so he did, while pressing his lips in her hair and whispering how much he loved her and that he would make sure nothing happened to her.

Eventually she looked up to him. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't... I didn't wanna... but..." She shook her head. "I just don't know anymore."

Juice wiped the tears from her cheeks, which had blended with blood.

Opie's blood.

Bile came up. She had to be right next to him when the man shot him. Yet another horrific image she would never forget. "Come, you're covered in blood."

When she stared at him feral and stunned, he took her hand and led her to the bathroom.

* * *

The warm shower seemed to do Dana well, even though the empty look in her eyes returned quickly. Juice was lying on the bed, stroking her back. Dana had curled up on her side, her head resting on his chest. She was staring at the wall, with a pale face and big eyes. He knew she saw the shot fired over and over again.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked softly.

She didn't respond, he doubted she'd heard him. Should he repeat himself? Or was it better to leave it at this? Would she start to talk on her own, like the time her mother had died? Should he talk? Would his voice soothe her, like hers was always doing for him? He still didn't know what to say. Now silence surrounded him, memories of Opie popped up. Images forced themselves on him. He thought about the many nights they'd hung around in the clubhouse, the long trips they'd taken and he even remembered a night when they'd been so drunk they'd decided to walk to the Arctic. Next morning they'd woken up at a roundabout thirty kilometers to the east. He smiled sadly while seeing Opie's proud face when he flaunted with his new-born daughter for the first time, and how Juice had pretended to let Kenny slip out of his arms, the first time he'd held Opie's son. He could still see Opie's shocked face. It had resulted in a black eye, and he could still smile about it.

His eyes wandered to Dana's face again. She was still staring at the wall, as if she was no longer mentally in the same room. The sight of it brought back memories about the period right after Donna had died. Nobody had been able to get through to Opie. Had that been his last thought, right before he died? That he could finally hold Donna in his arms again?

Would that be his last thought too, some day? Or Dana's?

What if Maddox killed him too? Would she ever smile again? Would she smile at all after today? He pressed his lips together to keep them from trembling. He just wanted to take her away from here, to a place where Maddox would never find her. But he doubted such a place existed and he didn't think the club would approve it. Within these walls was the safest place she could be, Clay would probably say. If she'd stayed there, Opie might still have breathed. They had been careless. Not only Dana, but all of them.

They'd underestimated Maddox  _again._ More than anything he wanted to lock her up in the basement, assured that nobody could get to her. But what kind of life was that? He couldn't do that to her, right? He didn't even want her to do that to herself.

But what was the alternative?

He didn't know.

This time he really didn't know what to do.


	106. Dana

Again and again Dana fired the gun. She heard the bang, felt Opie's blood splatter in her face and mix with her tears. His body shocked in her arms, before he collapsed. Every time she saw his blank stare and bleeding face, she moved closer to Juice and blocked her cries against his warm skin.

His fingers slowly caressed her hair, her shoulders, but his touch felt suffocating. As he'd known what she'd done, he would never comfort her. Didn't he deserve to know the truth? Maybe he would let her go. But it felt so egocentric, she shouldn't use him to alleviate her guilt. She didn't want to cause more pain. Hell, all she wanted was finding a way to take away his pain. He was no longer crying, but she recognized his sadness in his shallow breathing and the convulsive manner he'd wrapped an arm around her. The powerlessness squeezed her throat and she snuggled closer to him. She pressed a kiss in the nape of his neck.

"I'm sorry," she said with a raspy voice, without giving a further explanation. She just had to tell him, even though she barely felt lighter.

"Nobody is blaming you for this. You don't need to apologize." He kissed her temple and didn't take away his lips from her skin.

Dana didn't argue, even though she knew that wasn't true. She'd seen the look in Clay's eyes. Her presence was enough to blame her for Opie's death, let alone what would happen if the president found out  _she_ had been the one pulling the trigger.

Maybe he would even kill her.

And maybe... maybe that wouldn't be so bad. She lacked the courage to do it herself, but if he did it quick... than all of this would be over. Everybody would be safe.

Her jaws tensed. It was a lie Maddox would have whispered in her ear. Of course the misery wouldn't be over. Contrary, hell would break loose. Juice and Happy would never understand Clay's decision. Besides, her brother and Tig would never have the chance to clear their names. No, her death wasn't a solution.

There was only one solution.

She had to go back, earn his trust and kill him, like she'd done with his brother.

For the first time she realized killing Casper had been the biggest mistake she'd ever made. She shouldn't have shot him. She should have waited until Maddox himself had shown up, not suspecting anything. A chance she probably wouldn't get again.

* * *

When Dana woke up next morning, she was at first convinced Opie's death had been a nightmare. Why wouldn't it be a nightmare? Every night she was plagued by horrible dreams in which people she loved died. For a moment she felt peace, until Juice woke up and she saw the pain in his eyes.

It hadn't been a bad dream.

Opie was really dead. Thanks to her.

Because she'd been deceived by Maddox, because she was so crazy she could kill her own friend. A normal human being hadn't been able to pull the trigger. Then nothing would have happened, nothing at all.

"You okay?" Juice had turned on his side and was leaning on his elbow. With his other hand he caressed her face.

Dana took a few deep breaths and nodded. She had to be strong. For him. Offer him consolation was the only thing justifying her current presence. "How do you feel?"

"I'm okay."

Dana knew he was lying. He didn't feel okay at all. He had lost a brother, was scared to death he would lose her too and he knew he also could have been the one that would be laid out in a few days. She didn't say anything about it. She was lying too and there was no doubt he knew that perfectly well.

There just wasn't much to say. The situation just sucked.

His fingertips stroked her lower arm. Worried, she looked at him. She saw he was about to say something, but he seemed to hesitate. She raised her eyebrows, giving him a quizzical look.

His lips parted a few times before he answered, as if he was still weighing his words. "Why... why didn't you call me?"

Dana sighed softly. She'd known he would ask her this question sooner or later. "I don't know. I panicked. And if I called you... that guy could return and kill you too. Calling Koz... it just seemed logical."

She didn't like the way he kept looking at her, as if he knew she wasn't speaking the whole truth. "I don't wanna talk or think about it anymore, okay?" She lifted herself on her elbow as well and draped her leg over his. "I just wanna forget it. For now. Please?"

"Yeah, sure." He laid a hand on her knee and moved it upward, while he kept looking at her.

Yes, this was exactly what she wanted, what she needed. She wanted to forget about yesterday for a while, she wanted to feel something else than the guilt and the pain. She brought her face to his and kissed his lips while his hands moved over her body, easing the pain and displacing the fear in a way only he could.


	107. Dana

The clubhouse never felt so much as a prison than in the days following Opie's death. Nobody had prohibited her to leave, but she knew they expected her to stay inside. And there was no reason to fight it. The last thing she wanted, was putting more lives in danger. The biggest difference with the days before however, was the fact this place no longer felt as a home. She didn't know whether that feeling was caused by the people around her, or by herself. In everyone's eyes she thought to see accusations. Sometimes even in Kozik's or Juice's. 

The first one she avoided as much as possible, afraid he would discover her plan. His mind was sharper than Juice's, whose vision was clouded by his own sadness. More than once Juice tried to let her talk about what had happened that horrible day, but Dana stood firm.  Usually she silenced him with a kiss and sometimes she had the feeling that was all he wanted. The past days they pretty much had more sex than in the weeks before all together. It seemed the only way to get rid off that miserable emptiness that was eating her slowly. The sex also served another purpose for her: she wanted to give him and herself a few memories they would never forget before she would leave. Furthermore their intimacy was the only way to forget about their fucked-up lives for a moment. Despite everything he still managed to make her smile and for some incomprehensible reason she did the same. Deep down she knew she would inflict him even more pain this way, but all of this seemed to come naturally.

Tomorrow he would feel horrible anyway. Whatever she would do today. 

His lips in her neck distracted her. "You sleepin'?"

She turned on her side, so they were facing each other. There were still some sweat drops on his forehead caused by their last intimate moment. 

"No."

"Your phone is buzzin'." There was a worried glance in his eyes.

Dana shrugged her shoulders. "It's Cherry."

"You don't wanna talk to her?"

"No," she muttered. She didn't exactly know why. Perhaps she was afraid her friend would sense she was planning to leave. She couldn't silence everyone in the way she was silencing Juice. "She..."

Right then, the door swung open. Cherry stood in the doorway, her arms crossed. "How much longer did you plan to ignore me? I'm calling you for three days!"

"And all those time it didn't occur to you that I might not  _want_ to talk to you?" Dana snorted. With her feet she lifted the blanket and draped it over Juice's waist. He might not be ashamed of his nudity, but that didn't mean she wanted to share the sight of it with her friend. 

"I don't care what you want. You're locking yourself up in this room for three days now and the only thing you seem to do is fuck."

"And I like it. So. Bye."

She moved her hand across the tattoos on Juice's chest and started to kiss him. The lack of enthusiasm with which he kissed her back, told her he wasn't very happy about the audience. It wouldn't take that long before Cherry left, right? 

The thought had barely formed when the door slammed shut. 

"Fine," Cherry grumbled. "I'll wait until you're done."

Indignantly Dana lifted herself up and looked over her shoulder. "Here?"

Cherry shrugged her shoulders. "Why not? You both have a great body. I don't think there's something in the clubhouse I would rather look at."

Dana squeezed her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I'm worried about you, Dane. This ain't healthy."

"What ain't healthy?" she shot back. "See how your friend is murdered right before your eyes? You're right, that ain't healthy."

"You two are locking yourselves in this room and half of the time the whole clubhouse can enjoy your moaning. It gets pretty rough in here and so many times in a row... That's not good for you. For neither of you."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Mind your own business. Someone else is glued to the bottle or crying the eyes out of his head. Everyone makes their own choices. Moreover, the wake is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. Then we all go back to work anyway."

The past days the garage had been closed, in memory of Opie. The club hadn't even decided how to move on, they wouldn't go to Chapel until tomorrow. But by then, she would already been gone. 

"Why don't you say somethin'?" With a sour face Cherry turned to Juice. 

He heaved a sigh and shoved a hand underneath his head. "We're fine, don't worry. We all deal with this in our own way."

Cherry snorted. "Right."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Can't Kip get 'm up himself? Is that what you're really complainin' about?"

The jaws of her friend tensed. She turned around and slammed the door behind her.

"Guess that was the real problem." She hovered over Juice and kissed him so passionate and long her lips almost felt bruised. She felt a twinge in her stomach, caused by Cherry's outburst. That had exactly been the reason she'd shut out the others. 

Frustrated she dug her nails into Juice's shoulders when he rolled her over. He banged deep and roughly inside her. "She has no idea what she's talkin' about," she grumbled in his ear, spreading her legs a bit more. "Only when you're inside me, I don't feel so hollow."

"I know," he whispered, before his lips glided down her collarbone. "I know baby."

She stroked the back of his head while she moaned in approval. Cherry's words that everyone could here them,  meant nothing to her. 

Tomorrow she would be gone. 

Then she'd given Juice everything she could.


	108. Cherry

Frustrated Cherry hoisted herself on a bar stool again. "Those two are unbelievable."

Kozik cast a worried glance at the hallway leading to the dorms. Cherry didn't know the blonde Son very well. She knew Dana and he had history together, but she didn't understand why he was so restless now.

Sure, she was also worried about Dana. And about Juice too, she had to admit. 

Not because the physical harm they could do to each other, for that would heal eventually, but because Cherry felt Dana was shutting out Juice like she was shutting them all out. Not in the most literal sense, but she knew Dana didn't talk to him about what had happened, about what was going on in her head and about the things that still had to come. Dana never talked much about what was on her mind. At least not to her. She never said a word about what had happened to her when she was held captive. And Cherry had never insisted, but at the moment she was afraid it was becoming too much for Dana. 

And then? What would happen then? 

Would she go back to Maddox? Was that what Kozik was afraid of? Was that the reason he'd pushed her to talk to her, hoping she would open up to a female friend?

She'd failed nevertheless. 

Maybe she hadn't been the right person to approach her. She just felt cast aside and she'd expected more from her friendship with Dana. She hadn't been very close with Opie, but she was shocked by the brutal way in which he was murdered and she realized very well it also could have been Kip. Apart from Dana she didn't have a lot of friends, not since she'd left town because she'd set the house of her ex on fire. That was precisely the reason why she'd been so happy to meet Dana, for there had been a click immediately. She'd hoped to support each other in though moments like these. Wasn't that what friends were for? But Dana ignored her, Juice was the only person she still cared about and Cherry realized now it had been this way for much longer. How many times had they been talking in the clubhouse, until the guys joined them? It never took long before Dana and Juice left together. 

And of course, she had Kip. But that wasn't the same. She needed the company of others. She wanted to give him room to find his place between his brothers and sometimes she just wanted to enjoy female company. 

But maybe she never meant that much to Dana. Maybe she was just a way to pass time until better company showed up. 

She blinked away a tear and stared into her glass. 

It wasn't just disappointment in her friendship with Dana which made her feel so emotional. She also feared the future. The men were burning with hatred, they wanted nothing more than to take revenge. They would go back to San Francisco, make another attempt to kill Maddox and now she knew what Maddox was capable of, she was more scared than ever. What if she lost Kip? 

He was all she had. No matter how hard she wished she didn't depend on him, she knew she did. He was the only one who cared about her and if she lost him, she would be all alone. Of course the club would find it its obligation to support her, but that was all she would be in their eyes. 

An obligation.

More than anyone, Dana should know what she was going through, but she didn't look at her at all. It made her sad and disappointed and angry and she didn't know what to do with all those feelings. She couldn't drag her boyfriend to a remote location so he could fuck her until she would feel better. Sex was a good distraction, a great way to seek comfort, but it wasn't a way to deal with the loss of a loved one. She felt annoyed that even Juice couldn't see that. He'd barely touched Dana for days because he had been afraid to call up memories about her crazy ex, but he  _did_ permit that the loss of a friend, no, even _the fact that she'd witnessed her friend being murdered,_ would become a memory intertwined with their sex life. 

"I wouldn't even be surprised if they skipped the wake," Cherry muttered. 

Kozik laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "They ain't that disrespectful."

Cherry snorted. "We'll see."

"And if you're right, I drag them out of that room myself," the man answered, shrugging his shoulders. "If Happy hadn't been in jail, he would have beaten up Juice so badly he could only whimper if Dana touched him the next weeks."

Cherry chuckled softly. "Don't think that would have made things better."

He showed her a crooked smile. "Guess not."

Soon his smirk faded and he took a sip of his beer. With a sigh Cherry stared at the ground, knowing his friend was in jail. Happy and Tig weren't even able to say their goodbyes to Opie. Not for the first time she missed Tig, who always had been capable of clearing the air by his inappropriate comments. She wondered if she would ever seen him again, if he would ever stride through the clubhouse again as he'd done not so long ago, during his fiftieth birthday. 

It felt like ages ago when they'd all been together, quietly convinced Dana exaggerated the fear she felt for her ex. 


	109. Dana

Dana hadn't cried since the night she'd killed Opie. 

But now she was looking down at his body in the coffin, the tears ran down her cheeks again. Her fingers were trembling as she wrapped them around the cold edge. Her throat was squeezed. His skin probably felt even colder than the wood. 

She noticed Juice laid an arm around her waist and unconsciously she stepped aside. "Can I... Can I be alone while saying my goodbyes?" she asked with a trembling voice, without taking her eyes off Opie's pale face. 

"Yeah... sure."

Nevertheless she could hear the hurt in Juice's voice. It didn't do a lot to her, she had to admit. She felt cold inside, ice cold. 

"I'm sorry," she mumbled when she was sure she was alone. Her eyes were glued to the side of Opie's head, where she'd pressed the gun to his skin. The man or woman who'd prepared his body had hidden the wound as much as was possible, but Dana could still see it. 

She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes, trying to imagine how his arms had felt around her, how his resigned voice has sounded. But she no longer felt his arms, she could no longer bring back the tone of his voice. 

He was gone. For good.

Her lips were trembling. She leaned heavily against the coffin, her legs felt powerless. Her nails scraped across the edge of the chest while she gasped. Sobbing she bowed her head. Tears splashed on her hands and the wood. Her shoulders were shaking. 

Footsteps approached her, and a moment later someone freed her stiffened fingers. Because of the veil of tears she couldn't see who it was and her nose was too stuffy to recognize someone's scent. Deep down she hoped it was Kozik. 

Kozik knew what she'd done, he knew what was going on in her head. But when she was turned around and felt his arms around her, she knew it was Juice. 

"I wanted... alone..."

"No. You don't need to do this all by yourself." His voice sounded firm while he held her tight. "I know how you feel."

A storm of indignation arose inside her. She laid her hands against his chest and pushed him away. "You have no fucking idea how I feel!"

She wanted to snarl more things to him, but the remnants of her angry words got lost in her sobs. The hurt look in his eyes seemed to burn right through her blur of tears. Crying she turned away her face. "You... you have to say your goodbyes with your brothers."

She wiped her eyes so she could see where she walked and strode away from him, right past the other Sons, out. A part of her wanted to straddle a random Harley and drive away, away from all this misery. The misery she'd caused. 

"Goin' somewhere?" a voice sounded behind her.

Dana heaved a sigh when she recognized Kozik's voice – and he didn't sound as friendly as usual. She turned around and glared at him. "What horrible person do you think I am, that I would leave my boyfriend at a moment like this."

Her stomach cramped. She was exactly the kind of person Kozik was taking her for. She would indeed leave Juice at the moment he needed her the most. But she would do so to protect him – and all the others. 

Kozik studied her face. "What horrible person do  _you_ think you are?"

She bent her head as silent tears rolled down her cheeks . "I can't be there with the others, Koz," she sobbed. "I'm the reason Ope's there. Every tear that is falling down, is because of me."

"Come on, Dane! You didn't kill him for fun, right?" He stepped closer and pulled her against his chest. "It was Opie's own choice. He wanted to sacrifice himself for his children."

"But if I..."

"If... if... thinking like that won't change a damn thing."

Dana looked up to him. Kozik held her glance and continued, on an intrusive tone. "We all know the risks we are taking because we're Sons. Our path crosses that of assholes all the time, whether it's your ex or someone else. Opie killed a man and had to face the consequences. Just like Maddox will. We all live with the consequences of the things we do or refuse to do, and sometimes those consequences just suck. But you're strong, Dana. You'll get through this. Deep down you know you made the right decision, you couldn't have make two innocent children suffer for a murder their father committed."

Dana took a deep breath and nodded meekly when Kozik kept staring at her. 

It had been a choice between bad and worse. No decision would have felt right. 

Even if she'd refused to chose, Maddox would have made sure Opie's children would never have seen another day.

Even though it couldn't be Kozik's intention, his words strengthened her decision. 

Deep down she knew  _that_ was the right thing to do as well.  She had to make sure she never would have to choose between two lives again. And the only way to achieve that, was by giving in. 

By going back to him. 


	110. Juice

From the doorway of the funeral home Juice watched her with slumped shoulders. How she and Kozik hugged, how she nodded hesitantly while he talked softly to her. His heart pounded dull and painfully in his chest. What did he do wrong? Why could Kozik comfort her, and did he fail to do so? Why did she talk to his brother and not to him? 

He felt worthless. He'd tried to get her to talk, but she made very clear that wasn't what she wanted from him. And sure, he'd enjoyed their intimacy, he'd been glad he could forget about Opie's death for just a few minutes. But now he saw how she opened up to Kozik while she pushed him away, he believed he'd done something wrong and that he was failing as a boyfriend. 

And it hurt. 

He wanted to be more than just a physical outlet. He wanted to help her get through this, he wanted to know what was going on in her head and he wanted to know the right words to calm her down. 

But she'd pushed him away, and now it felt like their whole relationship only consisted of physical contact. As if sex was the only reason she needed him. It felt like the universe was giving him a cynical sneer. For wasn't that the way he'd looked at women for years?

He heaved a deep sigh and slid his hands into his pockets. His eyes were itching. Saying his goodbyes had been too much for him. Now he'd seen Opie's pale and stiffened body, the awareness that his friend was gone hit him really hard. Memories flushed through his head, shreds, as if he was looking at a severely damaged tape that only showed glimpses. Images of Opie working on his bike, images of both of them emptying a clip on a provisionally shooting range, images of them riding the highway... It all went by, from the happy moments when Opie married until his bleak face as he heard his wife was shot.

It felt like the volume of the sounds around him was turned down, all Juice could hear was a static. A dull, pounding headache set in. He took a few deep breaths, tried to clear his sight, tried to catch some sounds again. 

Warm hands stroked his cheeks. When the mist finally went away, he saw Dana's worried face. Her lips were moving, but her voice wasn't coming through. She took his hand in hers and guided him gently away from the doorway. He wiped his cheek with his shoulder as he felt tears gliding down. 

Dana sat down on a bench at the edge of a flower bed separating the funeral house from the adjacent cemetery. 

"I'm sorry about before." She leaned with her head against his shoulder. "I just feel so guilty."

Juice kept silent. Even though his ears were working again, his tongue felt paralyzed. Her fingers laced between his, and he stared down at their hands defeated. He was such a wuss. He wanted to be just as tough as Kozik. But now, his memories were hitting him as if they were armed with a whip and he didn't know how to defend himself.  

Even though he clearly was incapable of comforting and reassuring Dana, she still had that effect on him. Shouldn't it be the other way around? 

"Are you... feeling a bit better?" she asked quietly. 

Juice shrugged his shoulders, still staring at their hands. Dana's thumb brushed his. He wanted to tell her what was bothering him, but he couldn't get the words out. Right now he didn't want to talk anyway. With no one.

"Let's go back to the club house." She squeezed his hand and stood up. 


	111. Juice

His head felt heavy, as if it was filled with muck. His fingers moved over the buttons of the Playstation controller, but he was just clicking away without having a clue what he was doing. In the end he lowered the device frustrated. 

He felt even more horrible than in the days before. Maybe because he'd drawn strength from Dana. And now he'd seen how she had opened up to Kozik and not to him, he had the feeling he'd survived on some sedative that turned out to be poison now. He had no idea where they were in their relationship. 

And maybe he should let go of these thoughts, for they'd just lost a friend. But he feared a distance between them, he remembered the wild look in her eyes too well, right before she'd wanted to leave after Opie's death.

His plea had convinced her to stay. 

But if she was rejecting him on a mental level, how long would it take before she would change her mind? 

When she entered his room fifteen minutes later, he decided to bring it up. He already felt she wasn't in the mood to talk, she was wearing a dark green dress that clung to her body and glistened with every move she made. Even though he'd seen here more naked than clothed the past days, his eyes still wandered off to her long legs and his breathing faltered in his throat. 

Damn, she was so beautiful. 

And that expectant look, the way she bit her lip...

"I thought... you could use some distraction." Her index fingers glided through his belt loops close to his pockets and she pulled him closer. 

No matter how steadfast he believed to be, excitement made him hard when his eyes followed the drops of water that came from her still wet hair and glided down her neck and disappeared in her cleavage. He pressed his fingers together to keep himself from touching her. As soon as he would feel her skin, he was lost. 

Her fingertips caressed his cheek, his lip. Her eyes seemed a bit larger than usually while she studied his face. "You... you don't like this dress?"

The glance in her eyes became insecure. Which wasn't so strange, usually his hands had been all over her body by now. He smiled a bit sad. "Even if you wore a garbage bag I will still find you beautiful, Dana." He took a deep breath, looking for words. "I thought... Maybe we should talk first. Before we..." He didn't finish his sentence and shrugged his shoulders. 

She gave him a worried look. Then she grabbed his hand and pulled him to the edge of the bed. "What's on your mind?"

He ran his other hand over his mohawk. "Why don't you want to talk about that day?"

He saw how she tensed. She bowed her head so he could no longer look into her eyes. "What good would that do? It's not going to bring back Opie."

"But..." He sighed and dipped his head as well. "Why do you let Kozik comfort you? Am I doing something wrong, Dane? I want to help you but it feels as if you don't want it..." He pressed his lips together as his voice cracked. He hated being so emotional.

Dana stood up. For a moment he thought she would leave, but she straddled on his lap, with her face toward him. She cupped his cheek with her hand. "You gave me comfort, Juice. More than Kozik or anyone else. I'm not pouring my heart out to him. I just told him what he wanted to hear so he would leave me alone. He isn't consoling me, he's just a pain in the ass." Her thumb followed the curve of his bottom lip. "You  _are_ helping me, Juice. You give me what I need and you're the  _only one_ I need. And I know the others don't understand. But it's really true. And I will tell you about that day, but not now, okay? This was already such an emotional day. I just want... you. You're all I want." She raked a hand through her hair and looked at him, a bit nervous it seemed. "I love you. You – you know that, right?"

He shrugged his shoulders while his lips formed a crooked smile. "I had my suspicions."

Her smile made his heart jump. He had at least hoped she truly loved him, but now she'd said those words his last doubts were vanishing. She pressed a feathery light kiss to his lips and he gently kissed her back. 

Suddenly the words of Cherry were whirring through his head, that too much sex could hurt her. Dana wouldn't tell him, he knew that, and he intended to be extra careful this time. 

He rolled her over so she was lying on her back. Her eyes looked up to him hopefully, longing for something else than all the grief that had haunted her all day. 

"I love you, Dana," he said. "I will always give you what you need."

A slight smile appeared on her face. "I don't need anything but you, Juice. You're making it very easy for yourself."

He chuckled softly, bent back a little and let his hands glide across her shapely legs. He left a kiss on her knee and trailed more kisses upward while rolling up her dress higher and higher. Excitement drove up his breathing as he neared her groin. Her hands caressed his head a bit compelling as he gently sank his teeth in the edge of her panties and shove it aside. With his fingers he kept the fabric aside as his lips and tongue continued their scouting trip, stroking and sucking. The way she tasted was beyond words as his tongue swirled around her clit. It wasn't comparable to anything, it was just... her. Dana's fingernails scraped across his scalp as she gave him more room while softly cursing. He moved his other hand closer and stroked her entrance before he shove two fingers inside her. Her moans and whispers made him harder than he already was as he sucked her clit, making her arch her back. He smiled against her damp, soft skin hoping this would also convince her to never, ever leave him. 

* * *

**Hey all! Still enjoying this story? It's going to be a long one!  
I started another fanfic about Juice in high school, you would be the best to check it out! It's called 'Last Kiss Goodbye'. **

**Hugs!**


	112. Dana

Dana wiped away a silent tear from her cheek. She was standing in the doorway as she watched Juice's sleeping face for the very last time. His arms were clutched around the blankets and in the dim light she could just distinguish his tattoos. Oh, how badly she wanted to crawl back to his protective arms...

She took a deep breath and winced as a whimper left her lips.

He didn't hear her, as always he was sound asleep.

Quietly she closed the door. Her heart contracted painfully, as if it wanted to keep her from leaving. Maybe it would just decide to stop beating. Then it would all be over, right here, right now. 

Determined she walked through the hallway. No, her body was stronger than that. She'd lived with Maddox before, she could do it again. It wouldn't be forever. She would find a way to get rid off him and then she could start over. This time for real. 

Or she would die trying. But this was  _her_ fight and from now on she would be the only one suffering. 

It was quiet in the club house. The nerves were piling up as she walked to the door. In silence she prayed Kozik wouldn't be the one on guard tonight, for he would see right through her. 

Relief flushed through her as she recognized Phil's stature. The portly prospect had a kinder mind than the others and he would be too insecure to step up to her. She hadn't spoken with him often, he always stayed in the back and checked the phone records. 

A measure that had led them nowhere. 

Maddox had just opted a whole different location to get in touch with her. Thinking about her tormentor made bile creep up into her throat. Still she conjured up a shaky smile on her face as she passed him. Through his glasses she saw his confused glance. 

"I just need some fresh air." She waved with a pack of cigarettes. "Just a moment of contemplation. Have some trouble sleepin'."

He nodded understanding. "You... you want company?"

"Nah, I'll be fine. Being alone for a while won't hurt. I'll stay close to the door."

She walked further before she could no longer hold her nerves and stepped through the doorway. He didn't come after her. To draw no suspicion she sat down on the picknick table to really have a smoke. Playing with the silver lighter Juice had given her a few weeks ago, she stared at the fence she would have to put aside soon. She remembered the first time she rode down the parking lot, her heart almost exploding because of the adrenaline it'd pumped through her body during the three hour drive to Charming. She could see herself getting off Maddox's bike, taking off her helmet and being stared by many curious eyes. Had Juice been there too? She couldn't remember. It had been Opie who'd came to her, who'd looked after her like he'd done ever since. 

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. As he'd known what fate was awaiting him, would he have ignored her that first day?

No, he wouldn't. She knew that damn well. He wouldn't have changed a damn thing. But she would. If she could turn back time, she would change  _everything._ Even if it meant she would never get to know Juice. 

It would have been better for him. And for her maybe as well. Then she wouldn't have missed him as much as she would do now. Hell, as she was  _already_ doing!

She took a deep breath, walked to the garage and opened the door. Just like the days before the door wasn't locked: the fence was enough. She took her helmet off the hook, lifted the key from a nail on the wall and headed for her bike. Quietly she unlocked the chain and opened the fence a bit. Then she pushed her bike through it.

Only a block away from the garage she dared to start the engine. In the meantime she couldn't see anything because of the tears. Regret swirled through her chest. Whether it was caused by the fact that she was leaving or by the fact she'd came her in the first place was hard to tell. 

But it hurt, like a raw wound with edges too rough to ever heal nicely.


	113. Juice

It wasn't the first time Juice woke up with a nagging, stinging feeling in his stomach. But it was the first time it happened without feeling Dana's naked body against his skin. With still closed eyes he shoved a little to the left while his hand groped across the mattress. The fitted sheet felt cold. It must have been a while since someone'd slept on her side of the bed. 

He sat up straight and rubbed his eyes. His mind still felt sedated, he couldn't think of a reason why she wouldn't be in bed. The alarm clock showed it was 5 AM, she never got up that early. 

With a groan he left the bed and walked to the bath room. Empty.

A nagging feeling started to sink in. Had she gone to her own room? Had he done something wrong? He thought back to the night before. They didn't stay up late. After he'd satisfied her, he'd pulled her in his arms. Again she'd mumbled she loved him, and right after that he must have fallen asleep. 

He sped up his pace as he walked to her room. The door wasn't locked. For a moment he felt relieved as he saw all her stuff was still in the room. Then his eye caught a note on the made-up bed. 

He grabbed it from the blanket and unfolded the piece of paper. There were only a few lines, written down in a hasty handwriting. 

 _I meant what I told you yesterday, Juice. I love you. So much._  
That's why I need to do this. Thank you for the past weeks, you taught me how to feel again.   
My heart will always be yours.   
  
I'm sorry I dragged you into this misery. You deserve so much better. 

A few seconds he stared at the words, unable to move, as if his brain refused to process the message. 

_She was gone. After everything they'd gone through, she'd still left him._

He took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his thoughts together. He had to find her. How much time had passed since she left? Why had nobody stopped her? He ran across the hallway to the club house.

"Where is she?!" he snarled at Phil, who'd slumped in a chair next to the entrance. The prospect looked up dazed, as if he'd been sleeping. His eyes grew wide at the sight of Juice's naked body. 

Juice couldn't care less. He grabbed the collar of the man's cut and pulled him on his feet. "Where. Is. She," he barked in Phil's face.

"Calm down, bro. She's out, said she needed some fresh air."

"Idiot!" Juice clenched his fist and smashed his face before he pushed him backward and ran to the door. 

He didn't have to leave the building to discover she was gone. The fence was ajar and her bike was no longer there. 

Cursing he turned around. He wanted to yell, to smash up the building, damn it, he even wanted to cry. Still he bit back his frustration and tears. "What time did you see her?"

The fat kid shrugged his shoulders. "An hour ago?"

"An hour." Juice breathed in deeply and exhaled. Not all hope was lost. Already at the very beginning he'd left a tracker on her phone and after she'd been about to leave a few days ago, he'd also put one on her bike. She was smart enough to know he could track her down by phone. "Wake up the others!" he snapped at the prospect. 

Right after those words Juice rushed back to his room and opened his laptop. Maddox would surely check her on bugs. Before she got to him, they had to intercept her.

While he waited until his laptop was working, he put on some clothes. He tripped over his foot that was stuck in his pants as he wanted to walk back to his laptop when the Windows-sound sounded. Cursing he fell on the bed. His knee hit the wooden casing and he breathed in hissing. With his pants half on and lying on his stomach, he pulled the laptop closer and entered the password. Frantically he started the right program. 

The red dot started to blink immediately. She was approximately thirty miles away from Charming. There was still hope to get her back. He finished his clothes, put on his boots and rushed to the clubhouse, where some of his brothers were already strolling around like a bunch of zombies.

"Dana's gone," he told Kozik, the only one looking alert. 

"You know where she is," the blonde man concluded.

Juice nodded hastily, put his laptop down on the table and pushed Phil on a chair. "Navigate us." He put in an earpiece, connected it with his phone and ran out of the building, closely followed by Kozik. He didn't care about the others. 

It was a blessing in disguise it was still so early. Nothing would stop them from grazing the highway with 300 miles per hour. 

He would find her and bring her back.


	114. Dana

Listlessly Dana stirred in the cup of coffee she'd ordered at a road house. She wasn't eager to return to San Francisco. It would probably take some time before Juice woke up anyway. He would undoubtedly call her as soon as he noticed she was gone, giving her an indication of her advantage. 

And that would be big enough. 

She tried to enjoy her last minutes of freedom. It was hard. As soon as she'd left Charming this morning, she'd  kissed her freedom goodbye. 

 _But you can still go back,_ a voice whined in the back of her head.  _You don't even have to go back to Charming. Just let the wind guide you._

She folded her hands around the warm mug again and took a sip. No, there was no way back. Going back to Charming would lead to another funeral. And she couldn't randomly ride around. She barely had enough cash to buy gas and coffee. 

Sticking to the plan... that however was neither easy. 

What would Maddox do when she got home? Throw her on the bed and fuck her until she was bleeding? Hit her so hard nobody would recognize her face ever again? Send in a group unknown man to suck? Or would he give her no punishment? Would he just be happy she was back? But even then his mood would quickly change. It was impossible to act like the past year had never existed. 

She breathed in shakily and tried to blink away the tears. There was nothing she hadn't been through before. Furthermore it served a goal to stay now. 

She would keep her friends save, would keep Juice alive. Maybe she could even persuade Maddox to plead Happy's case one day. She knew it was something negotiable. Maddox had always liked the system of reward and punishment. 

The noise of motorcycles pulled her out of her thoughts. Her hands were trembling when two Harleys stopped in front of the restaurant. 

"Fuck," Dana grumbled. She jumped up. 

The door slammed shut as one of the bikers rushed inside. She briefly looked around, but saw no way out. Through the window she could see Kozik had taken position next to her bike. She could never get past him. 

For a moment the idea crossed her mind to kick a fuss, like she'd done with Happy in the past. But it wouldn't help. There were only two other people having a coffee and Juice wouldn't let her go, no matter what horrible things she would yell at him. 

She had to keep calm, explain to him why she was doing this. But however understanding Juice had been in the past, one glance at his grim face told her her flight was ending here. Whatever she would tell him. 

"What the hell, Dana," he grumbled when he was only a step away from her. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Dana dropped her eyes. Her shoulders hung down defeated. She had no idea how to respond. "I have no choice, Juice. I'm doing this for you. For all of you."

"Bullshit. You know I'll freak out by the thought that you're held hostage in a house while your insane ex is fucking your brains out. You're  _my_ old lady, Dane, and as long as I'm breathing you're not going back to that asshole. I rather lock you up myself!"

Dana looked up to him. The vein on his temple was swollen and his face was twisted in a grimace. The only time she'd seen him so mad, was when Kozik kissed her.

"Opie is dead, Juice," she hissed, shaking her head in despair. Tears clouded her vision. With a brief movement she wiped them away. She had the feeling the whole restaurant was filled with people who were staring at her, even though the customers could be counted on one hand. "If I don't go back today, someone else will be dead next week. Don't you get that? How many of your friends have to die before you realize this is the  _only_ way to stop this shit?!"

"That shit will only become worse," Juice answered stubbornly. "What do you think will happen if you go through with this? You think we'll just abandon you? Act like we've never known you? Don't be ridiculous! That motherfucker killed Opie, one of us, this is more personal than it ever was! Clay will mobilize every charter and turn whole San Francisco upside down to find that asshole, no matter where you are! There's no point in going back now, you only cause me and yourself more pain!"

Dana gasped for breath as his words seeped inside her head. "You... You can't..."

"Stop it. Whatever we do is none of your business," he cut her off. He grabbed her wrist. He looked broader and taller than Dana had ever realized and still the look in his eyes was fragile as he pulled her close. With his other hand he cupped her cheek, gently but compelling, so she couldn't avoid his hurt glance. "I can't lose you. I can't," he whispered. His voice was trembling. 

"I'll find a way back. If I..."

She cringed as he kicked a table. A chair fell over and the salt-and-pepper set that had been on the table, fell to pieces on the ground. "You're not getting it, do you? That. Won't. Happen. You'll come with me right now. I don't care what you want. If someone's going to lock you up, it will be me."

His grasp around her wrist hurt, but she didn't try to free herself. A part of her wanted nothing more than going back to Charming with him. That wanted to believe so desperately that he and his motor gang had the power to protect her. 

But Maddox had killed her mother. He'd sent Tig and Happy to prison without a trial. He'd sent Kozik on the ICU for three days. And he'd made her murder her own friend. 

And what had SAMCRO achieved? 

They'd tortured a questionable partner of Maddox to death and they'd shot Danny. And the latter had been an error of judgement from Maddox, nothing but pure luck for them. 

"You can't protect me, Juice," she whispered. Tears were waving over her cheeks because she knew that truth would hit him hard. "And... and you shouldn't be willing to protect me. I was the one pushing the gun to Opie's head, the one pulling the trigger. If I deserve anything, it's to return to Maddox's hell."

The grasp around her wrist weakened. With disbelief Juice stared at, just as Dana had expected him to. She tore herself away and ran to the exit.  


	115. Juice

The first blow – her reproach for not being able to protect her – was still messing with his head as the second one hit him merciless. 

 _She_  had killed Opie. 

_She._

It took an inhumane effort to shove aside that thought. He would think about that later. First he had to take her back. After that he would sort out the rest of his thoughts. He just wanted to rush to the entrance as a barrel-chested man stood up next to him. With crossed arms that undoubtedly had to be threatening, the bearded man looked at him. 

"I think it's about time you leave the lady alone."

Juice kept silent, sent the man a deadly glare and walked on. Right when his hand was groping for the door handle, the trucker grabbed his arm. Fast Juice turned around, clenched his fist and smashed it against the man's jaw. 

"Mind your own business," he snapped, where after he pulled away his arm and rushed though the swing doors. 

Dana was standing in front of his bike, indecisive, as if she considered to steal it as long as Kozik was standing in front of her own motorcycle. She bowed her head defeated as Juice stood next to her. Whether she was really giving up her escape attempt or only wanted to give him that feeling, was hard to tell. With a sigh he slipped an arm around her. She turned toward him and pressed her face against his chest. 

"You have to let me go, Juice," she muttered to his shirt. "I don't deserve your love."

He wrapped his other arm around her as well and rested with his chin on her crown. "I don't care what you deserve. I give my love to whoever I want," he mumbled in her hair, knowing telling her otherwise wasn't going to work now anyway. "Come with me, Dane. Please. It's too late to go back to him. With Opie... with Opie he crossed a line."

She tensed as he spoke out the name of their friend. 

"I was holding him this way, Juice," she whispered. "Exactly this way. When I... when I did it."

Juice tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Had Opie known she would kill him? Had he agreed with it or had she taken him down by surprise? 

"He... He died in my arms. And I..." Sniveling she breathed in. Her whole body was shaking. "And... I never want to go through that ever again." 

He leaned a little back so she could look up to him. Chewing on the inside of his cheek to bit back his own tears, he wiped hers off her cheeks. 

"You won't. Something like that will never happen again. I promise you, baby. You stay inside the clubhouse until he's dead." He held her glance. "You will have to sacrifice your freedom, but I will be with you. I will never leave you and I will never... I will never make you do the horrible things he would force you to do." He took her hands, lifted them to his face and pressed them against his lips. "Isn't that a better solution, baby?" His voice cracked. No matter how hard he was always fighting his emotions, this time he didn't. Maybe they would convince her to stay. "You agree?"

She dropped her eyes. "Everything will remind me of Opie."

"That will be hard," he answered, with all the patience he could gather. For it wasn't much.  _Everything_ should be better than going back to that asshole, right? "But I will be there for you. And Kozik and Cherry and Sack... Everyone."

"They won't if they know what I've done," she muttered. "They will wash their hands of me. And with good reason. I killed their friend."

Juice couldn't help his chest was cramping, for a moment he felt the urge to push her away. He warded off the feeling. "You had no choice," he answered confident. Even though he didn't know what had happened exactly, he knew that for sure. Dana wasn't a cold-blooded killer. In fact, if she could have sacrificed herself to save Opie, she would have done that. She wasn't the type of person putting herself first. Then they never would have had this conversation.

Or was he wrong? Had she sacrificed Opie willingly, and was it guilt what was pushing her back to Maddox's arms? 

For now it didn't matter, he decided. Whatever she'd done and whatever she was going to do: he wouldn't let her go.

He kissed her forehead and looked at her. "I love you, Dana. So much. You going back to that asshole would have destroyed me, but I get why you made that choice. I would have done the same." He looked at her, making sure his words were getting through her. "But you won't protect anyone. Opie's dead will be avenged. We'll go after him anyway."

She dropped her eyes. Her bottom lip was shaking. He wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her close. "There are more than two thousand sons in the US. Our brothers will support us. We'll get him, I promise you." His fingers stroked her hair as he breathed in her scent. 

She'd almost slipped through his fingers. Again. If he hadn't waken up so early this morning... The thought caused a pang in his stomach and he took a deep breath to pull himself together. 

Over Dana's head he could see the trucker standing in front of the entrance. Their eyes met and to his surprise the man nodded to him. Juice nodded back and turned to Kozik. He was leaning against Dana's bike and gestured he wanted to get some coffee. Juice gave him a thumbs-up. 

Juice waited until Dana looked up again and asked: "You're coming back with me?"

She didn't answer immediately, but looked into his eyes for a long time. Hers were watery and red, but despite her grief and shame he thought to see a sparkle of hope. 

Her lips moved, but instead of formulating an answer, she stretched her neck and placed her lips on his. She tilted her head a bit and her tongue stroked his. His hand glided to the back of her head and got entangled between her locks while their lips were softly brushing. Gently he swirled his tongue around hers, careful and well aware of every touch. On the way here, the thought had plagued him he would never see her back and that he would never feel her lips again, so that this entanglement sent tinglings to every part of his body. 

When her fingers laced with his after their kiss, he knew this hadn't been a kiss goodbye. 

"You're coming with me?" he asked again nevertheless. He just needed to hear the words.

She stared at their entwined fingers. "I will. But you have to lock me up. In that safe house you talked about the first day." She swallowed. "We should have done that all along."

Juice stroked her cheek. "Okay baby. We'll do what you think is best. As long as I can stay with you."


	116. Dana

Via the fire escape they'd climbed to the roof. This time Juice really wanted to talk to her, and not ending up naked after a few minutes. They sat a few inches away from the edge of the roof, next to each other, their knees drawn up and their arms wrapped around them. 

Now Dana knew she couldn't get out, she decided to just cut the chase. Before she could start, Juice however lit up a cigarette, took a hit and gave it to her. She smiled gratefully. 

"Maddox called the restaurant where we were having dinner. Opie didn't want me to take the call, but I knew someone was in danger. I thought he had you." She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and took a deep breath. She gave back the cigarette to Juice and stared down. More and more bikes were rolling up the terrain, Sons of other charters who wanted to be at Opie's funeral. "Opie gave back the phone to the waitress. I pulled the gun Happy had given me and forced the girl to hand it to me." 

Ashamed she stared at her Vans. There were dark smudges on it. Was it Opie's blood? A shiver crept down her spine. 

"Maddox told me to kill Opie outside Charming. If I refused, he would play Russian Roulette with Kenny and Ellie." She rubbed her eyes as they started to itch. Her lips trembled as she thought back to the voice she'd heard through the phone. "There was a girl on the phone who sounded just like Ellie. I thought... I really thought it was her. But Koz... Koz told me they were in the club house. And Opie believed me. He wanted... He wanted me to shoot him. And so... so I did. I held him, put the gun against his head and pulled the trigger." She gasped for breath. "I really did it, Juice. Jax and Clay will kill me if they ever find out and you know what? I wish they could, I really wished I was dead but then I would never be able to testify against Maddox and Hap and Tig will stay in prison for the rest of their lives."

Juice turned a bit, creating more space between his feet so he could pull her in his arms. Dana closed her eyes as she leaned against him, while his lips touched her temple. He said nothing and Dana was secretly glad about it. Her breathing was raging and she tried to focus on his, hoping to calm down. 

"You couldn't have known he was lying, baby." He stroked a few strands of hair out of her face and caressed her cheek. "You did what you had to do. What Opie wanted you to do."

"I should have called," she muttered. "I should have called to see if they were really at home. But Maddox told me they would die if a Son came close and I thought... I thought..." She squeezed her eyes, hoping to expel the tears. 

"Sssh. It was foul play. He gave you no choice, even if he tries to convince you otherwise."

Quietly sobbing she leaned against him. Never before his arms around her had felt so good. This was where she wanted to be. Despite all the danger surrounding them. It was a selfish thought, even though she knew he would agree with her.

"You could have told me. You know that right? Did you think I wouldn't understand you?"

Dana kept her eyes closed as she answered: "As soon as I knew I would save Opie's children, I'd decided to go back to Maddox. After Opie's funeral. But Kozik had his suspicions and I decided to leave before Opie's funeral, hoping nobody would expect that." She sighed. "I didn't want you to remember me as the killer of your friend, Juice. Those few days I had with you... I wanted to be near you as often as I could. Even if you would forgive me eventually, I didn't want you to distance yourself from me. Not on that moment... So I called Koz, hoping he would know what to do, and I asked him not to tell you anything."

"Kozik knew? The whole truth? Since the beginning?" She felt how the muscles of his arms tensed. 

"He did." She sighed quietly. "It could have been you, Juice. You could have been the one lying on my feet. I couldn't..." She shook her head. "I was afraid you would freak out. And I was already freakin' out. I needed someone... someone who knew what to do."

He kept silent for a long time. She could almost hear the thoughts circling around in his head. She raised her head and looked at him. His dark eyes were full of doubts. 

"I love you, Juice. I'm glad you can cry when your friend dies and that you would freak out if you knew your girlfriend was the one killing him. These responses are normal, it would have worried me if you  _hadn't_ been acting that way. And I know you would have tried to help me if I'd called you, but I just thought there was someone else who could better deal with... conceal things and getting rid of bodies. That I called Kozik because he has some traits I needed that moment, doesn't mean I wished you'd have been just like him. Okay? Don't think otherwise..."

"Okay..." he muttered. Even though he was nodding, she knew her words hadn't been enough to really convince him. 

"I love you," she repeated, pressing kisses on his jaw. She looked him in the eye. "I'm glad you brought me home. To you. I'm sorry I.... I... I know I've hurt you."

"You did." He sighed. "But I love you too," he said in return. He stroked her cheek. "And I will never let you go."

His dark eyes found hers and he held her stare. 

"Never."

 


	117. Dana

Dana sat on the couch in the club house, with a mug coffee in her hands. She'd just faced the rest of the club. She'd told them going back had seemed the best solution, but her words had only led to judgmental looks. Not everyone was as understanding as Juice – probably because Kozik and he were the only ones knowing how deep her guilt went. Kozik hadn't spoken a single word to her, he'd only looked at her with a cold glance in his eyes. More than once she'd promised him not to leave and he wasn't as easy forgiving as Juice. 

She sighed softly and sipped from the hot drink, being aware of the fact the club found her a real liability now. Juice had everyone lined up at 5 AM this morning and she'd even heard Clay grumble she was a stubborn bitch.

She couldn't disagree with him, but she did feel bad about it.

Suddenly the couch sank. Dana startled and moved her hand so wildly the coffee flowed over the edge of the mug, burning her hand. Before she could put away the mug while cursing, a loud slap sounded and her cheek was burning. 

Dazed she turned her head to the side, where Cherry was glaring at her with a furious face. "You're the worst friend I've ever had!" the girl snapped, her cheeks flaming red. "If you consider me as a friend at all, bitch!"

With a sigh Dana put her coffee on the table and wiped the drops on her pants. Her hand was burning, but she couldn't walk away now to hold her hand under the faucet. Cherry was fueled with rage – and she was absolutely right. Dana had treated her like shit, she knew that very well. 

"I know I let you down," she sighed, while her fingers absently stroked her cheek. The skin was glowing. "I don't deserve your friendship."

"Well, that's at least something we agree on! But unfortunately I lack other friends, so you better make things right. How the hell could you think going back to Maddox would be a _good plan_?"

With a sigh Dana bowed her head. That question was asked her at least hundred times the past hour. It wasn't something she could just explain. She knew Maddox, she knew she could persuade him to leave the club alone. But if they really wanted to avenge Opie's death... then she could no longer protect them. She felt stupid for not having thought about that before, but for some reason she'd believed Clay would realize this was an enemy they couldn't handle. He had already lost three of his men. 

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Cherry," she muttered. With her fingers she clawed through her hair desperately. "My life in exchange for that of all of you... that was a sacrifice I was willing to make. After all  _I_  am the one who started this mess."

"Don't be ridiculous. That shit started at the moment Maddox refused to let you go."

Dana answered her words with silence. She thought about it for a while and then changed the subject. "I'm sorry about before. I was afraid you would see right through me. That's why I was avoiding you."

Cherry snorted, but still laid an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "If Juice hadn't placed a tracker..." She shook her head. "Then things would have been really messed up. And Opie's funeral..."

"I hoped you would find that more important than me."

"You're a dumb-ass, Dane. We loved Ope. But he's dead. And you're not. Not yet. Nobody would have stood next to his grave if there was a chance to get you back." 

A tear ran down Dana's cheek. "That's not how it's supposed to be. Opie was their brother."

"And you're the little sister of one of their other brothers. Imagine what Happy would have done if he ever left jail. He would've held all of them responsible and after that, the club would probably have counted only two members. Himself and Tig."

Dana sighed. Happy's release was nothing but an illusion. Suddenly she missed him like crazy. Would he ever find out what had happened today? How helpless would he feel, behind bars, while he thought someone had gone after her without Opie being able to protect her? Would she ever see him again, ever speak to him again? 

She clenched her fists until her finger nails cut into her flesh and took a deep breath. Again fear crept inside her body. Their payback for Opie's death, would that send all other Sons to prison next week? Or would Maddox just take them out one by one? Maybe he would let her choose, time and time again. Between Juice and Kozik, between Kip and Cherry...

She squeezed her eyes as she started to cry again. On the background she heard Cherry whisper soothing words, but the fear wasn't going away. Cherry didn't know what she was going through. Nobody did. Not even Juice and Kozik knew how it felt to face such a horrible dilemma.


	118. Juice

Juice stood still as the undertaker gave them the sign to do so. In silence his brothers and he lowered the coffin. Then he stepped back, while it felt like he was carrying hundreds of pounds on his shoulders. His breathing was in the back of his throat, his grief seemed to block all oxygen. 

Gratefully he put an arm around Dana's waist as she stood next to him. He pulled her close while a tear glided down his cheek. He briefly looked at her pale face. Her eyes were aimed at the two children who stood on the other side of the coffin, together with their grandparents. Kenny and Ellie were holding hands while they stared forward with a numb look in their eyes. Even from here, Juice sensed they didn't understand what was happening. 

The cemetery was crowded. Everywhere he saw cuts, but there were also a lot of normal citizens. The club was faced with a somber mood that also affected the rest of Charming. In their eyes the Sons were indestructible, and the fact that they'd lost someone in such a brutal way, caused many lumps in throats.

His thoughts hadn't been very different, back in the day. He'd also looked up at MC's, and he never could have expected he would also wear a cut one day and that he would be part of such a family. 

He pulled Dana closer and dipped his head to press a kiss in her hair. At the same time he breathed in her scent. It had came very close to standing here on his own today. If he had been able to bring himself here at all. But the sight of all his brothers together strengthened him now. They were connected by the Reaper that was on everyone's back and he knew they would all turn to Maddox. 

But for Opie it was too late. 

No matter how hard they would make Maddox suffer, it would never bring back Opie. He had taken something from them that was irreplaceable, a scar in their close family.  A loss they would feel every day from now. 

Next to him he heard a heavy breathing. From the corner of his eyes he saw Jax was fighting the tears. Juice laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Those two had grown up together. He had never experienced a friendship that went as deep as the connection between Opie and Jax and what he felt, must be ten times worse for Jax. 

Jax's pain seemed to push Dana over the edge. Her shoulders started to shake and she smothered her cries against his chest. He didn't know what to say or do, so he just kept standing there, staring at the wooden coffin while the tears stung his own eyes as well. 

He heaved a deep sigh as Gemma offered them a basket filled with white roses. The three of them took out a flower. Dana's hand was shaking. He knew what she was thinking. The last time she'd held such a flower, Opie had been her comfort.

And now he was gone.

A pang in his stomach made him press his lips together. Who would hold her next time? Would he be the one lying in a coffin? He loved Dana, he really did, but was she really worth dying for? He hated the thought, his own cowardice made him feel sick. But it was a question that got its claws in his mind. 

He only lived once. After this, it was over.

He knew Dana for only a few months. Losing her would tear him apart, but time could heal all wounds. All wounds, except the fatal one. 

Dana started to cry harder, as if she could hear his thoughts. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her in a big squeeze.  

"It's getting better," he whispered, his voice broken. "We'll get through this."

His doubts vanished as she started to breathe a little easier. If she wasn't worth to live and die for, what was? 

"I miss him, Juice," she muttered. "I'm already missing him."

"I miss him too," he admitted, kissing her forehead. "I miss him too, baby."

He wanted to say so many more things to her, but he couldn't get another word out of his throat. So he just kept holding her in his arms until they both had gathered enough strength to descend their flowers on the coffin and whisper a last goodbye. 

 


	119. Juice

Juice leaned forward to tap his cigarette on the edge of the ashtray and looked awaiting at Clay. The man heaved a deep sigh and leaned with both elbows at the table. His head was bent a little. He looked older than Juice had ever realized. 

"That girl needs to go," he said without any introduction.

Juice widened his eyes in shock. "W-what?"

"There are already three of our brothers missing around the table and she left this morning. She's a liability. If we are going to retaliate, I want her far away from here. Abroad, if possible, so we don't have to worry about her."

Juice took the words in, not knowing what Clay wanted to tell him. He shook his head. "I won't leave her side," he clarified. 

Clay glared at him. For a moment he seemed at the verge of scolding him because he wasn't putting the club first, then his eyes shot to Kozik and Chibs. "Figured that," he said with a gruff tone. 

Nervously Juice shove from left to right on his chair. What did he mean? He'd told them he wanted to stay with Dana before thinking about it, but he didn't want to turn his back to the club either. "What's the plan?" he insisted when the silence persisted. 

Some looks were exchanged. Juice got the feeling there wasn't a plan at all. In the end it was Jax who sat up a little straighter. His eyes seemed to get a bluer glow, as if his grief because of Opie subsided for a while. "I'll talk to Alvarez, I bet he can get the two of you in Mexico. I can't imagine he has no connections. As soon as that asshole is six feet under the ground, we'll let you know so you can come back. Consider it as a vacation or something," Jax added as Juice raised his eyebrows in protest.

He didn't like it, go into hiding with Dana in a place where he couldn't count on his brothers. But Clay got a point. As long as Dana was here, she was an added concern to the club. 

He looked briefly at Kozik, curious to the opinion of his brother. He cared more about Dana than any of the others. When he nodded slowly, Juice caved in too.

"Nobody outside this room will know she goes to Mexico. We make it look like we take her to a safe house close to Charming. We guard the place for a few days, until we're sure there's no way anyone can track you two."

Juice took a drag from his cigarette while letting the plan sink in. The safe house was hidden in the woods, if they would leave with a different car in the middle of the night, they might indeed get away unnoticed. If the pres of the Mayans could really smuggle them into his homeland, he had more confidence in their safety than when they would stay around Charming.

"But won't you need me?" he asked, hesitating. Even though it hadn't been his own idea, he still had the feeling he was abandoning the club. 

"We borrow a guy from one of the other charters," Kozik suggested. "If you keep your burner and laptop close, we can always reach out for your help if we really need you."

Again Juice nodded, glad he would still be involved with the club. "And you? What will you do?"

"Not anything rash," Clay answered. "Observe. That guy will become impatient, especially when his informants no longer get a glimpse of his lover and he has no idea where to start looking for her." His lips turned into a smirk. "It's a big world..."

A big world... it certainly was. The thought of going to Mexico made Juice feel nervous. Even though his mother was Puerto Rican, he didn't speak a word Spanish and he'd never went to another country. Still he hid his fear for the unknown behind an optimistic grin, before Kozik would decide it might be better if he was the one going with Dana. 


	120. Dana

"Mexico?" With shocked eyes Dana stared at Juice. "Are you serious?" The news came out of nothing. Nobody had ever spoken a word about their neighboring country. "How..." She was so blindsided she couldn't get any words out. 

Juice laughed. " _Sí! Vamos a Mexico,_ baby!"

His enthusiasm made her lips curl up as well. With his warm smile he could convince her to go  _anywhere._ He dipped his head to kiss her, where after he hoisted himself on the bar stool next to her.

Dana had experienced a bad feeling when the guys went to Chapel a while ago. She'd been afraid they would be breeding on another impossible plan, but that they would bring her to another country, together with Juice, hadn't crossed her mind once.

"One of our allies, the Mayans, only have Latin members and most of them have their roots in Mexico. Jax will talk to their president, to see if he can get us across the border. They're smugglers, so I bet they can."

"And you trust their president?" Dana asked, doubting.

"He's a respectable man. And we ain't knocking down each other's doors, so I don't think Maddox will ever expect them to make a deal with us." He looked her in the eye. "You disagree?"

Dana had the feeling  _nothing_ could stay hidden from Maddox, but she knew that was bullshit. However influential he might be, he couldn't have a finger in  _every_ pie and Mexico was far, far away. If they had money to support themselves – and that shouldn't be very difficult as soon as Happy had access to their legacy and the yield of their mother's house – and kept low profile, it might indeed be a solution. The chance that Maddox would find them there, was much smaller than when they stayed in California, and especially in Charming.

"No one can know, by the way," Juice warned her. "We make it look like they take us to a safe house near Charming. By the time Maddox finds out we're not there, we're long gone."

A tickle of excitement bubbled up inside her. Impulsively she grabbed Juice's hand and squeezed. It was rare for her, but Dana didn't know what to say. For the first time in a long while, she really felt a small flame of hope. 

"You don't mind?" she asked after a while, being aware of the fact he was giving up a lot to be with her. True, temporary, but still...

"To go on a vacation on Mexico? With you?" He showed a wide grin. "Well, I can imagine less pleasant things."

Despite his grin, she saw the hesitation in his eyes. She slipped off the stool and stepped toward him. Between his knees she stood still, looking up to him. "You ever spend a day without your brothers?"

"No," he admitted. "But neither did I have you."

Her hands rested on his thighs. "You really want this, Juice? It's a big step, you know. I can tell you're not so careless about this as you want me to believe."

A bit apologetic he bowed his head. "It's like you say. A big step. I just hope... I just hope nothing will change between us. That you won't trade me for some Mexican guy." He tried to make a joke of it, but she knew he really felt insecure.

Dana leaned forward, until their noses were brushing. She kept his glance. "You really think I will ever let someone go who is willing to flee with me to another country? I was about to return to my worst nightmare to make sure nothing would happen to you. Don't think I will do that for every random Mexican guy." She gave him a feathery light kiss, that quickly changed into a much intenser one. 

"That's the only thing troublin' your mind?" she asked after she got out of breath. 

He lifted his hand, raking it through her hair. "I've never been outside the US and I honestly find it hard to imagine a life without the club."

"Hmm. What about bakin' in the sun, swimmin' in the sea, drinkin' cocktails and havin' sex on the beach?"

"Think I can get used to that." The smirk on his face returned and showed her he wouldn't mind if they would start with that already. "We might wanna stay there."

Dana chuckled quietly. "Then the others have to come to us. The Sons don't have a jungle charter yet, right?"

His arms snaked around her as he pulled her close. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"You do? Thought you wanted to go to Mexico to hit on a monkey for once."

Her laughter filled the air as his fingers moved to her sides to tickle her. "I hit on my monkey a while ago." He slipped off the stool and lifted her. "And it's about time she's goin' to bed!"

Chuckling she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist as he carried her through the club house, right to their bed room. 

She brushed his lips with her thumb as she looked in his sparkling eyes. "Goof," she smiled. "I love you."


	121. Dana

It was really going to happen. She was going to Mexico. She still had a hard time believing it. At 4 AM they'd taken Juice and her to a safe house in the mountains. Saying their goodbyes at the club house hadn't been easy. Cherry's face had shown her how difficult she found it to let her friend go, but she understood it was better for everyone. 

"I wish I could go with you, Dane," she'd said. "Chillin' a bit on a tropical beach, that doesn't sound bad at all."

Dana had smiled sadly and hugged her tightly. "The next time Kip and you will join us."

Deep down she wished they could have joined them already, but the club needed its members. She had to admit she was also nervous to leave with Juice. They would be totally dependent on each other. Finally they would be the normal couple she'd fantasized about when she was a teenager. Still she knew it was inevitable they would discover sides of each other they hadn't seen before. Hopefully they would deal with it well. She had been wrong about a relationship before, and the fear that would happen again had never completely left her. 

A squeeze in her hand pulled her out of her thoughts. "You okay?"

She turned her head to Juice and smiled as confident as she could. "Yeah. Absolutely."

The grasp around her fingers became a little tighter. She felt he was nervous too. That wasn't strange at all; a few weeks ago he never could have imagined he would hide himself in Mexico with a girl he didn't even know by then.

A dark SUV stopped a few steps away from them. A man with a tan skin and bright eyes stepped out of it, shook first hands with Kozik and Jax, then with Juice and finally with her. A bit insecure she smiled at the man. They were about to put their lives in his hands and even though his face looked friendly, it didn't take away all her suspicion. 

"Dana," she told him before she let go of his hand. To the others the man had introduced himself as Jose.

Juice let go of her hand to lift the two suitcases in the trunk. Dana turned to Jax to say goodbye. 

"Take care, sweetie." He kissed her cheek. "We'll see you soon."

Dana nodded. With difficulty she blinked the tears away. She searched for words to express her gratefulness and guilt, but a shaking "thank you" was all that came over her lips. Then she took two steps to the side and embraced Kozik. She took a deep breath, absorbing the mix of his aftershave, leather and smoke. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered, something she still hadn't told him. Since he went after her, together with Juice, they hadn't had a decent conversation. "I'm gonna miss you, Koz."

He bent his head and pressed his forehead against hers. "Nah, you won't, girl. You'll be just fine." He smiled, but the look in his eyes was sad. "Be kind to him. I think he'll have a heart attack if you run off again."

"I won't." After these words she bowed her head. "This time I mean it."

She couldn't resist the temptation to pull him close one more time. "Take care of yourself, Koz. If we get a call you're gone... I... I don't know if I will be able to keep my promise."

He kissed her forehead. "That won't happen."

She didn't know what he meant: that he wouldn't die or that she would never get that call. She swallowed the lump in her throat, wiped her eyes and sat down in the back of the car. Not much later the other door opened and Juice shoved next to her on the seat. He laid his hand on her thigh and squeezed.

Dana's fingers were shaking as she put them over his hand. 

The engine started to roar and the car moved forward. And with that, they were also leaving the last two Sons behind.  
  
  



	122. Maddox

For the third evening in a row, the food was getting cold. The ticking of the silver cutlery against the porcelain plate was the only sound breaking the silence. The smell of the roasted goose was losing its intensity, just like the two candles that were melting down until only nubs remained.

What should have been a romantic dinner, had turned into a bitter evening meal.

His bitterness also influenced his taste. The meal should have tasted excellent, but the loneliness nested inside his stomach like a pulsating ulcer. It wasn't like he'd had company during dinners in the months before, but he hadn't counted on it either.

And now he had.

She had promised him to come home, right after the funeral.

And he had taken her word on it. Why wouldn't he? Honesty had always been a priority within their relationship. At least from his side.

But two days had passed since the funeral. The first night he'd given her the benefit of the doubt, and the second day he'd tended to do it again. Now he however realized she wasn't coming back.

Even though he'd kept things civilized. He'd picked the man with whom he had a score to settle, someone who had hurt him personally. Instead, he also could have aimed the trigger at her exotic lover. But no, he didn't want to give in to something as banal as jealousy. However, if she continued this way, she would leave him no choice.

Maddox took a sip from the red whine and wiped his mouth with a white napkin. Then he shoved back his chair and glanced at the clock. Half past eight. There was still a chance she was late.

* * *

At eleven Maddox realized she really wouldn't come back today. Turmoil swirled through his body. What was she up to? Did she want him to blow up the clubhouse? That he ordered his men to storm Charming? He never wanted to draw too much attention. He had tried to solve this in a polite and professional way, but now he was really losing his patience. He started to grow tired of this game. He just wanted her here, to feel her broiling skin underneath his lips. And more than anything, he wanted to be inside her.

All this time he had stayed true to her, even though he knew she hadn't. He knew other women would only disappoint him. He wanted her, only her. It had always been that way and that longing would never go away. It was a desire that grew stronger every day, it made his brain buzzing and distracted him from work. It was tormenting him, killing him... and despite the hurt he loved it. The grasp she had on him was unnatural, as if his heart was only beating for her.

He would never give her up.

Never.

It was time to push her a bit more into his direction. He sat down behind his laptop, searched for the e-mail address of the garage where she was hiding and sent them an e-mail with a print screen of the message she sent him. A picture of her friend, right after she killed him. His fingers floated above the keyboard, before he typed:  _You always offer shelter to murderers? I can give you a hint about the next one she will aim her weapon on?_ ;) ﾠ

With a smirk he pressed the send-button. Her phone number above the picture would be enough to make them realize  _she_  had been the one killing their buddy, right?


	123. Kozik

Silence had fallen after Clay had thrown a picture on the table. It was going from hand to hand, and on everyone's face appeared a dark grimace. Every time the sheet of paper moved a little closer, Kozik's heart beat faster.

What was on it?

Dana and Juice? Had someone found their bodies? 

Two days had passed since they'd said their goodbyes. In the meantime they should have crossed the border. Had Maddox still found their location? 

Feelings of guilt seeped into his heart. He should have stayed with her. He had sworn Happy to protect his little sister and he had allowed her, no even  _encouraged_ her, to leave with Juice. 

When the piece of paper ended up in Bobby's hands, who was sitting next to him, Kozik glanced aside. 

Thank god. It wasn't them. 

He suppressed a relieved sigh, since all the others looked anything but relieved. Not surprising of course; it was a picture of Opie. Blood clotted in his beard and the rest of his face. His eyes were open wide and the empty look they expressed made Kozik swallow. Contrary to his brothers, Kozik had already seen Opie this way. He had  _been there._ He tore his glance away from the violent image and looked at Clay. "The hell is this?"

"Gemma found this in the mail of the garage this morning. It look likes miss Lowman was working on Maddox's orders all this time."

Kozik couldn't help he started to laugh in disbelief. "You gotta be kidding me."

His president clenched both his fists as he glared at Kozik with a threatening frown. "Isn't it obvious? She killed Opie and sent her lover a  _picture_ of it! I checked the number above it."

Kozik shook his head, sniffing dismissively, even though he knew damn well it was true. But he also knew why she'd done it. To make sure Kenny and Ellie were safe. 

"But why would she kill Opie?" Kip asked. "They were friends."

"Maybe Maddox promised to leave her alone?" Jax suggested. 

"As if she would fall for that! Come on! You're right, this picture is taken by Opie's killer, but that wasn't Dana! We know Opie surrendered himself because he believed his kids were in danger."

"We know shit," Jax grumbled. "All we have is her word. Dana told us she shot that fucker in his stomach. Do you really think he still had time to send his boss a picture of Opie's body?"

Kozik scratched his neck. He'd lied for Dana before and he knew he wouldn't only lose his patch if they find out, but he would probably lose his life as well. It however was way too late to back out. 

"He probably did it before Dana shot him, giving her the opportunity to grab her gun. I was there, Jax. I saw the trail of blood, the tire tracks... And I saw her. She was broken, man! No way she could have set it all up! No fucking way! This is just Maddox showing off his photoshop skills, and that might have been his intention all along. He's losing control, he's getting desperate and tries to get inside our heads so we will turn our backs on her. Don't tell me you can't see that!"

Kozik took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Luckily the others were nodding, they found his explanation plausible. 

"Isn't this exactly what we were hopin' for? That he would get desperate?" He gave Clay an intense look. "Well, he finally is. This is nothing but a coward's attempt, hoping we'll send her away. And it's ridiculous you really consider the idea she might work for Maddox!" Cursing he shook his head.

Clay stared him in the eye. After a deep sigh, he took a long drag from his cigar. "Fine. You got a point."

Kozik drifted his glance to Jax. The VP was staring at the table top, his face turned into a grimace. Kozik however doubted his anger was destined for Dana; he rather hated himself for being such an easy mind to play with. 

"He tries to get inside our heads," Kozik stressed once again. "Because he doesn't know what else to do." He moved his hand to the ashtray and tapped off the ash of his cigarette. "And if we ignore this, he's going to go big. He will believe she's still here and he will try to take her away with a lot of violence. Apparently his patience is running out. Just like his dirty tricks."


	124. Dana

Hand in hand they walked through the mini-mart and loaded up the shopping basket Juice was holding. Two days ago they arrived at their destination, and it still felt surreal. Their journey to the south of Mexico had taken four days and most of the time they'd been hidden in a cargo hold of a truck. In the end they were dropped off in a small village where a friend of one of the Mayans was renting a holiday home to tourists. Juice and Dana had paid for a month in cash. 

Dana bent over the shelf with vegetables. There were lots of goods she didn't recognize, and she never had been a good cook. Any other day she would have looked for a recipe on the internet, but they were forced to rely on Juice's burner and that device was so old it didn't even have access to the web. When they got home, she would use his laptop. She found a head of lettuce and took some apples. Every country knew the concept of salad.

It was a very small shop, and there weren't even surveillance camera's. It gave Dana a safe feeling, knowing they could walk around without every movement being recorded. 

They added some items to the cart and paid in cash to the cashier. 

" _Gracias_ ," Dana said as she took the change while Juice put their things in a plastic bag. He was wearing a cap to hide the tattoos on his head; they attracted too much attention. 

They put on their sunglasses as they left the building and strolled along the empty main road to their temporal cottage. It was quiet. Despite the heat there was a lot of green around them and Dana noticed the sight of it made her happy. To the apartment they were hiring belonged a pretty big garden with beautiful flowers and she had even spotted a hummingbird yesterday. 

She liked to be here, she had to admit. It felt like she was settling down for the first time in years and even though doing nothing usually made her feel restless, she could sit in a law chair now and listen to music all day. Due to the distance between California and Yucatán she could finally step back a little from everything that had happened. 

Of course she never really forgot about Charming. Often enough she thought about her friends who might be fighting Maddox's guys right now. And she thought about Happy. His situation was still the same, he was still in prison together with her father. Every day she imagined how he sat around a table, eating, looking at their father with a scrunchy face because he was the only one offering protection. Sometimes she wished she could call him, to hear if he was all right. At the same time she knew that would bring her nothing but awkward silences. For years they had nothing to say to each other and even if Happy felt miserable he would never tell her. He would keep up appearance everything was fine and that she didn't need to worry about him. 

There was no point in thinking about things like that, Dana knew that. Even if something horrible happened, they would probably find out about it weeks later. And maybe they would never find out. 

Maybe they never got that one call telling them the coast was clear. Then Juice would only find out about the truth if he decided to leave her. Her eyes drifted aside, but the smile on Juice's face told her she didn't have to worry about that yet. He enjoyed being with her here, the relative safety and the fact they didn't have to hide all the time. 

Back in the apartment, she let Juice put away the groceries. He probably needed some kind of system. A few steps away from him she watched how he opened and closed doors, contemplating where things fitted best. It was fun to watch, especially because she would just have plopped everything in the same drawer. But she liked those differences between them. 

She leaned against the table and kept watching him until he noticed. He turned around and gave her a questioning look. 

"You know... during the time you are weighting the best place to keep the cookies, we could have done  _much funnier_ things." She wiggled her eyebrows and played with the hem of her sundress.  

For a moment he froze. Pensively he stared at the cookies. Right when she thought he would forget about the groceries, he turned around again. "Nah, the longer you have to wait, the better the sex."

"Tss." Offended Dana took off her slipper and threw it at his head. "Sex with me is always fantastic."

"Yeah, figured it would be better if I let you believe that."

"Are you gettin' lippy with me now there's no competition left?" She walked away from the table and slipped her arms around him. "But ya still ain't the best liar," she whispered, biting his neck and letting her hand slip inside his pants. Her fingers stroked his hard member. "This little guy can't wait as long as you claim."

His eyes grew dark with lust as she wrapped her fingers around him. A second later he lifted her up, put her down on the kitchen table and started kissing her, finally forgetting about the groceries still on the counter top. 


	125. Juice

Juice just draped the beach towels over the edge of the balcony as his burner buzzed. He let go of the damp towels immediately and opened the phone. His heart beating in his throat, Juice tried to swallow the nerves as he took the call. "Yeah?"

"Hey, it's me. How you two doin'?"

Juice relaxed a bit as he recognized Kozik's voice. The burner was meant for emergencies only, but if something bad had really happened, the man would have skipped the small talk. It made more sense that the silence was getting on Kozik's nerves; Juice imagined he had a hard time letting go of Dana. And he had to admit he felt relieved to hear a voice from Charming.

"Yeah, we're pretty good." He leaned over the railing. Below him Dana was sunbathing in a hammock. Her hair was still damp because they'd taken a swim fifteen minutes ago; the beach was not far from here.

"And Dane is doing fine as well?"

 "I've never seen her so relaxed," Juice admitted. 

"And how do you feel?"

Juice pulled up the corner of his mouth. It was a rarity someone genuinely asked how he was feeling. "I still have to get used to the peace," he said. "But I'm fine." He hesitated, still afraid this wasn't just a friendly call. "How are things over there?"

A silence fell, as if Kozik was considering if he wanted to give an honest answer or not. "Hey listen. I can give you a weekly update, even though we decided otherwise. So you're not... I dunno, so isolated? But whatever happens in Charming, you better not tell Dana. You eh... you're good in keeping things from her?"

Juice hesitated. He glanced down again, to her relaxed face. He suspected her eyes to be closed behind her sunglasses, but to be safe he stepped back so she couldn't see he was calling. Maybe it was better if she didn't know he'd had contact with his brothers. 

"I can handle it," Juice said. Since he was a Son, he had been hiding things from the rest of the world all the time. Of course Dana knew him well, but he knew how to keep up appearances. 

"I don't know if it will do you any good," Kozik admitted. "But it might be better if you're a bit up to date. Then you no longer have to scour the internet to see if people have died."

He could clearly imagine the smirk on Kozik's face, even though there was a bitter truth in his words. He knew he could never fully let his brothers go and he could see himself looking into the local news in Charming after some time . 

"Yeah. Somethin' happened?"

"Barely. Few days ago the club got an email with the picture Dana sent to Maddox. Of Opie. As proof she killed him."

The memory sent a shiver down his spine. Away from the others it was easier to forget about what she had done, what she had been  _forced_ to do. 

"It looks like he's getting desperate. He was probably hoping the club would turn its back on her, but I dismissed it as some good photoshop skills."

Juice ran a hand over his head and cursed under his breath. What would have happened if Kozik hadn't done that? It was hard to tell, but he was glad there was still someone back in Charming who supported them because of more than loyalty to the club alone. 

"Thanks man."

"I'll keep the peace here, brother. But it's good news for you: he completely lost track. And as long as you tell no one where you are and calling with these burners is as safe as you promised me, you don't have to worry about that asshole."

Even though the urge to look over his shoulder all the time had slumbered a bit, it still felt good to hear these words from his older brother. 

"Thanks for the heads-up."

"You're welcome. Take care. And spoil her a bit, she deserves that."

"Don't worry about that," he said with a smirk, ending the call. He put away the burner, leaned over the railing and kept watching her for a while. He still had a hard time believing she loved him just as much as he loved her and he was still looking for new ways to show her how he felt about her. But that was okay. Because of all the shit they'd gone though, every attempt was worth the effort and surprising her with as many things as he could think of, kept the boredom away. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are there still people enjoying this story? Please let me know, I'm starting to feel a bit insecure. x


	126. Dana

Dana rubbed her shoulder blades against his chest as they moved with the rhythm of the music. One hand was lying on her stomach, with the other he held hers. They'd danced together before in the club house, but never on Latin American music, which was much more sensual than the rock songs they usually listened to. She looked over her shoulder. The smile on his face was gold. Like every time she saw it, her heart seemed to falter. She wouldn't be surprised if it would cause her death one day. 

He turned her around, until they were standing face to face. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well, your hips are pretty flexible for such a bad ass biker." She wondered if he'd danced like this before. She couldn't see his brothers doing it. 

"Must be my Puerto Rican roots," he grinned. 

"So it seems.  _Juan Carlos,_ " she continued with a smirk, letting the "r" roll so it sounded more Spanish. 

A dark, lustful glow showed up in his eyes, even though it could also be the reflection of her own glance. Again he turned her 180 degrees and pulled her back against his chest again. His hand was now lying a bit lower on her stomach, his fingers tips touching her pubis, but not so low others would find it disturbing. 

Dana felt the desire for him rise again, especially when his waist rubbed her behinmd and his lips trailed kisses from her shoulder to her neck. 

"You're so hot," he whispered in her ear. "I'm an idiot for taking you to a place with so many other people."

Her hand glided across his and pushed it a little bit down. "That's what's turnin' me so on."

It was no lie. It caused a tension, as if they were doing some sneaky thing, looking for the outer limits of what was appropriate. 

"It's turning  _you_  on? Damn, I don't know how much longer I can control myself."

She chuckled. "You want me to take control of your little friend?"

As some sort of warning, he bit her neck. 

She giggled. "I think I'm already looped. Must be the heat."

"Or they put more alcohol in the mixers here. Maybe we should try another one."

Dana rubbed up against him a bit more, feeling his erection pressing against her bottom. "You mean you need a break?" 

She felt his hot, heavy breathing against her skin. "Fuck Dana, I'm serious. You're so fucking hot. You barely have to touch me and all I can think of is how it feels to be inside you. I love you so fucking much."

Hearing his husky voice made the hairs on her arms rise. She hadn't seen him tipsy often, in Charming he'd always been sober because of Maddox. It was clear  _fucking_ was his favorite word at the moment – and without a doubt also his favorite activity. She chuckled. "Fine, let's grab a drink to cool off. Even though I'm always in for sex in new places, the toilets are too gross here."

She stuck out her tongue as she saw his wronged face. It wasn't disappointment, rather indignation because of the suggestion he would ask something like that from her. 

* * *

They stayed in the club for some time, dancing and kissing and drinking, until they both craved for fresh air and decided to take a walk down the beach. Dana had hooked an arm around Juice's because he could no longer walk straight ahead, even though she let him believe she was the one having trouble with that. 

And maybe she was. 

"I wouldn't mind to take a dip," she said after a while.

"Naked?"

His wide eyes and expectant smirk made her chuckle. He looked like a little child who couldn't believe he was about to get the present atop of his wish list. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him. "Yes, Juice. Naked..." She wriggled her eyebrows. 

It had been a while since she'd seen anyone around and even if someone walked by, she didn't mind much. It was dark, she knew no one here and as long as Juice was with her nobody would harass her.  

"Thank god," he muttered. "I thought you'd keep me waiting until we were home." He pulled his shirt over his head. 

"Hey, I was talkin' about swimmin', remember?"

She squeezed his side and he turned away laughing, his head and elbows still trapped in his shirt. He tripped over his feet and fell in the sand. Laughing, Dana looked at him. "Maybe I should go alone. I can see you drown in this state."

"Hell no. I gotta protect you from grabby mermen. And sharks." He finally succeeded in freeing his head and dropped his shirt on the ground. His pants and boxers followed. 

Dana whistled as her glance wandered across his body. Of course she'd seen it many times before, but the moonlight made it look different. Hell, what a great body did he have. She quickly stepped out her dress and underwear, no longer willing to wait until she could feel his skin against hers. 

Clinging to him, she kissed him passionately. She let out a yelp as he lifted her up and carried her into the water. She wrapped her arms and legs around him. Only after a few steps Juice lost his balance and they fell in the water. The cold shook her, and she clung to Juice's warm body again. 

"Holy fuck, it's so cold." She shivered. Her arms were hanging over his shoulders. "You better warm me up."

Right when Juice wanted to answer, a huge wave hit them, making them fall again. Dana grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the beach, but the sand that was gliding back tugged at their legs until they stumbled again. 

"Man, swimming really was a bad idea."

"Nah, we just have to go through the surf." He pulled her with him, deeper into the water. Dana squeezed his hand, suddenly wondering if this was really a good idea. Before she could object, they however got through it. For some reason Dana felt scared now she could no longer feel the sand beneath her feet and treading water she hung around Juice's neck.

"Hey, we're fine." Juice looked confused. 

Dana wasn't surprised he'd sensed her fear so easily.  "Maybe we should stay close to the shore," she said, a bit ashamed. "Since we're not sober at all."

Juice studied her face before he kissed her. "Relax baby. We're already floating to the shore." He winked while holding her.

Dana kept feeling tensed until they were back on the beach. There she burst into a nervous laugh. "Damn, I'm such a hero." They sat down in the wet sand. The water still glided past them, but it had lost its force. 

"That's where I come in. Do I get a reward, now I've saved you?"

She chuckled at the sight of his naughty grin, bringing her face closer to kiss his cheek. "This enough?"

"Hell no."

Dana pouted her lips. "I don't know how else to thank you. Maybe you should claim your reward yourself."

It started with a kiss, a salty kiss. Slowly Juice hovered over her while she lowered down on the sand. She sighed against his lips as his fingers wiped the drops from her breasts and belly, lower and lower, until they slid inside her.

"Well, my heroic actions certainly have impressed you," he teased as he discovered how ready she was for him. 

"Shut up." Her answer turned into a moan as two of his fingers hit her deep, making her long for the rest of him. Her lips distracted him from any other words he'd wanted to say. 

Above their heads their fingers intertwined as he entered her. Softly moaning Dana moved her hips so he could get deeper. She squeezed his hands as he slid in and out her painfully slowly. 

"Oh Dana... this feels so good. So fucking good," he whispered. "Oh this feels so fucking gooood."

The sped of his thrusts increased. Dana tilted her head back. Her body moved with him as he filled her, completed her. Man, she loved this man. So much. That was all she could think of, as his lips wandered down her neck and he kept moving inside her. 

"Holy fuck," he grumbled, breathing heavily. "I'm already about to come. Sorry."

Despite the building up of her own ecstasy which kept her from thinking straight, she laughed. She could see him telling her various stories while having sex, it was clear the alcohol didn't make a silent lover of him. 

"Then come baby," she whispered, smiling, caressing his cheek. She softly sucked his bottom lip while he surrendered to his passion. "I love you, Juan Carlos," she told him, knowing that would make him tumble over the edge. 

"Oh fuck," he groaned as his body started to shake. "Oh I fucking love you, Dana. I swear I..." The sentence was cut off by a moan that seemed to come from deep within. 

Dana's muscles contracted as she felt how he emptied himself inside her. It gave her a bizarre, fizzy feeling. It wasn't the first time she'd made out without protection, but most of those times were at least a year ago and she never had been so aware of the difference as she was now, with Juice, even though it neither was their first time. 

Juice's body relaxed again. He raised himself a little, stroking her lip with his thumb. Grains of sand stayed behind. He stared at her. She had the feeling he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words and for the first time this night he opted for silence. 

And sometimes, silence was also saying much.

 


	127. Dana

When Juice caught his breath again, he rolled off of her and pulled her on top of him. Laughing, Dana leaned with one elbow in the sand, pressing kisses to his lips. With her right hand she brushed the edge of his mohawk.

"You had sex without protection before?" she asked. "Well, except last time when we were too drunk to think about it? But I bet you didn't feel a difference then."

When they discovered they'd had unprotected sex the day after, Dana had taken a morning after pill immediately. Since Juice was such a control freak when he was sober, they decided Dana would start with the birth control pill. It was easier; they didn't have to make sure there were condoms around all the time. They'd already experienced they could get horny on completely random moments where by none of them could still think clearly.

"No," he answered. "I knew better. The last thing I wanted, was an insignificant girl having my child." His hands moved across her back and she closed her eyes, enjoying his caresses. Only when she opened her eyes and looked at him again, he continued. "But it even felt better, even more intimate. You were even tighter around me." His right hand drew circles on her back, the other he shove underneath his head. "You did?"

Dana considered to lie because she didn't want to bring up Maddox's name right now. But whether they liked it or not; he was part of her history.

"Uh-uh. In fact, we never used a condom. Maddox was diagnosed with lymphoma when he was fourteen and after the chemo and radiotherapy he was infertile."

Juice's hand froze on her back. "Holy shit. Did you already know him when that happened?"

She shook her head. "No, I met him when he was twenty-three. We never talked much about it, but I know it was bothering him. He wanted kids."

"And you didn't care?"

"No. I never saw myself taking care of a child."

Juice moved his hand to her cheek, caressing it. His brown eyes held her glance. "You do now?"

Dana raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Why? You want a kid?"

"Hmm-hmm..." He gave her a kiss, sitting a little straighter. Dana slipped her arms around him. Before he answered, he moved his lips to the sensitive spot right above her collarbone and sucked gently. "I wanna make babies with you. Lots of 'em. I always wanted a big family."

Even though a shiver crept down her spine, she chuckled softly. "You're only sayin' that because you're drunk."

Juice pulled back his face and looked surprisingly serious at her. "One day we'll go back to California and then we're going to marry and make babies and then you can never ever leave me."

Dana chuckled. "Goof. I will never leave you, with or without kids." She planted a kiss on his nose. "But once our life is a little stable and you're still not gotten tired of me, I will take your Crow and maybe... maybe we can start with that enormous family of yours."

"You want my Crow?" With widened eyes he studied every inch of her body, as if he could already see its shape. "Where?"

She smiled secretively. "You'll see."

The glance in his eyes became dark. Below her she felt how the thought of the ink that would bind her to him forever turned him on. "I still don't understand why you would stick with someone like me."

Instead of giving her the chance to explain, he started kissing her. His hand moved between her legs and as if his fingers had never done anything else, they found her most sensitive spots immediately.

Dana curved her back as he teased her. She ran her hand across his head, kissing him in his neck. "I think you know damn well why I stick with you," she panted.

* * *

Without a doubt they could have laid there until next morning, except that the sea was claiming more and more of the beach and despite each other's warmth they started to feel cold. Eventually, when the nocturnal black changed into dark blue, they stood up and walked along the beach hand in hand, heading for their clothes.

"Oh fuck," Juice muttered as they scouted the surrounding hundred meters for the third time. "The sea won't have dragged them along, right?"

Dana bit the inside of her cheek. Right after hearing his words, she felt like the world's biggest idiot. She hadn't thought about the tide for a single moment, she'd just dropped her clothes in the sand.

The waves must have caught them hours ago.

Dana shuddered, suddenly she  _really_ felt cold. "Oh man... If we ever have kids they will be so fucking dumb." She rubbed her upper arms.

So there they were, both buck naked while it was at least a twenty minute walk back to the house, past places that would undoubtedly be more crowded than the beach.

"What now?"


	128. Juice

Pensively, Juice bit the inside of his cheek. Past Dana's shoulder he watched the beach. It was quite a long walk back to the village, and even further to their home. He didn't mind to go out naked, but no way he would let his girlfriend undergo that humiliation.

"I'm going to get clothes."

"Where? It will take at least an hour before you're back, you can't drive now. And I don't wanna... I can't stay here on my own..." Tears jumped in her eyes. "You're far gone man. What if you can't find me back?"

"Hey, don't panic." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I'm not that far gone. It's at least three hours ago we drank something." He wiped away a tear from her cheek and looked her in the eye. It was his fault she felt so unsafe now. If she hadn't been burdened by so many horrible memories she might not have minded to hide in the bushes, but especially now she was not sober, he was afraid she would panic or go through terrible flashbacks when a group of drunken men would walk by. 

He however didn't see other options. He couldn't call anyone, his burner had been in his pocket so that was gone too, together with the keys of their home. 

"I'll fix this," he promised her. Looking over his shoulder, he pointed to some bushes and trees behind him. "If you hide there, I walk back to the village and ask around for some clothes."

Her eyes showed doubts. Taking a few deep breaths, she nodded, probably lacking a better idea. "Okay."

With his thumb he stroked her cheek, then he kissed her. "I love you. I'm going to fix this. Let's find you a place where nobody will find you." He grabbed her hand and squeezed. 

* * *

Dana had squatted behind a fallen tree. Her face looked tensed and even though she hadn't said a word about it, Juice could imagine she was feared to be attacked by tarantulas or snakes. After he'd convinced himself nobody could see her, he ran back to the village. 

It had to be around 4 AM. It was dead silent, even the club where they'd been earlier tonight was closed. At one of the first houses he ran into, he slipped into the yard. On his way to the village he'd only ran past two people letting their dogs out, but he had ignored them. 

In front of the window to the living room he stood still, peeking inside. He didn't know what he was hoping to see, probably proof there wasn't a bodybuilder living there who would kick his ass as soon as he opened the door. It however was too dark to see anything and Juice decided to take his chances. 

He walked to the front door and rang the bell. He kept standing a bit to the side, so the owner wouldn't see him in all his glory as soon as the door was opened.

If he even succeeded in getting someone out of bed, that someone would undoubtedly be very suspicious around this time. He had also considered to break into a house, but he wanted to keep risks to a minimum. A record by the police was the last thing they needed.

After a minute Juice pressed the bell again, this time longer. Tensed, he held his breath, briefly looking over his shoulder. The street was still empty and it lacked decent street lights. 

He turned back his head as he heard the cracking of steps. Light was turned on. Juice braced himself. As soon as the door opened a bit, he threw his weight against it and tripped inside. His shoulder bashed against the wall and he kicked the door shut. 

He heard a scream. As Juice looked up, he saw an old lady, her eyes wide with shock. She was holding a shaking hand in front of her mouth. He mumbled an apology, relieved it wasn't a giant he had to compete with. 

"I won't hurt you," Juice told her with raised hands. 

The old lady looked like she could get a heart attack any moment. She had pressed a hand against her chest and muttered Spanish words. Juice realized she probably didn't speak one word of English and his Spanish was terrible as well. Maybe he should have taken Dana with him. She could have created some helpless impression, this woman was probably scared he was going to rape her or something. The thought alone made him feel sick. But he hadn't dared to take Dana with him, afraid they would come across a group of drunken men and he wasn't sure he could fight off four or five men. 

Juice gestured at his body, hoping she understood he wanted clothes, but she stepped back babbling, shaking her head wildly. She clearly thought he meant something else. 

" _Vestido_ ," he told her, one of the Spanish words he had heard Dana practice. He knew it was a garment, probably a vest. " _Vestido._ " He pointed at himself. 

Blabbering, the woman stepped back. 

Juice sighed and looked around, hoping to see a coat or something. But there wasn't. More than anything he wanted to ran upstairs to find a wardrobe, but the old lady was getting on his nerves. What if she had hidden a gun somewhere? You never knew. 

In the end he motioned her to go upstairs. Her eyes became even wider and Juice felt more naked than he had ever felt. 

"Stop whining, woman," he grumbled. She may wish a young god like him wanted to sleep with an old skinflint like her. He pushed against her back and sobbing she stumbled upward. Juice followed her. He hated the fact he wasn't wearing a cap. What if his head tattoos would identify him later? Until his hair was taking them from sight, he better didn't leave the house without any headgear. 

Hopefully she would think all of this had just been a bad dream when she woke up tomorrow morning. Juice motioned her to enter the bedroom. 

" _Vestido,_ " he repeated, still trying to calm her down. It seemed to help a bit. 

The woman shuffled to a wardrobe and opened it. With a sigh of relief Juice shoved her aside, snatched out a dress Dana could wear and looked further until he had found something to wear himself. It was a dressing gown that would at least make sure he no longer walked around naked. He wrapped it around his body and muttered " _gracias_ " and "sorry".

Then he left the house in a hurry, leaving behind the shocked woman in her bedroom. 


	129. Dana

Dana's teeth were chattering, even though she didn't know what was the reason: the cold or the tiredness. How long was Juice gone? She had no sense of time. For a while she'd squatted down behind a fallen tree, but when her knees started to ache she had sat down on it. Luckily there was no one on the beach. She heard nothing, except for the crashing waves. The fear that had held sway over her a while ago, was gone now. There was no doubt Juice would find her back. He might not be walking completely straight, but he wasn't blind drunk.

After a long time a figure appeared on the horizon. The person was running in her direction. Hesitating, she stood up. Was it him? Or someone else? She couldn't do much except waiting, and she felt relief flowing through her veins as he walked to the tree line, looking around.

"Dane?" she heard him call.

"Thank god," she muttered, freeing herself from the bushes. Before he could say anything else, she launched herself at him and held him tight. She hadn't been really afraid something would happen to him, but nevertheless she was overjoyed he was back. With an intense kiss she thanked him for solving their problem as he had promised.

She let go of him and looked at his pink dressing gown. "Sexy."

"I know. Just wait until you see your own metamorphosis." Smirking he handed her a bundle of clothes.

Dana shook the garment and put it on. It was a shapeless flower dress that was out of fashion even for granny's.

"The hell is this? A Halloween costume? Well, you know at least what I will look like in fifty years."

His hand disappeared underneath the baggy skirt and grabbed her ass. "Still hot."

Chuckling she pushed his hand away. "We've had enough sex on the beach for tonight. Don't want you to plunder the wardrobe of another grandma. You didn't make a sleepwalking granny do a striptease for you, right?"

She let her hand slip into his hand while they walked off the beach, back to the apartment they hired.

"I gave an old lady a heart-attack when I showed up at her door naked. After that I could just walk to her wardrobe."

"Poor woman. She probably thought she had a wet dream when she saw you."

She smiled at the sight of his wide grin. Butterflies raced through her stomach as she realized once more how lucky she was for knowing him. Her life was so different compared to a year ago. It felt like she had traded a world full of darkness for pink clouds. Even when they were on the run, having left everything behind. She stretched her neck and kissed his stubbly cheek. "I love you, goof."

The smile he showed her, was so genuine and full of love it caused tears in her eyes. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

"I love you to, sweetie. More than I've ever loved anyone else."

His lips touched her temple and Dana closed her eyes for a while, knowing she felt exactly the same.

* * *

Dana yawned when they got back at the little house. She leaned against a flower box as Juice climbed on the balcony and forced the doors. It was easier than Dana had expected and a minute later he opened the front door and waved with his arm. "Come in, milady."

"Yeah yeah, you're a real gentlemen today." She bumped his shoulder as she walked past him.

In the kitchen she filled a glass with water, then she opened the fridge. She was hungry as hell. While bowing forward to see if there was fruit in the crisper drawer, she felt how Juice moved behind her. His hands curved around her hips and he pressed his waist against her bottom.

"Really?" she muttered as he rolled up her dress. "You wanna take me right now, with my head in the fridge?"

The grasp around her hips steadied while he rubbed himself against her. "You're the one bending over, wearing nothing underneath that dress."

She cursed the tensing muscles in her lower body. In a flash she could see herself bend over the kitchen table, while he entered her from behind, his lips gliding down her vertebrae, just like he had done a few days ago. Unconsciously she pressed herself closer to him while her hand was gliding across the fruit.

"Want an apple too?"

"I want you."

"You already have me."

She still grabbed an extra apple out of the drawer, closed the fridge and turned around, her dress lowering down again. She tapped his nose as she noticed the disappointment in his eyes. "That old lady might have given you a boost, but I'm tired man." Her teeth sank in the fruit and she bit off a chunk. "And hungry." She held the other apple in front of his face until he bit in it.

"I'm gonna take a shower and sleep." Her hand glided through the opening of his robe and she caressed his chest. "Thank you for this unforgettable night."

She waited until he had bitten off the apple, pecked his lips and walked to the stairs.


	130. Kozik

Kozik had slumped down on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table and a cigarette between his fingers. His eyes were aimed at an episode of NCIS, but it didn't interest him much. He had draped his arm around a blonde girl. The compelling way her hand was stroking his thigh and crotch, showed him she neither cared about the tv, but Kozik had to admit he didn't long for more. 

Maybe it was because of her blonde hair, or her age, or even that defiant look in her eyes, but she reminded him of Dana and the thought about her called up mixed feelings, especially sexually. Enough to ruin his mood to do something with a girl that looked like her. 

Until he had seen her at the barbecue, he hadn't thought about her for a very long time. But now his thoughts wandered to her more and more; making him wonder how she was feeling and if she felt safe in Mexico. 

And if it had been better if he had been there too. 

For it wasn't like they were achieving anything here. 

The door of one of the two bed rooms opened and Chibs stepped into the living room, buckling his belt. The Croweater who had went with him, didn't even bother to clothe herself decently, but this girl could neither held his attention. He didn't know what it was with him lately. All those flings, for some reason they weren't as pleasing as before. Maybe he was a little jealous of Juice after all. Not necessarily because he was with Dana, but because of their serious relationship. He wondered if he would ever look at a woman in the way Juice looked at Dana, and the other way around. He was nearly 40 and there never had been a woman keeping his attention. Something that went for most of his brothers; most of them had been married or had at least been in a serious relationship, but all that was left of it was the child support  they paid their exes. 

His thoughts shot to his own daughter. It had been a few months since he'd seen Jen, but as long as Maddox wasn't dead he knew better than to visit her. The last thing he wanted, was drag his little girl into this mess. In that respect he understood her mother. There was a reason Opie and Jax had been the only ones seeing their children daily. The others kept their brood far away from Charming. And with good reason – that was proved again. If that had went for Ellie and Kenny too, Opie might have still been alive. 

Chibs sat down beside him. "Y'all right? Looks like ye need a drink."

Kozik heaved a deep sigh. "I'm done with this shit. Even fucking Osama Bin Laden was easier to find than this asshole." 

Since Dana and Juice had left the country the club guarded the safe house, hoping they could lure Maddox in a trap, but none of his men had shown up and Kozik didn't know what to think of it. Or that dick didn't monitor them as close as they thought, or he was on to Dana all along. But how? Juice knew how to stay off the grid, right? That kid knew more about cameras and shit like that than anyone else he knew. If he couldn't even rely on Juice's expertise, he would drive himself insane.

"Ye don't think he'll come lookin' fer her?'

Kozik shrugged his shoulders. How the hell was he supposed to know? He could barely start a computer, he had no idea what people were capable of those days. They would probably find the van before it disappeared in the woods and then it had to be just a matter of time before they found this house. Plus, they drove to this place every few days. It couldn't take that long, right? 

Honestly, he was looking forward to some action. Everything went so slow, he craved for a change. Now Juice was gone, the club was really small and they didn't trust anyone enough to allow them to the core, even though no one would be able to betray Juice and Dana. Nobody knew where they were. 

But he needed a change, he was so done with this shit.

And right when that thought crossed his mind, all hell broke loose.   
  



	131. Kozik

Glass shattered and rained  down on the ground. There were big thuds as bullets hit a closet and the wall on the opposite side. In an impulse Kozik pushed the Croweater on the ground and shielded her off with his own body. Soon he however realized neither of them would be safe this way. He pulled his gun and crawled to the window. His heart was raging in his chest. The last shooting he had been involved in, nearly killed him. It felt like he was tempting the gods by doing this again, but he had no choice. Waiting for help was no option; they would barge into the house and kill them as well. Very carefully he stood up, peeking through the window. He counted at least nine men who were heading for the door. 

"Fuck," he grunted. "Gotta be ten at least. I keep 'em busy, you grab the machine gun next to the door." As soon as he had instructed Chibs, he started firing. He hit one man in the leg before they scattered around to find shelter. 

Kozik however knew they were fucked. There was no way they could keep away ten men with only two of them. From the corner of his eyes he saw his brother take position at the other window, already pressing his phone against his ear to call for back-up. It would take a while before the others would be here, hopefully they could keep Maddox's men at bay. 

Kozik didn't understand how they could have taken them by surprise. To avoid a situation like this, they had rigged cameras to various trees. Still they had came out of nowhere. He took a deep breath and peeked outside. As soon as he saw a movement, he pulled the trigger. He however lacked a good sight and feared they would walk around the house. Chibs and he couldn't stop this together, not without making any preparations. 

Again his eyes glided across the terrain. There were far too many trees, they hadn't picked a convenient place at all. Generally it was a place to hide, not a place to defend against a group of armed men. He fired the gun again when someone ran from one tree to the next. Sweat was soaking his hands and he stepped aside when a volley of bullets came at him. 

An idea came up. It was a big risk, but they had to do  _something._ "Wait!" Kozik yelled. "You want Dana, right?"

A silence fell. Kozik used their confusion to beckon the blonde Croweater to come. Her face was pale and there were traces of tears on her cheeks, but she pulled herself together and crawled towards him. 

"Trust me," he whispered, putting all the confidence in his voice he could gather. He wrapped an arm around her throat, pulled her close and held the gun against her head. Then he stepped in front of the window, the girl in front of him. 

"One step closer and she's dead."

The girl petrified underneath his arm, her eyes wide in shock. 

"Sssh," he whispered. "They won't hurt you."

There was some buzzing in the background. "You're bluffing!"

Kozik made a mocking sound. "You think? Your boss wants her in one piece, right? Mine however..." He shrugged his shoulders. "He's gettin' tired of seein' all his men end up behind bars or in a coffin, all because of a dumb whore."

He could feel their hesitation. 

"Give her to me and we will leave you alone," someone shouted. 

Kozik took a long time to think about it, trying to do anything in his power to buy time. "I don't think you're in a position to make demands. You won't shoot as long as she's serving as a shield and everyone who dares to make a move, will end up with a bullet between his eyes."

Kozik's breathing calmed down a bit. He heard some mumbling; they were probably contacting Maddox. He was glad the man himself wasn't around ; he immediately would have known this wasn't Dana. But his men couldn't think of a reason why there would be another girl in the safehouse. 

"We're not leaving without the girl," someone shouted. "My boss wants to talk to her."

"Then bring me the fucking phone," Kozik taunted. 

Two arms were lifted in the air, as a gesture of surrender. Kozik let him come closer. The thought that Maddox was waiting on the other end of the line, made his blood boil. 

The man stepped forward, the phone in his hand. Right when Kozik snatched the device out of his fingers, the man yelled: "It ain't her!"

At the same time, Kozik pushed away the girl and put a bullet in the man's head. Blood drops splattered in his face and he jumped aside when his buddies started to fire their guns. 

Kozik pressed the device against his ear. "You will never see her again, you hear me? Nor will you ever hear her voice again. She's somewhere you will never find her, with a man she loves so much she forgot about you a long time ago." He felt so much rage and revulsion for this man he spitted out the words. "She's happy without you. And the body you desire so much, is right beneath the lips and hands of someone else now. You lost her, coward. She chose a real man."

Kozik ended the call with a satisfied feeling. He turned back to the window and started firing again. During the short call Chibs' machine gun had rattled continuously. In the background he heard the rumbling of motorcycles. His lips bent into a smile. A few more minutes and they were no longer the ones who were trapped. 


	132. Juice

Juice ended the call and slid the device into his pocket. The day after their adventure on the beach he had bought a new phone and given the number to Kozik. His friend still called him weekly to give an update, and today had been the first time he really had something to say. It had taken a few weeks, but Maddox had finally found and attacked the safe house. Luckily no one had died – at least not on their side. Maddox however knew now she wasn't there anymore, and Kozik thought it would be wise if Juice knew that. Not that they should worry, according to him. 

"But they are dangerous people," Kozik had told him – as if they didn't know that already. "Somebody even hacked our cameras so we didn't see them coming. Maybe it's for the best if we keep our contact to a minimum. Just to be sure. I'll only call you if something happened – like today." 

Juice had agreed, he didn't care too much about it. Which was strange; a few weeks ago he would probably have freaked out. But he felt relaxed, and the fact it had taken six weeks before Maddox had finally found the safe house they had even lured him to, convinced him it would take a while before he had combed whole Mexico. 

If he would ever start with that at all. 

In the meantime he had gotten his hands on a fake ID – and Dana already had one – so even if they got in touch with cops or ended up in the hospital, that didn't directly mean Maddox would find them. The hope that this would end well rose with each passing day, even though there was no indication Maddox would be dead soon. But it was all right. They were living on top of each other for days now and everything went well – fantastic even. Dana was happy, and so was he, he had to admit. Sure, he missed his brothers, but the past period had been incredibly stressful and he had needed a long break. Furthermore the distance was good for the both of them – sometimes they could forget for a while about everything that had happened and make peace with Opie's death and Happy and Tig's captivity. Probably because of the distance, because of the lack of contact with the others. It created the feeling it was all a distant memory, something that never had  _really_ taken place. And even when reality did threaten to overpower them, they both knew very well how to drive off their ghosts. 

His lips turned into a smile as two arms slipped around his waist, holding him tightly. "You ready to go?" she asked. 

He turned around and raked a hand through her blonde hair. The red dye had paled and he had to admit he liked her natural hair color even more. Stroking her cheek, he gave her a kiss. 

"Yep. All ready for a few days of rock 'n roll." He winked. She had told him once she had often visited festivals when she was younger, and when he had discovered there was a festival two hours away from here – one of the last since the festival season was almost over – he had decided to take her there. He had never been on a festival himself. Back in the day he hadn't been very interested in music, nor had the guys he had hung out with. But he looked forward to get to know this side of Dana, to have some insight into the girl she used to be and who she still was, deep down. 

His fingers laced with hers as they walked to the car, in which he had stowed their luggage half an hour ago. The call from Kozik already slipped back to the back of his mind, so that Dana wouldn't even sense things were happening in California. With a smile that made him glow from top to toe, she plopped down on the passenger seat, putting up her sunglasses. 

"Let's go!" she yelled cheery. 

 


	133. Dana

One of the things she liked most about their relationship, were their spontaneous trips. Two days ago Juice suddenly came up with the idea of going to a festival, and before she even got the chance to object, he had bought a tent and other camping stuff. Not that Dana had wanted to object. She absolutely loved undertaking things together, for she wasn't much more talented in sitting still than Juice himself. Not that she minded much; she had been captivated or hidden for such a long time she wouldn't dare to complain, but going out just gave her much more energy. 

They had put up their tent on the camping adjacent to the festival terrain, after which they had walked to the stages. Even though there was already a band playing, they first got a beer and sat down in the grass in the shadow. Putting up the tent had made them tired and despite September nearing its end, it was still hot as hell. But there was a chance that wouldn't change in Mexico. After all, they were pretty close to the equator. 

Dana took a sip of her beer, which was less cold than she'd hoped for, and watched the people around her. Many of them were hanging around in small groups, circles of friends who had withstood high school. There were lots of men with long hair and beards, and some of them reminded her of Opie. She felt a pang in her chest and sighed softly. Quickly she took another swig, before Juice would notice the death of their friend had eclipsed her heart once again. She didn't want their loss to ruin this day. 

Her hand slipped in Juice's hand, lifting it and she pressed a kiss to the back of it. He smiled as he caught her glance, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. She shrugged and drank in the sight of him. There was more hair on his head than she'd ever seen and she secretly missed his mohawk and head tattoos. It was just part of him, and he wouldn't have stood out here. At least half of the men walking around her had tattoos and nobody would be surprised to see a mohawk, especially not such a small one as Juice's. His thumb brushed hers and lost in thoughts she toyed with one of his golden rings for a while. 

Juice sat up a little straighter and looked at her. "You often went to festivals like this? With your friends?"

Dana nodded. "Not for a very long time. For a year or two we scouted all the festivals around my hometown."

She had some good memories, but most of them had a bitter taste now. Maddox had been on most of those festivals too. It was even the place where their relationship had started. She remembered it like it was yesterday. 

_Razor sharp guitar riffs cut through her ears. The bass was so loud her whole body was shaking and above it she heard the screams of Howard Jones, the singer of Killswitch Engage. Just like the rest of the crowd Dana moved her head up and down. She didn't dare to headbang too wild, a mosh pit had started right in front of her and she wanted to see what was happening there. She wasn't very tall and even though she found it fascinating to look at all those men busting down each other, she rather didn't end up between them. Now and then Maddox caught her eye, who didn't eschew a violent dance like this. He looked tough, the way he was moving between the others. Her eyes followed every move he made, and the few times he caught her looking at him she felt her cheeks getting hot._

_He had been one of the reasons she had wanted to go to the festival. The first time she had seen him, had been on the birthday party of Monica's brand new boyfriend Casper. Maddox was his brother and part of his black clothed group of friends to which Monica and also Dana were quickly added. Dana had always had an alternative taste of clothes, which had made her an outsider on school. Although her brother could also have been the reason for that. Many things were whispered about him and she had the feeling there were no boys who wanted to give her a real chance because of him. It really drove her crazy._

_She didn't exactly know what they said about him. Often one just_ _murmured_ _, as if they didn't want to share their_ _knowledge_ _with her. Her_ _thoughts_ _wandered_ _to Kozik, who had_ _left_ _her world a few years ago, thanks to Tom. Who knows to what_ _rumors_ _that had led..._

_But Tom_ _wasn't_ _here, and_ _Maddox_ _didn't live in_ _Bakersfield_ _. Maybe he did see her. She_ _hoped_ _it,_ _so_ _badly. It had been a long time_ _since_ _she_ _had really been interested in someone. They had_ _hanged_ _out with their_ _mutual_ _friends in a hard rock_ _cafe_ _a few times_ _, but they had never really_ _talked_ _._

_Suddenly_ _something_ _hit her face. She_ _stepped_ _back and_ _pushed_ _a hand_ _against_ _her_ _cheek_ _. Her skin was_ _glowing_ _. A boy gave her an_ _apologetic_ _look, his_ _eyes_ _glazing_ _over because of his_ _drunken_ _state, before he_ _jumped_ _in the pit again. Dana_ _gritted_ _her_ _teeth_ _. This was her_ _own_ _fault_ _,_ _she_ _should have_ _paid_ _more_ _attention_ _._ _Standing_ _so_ _close to a_ _mosh_ _pit was_ _asking_ _for_ _trouble, but_ _she_ _just had a good_ _vision_ _from_ _this place. On the band_ and  _on_   _Maddox_ _._

_The_ _mosh_ _pit_ _however_ _became_ _heavier_ _and_ _heavier_ _. She_ _tried_ _to step back, but there were other people_ _standing_ _behind_ _her._ _With_ _a_ _cramping_ _feeling_ _in her_ _chest_ _she_ _moved_ _her right arm in front of her body, the_ _elbow_ _outward_ _,_ _so_ _someone would be hit in the back before he hit her._

_And suddenly he was there._ _Next_ _to her. He_ _laid_ _an arm around her_ _waist_ _,_ _turning_ _her away_ _from_ _the wild_ _audience_ _._

_"Let me_ _protect_ _you," he said, an intense look in his_ _eyes_ _._

_And he did. The_ _next_ _concert they_ _stood_ _somewhere_ _in the back,_ _making_ _out as if they could die any moment. Two bands later they were in his tent,_ _where_ _she_ _shyly_ _undressed_ _herself in front of him, and a few_ _minutes_ _later they were fucking_ _between_ _his_ _unpacked_ _bags_ _and the_ _not_ _even_ _inflated_ _air_ _mattress_ _._

A squeeze in her hand pulled her out of the memory. "Dane? What were you thinkin'?"

Juice looked expectantly at her. Before answering, she pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and lit up a smoke. She took a few deep breaths before she answered honestly: "It was on a festival like this when Maddox and I... kissed for the first time. And, you know, more..."

She bit her lip, regretting she brought up his name. But he was part of her past, of her life, whether she liked it or not. 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, still feeling the need to apologize. 


	134. Dana

"Sorry?" Juice repeated with raised eyebrows. "For what?"

Dana sighed softly. "I hate bringing up his name."

Juice wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. His chin rested on her shoulder as she leaned against him, glad he responded so calmly. 

"Maybe you should do it a bit more often," he said quietly. "You know... just tell me little things about him? If I think about Maddox now, I'm imagining some kind of dark power instead of a normal human being. What was he like? You didn't fall in love with him because he was such an asshole, right?"

Dana smiled a bit sadly. She rather stayed silent, enjoying his embrace. But he was right. They were together for almost half a year and she never told him anything about Maddox. "He was... overwhelming," she started hesitantly. With her thumb she brushed one of the skull rings around his fingers. "If he entered a room, he was the only one I could see. He wasn't loud or somethin', rather the opposite. He was very calm. Calculatin', I think. It felt like he wasn't interested in the things other people cared about. Booze, friendships, women... he didn't care about these things... and that's why I felt so flattered when he did pay attention to me." She was silent for a while, not knowing how to continue. "He was always serious, and nothing was more important than his reputation. He always chose the most expensive restaurants and he bought me lots of presents." She shook her head, snorting. "But I know now he only did so because my own clothes weren't good enough for him. He molded me into some idealized version of myself, but slowly and with many sweet words and smiles, so that I didn't notice. I think he wanted to change me in some kind of classy lady. And at home we never had money, so I loved that he was showering me with luxury."

Her hand glided across his arm and brushed the ink of the Reaper. The tattoo connected him to his brothers, which he had left behind. For her. She looked over her shoulder and studied his face. The glance in his eyes was expectantly, patient. "I love you, Juice."

She didn't know why, but her voice was trembling and she snuggled into him. The thought she would have missed out on him if she hadn't killed Casper, froze her heart. 

"I know, baby." He squeezed her in his arms and kissed her temple. "I love you too."

Dana smiled shakily and closed her eyes while leaning against him. 

For a long time they didn't speak, both lost in their feelings for each other. 

After a while Juice however gently pressed her to continue. "When did he change into... someone who wanted to hurt you?"

Dana sighed. "There were lots of little things... many of them I discovered only later. My friends were visiting me less and less... and when I reached out to them, they blew me off. It hurt, I thought it was my fault. But now I believe Maddox was keeping them away from me, that he was chasing them away. Sometimes I got messages telling me they were worried about me and it should have gotten me thinking, but I called them poseurs and told them my life was perfect." She shook her head. "And you know... I was very clear with my words. It's no wonder they abandoned me. But even if I had seen the truth in their words, I had probably been too proud to admit I couldn't solve the problem on my own." Dana's fingers laced with Juice's. "I was tuckin' in more and more, started to feel really lonely. And Maddox changed. He talked less to me, and on most days I only saw him at night. He refused to tell me what he did during the day, and he often sent Casper to keep my company. Probably to keep me from leavin'. Not that I had a place to go... I'd cut all ties with my family and I was too proud to crawl back. And even though Maddox never showed much of his feelings, he started to lose his temper more and more. He snarled at me, forbade me to do things and when I told him I wanted to end our relationship after four years, he literally chained me. And the world outside... they had forgotten about me a long time ago." She pressed her lips together as felt a lump in her throat. "And the year that followed... that was a living hell." She turned a bit, so she could look at him. "If you want it, I will tell you about it. But... but not now, okay? Not here."

She breathed in shakily, a sob could escape her lips any moment. 

"Okay baby." He brushed her cheek with his thumb and gave her a feathery light kiss. "You're right. We're here to enjoy the music." He kissed her once more and stood up, stretching his hand toward her. "Well, I think I'm going to crowdsurf for the first time in my life."

Dana blinked away the few tears that had gathered and smiled at him. She grabbed his hand so he could help her on her feet. Before they headed to the stage, Dana slipped her arms around him and gave him a squeezing hug. Sometimes it still felt surreal that she had escaped from Maddox and had gotten such an amazing man in return.

"Thank you, Juice," she said, looking up to him. "For everything that you're doing and have done for me."

His lips touched her forehead, where after he wrapped his arms around her. "I will always take care of you. For the rest of my life, if it's my call." 

A shiver crept down her spine as she heard that promise. How big it might be, she knew he meant it and it called up tears in her eyes again. 

Hopefully there would never be a moment he would regret those words. 


	135. Juice

Juice was so engrossed with his game he startled when he felt two hands on his shoulders. He bent his head a little to the side so he was leaning against her arm, but he was too involved to forget about his game. That happened a minute later, when she started dotting kisses on his head and down along his neck. Hoping that something better than a virtual victory was waiting for him, he turned aside to look at her. 

"Mornin'," he greeted her. "Slept well?"

He had left the bed two hours ago, but Dana seemed to have discovered the art of sleeping in lately. She was dressed in a sundress and wore light make-up; all ready for a new day. 

"Hmm-hmm." She straddled on his lap, her face toward him. For a while she studied his face in silence, with a sweet smile around her lips. "Today it's half a year since we met." 

"It is?" Juice asked surprised. Remembering dates wasn't one of his talents and he was already trying not to forget about Dana's birthday within six weeks, but he could imagine the day she thought about now was the most important one in her life. The day she escaped Maddox. 

"Yep. It feels much longer."

Juice could only agree with it. It felt like he knew her at least half of his life. She bowed forward, stroked his cheek and brushed his lips with hers. Juice went along with an intense kiss, that promised him much more than a kiss alone. Excitement spread through his veins. They had been intimate last night, but every hour since, always felt like a day. 

Because he hadn't want to awake her, he was still wearing nothing but boxer shorts. Her hands glided down his chest and every single day he enjoyed her touches more and more. 

"I have a little surprise for you," she whispered, her voice steamy. 

At the moment there was only one surprise he was interested in, but he played along. "Hmm... Sounds exciting."

Her eyes made contact with his for a moment. "Actually it is."

He raised his eyebrows as her cheeks started to blush. As if she wanted to hide them, she nibbled his neck and dotted kissed downward. Across his chest, his stomach, across his navel further down, while gliding off his legs until she had crouched down between his legs. 

There she seemed to hesitate. Eventually she wrapped her fingers around the waistband of his boxers and pulled it down. Her fingers stroked his hard member and she looked up to him. 

He read the doubt in her eyes, and suddenly he realized what she was about to do. 

"You don't have to do that, baby. Really," he stressed. She had never satisfied him orally and he knew that was because of her past. He didn't want her to feel obliged to cross that line, only because they knew each other half a year. He was okay with it. 

"I want this," she said fiercely. "I have to do this. For myself."

"You don't have to do anything, baby," he told her, already trying to put his boxers back on. "That time is over."

She laid her hand upon his and looked at him. "Please, Juice." Her fingers caressed the inside of his thigh, until his groin, without her taking his eyes off  him. "I want you. All of you."

Her eyes were wide and expectantly, but they were lacking the lust that usually churned into it. He didn't know what else to say. If this meant another tie with Maddox would be cut, he could only cheer for that. 

"Okay baby," he whispered, all of a sudden nervous, afraid they would have to take ten steps back after this. 

Smiling at him, her fingers stroked him. Then ze bowed her head, pressing little kisses to his sensitive skin, exposing the tip. He breathed in deeply as her warm tongue glided across him. Hesitating, he raked a hand through her hair. His touch seemed to make her a bit more relaxed, her shoulders dropped. Her lips closed fully around him now and she took more and more of him inside her mouth. Her warmth was surrounding him, he felt her tongue brushing his skin as she sucked. 

"Oh fuck," he moaned as his lower body tensed. He brushed her hair out of her face so he could watch her. There never had been a day he didn't find her sexy, but seeing how she had taken him inside her mouth was one of the hottest things he had ever seen. 

"Oh, this feels so good, I love this so much," he whispered. "You're so fucking hot baby."

She looked up to him. The words seemed to chase away her fear. With more passion she kissed, caressed and sucked him, and Juice kept watching her until his muscles tensed in such an intensive way he stopped thinking. His fingers wrapped around her blonde hair because he had to grasp something and the excitement raging through his body made him gasp for breath. Only when his body started to shake and his orgasm cut off his breath, making his whole body tingle, he squeezed his eyes for a while. 

For a moment he hang back in his chair, trying to gain control of his breathing again. 

Dana climbed back on his lap and stroked his cheek. "I knew you would like it," she said with a smirk as he looked at her again. 

He enveloped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Never doubted that," he muttered. 

After a long hug, he kissed her. He didn't know what to say. 

"I wanted you to be fully mine, as I want to be fully yours," she said, as if she sensed he was lost for words. "The thought it had been someone else's lips who were  around you for the last time... and that you weren't the last one in my mouth..." She shrugged her shoulders. "I no longer wanted that. It felt like a last step to take. You get that?"

Juice hated the idea she had sucked someone else, so he understood her all too well. He hesitated. Should he ask something about her experiences? It wasn't the best time to ask, but was it ever? 

"The last one who... you know... was it Maddox?"

"I can't even remember. All those days, it felt like they were blurring." She sighed softly without looking at him, drawing circles on his chest.

Juice felt a pang in his stomach. "So there were more men who... who abused you?"

She bit her lip. Juice regretted his question immediately. 

"Every time I disobeyed him, ever since I had told him I wanted to leave , he punished me. He made me blow him or one of his friends – or clients, whatever they were. Sometimes more than ten in a night."

A silent tear rolled down her cheek. Juice wiped it away with his thumb. He swallowed, trying to fight off his own tears. "I'm so sorry for you."

She took a deep breath. "It's over now. And somehow – somehow I'm grateful he left it at that. He didn't allow them to touch me, I could only... touch them."

Juice pulled her in his arms again, burying his face in the crook between her neck and shoulders. Tears ran down his face, he could no longer stop them. He wished it had remained just that. But he knew she was raped by Maddox a countless times.   
  



	136. Dana

Dana shoved another pin in her hair and put the triangular pirate hat on her head. Looking into the mirror, she watched the costume Juice had picked for her, chuckling softly. There was quite a cleavage visible and the dress was a bit too short. She sat down on the edge of the bath and lowered her feet in the knee-high boots. Even though she never had been fond of heels, she could walk on them. Still she decided to put her flip-flops in the backpack before they would leave. Before Dana left the bathroom, she slipped her hands across the cheap fabric. It didn't bother her, she wouldn't wear this often anyway. This was just for fun. And the 'costume' she had bought Juice, had barely costed her a thing. 

She left the bathroom. Juice sat on the bed and watched her with shiny eyes, biting his lip. "Damn baby. I knew you would look smokin' hot in that thing."

"I always look hot." She gave him a wink. 

 His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. 

She straddled on his lap, looking as seductive as she could. "You know, we can also stay here and celebrate Halloween with the two of us."

He placed his hands on her thighs and moved them upwards eagerly. Their lips found each other, and soon his lips descended down her neck and collarbone. 

"Maybe I should have gotten you a burka," he muttered against her skin. "I don't want to give up all my plans for today."

Dana pushed him down on the bed. Underneath her she felt a bulge grow and she ground across it. "You never need that much time," she teased. 

She chuckled as he bit her neck indignantly. While his hands squeezed her ass, she unbuckled his belt while bringing back her lips to his. Juice's fingers closed around her thong and pulled it to the side, helping himself inside her. She needed no foreplay, it felt like her body was ready for him all day long and she closed her eyes satisfied as she felt him move inside her. 

* * *

Only a few minutes later they were lying next to each other, both panting. Dana chuckled as her fingers hooked around his. "You see? I told ya you didn't need a lot of time."

She rolled on her side and gave him a tender kiss, she didn't want to offend him. For a while they kept lying next to each other, then Dana freshened up in the bath room and straightened her costume. 

When she got back, Juice sat straight. "Well, what was the most sexy costume you could find for me?" he asked with a smirk. 

 _Not what you think._ She chuckled inwardly, knowing she would find it more funny than he. But it had been his own idea to pick Halloween costumes for each other. She picked up her bag that was next to the closet and scrambled through it. 

"I already told ya seein' you dressed up as Dracula would absolutely be a turn-on, but that seemed a bit too warm in the tropics. So... how 'bout a baby Dracula?" She took out the adult diaper and tossed it on the bed, followed by a pink binky and a Winnie de Pooh backpack, since he needed to take his gun with him. 

Juice scowled at her underneath raised eyebrows. Dana shrugged innocently. "Everyone has seen you in it, except me..." She pouted and slipped her arms around his waist, looking up to him. "And hey... with so few clothes on I might surprise you with another quickie here and there." She wiggled her eyebrows. 

That seemed to win him over. He pulled on the diaper and looked down, shaking his head. "You're somethin' else, Dana."

Dana started to laugh. What she liked most, was the fact that he was crazy enough to really wear it. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I like you so much, Juice," she said sincerely, kissing his lips. "Sometimes you feel like a dream." 

He raked a hand through her hair and kissed her forehead. "I'm really real." He winked. "And I'm really that crazy that I will wear this if it makes this pirate queen happy."

"Oh, it definitely does," she smirked. 

* * *

Juice took her to a small amusement park that had a Halloween theme today. Almost everyone was dressed-up and even though Juice was the only mature baby, he didn't look as stupid as he probably had done the last time he was wearing a diaper. 

Still he looked nervous, making Dana doubt. He was more silent than usual and sometimes he kept staring in the distance for minutes, as if his thoughts were miles away from this place. She'd thought he could laugh about it, and even though he had done so at the beginning, she started to wonder now if that had really been sincere. 

"Is there something wrong?" she asked as they stood in the line for the rollercoaster. 

"Hmm?" He looked at her as if he had been shaken up from a day dream. His hand slid across his head, as he was always doing when he was nervous. 

"You seem nervous. You don't feel comfortable?"

He shrugged his shoulders, seemingly looking for words. "All those kids with their parents... I just remember all the times I asked my mom to go to a place like this, but we lacked the money and my mom's boyfriend..." He trailed off and kept silent.

Dana grabbed his hand and squeezed. He had told her about his difficult childhood; his father had left them after the birth of his sister and ever since his mom had had tons of flings. None of them had been ready for the father role and the guy with whom his mom had stuck the longest, had taught Juice with beat-ups what a failure he was. 

"Kozik and Happy took me once to an amusement park when I was younger, but I've never been there with my mom either." She smiled, hesitantly. "But I love to do this with you. And you know, if we ever have kids we can do stuff like this with them as much as we want."

That prospect made him smile again. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. After those words, the unrest seemed to leave his mind. They joined different rides, watched the costumes of the others and ate French fries on the edge of a pond with paddle boats. Dana enjoyed the day, but she sensed Juice still wasn't himself and she didn't know how to change that. Maybe she should let it go. But still... He had put a lot of effort into bringing her here and she wanted him to enjoy this day as much as she did. 

"Wanna go in the Ferris wheel?" she asked after a while, nodding to one of the few attractions they hadn't been to yet. 

"Yeah, sure. I'm gonna take a piss first."

Dana nodded, threw away the plastic boxes and watched Juice leave, walking in his diaper and with his Winnie the Pooh backpack. Chuckling softly, she turned her head to the sun when her boyfriend had disappeared from sight. 

* * *

Dana was playing with the plastic sword as Juice returned. Hand in hand they walked to the Ferris wheel. The sky was already getting dark, it wouldn't take long before the sun went down.   
  
After leaving the queue, they sat down in one of the cabins. There wasn't much room, so they sat across of each other. Dana rubbed her feet along Juice's until the smile returned to his face. Slowly they were lifted higher and higher. Now and then a loud screeching rose up as the attraction stopped moving, probably to create a spooky atmosphere. Dana looked aside, to the city bordering the amusement park and the green vegetation behind it. The sun painted the sky in purple and red colors and she sighed softly. 

"It's so beautiful," she said quietly. 

She aimed her eyes forward as Juice started to scramble in his backpack. "Ya gonna take a pic?"

"Uh-uh," he muttered, barely audible. 

A few days ago Dana had bought an old fashioned camera, a disposable one. Juice's new burner lacked a camera and she wanted a tangible reminder of this 'vacation' later. Juice let go of the bag and turned back to her. 

Suddenly he knelt down in front of her. First she thought he wanted to tie his shoe, then she saw the black box in his hands. 

Speechless she stared at him. 

Juice looked up to her, his cheeks redder than she had ever seen. 

"Shit," he grunted, pressing his lips together. "I had prepared a whole speech but I'm fucking nervous now." Taking a deep breath, he opened the box. "Dana... I love you. I love you so fucking much, more than I ever loved anyone. And I know there's a crazy ex after you and I know we only met half a year ago and I know I'm kneeling down now wearing nothing but a fucking diaper, but I just need to know. Will you..." His tongue flickered across his lips, his hands were trembling. "Will you marry me?"

Dana was too overwhelmed to respond immediately. Tears jumped into her eyes and she pressed a hand against her chest, where her heart was pounding like crazy. 


	137. Juice

Juice couldn't remember seconds had ever passed so slowly. Sweat glided down his back and he was afraid his diaper would soon drop on the ground. With giant eyes Dana stared at him. In a tensed way her hand was lying between her collar bones, as if she was getting a heart attack. 

_I shouldn't have done it._

He felt more sure about that than he had felt about his proposal today. "Sorry," he muttered with hot cheeks. "I shouldn't have done this. Sorry. I thought..." Taking a deep breath, he tried to blink away the tears in his eyes. Yeah, what exactly had he been thinking? Who else was stupid enough to do something like that, knowing they were fully depended on each other, even when she rejected him? 

He closed the jewelry box and wanted to get up. Right when he started to move, Dana rushed forward and hugged him so tightly he lost his balance and fell back. The seat cut into his neck. 

"Sorry," she whispered. "I... I just didn't see this coming."

She held him so tight he had the feeling to choke. 

"I shouldn't have done it. I just want... you. For ever. But..."

"I wanna marry you, Juice. Of course I wanna marry you!" She grabbed the side of the cabin and hoisted herself on the edge of the seat. Her front teeth pressed into her bottom lip as she looked at him, suddenly a bit shy. 

Juice didn't feel more confident than she did. He sat up straight as well, looking for words. The Big Wheel had started moving again, so there wasn't much time left. "Okay," he said a bit bluntly. "That's – that's amazing."

Dana wiped across her watery eyes and smiled nervously. Then she held out her hand and wiggled her fingers. "You're supposed to put on the ring now, right?"

Juice gave her a crooked smile. The proposal hadn't gone as he had planned and he was a bit confused now. That she had agreed to marry him, didn't fully land. That however changed when he opened the jewelry box again and took out the ring. He knelt down on one knee again, took her hand in his and looked up to her. Her smile made his heart jump. Quickly he looked away, before he would do something stupid. 

Like kissing her, forgetting about the engagement ring in his hand, which would slip out of his fingers and fall down. That would be so typical him. 

He tried to swallow the bundle of nerves – there was no need to feel nervous anymore – and shoved the ring around her left ring finger. As he looked up to her, she dipped her head. Her lips brushed his and he surrendered to a long, long kiss that only ended when someone cleared his throat, making clear it was their turn to leave the Ferris Wheel. 

With still a blush upon his cheeks they left the attraction. He nodded gratefully to the man in the control room, who he had asked to keep the wheel still when they were on top while Dana thought he was going to the bathroom. He got a wink back and let his arm slip around Dana's waist. 

"You're my fiance now," he said with a smirk that wouldn't leave his face for the rest of the month. 

"Hmm. Sounds good." At the side of the path Dana stood still and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry I wasn't doing cartwheels. I just hadn't suspected a thing. I didn't think you would be willing to take that step before we were back with the others."

Juice caressed her cheek. "I don't want our lives to be on stand-by. I wanna be your husband. It's something I want now, not only when everything is safe." He stroked a strand of hair behind her ear. There was still insecurity in her eyes. "It will take some time before we're back with the others and can really marry." He shrugged, grinning. "But at least we've had our engagement period then."

She brought her lips back to his and kissed him briefly. "I love you, Juice." She stretched her arm and looked at the silver ring around her finger. It was a spiral with a diamond in the middle. "And it's beautiful. It really is."

Again she hugged him. Never before he had enjoyed holding her in his arms so much, and knowing he would be able to do so multiple times, filled him with warmth. 

"Where are we goin' to celebrate this?" she whispered, her fingers gliding across his back. When she looked at him, there was a naughty look in her eyes. He bit his lip and had to keep himself from moving his hands underneath that sexy dress. Even as an engaged man he had some manners. 

Some. 

"The park is closin' within an hour."

A smirk played around her lips. "Hmm. I have a feeling where you wanna go."

Juice raised his eyebrows. "You do?"

"Uh-uh. I remember some drunken talk of you, right after we arrived in Mexico. You told me you wanted to have sex in a haunted house one day." 

He laughed. "Man, you're right. And you thought a church would be exciting, but we concluded we could better not summon God's wrath upon us as long as Maddox isn't burnin' in hell."

She chuckled quietly. "So..." She bit her lip, looking up to him with a naughty grin. "We're gonna hide ourselves until the park is closed and sneak into the haunted house to teach those creeps some lessons in love?" Teasingly, her fingers stroked the front of the diaper he was wearing. 

His hands were tingling and his voice sounded dark with lust as he answered: "Don't make that hour of waiting feel even longer."

She kissed the corner of his mouth. "Don't you think that's a small price to pay for your ultimate sex fantasy?"

Juice lifted her from the ground until she wrapped her legs around his waist and carried her towards the cafetaria's. "Let's find you some ice cream to cool off that horny body of yours." His tongue slid between her breasts as they were exactly on the right spot, and he lowered her down on her feet chuckling as she slapped his head. Despite her dirty talk her cheeks were flaming red and she glared at him. 

Juice shrugged his shoulders innocently, convinced nobody could have seen that. "That dress of yours just asks for it. I'm holdin' back all day long."

"And you think you can no longer screw things up now?"

"Nah, don't think you wanna give me that ring back." He winked. "And I know you liked it. Secretly."

He smirked as she started to blush again and impatiently he glanced at his watch. Fifty-five more minutes. Damn, why did it take so long? But he didn't complain. He couldn't think of anyone else who would wanted to celebrate an engagement with steamy sex in a deserted haunted house. He touched for her hand and squeezed, still not fully realizing she had just agreed to marry a weirdo like him. 


	138. Dana

A hand raked through her hair, combing it to the side. Soon thereafter she felt warm lips in her neck, slowly descending. She stroked Juice's arm, that he had wrapped around her. His fingers laid around her breast, as they had done the past hour. And probably the hours before, when she had been sleeping. Now she was however awake for a while, staring at the wallpaper of grey tiles.

"You're awake for some time huh?" Juice's hoarse voice sounded. "Your breathin' is tellin' me."

The hand on her breast started to move too, stroking her nipple until it became hard. 

"Yeah," she answered, even though her eyes dropped again. She snuggled closer to him so she could feel his warm chest against her back, enjoying this early embrace. 

"Is my fiance looking forward to eggs and bacon for breakfast?"

Dana looked over her shoulder. "Hmm, sounds good." She almost twisted the muscles in her neck as she kissed him. "But not as good as lying her a bit longer with you." Even though she smiled, she turned back her head before he would notice she felt a bit sad. Those feelings would leave soon, his touch was always absorbing her doubts and sad feelings. She turned a bit, stroking the hand caressing her upper body. His erection was pressing against her butt and she tilted her pelvis a bit more, hoping he took the hint. He did, as always. 

While his fingers moved across her side, almost in an absent way, he pushed himself closer to her. Slowly he entered her from behind, in a easy pace thrusting inside her. Her eyes drooped. She couldn't think of a better way to wake up than feeling him inside her. Over time, the thoughts that had bothered her the past hour vanished. Juice's pace increased and Dana rolled a bit over so he could hit her deeper. His hand hugged her breast tightly and Dana curved her back as her walls were closing around him. 

She moaned as he hit the right spot. They knew by now what the other liked most, but it never kept Juice from asking. 

"You like this baby?" he panted in her ear, nipping her earlobe. "Right here huh?"

"You know that damn well," she answered with a grunt, her breathing faltering. 

Laughing, he kept massaging her breast, thrusting deeper inside her. Hearing his laughter made the experience ten times intenser. Her muscles tensed and she heard Juice gasp for breathe. Before she could reach her momentum, she felt his body shake against her back. With a tender smile she looked over her shoulder. His face was red, there was still an expression of rapture across his face. 

"Just one more minute," she said with smirk. "One more minute and I would have came too."

"I know. I tried," he replied, his voice still raspy of sleep. He stroked her cheek, an apologetic look in his eyes. Dana turned toward him, kissing his lips, while his fingers wandered off and finished what he had started. 

* * *

During breakfast her gloomy feelings returned. 

"What's wrong?" Juice asked, always sensing how she was feeling. He studied her face. 

Dana sighed softly. "Nothing."

He raised his eyebrows skeptically. "Yeah, not buyin' that."

Dana sipped from her coffee and glided with her thumb across the rim of her plate. She shrugged her shoulders, staring at her engagement ring. "It's just... Yesterday was perfect." She looked up to him again. "You asked me to marry you, the dream of every girl. And I dunno... I just wished I could have shared it with someone." She messed with her ring. "When I thought about this day, I imagined I would call my friends overly excited and that my mom would hug me and..." She sighed once more. "But my mother is dead, my brother and father are in jail and the few friends I have are miles away from here and I haven't spoken to them in weeks." She pressed her lips together and wiped her eyes. "All of a sudden I miss them so much. Cherry and Koz, and Opie..." A tear rolled down her cheek. 

Across the table, Juice took her hand and brushed his thumb along the back. "I get it. And there's nothing wrong with it, baby. Why don't you give Kozik a call? I got his number. In case of emergency, you know? And maybe you can talk to Cherry too. As long as you eh... don't blurt out certain things."

Dana understood his caution, Cherry had always been a blabbermouth, and she no less. They would mean no harm, but in their enthusiasm they might say things that they would regret later. But calling Kozik... yes, she would like that. He knew what questions to avoid. 

"I'll call Koz," she said, a smile around her lips. Even though Cherry had always been the one knowing everything about their romantic developments, she had trusted Kozik with  _everything_ , both in her youth and in the weeks before they went to Mexico. 

* * *

After breakfast she sat down in the garden and dialed the number. It was two hours earlier in California, but at eight he was probably awake. Juice had left to have a run before it would be too hot – even though Dana believed it was always too hot to do so – and however he did so almost every day, she had the feeling he wanted to give her some privacy now. 

"Hey," she heard as he took the call. Kozik's voice sounded tensed and Dana realized he was probably expecting bad news. 

"Hey Koz," she said. As soon as his name passed her lips, they bent into a smile. 

"Dana! Are you all right?"

"Yeah, we're fine," she told him quickly. "I – I..." Suddenly there was a lump in her throat and she blinked away a few tears.  She had never realized she missed him so much, as had happened before. "I miss you, Koz," she said softly, briefly wiping her eyes. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"I miss you too, girl." Maybe she was imagining things, but his voice sounded more emotional than she had ever heard. "Is Juice treatin' you well?"

Dana chuckled softly. "He proposed me yesterday."

"What?" She heard the disbelief in Kozik's voice. She clearly hadn't been the only one who didn't see it coming. "Wow. Congratulations baby. At least – I assume you said yes? Or are you gonna ask me if I want to relieve him?"

Dana could picture his smirk clearly, making her miss him even more. "Yeah, I said yes. It remains to be seen when we can really marry. Of course you guys have to be there, and as long as there's a price on my head it is impossible anyway, but... I'm still glad we've taken this step. I thought – maybe you can tell it to Cherry? And Happy, if you ever see him again?"

"Sure. Well, I suppose I need to know every cheesy detail then?"

Dana giggled like a teenager having her first crush and summarized the day before – leaving out their intimate little party in the haunted house. She started to talk more and more enthusiastic. No matter how much she loved Juice's voice, it felt nice to speak with someone else for once. Someone who meant a lot to her. Kozik wasn't just a friend, she felt a deep affection towards him that made their friendship differ from all other friendships – both in the past and the present – without knowing what was causing that difference. It was something strange between a brother and a childhood crush – two opposing things which made it even more special. 

 


	139. Happy

With gritted teeth Happy stared at the pie in front of him. It had been months since he had eaten anything like that, but he couldn't appreciate the irony of it all. He glared at his father, who had put the piece of cream cake in front of him and was now shrugging his shoulders. Happy didn't want to know what dick his father must have sucked to get this done. 

"There's no doubt she's thinking about us. This way we're still a bit connected to her."

Happy snorted. "No chance in hell you will cross her mind today."

In the beginning Happy had believed his snide comments hit his father, but in the meantime he seemed to be immune for them. He was way too glad he could see his son daily. That Happy still hated him, didn't seem to bother him at all. 

He turned away from his father and started to eat his pie. It was a luxury he didn't want to skip, even if it gave him the feeling he was betraying himself. That however was a feeling that was plaguing him ever since he had gotten here and his father and his buddies had welcomed them, offering protection. Nobody had lifted a finger to them. In the past twenty years his father had declared himself as the king of the prison. Nothing reminded him of the man who Happy had cursed almost all his life. Or maybe he did. His friendly words and gentle nature still made it hard to believe his father had been a drug dealer killing two young kids. 

He moved his fork to his mouth and closed his eyes for a moment. He was inside for half a year and he really started to miss good food. The other half of the pie he however shoved to Tig, who raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

"What are we celebratin'? They finally stepped on the cockroach?"

"It's Dana's birthday. Turns twenty-six today."

Happy suppressed a sigh. For once he thought to be there on her birthday, so he could make up a bit for those lost years. He was still blaming himself. He should have kept her closer, should have discovered how Maddox treated her and he should have taken her away from that place. 

"Congrats," Tig answered, his mouth full. The piece of cake had already disappeared in it, as if he had been afraid Happy would change his mind. 

He tried to imagine how Dana was celebrating her birthday now. He knew she was no longer with the club. There were only tiny bits of information Tig and he managed to get out of their brothers, but he knew she had left the US with Juice a few months ago. First the news had almost given him a heart attack, but now it turned out to be a good move. He shook his head at the thought of how serious their feelings apparently were. He had given them a few weeks at most, but Juice really seemed to be head over heels. Happy knew that thought should reassure him, especially now he couldn't do anything himself to protect her, but he still questioned Juice's resilience. But he guessed he shouldn't complain, it seemed like everything went according to plan. 

Happy stood up and together with Tig he walked to the basketball court. San Quentin wasn't so bad. Everyone left them alone. Even though his time in jail had never been so hopeless before, the former times had been more intense since he could have been killed any moment. There had always been club enemies around. But here... Here nobody seemed to have heard of the Sons of Anarchy – or at least had no problems with them. It should fill him with relief, but Happy was afraid he would let his guard down because of it. 

He had to keep in mind why he was here. Not because he had killed twenty-six people and had tortured double that rate, but because Maddox had wanted to put him in jail. He had wanted to corner him – and there was no doubt that Maddox would use his presence here to make Dana do things he didn't want to think about. He probably had enough people working here who could kill him instantly. 

However, he shouldn't look too far ahead. No matter how sneaky Maddox's plans had been, he hadn't succeeded in getting Dana back. Despite the homage that was probably coming up in hell as soon as Happy died, he prayed every night to Maria, Jesus, Allah and whoever he could think of to keep his sister away from that psycho. 

For he – and that knowledge was making him furious over and over again – couldn't do it himself. 

He caught a ball that was thrown at him and hoped to run off the frustration, even though he knew all his thoughts would return when he was back in his cell, surrounded by silence. Before Happy joined the match, he glanced at his father. 

He really didn't understand how the man could sit so peacefully at the table, knowing what monster was after his daughter. That was the only thing Happy had told him about her; hoping his father would hate himself for it.

 


	140. Maddox

About 20 miles away from San Quentin, there was someone else who considered the 12th of December as an important day. Contrary to her father, Maddox hadn't treated himself a piece of cake. Instead, he rushed through the house, up and down the stairs, from the front to the back, searching for something he knew he wasn't going to find. 

He was not okay. There was an itching underneath his skin, driving him to madness. He didn't know what to do about it, he was continuously trying to hold back his anger and snarky comments towards his clients. His business wasn't benefiting from his mood and it was dragging on for far too long. She was gone for more than half a year. 

 _Half a year._ It felt so much longer. Sometimes he looked at old pictures of her because he couldn't remember all her details too well. God, he missed her so much. He had never known his feelings for her went so deep. Sure, he had been in a state when she had left him, and when she had told him she loved him no more. He had been furious, but the pain was deeper now. 

He loved her. 

He needed her. 

He realized that only now – and he felt so much regret about the way he had treated her. If he could do it over again, he would have done things differently. He had considered her as his property for far too long, and he felt ashamed of it now. That wasn't how a woman should be treated. 

He had to make things right. He  _would_ make things right. 

As soon as she was back. 

For giving her up, that was something he was incapable of. Her absence broke him, kept him from sleeping at night and occupied his mind during the day. She felt like an addiction he could no longer live without, but which wasn't anywhere close to him. And the thought there was someone else who  _did_ have access to her, who  _did_  touch and kiss her and defiled her with his filthy lips and fingers... that made his blood boil. 

Again and again the same words turned up in his head, coming from her biker friend who had shot at his men.  _"She's happy without you. And the body you desire so much, is right beneath the lips and hands of someone else now."_

Again Maddox clenched his fists. He squeezed his fingers to keep himself from knocking over the table, from demolishing his own house again. He needed to regain control. If his clients would see him this way, they would think he had lost his mind. Then they would withdraw and go looking for another supplier. 

Dana had to come back. And the asshole who had talked to him through the phone, needed to die. The thing was, that he didn't exactly know who it had been. The men who had succeeded to escape, had talked about two people: a man with a scar in the shape of a grin and a blonde man. It wasn't much, but it was enough. He would just order his men to gun down all blonde bikers. He was done waiting. He had waited as long as he could, giving her a chance to come back. But apparently she enjoyed his dark side, eager to see how far he was willing to go, just like he had wanted to see how far she had been willing to go. They were a better fit than she wanted to admit, but deep down he had always known they were made for each other. 

Maddox heaved a deep sigh and sat down on the couch. The couch she had never sat on. There was nothing in this house which she had touched, and he regretted the sale of his former house. He however had been convinced she would be back by now. How could he ever have imagined that she would disappear without a trace? He cursed himself for letting it get this far. The games that he enjoyed so much, were biting him in the ass now. He glided with his hand through his hair and closed his eyes, pretending to feel her finger tips scraping his scalp. It was hard to remember her touch. There were other images crossing his mind: her tears, the hatred churning in her eyes, her sobs as he took from her what he believed had been his right to take from her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'll make up with you. I will make up for it all." He took a deep breath. "But only after a last unforgivable act."


	141. Kozik

Gemma's dinners were famous. Not only within Charming, also among the other charters. And her Christmas dinner – that was the cream of dinners. Together with the other Old Ladies and some Croweaters the woman had provided them a 6-course meal. Even though the family was anything but complete, for they could all feel the absence of Tig, Happy, Opie, Juice and Dana, quite a crowd had gathered and there was a smile on everyone's face. Even Kenny and Ellie were on the other side of the table, their grandpa next to them, and Kozik saw them smile for the first time since Opie had died. The sight of it made him miss his own daughter even more. She was celebrating Christmas with her mother, her mother's new lover and her grandparents, on the other side of the state. On happy moments like these he believed it could mean no harm to involve her within the club, but her mother thought otherwise. And, thinking about everything that had happened this year, he couldn't disagree with her. 

The search for Maddox had led them nowhere. Kozik had no idea what to do. Everything felt too risky and somehow he had the feeling Maddox experienced the same thing. Now Dana was no longer here, Maddox didn't seem to be in the mood to bother them and in return they couldn't do much themselves either. 

Maybe that would never change. 

It wasn't a great outcome; it meant that Dana would have to stay as an illegal in Mexico. Maybe she could find a job with her fake passport, but marrying under a false name would be a damper on their intended marriage, and apart from that there wouldn't be a single day in which she didn't need to look over her shoulder. 

But at least she would be alive. 

Kozik concentrated on the turkey again. When a silence fell, he told the new prospects about the time Tig and he had lost a game of pool against Happy and Chibs, where after they had to prepare Christmas dinner and somehow managed to let the turkey explode. He just wanted to fill his plate for the second time as glass was breaking. Something ended up in a bowl filled with tater tots. Immediately smoke filled the room. It stung his lungs and coughing he shoved back his chair, grabbing his gun. 

Right behind him, someone screamed, and Kozik realized one of the ladies must have went back to the kitchen to refill something. Despite the screams and cries of the children, Kozik tried to orientate. Where were the entrances? With his gun ready to fire he moved away from the table, squeezing his eyes. Through the smoke he could see shapes, but there was no way to separate friends from enemies. 

 _At least nobody is shooting._ This wasn't a slaughtering, they wanted something from them. Were it Maddox's men? Or another group? Things had been quiet with the Niners for a while now, but you never knew with those guys. Sometimes a heated fight with one of the other chapters blew over. 

"There is no need to panic!" a voice sounded. "All we want to do, is talk."

Slowly the air cleared. Everyone had turned away from the table, and all his brothers were holding a gun in their hand. In the doorway to the kitchen stood a man, his muscular arm wrapped around Gemma's throat. His gun was placed against her temple. 

Kozik admired the woman. Her hands were trembling and fear was glowing in her eyes, but her cheeks were dry and she didn't get hysteric. His eyes shot to Clay, who had turned pale. 

"Let my wife go," he snapped at the attacker. "Whatever business you think to have with us; she has nothing to do with it."

"There is no need to panic," the man repeated calmly. "Do what you're told and everyone can leave this house in one piece."

Kozik studied the impassive face of the bald walking wardrobe. There was an earpiece in his right ear, proving Kozik's suspicions. 

Maddox again. 

Quickly his eyes shot through the room. He counted eight more men. They would have been able to gun them down if they hadn't been surrounded by women and children – and if there hadn't been a gun in Gemma's face. 

"What do you want?" Jax asked. Despite the tight situation he lifted his chin. 

"My boss wants to know where his girl is. Dana."

"Not here," Chibs answered. "Nobody knows where she is, except she and her lover. So ye better go tell that ass-"

There was a loud bang that vibrated through Kozik's chest. Chibs fell backwards. Kozik screamed as his friend hit the ground and stayed down. No grunt or scream passed his brother's lips, the bullet had been drilled inside his brain immediately. He was killed instantly. 

Petrified, Kozik stared at the body. It had happened so quick, so unexpected that he couldn't believe his eyes. As calm as Gemma had been a minute ago, as hysteric was she now. Screaming, she tried to struggle herself free. The children on the other side of the table hollered so loudly Kozik could barely breathe. 

"Let the women and children go!" he yelled. His heart pounded so wildly in his chest he was afraid it would jump in his throat and choke him. His life could just be over. They had killed Chibs without blinking an eye. 

"That won't be necessary," the man answered calmly. "Tell us what we want to know and we will leave."

"We don't know man!" Jax repeated. "She left the state without tellin' us a damn thing!"

A silence fell. The wardrobe tilted his head as he listened to the instructions that were given him via his earpiece. 

"There must be a way to contact her." The man punched Gemma's face, and when she screamed he wrung his gun into her mouth. 

Kozik felt Clay's eyes burning on him. He was the only one who possessed Juice's new number; one handler had felt the safest. And he wouldn't betray them. For no one. And despite the fact that it was Clay's Old Lady who was at gunpoint now, his President couldn't ask him to give Juice's number. Then he would be the one betraying the club himself. 

There was a deafening blast. Sobbing, Kozik bowed his heard as he heard Jax and Clay's screams. His legs were shaking. He took a few deep breaths. As he looked up again, his look crossed Bobby's. He nodded. 

Kozik knew there was a fat change he would make it to the end of the year. But if he did nothing, they would all die. He turned to the side and started shooting. More shots followed while Piney pushed the children under the table. 

Because of the tears blurring his sight Kozik could barely see a thing, but he fired and fired until a bullet in his chest and shoulder knocked him on the ground. 

 


	142. Cherry

Cherry gasped for air. No matter how hard she tried, it felt like something in her throat obstructed all oxygen. She had ducked underneath the table, hiding herself behind two fallen chairs that both didn't do much to protect her against the bullets flying around. There was chaos everywhere; around her and inside her head. She had the feeling her lungs were riddled with bullets and were slowly filling with blood, which made breathing so damn hard. 

She had to do something. She knew that, but she just couldn't move. Ellie and Kenny were lying on the ground only a meter away from her and she should bend over them to shield off their bodies, but fear had brought her under its power and refused to let her go. There was nothing she could do besides crying and quaking, nor was there a way to escape from the desperate cries, dying screams and the impact of the bullets. 

Finally the noise faded. There were no footsteps, no orders. It looked like everybody was dead. Still Cherry didn't dare to crawl from under the table. She feared the horror she would have to face. What if Kip was dead? What if they were all dead? What if there was still an attacker alive who would shoot as soon as he saw something move? 

Her lips were quivering, but the rest of her body was still frozen. Even the tears in her eyes didn't dare to move. 

Only when someone whispered her name, she managed to turn her head to the side. Kip was on his knees on the ground, looking underneath the table. His hand was pressed to his thigh, that was bleeding. The sight of it shook her. Shaky, she crawled toward him, hugging him. His hand slithered through her hair as he held her close. 

He was sobbing, the most terrible sound she had ever heard. When Opie was murdered she had seen some tears gliding down his cheek, but every mask was taken off now and he cried like a lost, little child who saw no way out anymore. Cherry squeezed her eyes and breathed in. Then she looked at his wounded leg. He needed an ambulance. 

With a heart that was bouncing painfully in her chest, she turned around and watched the rest of the demolished room. Tears filled her eyes as she saw Chibs lying on the ground, a bullet hole in his head. He stared at the ceiling, with a macaber carved grin on his face. Close to his feet Jax was lying. Clay had crouched down beside him, crying he was pressing against a wound in his chest. Only a step away from him was Gemma's body, surrounded by a pool of blood. 

Cherry felt her esophagus contract. Bile crept up and she fell on her knees and puked. 

It all felt so surreal, it couldn't truly have happened. Why would someone do this to them? On Christmas eve? She started to cry again. Vaguely she was aware of Phil calling someone. Luckily there was at least somebody who could still keep his thoughts together. 

She dropped down on her bottom and leaned forward, staring into the vomit. That was better than looking to something else. To all the blood, all the crying faces, all the  _dead_ faces. She tugged her hairs and scratched her neck while sobs kept rolling over her lips. 

She kept sitting that way until cops and paramedics swarmed inside the house. Kozik, Jax and Kip were all transferred to the hospital immediately. The bodies of Gemma and Chibs stayed untouched while cops took pictures of the crime scene, sending the survivors away. 

Outside, Cherry dropped down at the sidewalk. She should go to the hospital to see how Kip and the others were doing, but her legs seemed to be made of jelly and there was nobody to support her. Gemma was no longer around to give her a stern talk and Dana... Dana was celebrating Christmas with Juice hundreds of miles away from here, completely unaware of the tragedy that had just taken place.


	143. Dana

Just like most holidays, Dana lacked good memories because they had always led to fights between Happy and her mother. The celebrations with Maddox had always been very private, she couldn't remember much about them. She however noticed how much Juice missed his friends as he told her about Gemma's Christmas dinners and the drunken nights that followed.

"Last year we made a competition of stealing Christmas lights from gardens," he smirked. "Santa's sleighs counted as ten points, reindeer five points and snowmen three points. Everything else was one point," he explained, pricking his fork into a piece of meat and lowering it in the fondue pot.   
  
Dana rushed into laughing. "Wish I had been there. Who won?"

"I wouldn't know. All I can remember, is Sack returnin' everything the next day. It kept him busy 'til midnight."

"Poor boy," Dana chuckled. For a moment that nagging voice was back, whispering she couldn't give him what the club had given him, and that he gave up too much for her. Quickly she took a sip of wine and refilled their glasses. 

Dana stood up to get the – unfortunately failed – chocolate pie they had baked this afternoon. Despite the fact it had collapsed, it served well as a dessert. Thereafter, it was time to unwrap the presents. Dana removed a small package from underneath the Christmas tree. They had decided to give each other just a little something; and in her case "little" had been quite literally. She sat down on Juice's knee, handed him the packed box and wrapped her other arm around his shoulder. 

Never before she had given him a present, which made it feel like a big deal. Before he removed the tape, he looked up to her. She pressed his lips against his forehead, right above his eyebrow.   
  
"I hope you don't think it's stupid," she muttered.   
  
"Even if you would wrap an old newspaper I would still frame it," he answered with a grin. 

She chuckled. "I'm not  _that_ cheap."

 _Although I bought it with your money,_  she realized, deciding to keep the thought to herself. When they were married, they would share everything anyway. 

Juice squeezed her side and moved his arm around her so he could unwrap the present. With precision, not wanting to rip the paper, he removed the gift wrap. Dana didn't dare to look at his face, afraid to see disappointment. It wasn't like he lacked any rings. He lifted the top from the box and looked into it. 

Her eyes shot to his face nevertheless as she bit her lip nervously. 

"I thought... because you gave me a ring..." She lifted the hand with her engagement ring – as if he wouldn't know about what ring she was talking. "I wanted to give you one too."

"And of course you knew I have a thing for that hot chick from The Hunger Games." His lips formed a mischievous smirk. "That explains the arrow."

She slapped his chest with the back of her hand and stuck out her tongue. "Asshole."

"No, I get it. It was Cupid who aimed for our hearts, and voilà, we ended up here together. I never took you for such a sugary person, Dane."

Dana wrinkled her nose. "I didn't even thought about that."

"No reason to back out, baby. I think it's kinda cute." He wriggled his eyebrows. 

Dana moved her hand upwards along his neck and caressed his short, soft hair. "An arrow seems to symbolize protection. And... as husband and wife we're supposed to protect each other. I don't know, it felt fitting." Softly, she scraped with her finger nails across his scalp. "And sure, I'm not as hot as Katniss Everdeen, but archery is also a bit my thing."

"It is? I'm happy you explain that."

She kicked her heel against his tibia. "Asshole. And get that stupid grin off your face."

"I know you love that grin. My Christmas present for you."

He was right. She loved that smile more than anything in the world, and the sight of it called up lustful feelings she didn't want to allow now. They didn't need to end up naked at every romantic moment.

Still she couldn't keep herself from bringing her face closer to his and kissing him. His lips tasted like the wine he just drank, and as his tongue slipped along hers, there were tinglings all over her body. She leaned in to him, tasted him, enjoyed his touches just as much as she had done the very first time. His fingers caressed her neck and disappeared underneath her shirt. She sucked his lower lip as his fingers slipped inside her bra and grasped her breast. 

Only when she was messing with his belt a few moments later, still kissing, she remembered she had intended to  _not_ end up naked this time. She lowered her hand and broke away from the kiss. 

"You didn't even try to put it on."

He gave her a guilty look. "Sorry. The flesh is so weak." His hand slipped away from her skin and Dana regretted her words immediately, even though she kept a straight face. If he found out, he would convince her within a second to continue what they had started. 

With one arm round her waist he bent over to pick up the box that had fallen during their little make out session, and he took the silver ring out of it. He pulled off the trinket that was around his left ring finger and shoved the new one around it. The arrow curled around his finger, the bottom point and the feather were almost touching each other. 

Dana looked up to his face and forgot about the ring the minute she saw his warm smile. 

"It's really cool." He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "And the thought behind it is just beautiful." His brown eyes rested in hers and for a moment they looked at each other in silence. 

"I love you," he said. "I love you so fucking much."

Dana swallowed as she saw a watery glance in his eyes. She wrapped her arms around him and leaned with her head against his shoulder. "I love you too, Juice. So much."

Her voice sounded fragile and she blinked away the tears, before they were both crying here instead of laughing. 

"I got something for you too," Juice whispered when they had both regained control of their emotions. 

Dana sat up straight again. There was a strange tone in his voice and she lifted her eyebrows questioning. 

"On second thought, I think I'll like it more than you. I eh, I didn't expect you to buy such a... serious present." His cheeks flushed. 

Dana squeezed his cheek. "I can count the times I have seen you blush on one hand. That's already worth it."

"I'm not blushing. I just feel like an idiot."

She briefly kissed his lips. "Yea, you're blushin'. Now I'm curious. I was afraid you wouldn't like my present either." She slid off his lap. 

"Yours was sweet. Mine however..."

"Is kinky?"

There was a suspicious silence. Dana turned toward him.   
  
"No, it ain't kinky," he said quickly. "It's... sexy. And appropriate for the occasion."

Dana bent over to pick up the present underneath the tree and immediately felt its softness. She tore away the paper, revealing three satin, dark pink pieces of clothes. A push-up bra, a skirt with white fur and lace at the bottom and a Santa hat covered with rhinestones. She held the garments in front of her and laughed. "Oh, you're such a sweet thing," she said, shaking her head. "Bet it will look good on you."

Juice shrugged innocently. "If it's turnin' you on I will wear it," he smirked. 

"Deal." Laughing, she pulled the hat over his head. Then she kissed him. "Goof. Thanks, I guess?"

His arms slipped around her and rested on her lower back. His warm lips touched her ear. "Want me to put it on right now?"

His sultry voice made her shiver. Whether he was wearing a dress or a diaper; she would always want him. "You can't wait, huh?"

"Nope." Lifting her up, he swayed her over his shoulder, heading upstairs. The bra and Christmas skirt were swinging back and forth in her hand. 


	144. Dana

Dana was lying on her side. Her head rested on his shoulder and she had draped one leg over his, drawing circles across his warm, somewhat clammy skin. Even though her breathing hadn't normalized yet, she felt peaceful.  A shiver made her shudder now her body was quickly cooling off, but she didn't mind. She snuggled a bit closer to Juice. 

His hand stroked her arm and kept lying on her fingers. With a smile she looked at the new ring. She liked the thought that she had given him something. She turned her head to the side, so she could watch his face. 

"Merry Christmas baby," she said, pressing a soft kiss to his chin. "Was it worth the money?"

He smirked. "Hell yeah."

She chuckled softly. Even though it would have been funny to see him wearing the skirt, she had been too afraid he would rip it. It was so short she hadn't even needed to take it off, although the fur was tickling her skin now. 

"You better start thinking about what you want me to wear on our wedding night."

The grin on his face widened, his eyes started to sparkle. She already knew that he would spend the next weeks finding the most sexy lingerie. Well, there wasn't much else to do anyway...

Dana turned a bit more on her side, leaning with her elbow at the mattress. 

Juice raised his hand and raked through her hair. "You're so beautiful..." He lifted his head from the pillow so he could reach her lips. A slow, almost lazy kiss followed, before his head sank back. 

"At least we have the time of the world to plan our wedding exactly how we want," Dana said. 

They often talked and fantasized about that day, sharing their wishes and discovering what they found important. Still it kept feeling like a dream, a fantasy, especially as long as they couldn't return to their friends. But she refused to let it overshadow their intended marriage. It felt like they were inside a bubble where everything was perfect. And later... they would deal later with later.

"You already know who you wanna ask to be your best man?" Dana asked curiously. 

"Chibs," Juice answered. "He was my sponsor and he always felt like a father within the SAMCRO-family. And you?" 

Dana didn't answer immediately. She had thought about it for a while, but the thoughts made her feel sad. "I find it difficult. Kozik is the first who crosses my mind, but it would feel like I was... harming Happy or something. Or Cherry... She could be my maid of honor, but it feels kinda strange to ask someone I don't even know a full year."

"And marrying someone you neither know a full year doesn't feel strange?" he smirked. 

"You want me to back out?"

He kissed the tip of her nose. "I won't let you."

Dana chuckled. "Good." Then she became a bit more serious. "But I dunno... Cherry is a sweet girl and I know it would mean the world to her to be my maid of honor, but our friendship has always been... a bit sketchy. Probably because of me. Even before we had our first date, I shared more of my past with you than I ever did with her."

"Hmm. But it's a little hard for me to be both your best man and groom."

She pouted. "Even though you're my best friend."

"Too bad... I'll already become your husband." His hand glided underneath her skirt and held her cheek. "I'm not going to give up these privileges." He winked, but it didn't take long before he became serious again. "And Happy?"

"You think he'll get out?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Wouldn't that be the perfect wedding gift? But if he had been free – would you have asked him?"

"I dunno," Dana admitted. "Our relationship is still very... strained. Although something like this might help. And somehow I think it will feel good if my last family member would be my best man." She still considered her father as being dead. Her eyes locked with his. "You wanna invite your mom and sister?"

He laughed, which sounded rather mocking than merry. "They don't even know I'm in a motorclub. I haven't seen them in years."

"You don't wanna change that?"

He didn't respond. Dana knew his feelings regarding his family were anything but clear. One of the reasons the club meant so much to him, was because it filled the void his family had left. 

"We should visit them some time. Beforehand," Dana said. "Maybe... maybe your mom has changed."

Juice snorted. "Right."

Dana lifted herself a little more. "It ain't impossible, Juice. I'm living proof of how strongly a human being can change. You know what things I've done, what the last words were that I have addressed to  _my_  mother."

He stayed silent, staring past her. 

"You wanna meet 'em?" he asked after a while. 

"I do," she said softly but determined. "My mom is dead and my father and brother are in jail."

Juice dropped his eyes. "More than anyone I know how it feels to long for a new family, Dane. But mine... mine won't do you any good." He swallowed with difficulty. "Maybe my little sister wants to see me. But my ma..." He shook his head. 

"Okay," she said softly. "Whatever you want, baby. I would love to meet your sister one day, even though I know you would dread the confrontation. But I know exactly how you feel, Juice. I had neither seen my brother in years and I can't express how happy I am that I went looking for him. Who knows what had happened to me if I hadn't done so..."

"Thankfully we will never know," Juice muttered, pulling her in his arms. 

Dana kissed his neck, snuggling closer to him, knowing he no longer wanted to talk about his family. 


	145. Kozik

Never before Kozik had spent New Year's Eve in his own apartment, without company. He didn't even long for one of the Croweaters. Everything was so fucked up. 

He wanted to hide underneath the blankets like a little child, hoping everything would be better tomorrow, but of course there was no point in doing so. Maybe things would never get better. 

He stared at the inside of his elbow, his thumb rubbing the ribs. Scars of all the times he'd put a needle in it. He squeezed his eyes.  _No, that's no solution. It never was._ His last relapse was four years ago, he didn't want to go down again. His skin however was itching, the longing to silence his thoughts rose. He wanted to escape to that world where Chibs and Gemma hadn't been just buried. Where Jax wasn't fighting for his life so hard that he hadn't even been able to go to the funeral of his own mother. 

Breathing became difficult, it felt like his lungs were filled with blood again. He grasped for the inhalator they had given him yesterday when he left the hospital, and inhaled deeply. Tears filled his eyes, despite the fact he was squeezing them hard, trying to calm himself down. The fear was still in his body, he never was this emotional. But never before he had been shot almost fatally twice in a year, and never before he had to say goodbye to so many friends in such a short period of time. And who knew how many more would follow. Jax's wound had festered, leading to a sepsis. The doctors tried to suppress it with antibiotics, but yesterday he had been talking nonsense, which was a bad omen. 

Kozik realized he had been very close to dying again. A collapsed lung and a bullet wound in his shoulder. He could barely do a damn thing, but at least he had left that horrible hospital. With a sigh he dragged himself to his bed and leaned back against a pile of pillows. If he flatted down, he would have trouble breathing again. He felt dead tired and lacked the energy to undress himself. While closing his eyes, he returned to the funerals. He could have sworn whole Charming had been there, just like any Son in California. A lot of support was offered to them and they lacked no man power, but someone like Chibs couldn't just be replaced. And it wasn't any different for Tig and Happy, and Opie and Juice. SAMCRO was falling apart. It felt like they were trying to stop a dam from bursting by using nothing but matches. 

Kozik rubbed his neck. His muscles felt tense. Maybe he should call for a Croweater. He could use a neck massage and if he needed something, he wouldn't need to leave the bed. He touched for his phone, called to the clubhouse and ordered the prospect behind the bar to send two girls to his house. Then he lowered his arm again, closing his eyes yawning. One would think there would be enough energy after a week in hospital, but nothing was further from the truth. He hadn't slept much, there had been machines beeping the whole time and he continuously had relived the shooting. 

Right after surgery, cops had been in his room and for once Kozik had told them the truth. Unser had already known about Dana's situation, but Kozik had repeated the story to his colleagues now too. He had made a statement about everything that had happened: how Dana had fled from San Francisco, being forced to kill someone; how Maddox had killed her mother and how Happy and Tig had been framed. Even though he hadn't been around, he had told them what Opie had done at the funeral of Dana's mom and how Maddox had taken revenge (without mentioning Dana's involvement). He also admitted Dana and Juice had fled the state, making her ex so angry he had wanted to kill them all on Christmas Eve. Of course he left some things out; like Happy's torture party and the shooting at the safe house. The cops had been busy taking notes and he knew they would soon interrogate him again. Not that Kozik expected anything from them; there was no proof. Maybe a bigger organization would dive into it, one that wasn't influenced by Maddox, but up to now it was just a thin hope. Telling them the truth had served only one purpose: if there would be a day the cops caught Dana, he hoped they wouldn't be too hard on her. 

Sighing, he thought about Dana and Juice. Tomorrow he would call them to wish them a happy new year, and he would convince Juice everything was fine. There was no way he was going to tell them what had happened. Guilt would drive Dana right into Maddox's arms – and this time for real. He wouldn't take that risk. They would find out when they returned.  _If_  that would ever happen at all. And if they did, his rawest pain would at least been gone. 

Kozik knew not all of his brothers would agree with his decision. Clay had lost his wife. He wanted to avenge her, and sooner or later he would be willing to use Dana as bait. Kozik was glad Juice had bought a new phone, apart from him nobody was able to contact him. It was his call now, and nothing could persuade him to tell them the truth. At least there were two of them who were still able to feel a bit of happiness and he would protect that with his life.

 


	146. Cherry

With a sigh that was coming from her toes, Cherry closed the door of the dinner. It had been a quiet night. Again. It hadn't been any different the whole month, it felt like no one dared to go outside after that horrible Christmas Eve. 

It was a month ago. On the one hand it felt much longer, on the other hand not at all. It felt like life was on stand by ever since. 

Gemma and Chibs were still dead. 

Jax was still in a coma.

She was still plagued by nightmares every day. 

Often she woke up screaming, clinging to Kip's body. They never talked about it. What was there to talk about? He had lost friends, the family he'd just became a part of. She encouraged him to talk about his feelings and sometimes he did, but every time she tried to get her own sorrow off her chest, his eyes were glazing over. It was no unwillingness, she thought. It just felt like there was no room inside his head for her feelings. 

And that went for everyone. They walked alongside each other, they grew apart more and more. The glue that had stuck them all together, was crumbling down. Members from other charters had transferred to Charming, but the brotherhood that had characterized the motorclub, was no longer there. 

Her legs felt like they were made of lead as she walked to the car, her head being too heavy to lift. Her expectations of this life had been so different. For years she had tried to become someone's Old Lady, but she never imagined all the suffering, all the pain that came with it. She could see how her boyfriend was devouring, turning inwards more and more. More often she thought about Dana and Juice, who had tore themselves away from the lugubriousness of Charming and had started a new life elsewhere. She envied them. She didn't dare to admit it out loud, but sometimes she wished Kip and she could leave everything behind as well to join the couple. Without Gemma and Dana, she was the only Old Lady and she felt lonelier than she had ever felt. 

With a new sigh she blew away her thoughts. There was nothing she could do about it. Kip had just proven himself worthy to be a Son, he wouldn't leave now. Not even for her. 

She took the key from the pocket of her coat, pressed the button until she heard a click and the lights started blinking; then she opened the door of the car. 

It was quiet on the road, but for some reason Cherry didn't feel the need to drive harder. Rather slower. 

Arrived at their apartment, she put the key in the hole. The lights were on. Usually the sight of it would have surprised her, since Kip always stayed in the club until late, the past weeks however everybody had gone home early. 

The house was quiet as she walked in. Even the tv was switched off, which surprised her. Kip hated silence, the sports channel was always on. Maybe he had gone to bed already. Her nightmares disrupted his sleep too. 

She pushed open the door to the living room and froze as her eye caught a man sitting on the couch. Up to his neck he was covered with brightly colored tattoos, and when she stared at him completely overwhelmed, she even saw a small figure below the corner of his eye. From below a reversed cap, two brown eyes looked at her.

"Here you are at last." The man patted on the seat next to him. 

It felt like he was pronouncing some magical spell. Her feet walked up to him and she sat down next to him, straight as an arrow. Inside her, thousands of alarm bells were blasting, but it felt she could no longer control her own body. 

The man smiled at her. Friendly. A shiver crept down her spine. 

She had no idea where to look at. She really tried to look him in the eye, but for some reason she just couldn't and instead she stared through the large tunnel in his ear, where he could easily stick his thumb through. 

"Do you know who I am?" he asked. 

Cherry swallowed with difficulty. Yes, she knew who he was. That was the whole reason she couldn't move. Her stomach cringed as he laid a thumb underneath her chin and turned her face towards him. It felt like she was petrifying under his stare. The only thing that was moving, was her quivering bottom lip. 

"Well?" he insisted, tilting his head a little to the side. 

"I- I do," she stammered. "Mad- M-maddox."

"Good." He smiled again. 

It made Cherry feel sick. A little longer and she would puke over him. She didn't dare to think what would happen then. He would probably kill her in a very painful way. Or rape her, like he had done so many times with Dana. 

_Dana..._

"Then I guess I don't need to explain why I'm here."

Cherry tried to fight the tears. Oddly enough she succeeded, it felt like Maddox laid down a calmness inside her for which she had been searching for a very long time. It was too late to find a way out. She had no choice but accepting the inevitable. 

"I don't know where Dana is."

"You don't. I know that."

She held her breath as he raised his hand, stroking his index finger very lightly along her cheek. Goose bumps spread across her whole body as she gasped for air. 

"But you know a way to find out where she is, right?" His lips turned into a convincing smile. He bowed towards her, pushing his cold lips against her forehead. "If you don't want to find a piece of your pretty blonde boyfriend on your doormat every morning, you better do as I say."

Again he stroked her cheek. 

Her whole body was shaking. Roughly, the peace that had controlled her for a short moment was expelled. She grabbed for her breast as her heart stung sharply. "W-what..."

He stood up, handing her a phone. "Call me every night to report your progress. I'm pretty patient, but I don't like long silences." He gave her a wink. "Give Dana a kiss for me as you've found her."

Then he turned around, his footsteps echoing through the house. Right before he reached the door, he stood still and turned around. "This information might be unnecessary, but you're the only one I gave this instructions. As soon as you tell someone about this little game we're playing, you're little toy is finished." His tone became darker, his eyebrows forming a threatening frown. "I give you the chance to save your lover, Cherry. A chance none of his brothers had. Don't think I'm making empty promises."

Cherry's mouth dropped and closed again, as if she was a fish out of the water. Motionlessly, she stared forward, even when he was long gone. 

He had Kip. 

He would kill Kip if she wouldn't do as he said. 

She had to betray Dana, bring her back to this creep. 

She couldn't, she could never do such a thing. 

But Kip...

She collapsed on the couch, crying, clawing, hoping to find comforting arms. 

But there were none. Not anymore. 

 


	147. Cherry

Her whole body was aching. For at least an hour she had cried uncontrollably, until the exhaustion had blinded her. As soon as she opened her eyes again, she longed back to the thick void she had just awakened from.

She could still feel Maddox's presence.

Armed with a kitchen knife she even went around the house, but the man was nowhere to be seen. His sweet scent however was still around, as if he had sprayed the walls with whatever cologne he was wearing.

Lost, she stood in the center of the room. Maddox wasn't the only one who was gone. Kip was too.

He hadn't come home.

Was there a chance he was still at the club house? Had he slept there, was Maddox just messing with her head? She bit her finger nail. Slowly, a little bit of hope seeped into her heart.

It could be, right?

Maybe he had just been drunk, that wouldn't be the first time.

_But Maddox must have known he wouldn't come home. And he doesn't live close by enough to keep on eye on the clubhouse all the time._

As panic squeezed her throat again, she forced herself to take a few deep breaths. She had no idea how, but she needed to stay calm. She slumped down on the couch, concentrating on her breathing. Only when that was so regular it felt a bit therapeutic, she forced herself to come up with a plan.

* * *

There was a heated blur in front of her eyes. With a bent head she sat on one of the couches in the club house. A few minutes ago she had told the men Kip hadn't come home last night and because he had left the clubhouse early, nobody believed he had ended up in bed with a Croweater.

After what had happened on Christmas Eve, they all knew who was behind this. Some of them had squeezed her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but it didn't take long before they went to Chapel, leaving Cherry in silence.

There was no one else. The prospects and backup from the other Charters sat all around the table. Exactly as Cherry had planned. Despite the fact that everything was going according to plan, it took a lot of effort to stand up and take the next step. This was her only plan. If she failed, she wouldn't know how to save Kip. And if she succeeded in doing what Maddox had told her, she was even so risking her life.

The men would kill her. Kip would never want to see her again. But she had no choice; she couldn't abandon her boyfriend. He meant the world to her and she just hoped she could somehow save Kip and keep Dana away from Maddox at the same time.

It was a million-to-one shot, maybe even worse than that. But it was all she had. Squaring her shoulders, she stood up. Her fingers were trembling as she walked to the hallway leading to the door behind which all the Sons had gathered. On a table in front of the door stood a basket in which all the men had left their phones before participating the meeting. She didn't know which one belonged to Kozik and she decided to just take all of them.

She hid the basket underneath her zipped jacket and left the clubhouse in a hurry. As soon as she reached the parking lot, she started to run. To where, she didn't know. Her home would be the first place where they would start looking for her.

Somewhere in an alley, a few blocks away from her house, she stood still. Feeling sick to the stomach, she took the phone that Maddox had given her. There was only one number in it. Her whole body was shaking as she pressed the green button and waited.

"I... I have a plan," she mumbled. "But – but you have to take me away from here before they find me."

She walked a while back to see in what street she was hiding and gave him her location. Pacing up and down the narrow passage she waited. Her pants were covered with mud spatters as she dragged herself through the puddles as she waited, brooding. More than once she was about to run back to the clubhouse. Right when she could no longer bear the nerves, willing to give in, a black car stopped in front of her.

Cherry swallowed and walked towards the vehicle.

The back door opened on its own. Cherry forced herself to sat down on the backseat, her guts cramping as she realized Maddox himself had picked her up.

"Where is she?" the man barked. He looked so wired that he seemed to be a different person than the man who had waited for her in the dark last night. A shiver crept down her spine. Suddenly she saw a man who couldn't control his anger and who could hurt someone for even the smallest thing.

"I got their phones. In one of these I can find the number to contact her. I... I will go to her if you can get me to Mexico." She took a deep breath. "But I wanna see Kip first."

Only now, Maddox turned towards her. Suddenly the glacial mask was back, staring at her with a smug smile on his lips. "That can be arranged." Now he showed her a genuine smile, and the sight of it caused pangs in her stomach. "What part of him do you want to see? A finger? A toe?"


	148. Kozik

It felt like they were standing on the edge of a cliff of which the wall was crumbling down. Again and again someone fell down and there was nothing they could do about it. Turning away from it seemed to be their only option, but that would make the death of his brothers useless. Then they would all go their own way, like cowards. 

Kozik had barely processed the shock of Chibs and Gemma's death when the next awful news arrived. Sack had disappeared. A year ago everyone would have shrugged, but they knew better now.

And again they had to wait. 

Waiting, that was all they were doing, as if they were hopping from bus stop to bus stop, hoping to catch a glance of a bus that had stopped driving a long time ago. 

Kozik didn't say much at the table – no one did. They all wanted to catch that asshole, they just didn't know how. That guy seemed to be everywhere on the same time, as elusive as the wind. One by one he would lure them into the grave. He wouldn't stop until he had found Dana – or until there was no one left to remember her. 

"I think there's only one option left." Clay aimed his inscrutable glance at him. 

"No." Kozik held his ground, knowing perfectly well what option he meant.

"Should we all sacrifice our lives for her?" the man snapped. 

Kozik shrugged his shoulders. "We have sworn to protect her. We will only involve her in a plan when Happy agrees with it."

Clay's glance darkened even more, but he didn't say another word. Deep down he must have known Kozik wouldn't give in and that what he was asking was unacceptable. Kozik however couldn't blame him, the man had just lost his wife. He was willing to disobey every rule if that would lead him to her killer. Kozik understood that too well, but anger and vengeance weren't the most prominent feelings he experienced himself. That was protectiveness and his honor and conviction that he would betray none of his brothers, no matter the price.

"Then tell us what we  _should_ do," Clay sighed. 

Kozik leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table, and pressed his fists together as he thought. "We need those little trackers. If one of us disappears again, we'll at least know where to find him." He kept silent for a while. "And Maddox will make his demands."

"And then  _what_? We got nothing to give him."

Kozik hesitated. A plan crossed his mind, but he knew it would probably lead to Sack's death. However, if they did nothing, the outcome would be the same.

"We have to act like there's a traitor in our midst who gives him Dana's whereabouts. Not the real ones, of course," he continued, even though he intended to memorize Juice's number and delete it after this meeting, just to be sure. Before he put ideas in their heads. "We'll plan an ambush at that so-called meeting point and take him out."  
  
Bobby looked up. "They'll kill Sack."

Kozik heaved a sigh. "Probably."

The secretary shook his head, but he said no word knowing their young brother's fate was sealed anyway. 

* * *

They didn't make arrangements yet, instead they decided to let the idea settle as they left Chapel. At the door rumor arose immediately, and a moment later Kozik could see what was going on. 

The phones were gone. 

The men were yelling and cussing, but the terror hit Kozik much deeper. This theft had nothing to do with wanting to resell phones; it was an attempt to get to Dana. Had Maddox just walked into their clubhouse and took the devices? He looked around. Somebody had been around, right? He turned his head to the couch where they had left Cherry. Where was she? His eye caught Chucky, who was cleaning the bar. 

"The phones are stolen," he said. "The hell happened?"

The man looked at him with wide eyes. "When?"

"Well, just a minute ago. Has someone entered the clubhouse? Did Cherry take them?"

Chucky's face showed him the guy didn't know much and Kozik ran outside, crossing the lot and standing still at the middle of the road. He turned his head from left to right, but the girl was nowhere to be seen. 

"Fuck," he grunted, followed by a series of ruder curses. Had she been forced to steal the phones to get Sack back? There was no doubt Maddox was crazy enough to demand such a thing. But was Cherry such a good performer? Wouldn't she have been more nervous if she had been willing to double-cross them all? Or had Maddox simply taken her  _too_? 

He needed to reach out to Juice, telling him he had to ignore every phone call from now on. Right as he turned around, he realized nobody would be able to contact him. He had been the only one with access to his number. 

Sending him an e-mail – he could do that. Doubts however reigned his heart. Wasn't that exactly what Maddox wanted? If he sent Juice an email, would somebody be able to trace the location where the message was opened? He didn't dare to take the risk – he didn't know enough about computers to be sure it was safe. The last thing he wanted, was walking into a trap  _again._

Should he just lean back and wait how all this would play out? They hadn't spoken to each other since New Year's Eve, that had seemed wiser. Now he wished they had kept their weekly contact; then Juice would have known something was off if he didn't call. 

All Kozik could do now, was hoping Juice wouldn't answer the phone if he was called by an unknown number or that he realized in time that something was wrong. 


	149. Juice

Dripping, Juice stepped out of the water. With a grin he watched Dana, who was lying in the exact same position as when he had waded into the sea twenty minutes ago. Was she sleeping? It was a mystery how else she managed to still lay there. Not only because the sun was lethally hot, also because he just couldn't lay on a towel for more than ten minutes doing nothing. Every now and then he stood up to walk along the beach, or go swimming, and a few days ago he had even built a sand castle of which he was secretly really proud. He had even opened a book for the first time since high school, one of Stephen King's works that was recently made into a movie and which Dana had scored somewhere for a song.

The sand beneath his feet felt warm as he walked back to Dana. When he blocked the sun light, she still wasn't responding. Even though he couldn't see if her eyes were closed because she was on her stomach, her face buried in her crossed arms, he knew she was sleeping. He lowered himself on top of her and smothered a laugh against her shoulder as she shuddered, giving a little scream. His swim shorts stuck to the back of her thighs and the heated skin of her back tingled underneath his still wet upper body. Another shiver went through Dana while she tried to turn around cursing, but the vibration in her voice gave a way she wasn't really mad. 

"You looked like you could use something to cool off," he chuckled. With his hand he wiped her hair across her left shoulder. The muscles in her back tensed as he pressed kisses on the crook of her neck. So close to her hair he could smell the shampoo that she had used to wash her hair this morning, mixed with the scent of sunburn and sweat. With his knees resting in the sand next to her hips so he wouldn't crush her, she raised herself a bit on her elbow. He shoved his hand around her left breast, kneading it while sucking and kissing the skin of her neck.   
  
"Fuck Juice, you promised me not to do that anymore," she muttered. "Soon..."

"Nobody's looking at us," he whispered, even though he had no idea if that was true. He couldn't care less.

Her breathing sped up, automatically he moved his waist along her butt. There were only two tiny, soaking wet pieces of fabric between them. Although she had raised protests a minute ago, her body clearly disagreed; her muscles tensed and her ass scraped along his crotch. 

Juice closed his eyes to focus, to move his thoughts away from the thing he wanted to do with her now. He bent his waist away from her so he wasn't fully driving himself crazy and dotted kisses from her neck, along her spine until he reached her bikini bottom. He took a deep breath, reluctantly admitting he should leave it at that on this beach. It wasn't crowded, but they weren't anywhere near alone. 

Dana turned around and looked at him. With her left hand she pulled back her top. Despite her protests disappointment had filled her eyes. "You can't – do something like that and then just stop."

Smirking, he placed his hand against her lower leg, shoving it upwards, across her knee pit to her groin. "Let's find a more private place then." Wriggling his eyebrows, he let his tongue slip along his lip. 

Before she could answer, a melody came out of his backpack. Immediately the excitement died away, that was quickly replaced by a gnawing feeling in his stomach. It had been a long time since he had heard something from Charming; Kozik had said it was better to keep their contact to a minimum. There was a chance their friend just wanted to make sure they were still all right, but his fingers were shaking as he opened the bag and grabbed for the burner. His throat felt dry as he held the device close to his face, seeing the unknown number. 

His first instinct was to ignore it, but he knew it would never give him peace while Kozik could easily have destroyed his former device and bought a new one. 

He pressed the green button and took the call. "Yeah?"

First he could only hear sobs, which squeezed his throat. A shiver crept down his spine. 

"Juice – sorry I... Kip and me are done, we left on really bad terms and I got nowhere to go. Dana is my only friend... And Kozik said I should take a plane to Mexico and call this number."

"Oh..." Juice didn't know what to say, he was just overwhelmed to hear Cherry's voice after half a year. "Where are you now?"

"I took a plane to the airport of Cancún. I'm in a hotel now."

Juice ran a hand across his head, sighing. He looked at Dana, who stared at him with wide eyes. He doubted she understood what this talk was about, Cherry sounded really upset. 

"I'll pick you up. Okay? You wanna talk to Dane?"

Again Cherry started to cry and a little awkwardly Juice listened to it, until Dana pulled the phone out of his hand. 

"What's goin' on?" she asked with a cracked voice. 

The tensed expression on her face became a little softer as Cherry repeated her story, still sobbing. Juice squeezed Dana's shoulder and started to gather their things.  
  



	150. Juice

Even though Juice had agreed to pick up Cherry, doubt started to eat his heart as he walked back home. He had been overwhelmed by her question, but now he started to wonder if he shouldn't be more careful.

He didn't know how to put his suspicions into words; but if there was anyone who knew what Maddox was capable of, it was Dana.

"Don't you think it's... suspicious?" he asked Dana as they left the beach.

"What? A break-up between Kip and Cherry?" She shrugged her shoulders. "They were often snapping at each other. And maybe Kip has changed because of... all of this." She sighed.

"That it's over between them, is one thing. But Kozik putting her on a plane to Mexico?"

"She has no one else, Juice. He mother didn't want her and she has never known her father. Kip was her whole world and I am her only friend. She told me that a dozen times." She bit her lip. "I understand her. If I was the one dumped, I'd wanted to go to her as well."

Juice sighed. "But why wouldn't Kozik call us?"

Dana shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe he wanted to surprise us. He was the only one who knew your number, right? Who else could have given it to her? And come on, why would Cherry betray us? She would only do that if Kip was in danger."

"And if that's the case, he has to be in danger for over 24 hours," Juice admitted. "Kozik would have told us." He pushed away the nagging feeling in his stomach. They shouldn't become  _too_  paranoid. If they couldn't even rely on Kozik anymore, Juice really wouldn't know what to do.

He however couldn't shake off the feeling something was wrong, and as soon as they had reached their house, he tried to call his friend. There however was no answer and he gave up, assuming Kozik would call him back if he saw the missed call.

* * *

One hour and a half later, Juice stood in front of the hotel where he was supposed to meet Cherry. He had come alone intentionally.

Cherry looked horrible. Her face was pale, her hairs all oily and her eyes were red and puffy. When they met halfway the street, she hugged him so tightly it felt like she had looked forward to an embrace for years. She was really broken and he felt guilty for having considered that she had wanted to hurt them.

"You have to throw away your phone," he said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Otherwise you might lead Maddox to us."

Her lips were quivering as she handed him her phone. He crushed it underneath his boot, dropped it into a trashcan and sat down in the rental car.

The ride home was awkward. Actually, he had be alone with Cherry only one time; when he had just met her and she had asked him for a ride to the clubhouse. He turned on the music while wondering if he should ask her questions or if it was better to leave that to Dana. He couldn't imagine she wanted to talk with him about Sack, by which it would only feel forced.

After ten minutes, she however started talking herself.

"I'm sorry to ruin your early honeymoon." Sighing, she had turned her head to the side, staring out of the window.

"It's not a honeymoon. We're on the run for a psycho."

"But it does you good," she answered on a hollow tone. "It's been months since I've seen such a relaxed face."

Juice felt anything but relaxed and he wondered what the hell that meant for his brothers. "Why's that?" Nervously he squeezed the steering wheel. "Something happened?"

"Not really," she muttered. "But the club is halved. The guys miss their brothers, whether they are dead, in jail or hiding in Mexico. Nobody is happy."

Juice swallowed a lump in his throat. Dana and he had lived in isolation for such a long time they barely thought about Charming. Everything had been fine, Kozik had assured him. But that nobody was dying, didn't mean that everything was going fine.

The guilt hit him hard as he admitted to himself that he felt happier than ever since he was here with Dana, making him wonder how long it would stay that way now Cherry had come to them, taking with her a little bit of the doom surrounding Charming.


	151. Dana

Dana tried to talk with Cherry, but it wasn't easy. The things she told her were inconsistent and she couldn't stop crying. Dana felt awful for her. Kip had been everything to her, and if she understood her friend well, she had caught him with a Croweater three times. And Kip hadn't been just a boyfriend to Cherry; she had believed they would grow old. She had tattooed a crow on her body to show the world to who she belonged and that ink would never fade. A lasting memory of her loss.

In the meantime Cherry had fallen asleep, her head in Dana's lap. Slowly Dana stroked her hair, that felt clammy because of all the tears she had shed. Dana felt incredibly helpless, wishing she could do more to help her friend. All she could think of, was offering her some distraction until she felt strong enough to stand on her own. But then what? Should Cherry try to live here as an illegal too? Or could she persuade her to go back to the US after some time? The apartment she shared with Juice wasn't very big and she had noticed that he didn't really know what to do with the situation.

"You think she tells us the truth?" Juice asked later that night, as they were both in bed and Cherry was sleeping on the couch.

"Are you blind?" Dana asked with raised eyebrows. "Don't you see how broken she is?"

Juice sighed. Their fingers were laced and they had turned on their sides, facing each other. His face looked exhausted, as if he had been worrying for hours.

"It just doesn't feel right. That Kozik isn't calling me back..."

"He's probably just busy. They are with so few now..."

Juice gave her a skeptical look. "It's an emergency burner. What's the point of it if you don't take calls?"

Dana stretched her hand towards his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb, hoping to make him relax a bit more. She had forgotten how easily he was upset when it was about Charming. "An emergency burner? That ain't true, Juice. If something happens here or there, we are too far away from each other to do something about it. It's more a... consolation, the knowledge that you aren't completely cut off from your friends. When Kozik has time or when there's something goin' on, he will call you, okay?" Her hand slipped to his boxer shorts and she leaned into him to kiss him, determined to help him let these thoughts go.

* * *

In the three days that followed, Dana saw the old Cherry come back a little.

A little.

Dana took her to a village close by to shop around and get a little culture. Juice stayed close to them because he still didn't trust Cherry completely, but he kept watch at the doors instead of following them inside the shops, to give them some space. Even though Kozik still hadn't called back, Juice seemed to have been able to put these thoughts to rest since nothing suspicious had happened the past days. If Maddox was still somehow connected to Cherry's arrival, he would have found them by now. They agreed that Kozik was probably too busy to see a missed called on a phone he hadn't used in six weeks. He probably believed they would call to the clubhouse if there was  _really_ something wrong, whereby it no longer mattered if Maddox would find them.

In that case, he would have found them already.

Dana helped zipping up the dress Cherry was fitting and whistled as her friend turned around in front of the mirror. "Well, this will surely help you to hook a cute Mexican."

Cherry gave her a slight smile.

_Too soon, Dana. Too soon._

"I really missed doing things like this with you," Cherry said after gathering a pile of dresses she wanted to buy. "Those days without you were so boring." She sighed, her face grew gloomy again.

Dana hooked her arm around Cherry's. "Those days are over now. I'm happy you're here."

"You are?" Cherry asked, doubting. "I mean... Juice doesn't seem too happy about it."

Dana shrugged her shoulders. "He always needs a bit more time to get used to a new situation."

"I envy the two of you," Cherry admitted, glancing at Juice, who was leaning against a streetlight, staring into the distance. "You really are the perfect couple. You have gone through the most horrible things I can think of and you're still madly in love." Her hand glided along a heart shaped balloon in a vase.

The day after tomorrow it was Valentine's Day; a day on which Cherry would be confronted with her broken heart once more.

"You have to celebrate it, Valentine's Day. Despite my broken relationship. I mean – it's your first Valentine's Day together."

Dana shrugged her shoulders. "There will be many other Valentine's Days. I'm not going to celebrate love when you feel so horrible."

Cherry looked up, giving her an intense look. "Yes, you have to, Dana. You have to cherish what you have. It can be gone within the blink of an eye."

The glance in Cherry's eyes was so fierce it made Dana feel uncomfortable. "If you say so..."

"I'm serious, Dana. Go enjoy each other. Me and Netflix will be fine. You shouldn't shake up your life because of me."

Dana raised her eyebrows. "My life is already shaken up, and that has nothing to do with you, Cherry."

The girl dropped her eyes. "Let's hope it stays that way."

Dana frowned, but Cherry stepped forward to pay for the dresses and Dana let go of the subject. Instead, she wondered what they  _should_ do on Valentine's Day. If she wasn't buried underneath roses and hearts today, she had probably forgotten about it and she knew a little surprise would do Juice good.

Maybe Cherry could help her to come up with some ideas. Or was that too harsh to ask? It was hard to judge what she could and couldn't say and she decided to wait to see if Cherry would bring up the subject again herself.


	152. Cherry

Cherry had barely slept the past days, but tonight she hadn't slept at all. 

Today was the day. 

The day she would betray Dana and Juice. 

The thought alone was enough to make her surroundings spin. 

During the week she had been around here, the two had done everything a person could wish for. It had made her feel horrible, and more than once she had been on the verge of confessing everything. 

But that would have been Kip's death sentence. 

Maddox had made that very clear, with pictures of Kip's face, beaten to pulp, with videos where he was crying in a corner and before she went to bed last night, Maddox had even sent her a picture of a bloody pinky. 

She had thrown up her stomach contents and since then she had no longer been able to look Dana in the eye, who kept handing her tea with honey, assuring her that everything would be fine. 

But it wouldn't. 

Not with her, not with Juice and not with Kip. 

Not even with Cherry herself. Even if she got Kip back, she would lose him. He would hate her for saving him, he would rather have died than watching how Dana returned to her rapist. 

But Cherry couldn't abandon him. Kip had nothing to do with all of this. 

Dana didn't deserve this, but she might find a way to escape again. Maddox wouldn't kill her, he wouldn't get into all this trouble just to end her life. 

The cracking steps of the stairs pulled her out of her thoughts. Quickly she blanked her face. Looking over her shoulder, she greeted Juice with all the enthusiasm she could gather.

"You feelin' better?" he asked as he walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. 

"Yeah, I do. Must've been something I ate." She stood up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, where she leaned against the counter top. "Had expected a little more romance from you," Cherry said as she watched how Juice made breakfast for himself. 

With a frown he turned towards her. 

"You ain't gonna tell me you forgot about it, right?" Cherry asked with raised eyebrows, even though that was exactly what she had counted on. There had been too many problems on the guy's mind to think about something like that.

The color was drained from his face. "What do you mean?"

"You're kiddin' me, right?" she said, shaking her head. "Your very first Valentine's Day and you forgot about it?"

Juice's eyes widened. "Oh shit. Totally forgot about that." He ran a hand across his head. "You think she'll mind?"

Cherry shrugged her shoulders. "She won't admit it, but no woman likes to be forgotten on the most romantic day of the year."

Agitated, his eyes shot from left to right. Cherry felt bad for guilting him, for she knew Dana couldn't care less. That guy had been willing to live in the boonies just to protect her, she couldn't think of anything more romantic. But Juice had always been insecure when it came down to Dana and Cherry had known she could take advantage of that.

"Relax," she said. "It's still early, you got plenty of time to get her something." She stood up straight and faked an enthusiast grin. "I know exactly with what you can make her happy. Let's go!" She grasped his lower arm and dragged him to the door. 

Her heart was jamming in her chest, so wildly she was afraid he would be able to  _feel_ it. This had to work, it  _had to._

Juice pulled back his arm and gave her a suspicious look. Cherry had the feeling her cheeks were flaming red. Did he know? 

"What's that?" he asked. His gaze was a little absent, as if he was considering what was best: leaving Dana at home on her own or leaving her at home together with  _her._ He still distrusted her, Cherry had felt that from the beginning. 

And with good reason. 

"Chocolate in a too cute packaging. And when we were shopping the other day, she was lyrical with a cologne she found too extensive. I'll know which one it was as soon as I smell it!" She smiled the sweetest smile she could get on her face. "Come on man, if we take the car we are gone for what, half an hour? Just write a note you're carrying out step one of your fabulous Valentine plan. We'll come up with the rest on the way." She winked. 

Slowly he nodded, and he finally seemed to relax a bit. He sat down on the table and wrote a short note, his breakfast forgotten. 

* * *

Cherry stared out of the window as they drove to town. She didn't dare to look at Juice. Even though it was hot outside, she was wearing a hoodie with a pocket on the belly. She was squeezing her hand around an injection needle Maddox had hidden in the bushes next to the car last night. 

If Juice and Dana had known he had been so close all this time... She squeezed her eyes as the tears filled them again. It was almost over. Just a little longer.

Juice slowed down. "Should I park here? Or will it still be a long walk?"

Cherry looked into the street. It was quiet. 

"Maybe over there?" She pointed to the left. 

As Juice turned his head to the side, she slammed the needle in his thigh, injecting the liquid in his body. He whacked with his arm to the side, hitting her so her head banged against the window. 

But it was too late.

The liquid worked really fast and Juice collapsed. 

Shakily, Cherry breathed in. With trembling fingers she reached for her pocket, pulling out the phone she had been hiding from Juice and Dana all along and called the only number that was in it. 

Her words "I did it" were inaudible because of the sobs rolling over her lips. She cringed, wishing the tears would drown her. 


	153. Dana

When Dana got downstairs, Juice and Cherry were already gone.She smiled excitedly; everything went according to plan. Cherry would lure Juice away so Dana could make preparations. She wanted to take him for a romantic picnic, but it would ruin the surprise if he saw her pack wine and chocolates and more stuff like that. 

On the dinner table was a short note. 

_I'm making some arrangements for today, should be back within half an hour._

_Love you!_

Dana turned away from the piece of paper, hoping his plans weren't too big. Well, if they were, they could always extend Valentine's Day over two days. Her plan could also be carried out tomorrow, and she had to admit she was curious to what he had in mind. 

Humming, she packed a bag. After half an hour everything was ready and she sat down on the couch. She hoped Cherry still wouldn't mind to stay at home, even though she had tried to convince Dana she would be find at least ten times. 

An hour passed by. 

And another. 

Her optimistic humming had died away a while ago. Cherry had known about her plans, right? Why did she keep him busy for so long? She tried to banish the nerves out of her body, but nervousness had taken over, creating a cramping feeling in her stomach.

When there was a knock on the door, she jumped up from the couch. Immediately her enthusiasm returned. She suddenly wanted to see Juice so badly she almost ran to the door, swaying it open. 

There was a package on the ground. Dana lifted the corner of her mouth, picked it up and looked around the garden. There was no one to be seen.

"Goof," she chuckled, since she could clearly picture how he had jumped into the bushes to hide himself. She played along and took the present inside, cutting the ribbons and tearing off the wrapping paper. There was a heart shaped box in it, with an image of chocolates on top of it. 

"Open me," was written on it with a sharpie, and Dana carried out the order.

She lifted the lid from the box and watched the chocolates that were waiting for her. They were sprinkled with a dark sauce, she noticed as she wanted to take one. It stuck to her fingers and Dana stared at it for a while, wondering why Juice would put something like this in front of the door. It was so unlike him. She looked at her fingers again, to the dark red stuff. 

On a whim, she turned around the lid. On the cardboard, a message was written. 

_Happy Valentine's day!_

_No less than two men in whose heads you've gotten, Dana. It's about time to choose._

_If you choose me,_   _I will give you a happy life.  
If you choose him, I will deliver him at your house inside a body bag tonight._

_The choice is yours. Get into the limousine if you decide to spend the rest of your life with me. You'll have my word that I will spare your lover's life._

_Enjoy the chocolates. It will be the last time you can taste your boy._

_M._

The box slipped out of her hands. Horrified, she stared at it. Blood. The chocolates were drenched in Juice's blood!

"Oh god," she whispered. "Oh god."

She doubled over as if he punched her in the stomach, clawing with her fingers through her hair. Maddox had found Juice. It was not a trap, she was sure of it. This was  _so_ Maddox. It was so unexpected, so unbelievable harsh. Squeezing her eyes, she took a deep breath. 

_Don't panic, Dana. Don't panic. You don't know how long that limousine will keep waiting for you._

If she missed her ride, Juice would pay for it with his life. 

It was clear as day what Maddox wanted from her. He suggested a trade. She would give up her freedom and Juice would get his freedom back. 

And she had to decide  _now._

All though it might be the easiest decision she had ever made. She didn't know if Maddox would really let Juice ago, but she had to try. Maybe he would spare him if she returned to him. 

Maybe. 

The room was spinning around Dana as she stood up. 

The next moment she found herself on the street, opening the door of a limousine without any memories of her way towards it. She felt broken, her head was too full to allow even one more thought. 

Juice's blood that had been poured on the chocolates as a macaber sauce, was the only thing she was seeing.


	154. Juice

Juice could barely keep his eyes open. Over and over again his consciousness seemed to slip away, but he always came to his senses again. 

His leg was pounding. There was something pinching around his leg which hurt, but he couldn't move his hand toward it. 

His hand was stuck. 

Juice didn't know if he realized this for the first time or that he had tried to free himself a couple of times now. His wrists and arms were at least hurting as hell. His head seemed to be filled with ooze, through which his thoughts waded painfully slow.

Lifting his heavy head, he looked around. He was in an enormous building, sunlight fell inside it through large windows. The arches that were supporting the roof made him think of a cathedral. 

Yes, he was in a cathedral. An abandoned cathedral. Vegetation had wrestled itself through the windows, climbing the pews and covering the ground. There were immense cracks in the walls and the ceiling, and behind an elevation a part of the building was collapsed. The construction must have been a victim of an earthquake, where after there had been no money to restore the place. Juice squeezed his eyes for a moment. 

_What the hell am I doing here?_

He tried to remember something. He had been in a car, right? Had he been in an accident? That would at least explain the pain in his leg. But why was he in an abandoned church now, tied to a chair? 

Again he opened his eyes. They  wandered through the ruin again, settling on a figure standing on the pulpit. With both hands he leaned on the wooden edge, while his smoldering eyes pierced Juice's. 

Juice shivered. It felt like a demon was looking down on him. 

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he knew it was true. That was him. Maddox. Dana's demon – and his. 

He was younger than Juice had imagined – but that made him only more terrifying. Never before Juice had experienced so much  _fear_ for someone. He had thought that cold hatred would fill him, the moment he stood face to face with Dana's rapist, but he felt powerless now and it felt like his intestines were curling up. 

Of course that was caused by his current situation and not so much by Maddox' appearance. 

Juice was tied up, he couldn't do a damn thing. 

His throat became dry. Where was Dana? Had she been with him? 

He closed his eyes again, trying to consult his memory. His concentration however vanished quickly; he heard footsteps. His eyes flew wide open. The front of his abductor's Vans touched Juice's own shoes. 

Juice looked up. 

With a condescending smirk the man looked down on him. 

From this close, the man didn't look impressive at all. He was at most a few inches taller than Juice and he wasn't excessively muscular. Above a dark blue jeans he was wearing a light grey shirt with a demonic skull printed on hit, accompanied by an illegible name that probably referred to a band. The most colors that Juice could see, were coming from the tattoos covering his arms and neck. 

"Man, you do love drama huh?" Juice noticed, with his head nodding to the creepy ruin. 

"I thought a church would be suiting. Today I am God and I will decide who lives and who dies."

His voice sounded surprisingly normal, even though there a was dark tone in it that gave away his excitement. 

"You will never find Dana."

The smirk that Maddox showed him now, made him feel sick. 

"Dana is already on her way." He glanced at his watch. "I expect her within fifteen minutes."

His words made the anger in Juice flame up. He tried to pry himself free from the ropes and ignored the pain in his leg that bothered him again. Only now he saw it was tied off, as if the blood was stemmed. He had no idea how he had injured himself. 

Suddenly Maddox touched his face. Petrified he stared at the man who caressed his cheek. 

Tilting his head a little, the man studied his face. His caress became slower and his finger nails scraped across Juice's cheek until he felt blood dripping down. 

"I should kill you for seducing my girl."

Juice gritted his teeth, even though there were so many things he wanted to snarl at the man. He however kept in mind that Dana could enter the building any moment and he didn't want to piss off her crazy ex. As long as his hands were bound and he wouldn't be able to protect her, he should watch his tongue. 

"But the thought that you will long for her without the possibility to see her, to touch her ever again, will also be satisfying." Finally Maddox pulled back his hand. The tips of his three middle fingers were soaked with blood. 

"Do you love her?" Juice asked with a shaky voice, against his better judgment hoping to make him come to his senses. 

"Absolutely. The past months were a horror. I need her."

"If you really love her, you would want her to be happy."

Maddox looked at him with an almost compassionate smile. "I'll make her happy. She will fall in love with me again and she won't even remember you."

"You can't force her to love you!" His voice cracked and he blinked away the tears. 

Maddox really believed his own words. He was insane and too blind to see the truth.

"Don't worry about that, Juan Carlos. I know Dana for years, I know we will be all right. Just prepare for your own goodbye. She will come with me. Voluntarily." Again he tilted his head, in silence. 

Juice heard the sound of gravel underneath car tires. 

"Ah, there they are." He stroked Juice's cheek again, and his bottom lip. "Oh, it's like I can still feel her lips."

With a wild movement Juice turned his face to the side. What a fucking creep. Bile crept into his gullet. 

"I've missed her so much," the man whispered. "I don't know if I can keep my hands off her, the moment I'll see her."

Again Juice yanked the ropes. He tried to kick the man, but his feet were tied to the chair legs so that the chair tilted and fell on the ground. With a bang his head hit the stone floor. 

The man gave him a wink, shoved his hands into his pockets and strolled to the entrance. 

Juice could barely breathe. His whole body was cramping. Suddenly he could read Maddox's sick mind. 

He would rape her right in front of him.

 


	155. Dana

Dana had to hold onto the limousine to keep herself from falling. Her guts were sloshing through her body and she had already thrown up twice in the car. The taste of vomit was still in her mouth and she wouldn't be surprised if it was on her clothes too. Reflexively, she wiped along her mouth and chin, but she had done that so many times by now she knew there was nothing left.

Even though she knew she had to hurry because Juice's life was hanging by a thread, she kept standing next to the car motionlessly. Her sight was blurry. An enormous building stood above her, but she couldn't recognize its shape. The only thing she could picture clearly was Juice's bleeding body. 

What if he was already gone? 

Would she want to see his body? 

Squeezing her eyes, she took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she saw someone standing at the entrance of the building. Her breathing faltered. For months she had feared this moment. Oddly enough, she didn't feel the fear that had been so paralyzing in her nightmares. 

She could only think about Juice. 

If he was still alive, he needed to go to a hospital. He wouldn't get that chance before she went with Maddox, so she had no time to lose. She pushed herself away from the car. The driver was still behind the steering wheel. He hadn't said a single word to her since she had gotten into his car and she wouldn't be surprised if Maddox had cut off his tongue. 

Only the first steps she took were wobbly. She raised her head, looking right past Maddox. She had made her choice. She couldn't go back, but she wouldn't crawl back to him like a beaten dog. As she neared him, she looked right through him. Instead of paying attention to him, she focused on the building. It was the ruin of a church. 

A shiver crept down her spine as a memory floated by, as if her brain wanted to drag her back to a lost time, instead of letting her face this awful reality. 

_Dana's hands were leaning on the wooden fence. Below her was a sea of green and brightly colored flowers. The branches of an enormous tree close to them moved; a toucan flew away._

_Not that she paid that much attention to the beauty of nature at the moment. Juice's lips were moistening her neck. One hand hugged her breast, the other was inside her bikini bottoms and played with her in such a way she was sharply breathing in, tensing her pelvis._

_His tongue glided across her auricle and his warm breathing made her shiver.  "_ _Seems like you're ready for me," he whispered._

_"I'm always_...  _ahh_... _" a moan cut off her words as two of his fingers slid inside her._

_His other hand glided away from her breast and she felt how he was lowering his swimming shorts. He knelt behind her, kissing the skin from her thigh to her ankle as he rolled down her bikini briefs until she stepped out of them. His finger tips climbed up again as he stood up, making her sigh with pleasure as he arrived back at her groins. Spreading her legs a little more, she bent over the railing of the outpost. Both of his hands grabbed her hips and the fire inside her flamed up as he entered her from behind. His waist felt warm against her bottom and she bent a little more. With her front teeth she bit her lip as he thrust inside her in the perfect rhythm._

_Through her half-closed eyes she suddenly noticed four people who came their way. In this bird watching hut they were probably too high to give a very detailed sight of their current activity, but she was still distracted by them._

_"People are coming," she hissed._

_Juice stopped for a moment and took his lips away from her shoulder to look up. "They're still far away."_

_"But_... _"_

_Pressing his lips to her shoulder, he continued his pace. "Just a little longer."_

_. . ._

_Right before the hikers raised their heads towards them, Juice came. A little too quick for Dana herself; the presence of other people called up a new sense of excitement and a part of her wished he continued. Still, she stepped back so she was out of sight.  
_

_"I'll finish it within a minute," he said with a smirk, pulling her closer. "That stairs was rotten, they won't come up here."_

_Dana had seen the hikers were middle-aged, so she thought he was right. He kissed her._

_"Admit that you secretly liked the tension."_

_"I did," she said, biting his bottom lip._

_Maddox would never had done this, on a place where other people could hear or see them. Although he had been very inventive sexually, there had only been one time they had fucked outside his house; in a tent on a festival, their very first time. A quickie in a bird watching hut in the middle of the jungle would never have crossed his mind._

_Juice tugged a strand of hair behind her ear. Sweat drops glided down her temple. "Where else do you wanna do it?" he wiggled with his eyebrows. "What's your ultimate sex fantasy?"_

_Dana thought about it for a while. "I have no idea." She chuckled. "You sound like you got a whole bucket list."_

_"And this place wasn't even on it."_

_"Then what is?"_

_"A haunted house."_

_She laughed. "You wanna have sex in a haunted house?"_

_The smirk on his face looked stupid as he shrugged his shoulders. "Sounds like a new level of excitement." Slowly he moved his finger down her spine, holding her glance. "So? Where do you want me to make love with you?"_

_Dana thought about it. Or she was at least trying to, but she still wasn't used to that gorgeous body of him being pressed against hers, and his fingers that drove her wild, wherever they were touching her._

_"A church," she said with a smirk. "That's so wrong."_

_"You like to play with fire, huh?"  Laughing, he lifted her up. "You wanna bring down God's wrath upon us? I think we should wait with that until Maddox is dead."_ _He put her down on the edge of the wooden fence. The hikers they had spotted, were gone. "Well, just pretend you're on a pulpit now."_

_Dana wrapped her arm around the wooden leg supporting the roof to keep herself from falling, while Juice crouched down in front of her. Her body was wobbling with rapture when his warm lips touched the skin that had only been touched by his fingers today. His tongue slid across her entrance and circled around her clit, and a high sound that sounded like his name, escaped her lips._

The memory faded, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. It felt like Maddox had been with them the whole time, as if that conversation had been the reason they were here now. To make that fantasy come true – but not with the person she wanted. 

"Dana..." His voice sounded breathless as he spoke out her name. Very lightly his vingers brushed her arm, but Dana ignored him and looked around. 

"Dana!" Juice's voice sounded desperate, but it was the fact that he was still alive that hit her the most. She ran towards him, fell on her knees beside him and stroked his face. 

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

He looked at her. Even though she had seen him being in panic several times, his eyes had never been as restless as now. "You have to go. He – he..."

Her thumb brushed his lips to silence him. "It's okay."

Inwardly, she cringed because of those words. But she had to be strong, she had to show Maddox she had made her choice. Bluff might be the only way to get Juice out of here alive. She started to unloose the ropes around his legs and wrists.

"Listen to me baby," she said as he sat up straight, dazed. He stared past her, probably to Maddox who hadn't intervened. But Dana knew him. He was more impressed by her calmness than by her tears. Stroking his cheek with the back of her fingers, she lowered her voice. "Listen, baby. I love you, Juice. That will never change. I love you more than anything in the world and that's why I need to do this. Maddox promised me not to kill you if I go with him. So that's what I will do."

Despite the confidence she had faked, her lips started to quiver.  _Oh god. I don't want to let him go._

"The past months were the best of my life and I am grateful for every single minute." She swallowed with difficulty as Juice's eyes were filled with tears. 

"No... No, you can't do that to me, Dane." He grabbed her hand. "Please, don't leave me. I can't live without you, I don't  _wanna_  live without you. Not... not when that monster..."

Fingers pierced her shoulder. "That's enough."

Maddox' voice sounded grim. Dana suspected that he had imagined their reunion in a different way; she had ignored his presence and he was losing his patience now. 

Dana knew she was taking an enormous risk, but she couldn't stop herself. She tore away from Maddox' grasp, held Juice's face with both of her hands and reached out to his lips for the very last time. It was a short, salty kiss and the ending of it tore her apart. 

As she stood up, pressing her eyelashes, tears rolled down. Sobbing, Dana took a deep breath. Then she turned away her head and placed her hand in the hand that Maddox held out to her.

In silence she walked with him to the entrance, trying to banish the grief from her heart, ignoring Juice's screams, his cries.  _Keep him alive,_ she prayed.   _Please keep him alive. Don't let him come after us._

But right before they left the cathedral, Maddox pulled a gun, turned around and fired. 

Wildly, she spun around. Her eyes widened and a horrible pain shred her heart to pieces. A scream raised himself from the depths of her soul, growing into a cry in which al her emotions were bundled. 


	156. Dana

The world was spinning around. She couldn't breath. As in slow motion, she saw Juice fall and hit the ground. Then she felt so numb she could barely see anything at all. As if a bullet had hit her own head as well. 

It was over. 

He was gone. 

And why the hell would she commit herself to a life with Maddox if she couldn't save Juice with it? She'd rather die with him. 

A hand squeezed her upper arm, so roughly a whimper escaped her lips. 

"He'll live," Maddox's impatient voice sounded. "It's just a shot in his leg."

Dazed, Dana turned to the side. What did he say? Had he shot Juice only in the leg? 

"But... why..." she stammered.

Maddox stretched his hand towards her face, stroking her cheek. "I always keep my promises. He would only get that body bag if you chose him. But you didn't. You chose me. I however don't want him to come after us."

Dana turned around and wanted to run back to Juice, but Maddox grabbed her arm. "No. You're coming with me now."

"But he will bleed to death!" she yelled. "We're in the middle of nowhere here! How will he ever get to a hospital?!" She looked over her shoulder.

Juice tried to get up, but again and again he collapsed. Seeing him so helpless, without moving forward while he wanted nothing more than saving her, ripped her heart to pieces. But there was nothing he could do. Fuck, he couldn't even save himself!

Again Maddox pulled her out of her thoughts. "I'm not alone. Our Judas will take him to the hospital."

With eyes glazing over, Dana stared at him. What the hell was he talking about? He pulled her arm and Dana let him drag her away. Right now Juice's health was the only thing that mattered. 

Behind the church was a parking lot. It was partly overgrown, but a car had managed to get here anyway. Dana recognized the vehicle immediately; it was their own rental car. 

Overwhelmed, she stared at it. How exactly had Juice ended up here? 

Still Dana stood there in a daze. Blankly, she watched how Maddox opened the trunk of the car and helped Cherry out of it. 

Dana tried to connect the dots, but her head felt empty. She just didn't care about anything anymore. She just wanted a medevac helicopter to come that would take Juice to a hospital.

"Where is he?!" When Maddox tore off the tape from Cherry's mouth, she started to yell. "Where is Kip?!"

"Take Juan Carlos to a hospital before he dies," Maddox answered coldly. 

"I'm not going to do anything for you anymore!" Cherry shrieked. "Where is Kip? You promised me to free him as I would do what you told me!"

"The only thing I promised you, is that I wouldn't cut that blondie in pieces and drop them at your doormat," Maddox answered calmly. "And I kept that promise. Take care, Cherry. Working together with you was really pleasant."

Slowly, it dawned on Dana what Cherry had done. 

Had she betrayed them? Handed them over to Maddox? 

She should cry, should scream because of her betrayal, but she just felt hollow. 

"Save Juice," she whispered to Cherry. "He didn't deserve this."

Part of her wanted to hug her friend because she knew they wouldn't see each other again, but another part of her didn't want anything at all. She just wanted to sink into nothing. She wished she could just cut away the memories, that would make the fate awaiting her less tormenting. 

"Come." Maddox grabbed her hand again and pulled her towards the limousine that was still waiting for them. 

Dana aimed her eyes at the ground and shuffled after him. The sooner they had left the place, the bigger the change Juice would survive. She had never expected she wanted to leave him so badly and so soon. 

She sat down on the backseat. Maddox wrapped an arm around her, but Dana kept her head bent. She stared at her engagement ring on her left hand and thought of the wedding they had talked about so many times, but which would never take place. 

New tears slipped her eyes, gliding down her cheeks. Closing her eyes, she thought about Juice, about how his warm fingers would have felt as he wiped them away. His touch would have made her feel better immediately. 

But he would never touch her again. 

"I need to know if he survives this, Maddox," she whispered. "If not..."

She swallowed. 

The hand he laid down on her thigh, seemed to be made of ice. "He will be alright, baby. Everything will be all right. I'll make sure you'll forget about that boy."

Dana couldn't help herself; she snorted mockingly. There were so many angry words she wanted to yell at him, but she kept them inside, afraid he would get mad and return to kill off Juice. 

_I will never forget you, Juice. You are the best thing that happened to me._

Pressing her lips together, she wished she could send him that thought. It was so true. She was grateful for every moment they had spent together – and at the same time she knew those memories would make her life harder than it had ever been.


	157. Cherry

Kip wasn't coming back.

That was the only thing Cherry could think of as she watched the car leave. 

Did it mean that he was dead? Or was Maddox holding him prisoner, so he could force her to do more horrible things? She took her phone out of her pocket and stared at the screen, partially expecting to see his instructions appear. 

But what else could Maddox demand of her? He had Dana. There was no reason to keep Kip alive, unless he wanted to use him to make Dana do things she didn't want. But Cherry... She was of no use now. 

She had given up everything – and she had gotten nothing in return. 

Sobbing, she wiped her eyes. She had betrayed Dana, had brought her back to her tormentor. For nothing. She had been fooled, she had been so naive believing he would set Kip free, while she  _knew_ what Maddox had done to Opie, to Chibs, to Gemma. Kip had supported her just like the others. Of course Maddox wanted revenge on everyone who had helped to keep Dana away from him the past months. 

She wrapped her arms around her upper body, bending her head. Vaguely the words Dana had spoken to her, echoed through her head. She hadn't yelled at her, hadn't cursed her. 

_"Save Juice. He didn't deserve this."_

She was right, Juice didn't deserve this. But what about Kip? Chibs?  _Nobody_ had deserved this. Still she turned to the entrance of the abandoned cathedral. Would he rather bleed to death than that he had to live with the fact that he had lost Dana? They had never succeeded in finding Maddox – why would that be different now? 

Biting her lip, she knew very well this wasn't her choice to make. There was only one thing she could still do for her friend and that was making sure that Juice survived this. 

With a bundle of nerves in her stomach she stepped into the forgotten church. Juice had crawled forward, leaving a bloody trail, but he hadn't gone very far. 

"Leave, Cherry," he said with a raw voice as she knelt beside him. "I swear I will strangle you if I ever see your rat face again."

Cherry pressed her lips together, knowing every Son would share this thought from now on. She could never return to Charming. "I have to take you to the hospital," she answered. "Otherwise you will die, Juice. Thereafter – thereafter you can do whatever you want with me."

She tore off a part of her shirt and tied off the artery in his thigh. After curdling the bleeding, she helped him on his feet. Leaning on her shoulder they staggered to the car. As soon as Juice was sitting on the passenger seat, she threw Maddox' phone in his lap.   
  
"Find a hospital," she instructed him, starting the car and following the tire tracks the limousine had left. Hopefully navigating would help him to stay conscious. 

* * *

Ten minutes later Cherry was driving across the highway. With her fingers she drummed on the steering wheel nervously. With a grim face Juice stared out of the window. Now and then tears slipped out of his eyes, but right now he seemed to feed on his anger. 

"He had Kip," she said on a soft tone when the silence threatened to suffocate her. "I had no choice, Juice. You have to believe that."

She was dying for a little bit of understanding, even though she knew Juice would never give that to her. That he might have done the same thing if it had been to rescue Dana, she didn't dare to suggest.

"I don't wanna hear your pathetic excuses."

She let out a shaky sigh, blinking her tears away. Kip was probably dead – didn't he care about that at all? 

"I understand your anger," she started again, hesitating. "I really do. But I just didn't know what to do. Wouldn't – wouldn't you do anything to get Dana back?"

With a wild movement, Juice turned his head to the side, his eyes spitting fire. "I would never stab my friends in the back."

Cherry aimed her eyes forward again, passing a car. That was easy to say now. But if he really got the chance to save Dana by betraying one of his friends, it remained to be seen what Juice would do. She had been desperate – she was  _still_ desperate and when the anger had flown away, Juice would feel the same. 

Without saying another word, Cherry stopped in front of the hospital fifteen minutes later. Juice hoisted himself out of the car, but when she wanted to support him, he pushed her away.   
  
"I'm fine. Fuck off. If I ever see you again, I will kill you. I swear to you, Cherry." The way his eyes pierced hers, made her shiver. 

Dana's disappearance had already a scary impact on him; let alone what would happen when months passed by. She however did as he told her and ran away. 

After she had turned a corner, she lowered herself on the ground, her back against the wall, and started to cry. What should she do now? She had nowhere to go. She had no money, no phone, no shelter – no friends. Nothing at all. She couldn't think of one place where they would welcome her.


	158. Juice

Cherry was barely gone when someone offered him a shoulder and helped him to get into the hospital. He dropped down on the first chair he passed, trying to catch his breath, ignoring the worried look of the person standing next to him and pretending he didn't understand his Spanish rattling. He took Cherry's phone from his pocket, looked for the phone number of the garage and called. 

He had wanted to do that earlier, but he had been afraid he would freak out after hearing a familiair voice, creating an accident. His brothers had known Sack had been kidnapped. Why the hell had Kozik refused to warn them? If he had known Maddox had laid his hands on Sack, he never would have picked up Cherry. 

"Teller-Morrow," it sounded curtly as the call was taken.

Juice thought to recognize Rat's voice, but he wasn't sure. Actually he had hoped to hear Gemma's voice; she had always been able in calming him down. 

"It's Juice," he said. As soon as he spoke out his name, the tears jumped into his eyes again. Roughly he wiped them away, trying to regain control over his voice. He failed. The tears kept coming, his whole body seemed to freeze. Shivering he stared forward, partially aware of the people jostling around him. 

"Juice?" another voice called. It was Clay's voice that was seeping through the mists in his mind. "What's goin' on?"

"They have her," he whispered. "He has her. Cherry betrayed her. And I – I'm in a hospital with a bullet wound in one leg and a stab wound in the other."

Squeezing his eyes, he tried to focus on the one at the other end of the line, but all he could see was Dana's face. The tears in her eyes, her quivering lips. 

_"It's okay."_

That was what she had said. She didn't believe he would ever find her. She had rested with her fate so that he could live and he hated himself for not having been able to protect her, for not having been able to give her the trust that he would save her from that asshole. 

He was the worst boyfriend someone could think of, tamed like a sheep. He should have trusted on his intuition when Cherry had called him, but he had given her the benefit of the doubt and now Dana was gone. Handed down to a man who had treated her like a beast in the past; and who would do that again without remorse. 

* * *

On February 19 Juice left the San Francisco International Airport, walking with crutches. The past days he had only slept a couple of hours, just because exhaustion had blacked out his thoughts. 

Four days had passed. 

Four days. 

It felt both longer and shorter at the same time. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel her fingertips gliding through his hair. Every time he did, his heart ached. It felt so real that he was convinced she was with him, but every time he opened his eyes again, he was alone. 

Juice felt his eyes being filled up with tears again as he saw the bikes that were waiting for him at the edge of the parking lot. Clay was the first who hugged him, followed by Kozik and Bobby and the prospects. They were with so few. Disappointment formed a knot in his stomach because Chibs wasn't around. If there was anyone from who he had wanted a fatherly embrace, it was from him. The VP was missing as well, and even though they had probably lots of other things to do, their absence was hurting him. As if he wasn't important at all. As if Dana wasn't important at all. 

There was a dismal silence as he limped to the black van. Now and then someone laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezed and muttered "sorry man", but he had the feeling no one dared to look him in the eye. 

Unwillingly he handed his bag to Phil; he had picked it up from their home before he had taken a cab to the airport. He had put everything in it that reminded him of Dana and it felt like the prospect was slandering her by touching the bag with her things. Still he swallowed his pain, hoisting himself on the passenger seat. 

Phil didn't speak a single word as they drove home. Shreds of a conversation haunted Juice; words they had spoken the first time Dana and he had been in the van. 

_"They like to use my hacking skills."_

_"You're a hacker?" she repeated, clearly surprised. "Didn't expect that."_

_He smirked "Ya didn't? I don't look that intelligent?"_

_"You aren't exactly an Einstein." She started to laugh. Her laughter wasn't shrill, but warm and somehow it touched him. "Although he has never seen a computer." She shrugged. "I've never met a hacker. They need to have guts, I suppose. But I still pictured a pale nerdy guy who spend all his time in a small dark room, avoiding sun light."_

_He smirked. "I'll blame Hollywood."_

Jittery, he breathed in, rubbing his face. Oh, how he wished to hear that laugh again. But wherever she was – she wouldn't be laughing. Biting his lip to stop the tears, he stared out of the window. The whole way home, until they stopped in front of the garage. 

He had just climbed out of the van as Kozik walked towards him. "Gotta tell you something."

"Yeah, that's for sure," Juice grumbled. "You should have picked up that fucking phone."

The man looked him briefly in the eye. "Cherry had stolen all our phones. I lost your number."

Juice leaned on his crutches, staring madly at him. 

"Listen. I get that you're pissed – and you're about to get a lot more pissed." Kozik took a deep breath, staring past him. 

Awkwardly, Juice tried to catch his glance. Kozik wasn't the type of guy dancing around the truth. Why didn't he just tell him what was going on? 

"What," he grumbled. 

"At Christmas Eve Maddox attacked us. He –" Kozik rubbed his neck, sighing. "Chibs and Gemma are dead, and Jax is in a coma."

Juice stared at him, motionlessly. What was this for sick kind of joke? "Why the hell wouldn't you have told me that?"

"Come on, Juice. You know why. Dana would have gone straight to Maddox."

His hand clamped around the crutch. He could barely breathe. There were so many feeling storming through his body that he feared to faint. 

Chibs and Gemma were gone. And nobody had told him. 

In the heat of the moment, he raised the crutch and jammed it against Kozik's head. "All of this is your fault, asshole! You hear me?! If you had kept me up to date, like you promised, I would have  _known_ something was wrong when Cherry showed up!"

Kozik wavered backwards, raising an arm to ward off another blow. But Juice was exhausted, he slanted to the back until he was leaning with his shoulders against the van. 

"You could have figured out yourself that I would never allow Cherry to go to you!" Kozik burst out. He clenched his fist, but didn't pull out. 

"How?! I trusted you! I trusted you to inform me when things went wrong! But you called us on New Years Eve, wishing us a fucking happy new year! While – while Chibs and Gemma..." 

Those were the last words that slipped his lips before he started to hyperventilate. He gasped for air, without any result, as if someone was squeezing his throat. The skin around his lips started to tingle, the world was spinning around. 

And this time Dana wasn't around. 

This time Dana wasn't around to lay her hands again his cheeks, to give him a loving look, to tell him to follow her breathing.  

 


	159. Kozik

One of the reasons Kozik had decided to ride to San Francisco, was to get away from the clubhouse for a while. For weeks there was a depressing climate, but since Juice had returned two days ago, it was way worse. It didn't take much to make him angry, and sometimes his rage came out of nowhere. Yesterday Kozik had ducked just in time to dodge a chair that the man had thrown at the wall, without any indication. 

The past hours Kozik had seen or heard him do nothing but snarling, throwing things and slamming doors. The only times he was calm, was when he was high, but Kozik found that even harder to watch. Yesterday he had clung to Bobby all of a sudden, crying and repeating Dana's name. 

It was sad – and the guilt with which Juice had burdened him, didn't make things easier. Again and again he wondered if he could have done things differently. Maybe they should have sent Dana back to Maddox with some kind of plan, so that they could trace her and kill Maddox. 

But there was no point in fretting about it. He had refused such an act. It was simple as that. He had to learn to live with the consequences of his deeds. When he gave that speech to Dana, on Opie's funeral all those months ago, he had never expected he could have addressed it to himself as well. Now it felt like he had spoken empty words. It was easy to say that he had to learn to live with this. But he wasn't the only one who had to live with his mistakes. The same went for Dana, for Juice... and for Happy. 

That was the reason that he was on his way to San Francisco now. The last time he had seen his brother was almost a year ago. Nobody had visited him in jail because it had been too risky, but this time Kozik didn't care. He didn't want to tell Happy this by phone. Plus, Maddox already had what he wanted. He probably couldn't care less about the club's business, as long as they stayed away from Dana. 

And for now, they were doing that.  They didn't even know in what country to look. She could still be in Mexico, or taken back to the US, or every other country. They had considered to hire a private detective, but then what? Would he have to follow a trail that was days old? They would only waste their money and because they were with so few, their income was already low. There was no point in chasing thin hope when they would lack the money later when they hopefully  _could_ do something useful with it. 

With a sigh, Kozik parked his bike at the edge of the parking lot, put away his helmet and entered the prison. He reported at the front desk and sat down on one of the chairs until a man gestured him to follow. It was a seedy figure; exactly what one would expect from a corrupt guard. He tried to ignore the nervousness that was suddenly overpowering him. He had taken off his cut, but there was a chance that Maddox had given his people the order to kill everyone who searched contact with Happy or Tig. 

Carefully he looked around as he walked into the visiting room. Happy sat at a table already, his hands cuffed. There was a scorching gaze in his eyes, full of suspicion. He knew this wasn't just a friendly visit, and that there was only one reason why Kozik would stop by in person. 

Kozik sat down across from his friend. His breathing faltered and with difficulty he swallowed the bundle of nerves that had piled up in his throat. Only once before Happy had lost control around him and Kozik was secretly glad the man was cuffed now. 

"He has her," Happy said with a raspy voice, even before Kozik sat on the chair and could ask how he felt. 

"He has," Kozik admitted. 

Happy's jaw tensed. A dark glow crept into his eyes, lighting them up as those of a vengeful angel. The intensity with which Happy was staring at him, made the sweat prick in his neck. Still he didn't look away. 

"Maddox got his hands on Kip and forced Cherry to get into contact with Dana. She stole our phones, found the number of Juice's burner and told Dana a sob story that Kip had dumped her and that I had send her to them. On Valentine's Day, Maddox instructed her to hand Juice over to him, and in the end the man approached Dana so she would surrender in exchange for Juice's life."

Cursing, Happy clenched his fists. Wildly he was yanking on the cuffs, shaking his head in powerlessness. "I trusted you that you would keep her safe!"

"We did too," Kozik said, bending his head. "But he found the weakest link within the club and took advantage of it." 

Staring at the table top, he heard Happy breathing in and out loudly. "Where's she now? You got a lead?"

"No," Kozik muttered, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "We have no idea where to start looking. They can be everywhere. There's nothing that would bind her to the US. That asshole has everything a man can wish for, with enough money to buy a house wherever he wants." Hesitating, Kozik looked up. Never before he had seen such a defeated expression on Happy's face. "And he has taken the time to prepare this."

Wherever Maddox and Dana would be – Kozik was convinced the MC wouldn't be able to find them. More than once Maddox had proven to be a mastermind who didn't drop stitches. The only hope he got, was that Dana would find a way to escape again or managed to get in touch with them. 


	160. Epilogue

_Four days earlier_

The smell of melting candle wax welcomed them as they entered the bedroom. The candles spread a romantic glow and of all the rooms he had shown her, this one looked the most homey.

Dana said no word.

Sixteen hours had passed since they had gotten into the limousine and all this time Dana had held her tongue. She was in shock, Maddox thought. He didn't mind. He understood she needed time to get used to the new situation, to get used to  _him._ And now, they had all the time of the world. Nobody would come looking for them on this remote island. Only a few business partners knew how to contact him and they wouldn't worry about a few arrogant bikers.

"This will be your new home. I hope you like it."

Maddox turned towards her, taking a deep breath to control himself. He wanted to touch her so badly it drove him crazy, and the flaring candle light almost made him lose his temper. Her skin underneath his lips, underneath his fingers; it was the only thing he could think of. He wanted to claim every inch of her body, wiping away every memory about her rebound lover.

He lifted his hand. He could no longer control himself. The past hours they hadn't been alone for a single moment but now they were. Finally. Very lightly his finger tips glided across her cheek. The warmth of her skin gave him such an intense feeling he was getting hard immediately.

"I missed you so much." She was the only one who could make his voice tremble. But around her, he didn't feel ashamed. Around her, he could be who he really was. "I know I made mistakes. I did awful things; I'd lost myself." Maddox tried to catch her glance, but she stared past him persistently. "I love you. This time I want to do it right."

"You want to do it right?" Her voice sounded loud, scoffing.

"Yes. I want things between us like they were in the past, but... better."

Finally she looked at him. Her glance wasn't loving; there was a flaming hate. But he didn't mind. His love for her would extinguish that fire.

"Don't touch me." Her jaw tensed. Still she looked gorgeous. "Don't touch me until I'm ready for that."

Hopefully Maddox looked at her. He had known she would give him another chance, but he was surprised she agreed with it so soon. "Do you give me a new chance?"

She started to laugh, but it was a hollow sound. "I don't want to be raped by you again. I don't want you to beat me until I'm bleeding again. If you really believe we can get back to the old days, we have to start over. With a new leaf. A first date. A first kiss. A first  _everything_ and you won't force me into anything." The look in her eyes seemed to soften. "You think you can do that?"

His fingers floated in front of her face. Could he? Wait even longer? At least it was a cold comfort that  _nobody else_ was touching her in the meantime.

"I can. I will change. For you. I promise you." He took a deep breath. "I already changed because of you. Despite everything, your brother is still alive, as is Juan Carlos. And... And I arranged some company for you while you're here."

Her eyes widened, showing her confusion.

He held out his hand and after a short hesitation Dana put hers into it. With his thumb he stroked hers as he took her to the adjacent room, the only one he had skipped before. There she would find her welcome home gift.

* * *

Dana knew it was only a stay of execution. There would be a day on which he would lose his patience, that he would realize she would never feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him. But right now he was still blind, captivated by his euphoria of getting her back after three-quarter year. She was sure he would become aggressive again, pushing her limits and taking what he believed was his, but every moment she could postpone that pain, was a blessing. Every moment that Juice's fingers had been the last touching her, she wanted to cement into her memory. Even though Maddox was always so perceptive, his naivety was her only hope now. He didn't know how to love and he neither knew how it felt to be loved. She had no idea how long she could keep up appearances, but the moment she would be too compliant or too rebellious, he would terrorize her again like he had done before. Then she would end up in a basement without a chance to escape.

Dana squeezed her eyes as Maddox opened a door for her. The room was small and dark, with nothing in it besides a bowl of water and a tray with food. In the corner, partly covered by a blanket, was a blonde young man.

Dana covered her mouth with her hand. "Kip!"

He looked up as he heard her voice. His eyes were blackened and swollen; just like the rest of his face. Without hesitation she ran towards him and almost dove on top of him.

"Oh God... You're still alive..." Carefully she stroked his swollen cheeks. She had been so afraid that Maddox had killed him that she hadn't dared to ask about it.

"Dana..." His voice sounded raw, as if it had been days since he had spoken. "No..."

Dana wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. Mixed feelings were beating her down. On the one hand she was more than happy to see a familiar, friendly face. On the other hand she knew all to well how this would turn out for her friend. Sooner or later Maddox would kill him.

"I thought you could use a friend," Maddox's voice sounded behind her, more cold than before.

The way she hugged Kip, had to call up jealousy and she quickly let go of him.

"Since you killed your former friend."

Dana took a deep breath. Pleas were on the tip of her tongue, but she knew there was no point in begging for Kip's release. She would only upset Maddox. She stood up, squared her shoulders and walked to her ex. With reluctance she laid her hand on his hip and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Then she walked past him, blinking the tears out of her eyes and trying to make peace with this new situation.

No matter how guilty she felt about the thought; she felt a bit lighter now she knew she wasn't  _all_ alone any more.

 

**. . .**

 

**The end**

 

* * *

_**Hi all! Thank you so much for reading this story! I wanted an ending that fits to the SOA world, which, unfortunately, isn't a happy one.** _

_**I however decided to write a sequel because I just love the characters too much to let them go already. I can't promise there will be a more happy ending than this one; we'll see where my muse takes me. Anyway, the sequel is called 'Ghosts'.** _

_**I'm still working on that piece; only the first ten chapters are ready, there after updates will take a little longer. If you are going to miss my almost daily updates; please check out 'Guardian Angels' and 'Last Kiss Goodbye' too. Those are both Juice stories and they aren't as massive as this story; around 20-30 chapters. Both are completely different from this one but if you enjoyed Runaway I'm absolutely sure you will like those too! I'd love to hear from you!** _

_**For now; thank you all for reading this long, long story. I really love to hear what you think of it. Pleaaase speak out your thoughts in this very last chapter, haha!** _

_**Hugs,  
Natas** _


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